Monday, September 22, 2014

I Now Pronounce You Drunk And Ashamed

Hey guys, Bryan here. This upcoming weekend, September the 27th, I'll be performing not just a wedding, but THE wedding, because I'll be playing the part of reverend as my brother-from-another-mother and fellow co-author Brandon weds his beautiful bride and takes the giant leap from boy into man. Or at the very least hairy man-child.

But there's been some concern over me being reverend, since I write comedy for a living. There's a thought that maybe instead of getting up there and taking things seriously I'll go out of my way to do something silly or ridiculous. And that Brandon, as my co-author and partner in comedic crime, will only encourage me.

So today I'd like to take a break from our usual hijinks and share for you all the speech I've crafted for Brandon's wedding... with love, and kindness, and great care.






As you can see I'm going to get really sentimental right out the gate. And after Handgelina and Handrew make up, I'm gonna lay it on thick with the love crap. But I'm gonna do it uniquely, because everyone talks about love at a wedding, and they always do it in such a fruity, boring manner. No, I'm gonna talk about the birds and the bees type of love, even if it takes a drink or six to sum up the courage to discuss it.





And then just when their black little hearts have melted into a sickly puddle of amorphous love-goo I'm going to use some killer symbolism. Because people love symbolism at weddings, and what's more symbolic than a ring?

So of course I'm going to have to recite Matthew McConaughey's speech from True Detective on time being a flat circle.






And after that, while everyone in attendance is doubled over in tears (from the awesomeness of the ceremony, I can only assume) I'm just gonna drop the mic and walk out. And the next day I'll send Brandon and his new bride my $1,000 "guest appearance" bill, because surely they knew I wasn't doing this for free, right?

So in the end, I would say to wish me luck, but I don't need it... because I'm gonna hit this one out of the damn park.

Cheers and stay classy, nerds,
The Great Reverend B

Beer: Deschutes Mirror Pond
Music: Flight Facilities

P.S. For the next week Indie Writers Monthly is holding a flash fiction contest where you submit a 200 word or less horror story for a chance to win some awesome books. As Indie horror writers, we're planning to enter, and if you like to write horror, you should consider jumping in the pool with us - like a real pool, it's fun for everyone and definitely not full of our pee.

http://indiewritersmonthly.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-200-word-writing-challenge-from.html


 

108 comments:

  1. Good thing Handgelina and Handrew made up or you wouldn't have been able to finish that awesome speech. I'm sure everyone will request you for weddings now.
    Congratulations, Brandon! Hope the wedding goes smooth for your soon-to-be wife's sake. (Because that is who the wedding ceremony is for, right?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it's true. As groom, Brandon's responsibilities are as such:
      1) Stand still
      2) Look nice
      3) Don't fuck things up; she's been waiting a long time for this day

      Delete
  2. Best wishes for the wedding Brandon. I do hope it's better than the one shown here.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you! It's no "Ballad of Handgelina and Handrew" but I'd like to think the real ceremony is going to be pretty damn cool (and memorable... in a positive way).

      Delete
  3. Dearest Reverend B: I have NO doubt you will knock that wedding ceremony out of the park. I would get some cards printed up now, you know, be all proactive and stuff. For sure the wedding guests will be so blown away by your sheer awesomeness, they will all be hitting you up for future engagements.

    And Brandon- best of luck and CONGRATULATIONS my friend. Hope you have a spectacular day, but most of all, a long, happy and blessed marriage. *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, Jaybird, that was good! You sure you don't want to take my place as reverend? Those words were so... how do you say... sweet? And family appropriate?

      Delete
  4. Did you just Ah Pook the wedding party? Burroughs' Ah Pook the Destroyer bit goes "Death needs time for what it kills to grow in." That's not True Detective, is it?

    Oh, and congrats to Brandon and stuff. But if Brandon wants to Ah Pook your wedding, I vote you let him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That death and time speech was lifted straight from True Detective but if you say it's Ah Pook, then maybe True Detective lifted it from Burroughs. They came under fire for some plagiarism in the show's writing. Meanwhile, I wish they'd just plagiarized a better ending.

      (And that joke? I plagiarized that gem from comedian Blaine Capatch. Take that, original writing! Do you feel your death throes?)

      Delete
    2. I don't have HBO like you fancy mountain boys, so I have never seen True Detective.

      Everybody steals from somebody. The trick is to steal from the best.

      I wonder if I stole that line from someone...

      Delete
    3. We don't have HBO either. Uh... something about stealing, indeed...

      Delete
  5. This is almost exactly how my second wedding went down. Lets hope you last longer than the 8 months of wedded bliss I lasted. Seriously though, congrats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And as an idiot who's been married 4 years, I already uncovered the secret to a happy marriage; finding someone who can properly tolerate my idiocy. Brandon's bride passed that test with flying colors, so he's golden.

      Delete
  6. You're a reverend now? Will you take confessions too? I've already pre-Hail Maryed, but someone, a man of the cloth preferably, should hear my ramblings of potential sins. The reverend at my wedding went on to be the reverend on "Extreme Makeover: Wedding Edition" so you can't be more embarrassing than that, even with the interpretive dance.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm indeed a reverend now. If you don't believe me, just ask the Internet; they're the ones who gave me my shiny printable PDF certificate.

      And I will take your confessions, my child. And then I will spread those on the Internet as gossip, because I have my own confession for you - I'm a terrible reverend.

      Delete
  7. Damn, tape that and send it into some cable station, they'll buy it from you in no time flat. Glad the hands made up, they can play puppets in the night. Congratulations, Brandon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I could perform terrible weddings regularly for a late night cable access show, I would do that full time in a heartbeat.

      Delete
  8. I'm pretty sure "I Now Pronounce You Drunk And Ashamed" is the official thing they say at a Las Vegas wedding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ba-zing! And somehow the above wedding ceremony is still slightly less shameful than getting drunk-married to a stranger by Elvis at 3 AM, right?

      Delete
  9. Just last week I was blogging about writing competitions and not being able to really find any I felt able to go for. That's kismet right there. I don't know if I can do a 200 word horror story but what's the point of not trying? There isn't one of course. Although, on an incredibly and deeply serious note, I need you to officiate my wedding. This sounds like the greatest wedding of all time. I will say though I don't think you can be drunk AND ashamed. Being drunk takes the shame away.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That just blew my mind. That's the kind of deep wisdom I need to inject into this wedding.

      And that's why I wanted to enter, too. It's nice to see a competition that's not just free (I'm not gonna pay someone to let ME write THEM a story - that's now how this writing thing works...), but only requires 200 words. I've never written a story that short, so I consider it a genuine challenge.

      Delete
    2. The shortest I've ever written is a 100 word story. It was a nice little romance though. The shortest horror story I've ever written came in at about 700 words. I wonder if I could just cut that down.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Thanks! The real ceremony should actually be a lot of fun and a lot less embarrassing for grandma to witness.

      Delete
  11. I say definitely go with interpretive dance. It will be the highlight of the day . . . so what if you end up a murdered reverend? It's all good . . . err, right?

    Congratulations to Brandon and his bride! :)
    (and to the most epic reverend evah—kill it!!!!!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A reverend murdered in the line of duty? I'd practically be a martyr... even if "in the line of duty" was just romanticizing "dancing like an idiot while everyone waited for me to legally marry them."

      Delete
  12. "What up, Bitchachos?" has GOT to be the best opening-line ever for a wedding.

    Interpretive dancing is fine and all, but I do have to inquire about a few things: where's the wrestling match? And the bouncy castle? And the death metal rock concert? And the Scottish Bridezilla?

    Seriously, though, I'm wishing all of you good luck on what will likely be a day filled with epic shenanigans. :)

    -Barb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those all follow! Immediately after the ceremony, the bride and groom will move on to the bouncy castle, where the wedding is not officially over until they can pin the reverend. And I've been practicing my sumo moves, so it's gonna be a LONG night...

      Delete
  13. I love it, I'm getting all misty-eyed over here. PLEASE video the interpretive dance! I need pointers, as I'm officiating (is that the word) a wedding for friends in March. Never done it, don't like being serious, but hey, if I can give them a bill for $1,000, I'll do anything once.
    If I may make a suggestion for the wedding RECEPTION? Roller skating. I posted a whole thing on how my BFF & I want roller skating funerals, but it works for weddings, too. Congrats to alla yous. Hopefully you don't wind up changing the flat line circle of time and laws and wind up all 3 married. Actually, that might be hilarious. And a great new show, because everything else on TV sucks.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh yes, I think we all need roller skates! If only because after the ceremony is done, I can just drop the mic and do this...

      Roll hard, bitchachos!

      Delete
  14. GREAT REVEREND (6-)B ~
    That was such a beautiful ceremony, man! The front of my shirt is soaked with tears. ...Oh, wait. That's Deschute's 'Mirror Pond'. Looks like I spilled some down the front of me. (Hey, it may be Seven-something AM on Monday to you, but it's 5:30 PM on Friday to a graveyard shi[f]ter like me.)

    I just spent some time trying to find a clip of Reverend Timothy Leary officiating at the wedding of Agnes Dipesto and Herbert Viola ('Moonlighting') just to give you some other ideas but... hell, I couldn't find a clip, and... hell, you already got this thang down pat.

    I raise my eleventieth 'Mirror Pond' in Brandon's honor!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Alcoholic'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, was the ceremony one big LSD filled mirage where everyone woke up the next morning, half naked and on the carpet, thinking they were drowning in the ocean? Because that wasn't really what I was going for but that could work. Or maybe that's just my own eleventieth Mirror Pond talking.

      Delete
  15. Monday mornings I have to rise and shine and run out the door, but I couldn't miss the opportunity to give some much needed advise the the upcoming bride and groom. First and foremost...RUN!

    No seriously, I hope you have many happy years of wedded bliss. May no trouble come to your door and may you always remember the love you feel for each other at this very moment.

    Now a little advise for Reverend B. Always play to your strong suit. Therefore I suggest you lead in with that interpretive dance. It will give the congregation time to escap...er settle down and truly appreciate your ceremony..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just gonna go ahead and steal that middle paragraph for my ceremony if you don't mind. You see, petty theft is also one of my strong suits.

      Delete
    2. Be my guest, good reverend. Actually I would be honored to be contributing something.

      Delete
  16. Now that will be one unique wedding. One I am sure not to miss :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How could anyone forget the day I ruined Brandon's life with interpretive dancing, drunken shouting, and a bit of yodeling? (That last one is something new I'm testing)

      Delete
  17. Oh my gosh, I learned things about the birds and the bees! I didn't come here expecting an educational post. Sneaky badtards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just be careful and don't be so quick to try it out on your boyfriend otherwise you could get him pregnant.

      Delete
  18. Sounds like it'll be a blast! When my hubby and I got married, (OMG, more than 45 years ago) we said a good indication we had a "good wedding" would be if the priest was drunk when he left the reception. By golly, he did his part, and we're still going strong after all these years, so now ya know. In the interest of assuring a long and happy marriage for Brandon and his bride, it is your sacred duty to get sufficiently sloshed. (Preferably, AFTER the nuptials...)

    Seriously, best wishes to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the priest will definitely be drunk by the end of the ceremony. As will the bride, the groom, and anyone else in a 2 mile radius.

      Delete
  19. It's always handy to have a reverend for a friend, or an admiral (I witnessed a wedding on a Key West dinner cruise by the admiral. . .). That looks more like coffee you're holding, but spiked coffee I assume. Could be beer. . . The bride has the right attitude and is very tolerant, but you'll do fine. What's the worst than can happen, no never mind, don't answer that.

    I'm hoping we get a follow-up post on the actual wedding event and I wish the newlyweds the best of love and luck! And Reverend Bryan, just try and hold your liquor, ok?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reverend Bryan always holds his liquor. No word on how his liver is holding up, but the rest of him seems pretty damn stout.

      And speaking of stout, the beers we drink have more of a coffee color than than see-through pee yellow color. I should know - that picture is of the actual beer I was drinking all day yesterday.

      Delete
  20. *Sniff* That was beautiful, man! You had me at "bitchachos". And from there I was giggling like a goofed up stoner.

    Best wishes to Brandon and his bride. I just hope she realizes the responsibility she is taking on. Two hairy man children! I just hope she has a lot of beer and pretzels on hand to help calm you guys down when you're having temper tantrums. But at least Mel won't have to carry that burden alone anymore. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come on now, we don't have temper tantrums, we have diva moments, and those are just a part of being D-list Internet celebrities. It's not MY fault that I can only blog in a solid white room while sipping a craft beer served at exactly 34 degrees. I'm a blogger, my dear friend, not a savage.

      Delete
  21. You'll... post a link to the livestream, right? I mean I wasn't invited, but I know that's because y'all know you wouldn't be able to have me at your party, what with the paparazzi-o's and fan-grills following me around all the time. I can still enjoy the spectacle from the comfort of my own home, right?
    Regardless, I wish you guys a very happy wedding, and may the divorce be quick and painless for both of you! (No but seriously, enjoy your few days of freedom and buckle in for the second part of the wild roller coaster that is life. Enjoy!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we don't have a livestream per se, but we do have access to this Shiba Inu puppycam, so... just pretend these puppies are getting married drunkenly?

      Brandon's wedding livestream

      Delete
  22. It's not too late to go get married in Vegas....doesn't every girl dream of being married by Elvis?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or married TO Elvis. I mean, those luscious sideburns...

      Delete
  23. Bitchachos is now my new go to greeting. Thanks for that! The ceremony will be epic in its epickness. And seriously, who DOESN'T like interpretive dance? If anything, 47 minutes isn't long enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true, it's not long enough, but research has shown that 47 minutes is the longest I can go without throwing up after a full morning of drinking.

      Delete
  24. Applause for the funniest wedding ceremony I've ever soon. Oops, you were serious?

    Will you guys toast with beer or champagne? Can't wait to find out.

    I hope it's a wonderful day for all. I'm sure it will be.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Psssh, toasting with champagne... what kind of classy gentlemen do you take us for?

      We were just going to leave it at this, that yes Brandon is married as of next week, but I guess we owe you all SOME kind of update, don't we?

      Delete
  25. I'm sure that there will be some funny bits, but I'm also betting that you will be a bit sentimental. This is your best friend with whom you've shared so much and journeyed through life with.

    So let's all raise a glass to Brandon and his lovely bride.

    PS We demand pictures.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn you calling our bluffs so well! There will be pictures, and I'm sure there will be just as many sappy moments as there are laughs. Yeah, I can admit it.

      Delete
  26. Congratulations! I hope it goes better than my first "wedding". A group of fellow drunks at the neighborhood bar decided not to wait on us anymore and demanded a wedding on the spot. So a rubber band was knotted into a ring, the oldest and drunkest among us was pressed into service as the reverend, and preached the ceremony from Bobby Knight's autobiography (held upside down). The I do's were said and popcorn was flung at the inebriated couple. I also hope yours is a lot more successful and longer. You oughtta be able to do 6 years standing on your heads!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If dear Bryan has already lasted 4 years, and he's an idiot (by his own admission, also apparently he now types in the 3rd person) then Brandon should be able to make his own marriage last with relative ease.

      Delete
  27. Haaaaa!!!! (Laughing)

    You guys. Yes.

    And Brandon? Huuuuge congratulations! I hope the weekend is lovely. The look on your soon-to-be-wife's face is priceless. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think she's horrified? You should see the look on grandma's face when I start rapping. Did I forget to mention that? I'm gangsta rapping the entire second half of the ceremony.

      Delete
  28. WooHoo! A plug! I mean, I haven't even done that. yeah, Because that's how I roll.
    Downhill all the way.
    I think you should forget talking about love at the wedding and go all old school. Talk about the price of the bride and all of that stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it a faux pas to reveal how many goats the bride was traded for? Ah, to hell with it, I'll announce it anyway. I mean, she was traded for a very impressive amount of goats (and even a few chickens, too).

      Delete
  29. lol - I don't think drunks feel shame until the next day..as they are too busy having a great time. Two beers may need to be two glasses of champagne. A toast to Brandon for best wishes on his journey and remember to keep laughter in your heart.

    Bryan, I am sure there will be some comic moments mixed with some sentimental moments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, you nailed it. I figured we should have some sentimental moments to balance out the laughs. Thank God none of our blog friends will be there to mock our sappiness and yell something like "get a room!"

      Delete
  30. Just get all the guests drunk first and then it will seem like you are performing a strange ceremony. Congratulations, Brandon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that idea - then I don't have to try so hard to impress them. It's already so easy to impress the drunk! Here's an anecdote about the time Brandon got black out drunk followed by a knock knock joke!

      Delete
  31. Cheers and congrats to Brandon and his bride. I enjoyed the ceremony. It was one of the most unusual ceremonies I have witnessed, and one of the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think that's great, the real live version's going to have a live performance by The Blue Man Group.*

      *Bryan in blue face**

      **not sure if racist or not

      Delete
  32. What, no nazi reference? Ugh, it's like you're not even trying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I forgot to include some good old fashioned Nazi jokes, but I hope I made up for that with the 3rd Act, in which I practice my insult comedy on the bridesmaids, shave the bride's head, and then give grandma a steaming hot apple pie to the face.

      Delete
  33. I always cry at weddings. Mostly because I can't stand that Handgelina is with that douche! SHE SHOULD BE WITH ME MAN. She should be with... *sobs uncontrollably, finds Cheetoh (TM) on the floor, thinks 'I wonder why they're called CheetOHs when they're not O shaped?, eats Cheetoh"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, most of them look like deformed Ls, and I personally feel like if they were called Cheedles that Don Cheadle would sue them.

      Delete
  34. ... then Googles it and finds out it's Cheeto, no H. BUT THE QUESTION IS STILL VALID, he realizes, and sets off to find Stephen Hawking's email address.*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't even know your basic junk foods? For shame. What are you, some kind of organic food eating hippie? Get out of here with your slim waist line and your long life span. Gross.

      Delete
  35. I wish I'd had that wedding ceremony. I might not have gotten married. Thirty years of happiness lost because I didn't know you.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thirty years ago I was a fetus, and I wasn't a very fun one at that, so I think it's best I didn't perform your ceremony.

      Delete
  36. Ooh, can you marry me at MY wedding, Bryan? Well, I guess I'll need a groom first, but after that, you can marry us, right? Oh, hey, another idea! How about you be my matchmaker first and find the groom for me, too?! Just another career option to consider. It pays exactly zero dollars, but that's how much you make on your blog, so it ought to work for you.

    Pre-Congratulations, Brandon! So happy for you :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I can marry you but I can't MARRY you, because that's against the law. Just thought I'd clear that up because that word really should not have those two meanings. It's already hard enough telling everyone "I'm marrying Brandon this weekend!"

      Delete
  37. Good God, are you really ordained somewhere?! Congrats, Brandon! Film the interpretive dance for me, will you? Mr. RK has been getting kinky lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'm ordained on a little place called the Internet, where everything is magical but especially it's free. And if I show off that interpretive dance, I can't be held liable for the immense sexual energy that is released into the atmosphere like a sort of sexual pollution.

      Delete
  38. I'm sure Brandon's Bride is glad you got this out of your system now. This was a fun wedding :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, now that I've gotten it out of my system maybe those in attendance won't be so worried of the above actually happening. I'd like to be able to see my face in public again, so... it won't. I'm a lot of things, but I'm no Andy Kaufman.

      Delete
  39. You MUST, simply MUST, give Handgelina and Handrew their own adventure series of posts!

    And what's that I hear? Tick, tick, tick . . . the last few precious days of bachelorhood freedom ticking down . . . but seriously, congrats on the upcoming nuptials!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You wouldn't hear any objections here. They're fun, they're unique, and best of all they're so easy to draw. So much easier than people. Consider it a future adventure!

      So just remember, when "Handrew and Handgelina's Handsome Adventure" launches, then we only have you to blame.

      Delete
  40. This was one of the few blogs I read yesterday. I had a TERRIBLE migraine. Believe it or not, they do come in degrees and this one was... bad. I really shouldn't have even been trying to deal with the computer.

    So, I didn't feel funny. I didn't have anything witty to say. Despite that, I did smile all the way through.

    My favorite bits: All of the stuff on sexual congress and Brandon saying, "He's right. The logic checks out." Brandon shushing the bride to take notes. And then, of course, the interpretative dance. And this time the bride saying, "Let's go to the bar. He'll get tired eventually." -or something like that.

    Bryan, when you write this thing, you give all the best lines to Brandon. That was really sweet. That makes you an excellent friend. I am sure he knew what he was doing when he asked you to officiate the ceremony. (Seriously)

    Brandon... Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. May your bride get her perfect day. You did know it was all about her on that day, right???? On the bright side, all you have to do is show up and repeat stuff. And then drink. Woot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, Brandon's pretty much got the easiest job in the world. Be a warm body and say two words: "I do."

      Which is a stark contrast to blogging, because it's no fun if Brandon's just a warm body and I hog all of the good lines. Some comedians have the "straight man." I say that kind of guy doesn't have any place on this blog.

      Delete
  41. This ceremony has something for everyone! I especially enjoyed meeting Handgelina and Handrew, and could only imagine how emotional your interpretive dance would be! Congrats to Brandon and his very lucky fiancé!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And if you think the interpretive dance is good, you should see the traditional mating dance Brandon is going to put on after changing into his peacock-colored mating suit.

      Delete
  42. Congratulations! And to think I just had a plain old judge marry me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can be a judge too. I can be whatever the bride and groom want, because I'm flexible like that. I was ordained by the Internet, and with that comes amazing, indescribable power.*

      *a crappy piece of paper that says I can marry people

      Delete
  43. They're not going forward with my suggestion for a traditional Dothraki wedding?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Full disclosure: Brandon's bride isn't a big meat eater, which is a real boner killer because he was REALLY looking forward to the eating of the horse heart. Viciously eating an artichoke heart just does not have the same effect.

      Delete
  44. It's been a good while since I've visited your blog guys but I hope things have been going great for you both and that I get the time to visit more often because damn I genuinely love your posts, so often they made me laugh out loud and I can't say that about many things online.

    It's a good time to swing by anyway because Brandon's getting married and I'd like to wish him and his wife the best of luck and happiness, and you just plain all round the best of luck at your role.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, it's awesome to see you back! We're glad to hear you're alive and doing well, and that you can still get a chuckle out of this place (God forbid the day we get really lame and start using dad jokes and knock knock jokes).

      Come back around any time, y'hear?

      Delete
  45. Love Handgelina and Handrew, Reverend Bryan :)

    Congrats to you and your soon-to-be bride, Brandon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you much! And it's all fun and games, but if the wedding pictures all have Brandon wearing thick gloves, you'll know why...

      Delete
  46. Time to party until you're broke (and with the cost of the typical wedding, this is a distinct possibility) and they drag you away.

    Congrabulations Brandon!

    Father Nature's Corner

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    Replies
    1. Ha, joke's on them, I was broke before the wedding! What are they gonna do, make me broke-r? Take THAT, economy!

      Delete
  47. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Handrew looks a lot like Handonio. Y'know, the international crime lord wanted for handslaughter and hand theft auto. Sorry, had to try my hand at a silly comment, but congrats to you, Brandon! I'm sure you'll look 'hand'some in your suit.

    And, i just joined the Indie Writers blog, so hopefully I can come up with something to submit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've got to hand it to you, that comment was a real handful. And actually, after serving time for hand larceny, Handonio is currently staying with his baby mama Handria and living off of welfare. I mean... of course he would need a government hand out.

      Delete
  48. So you're a reverend now? Dude, no just no.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to the Internet I am. But it's cool, though, because I don't have to start my own religion or hold services or anything. All I have to do is get drunk and marry Brandon and his lady. Seems like a pretty good deal to me.

      Delete
  49. It's going to be a great wedding. I can tell.

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    Replies
    1. Kidding aside, I think it will be pretty damn great. Especially once the midgets start popping out of tiny cakes.

      Delete
  50. So Handrew and Handgelina.....one last threesome before the soon to be groom has to bid them farewell?
    Well only farewell for a few years then they will eventually come sulking back because after all he is getting married.
    We married people know how that goes.
    Feast then famine.
    Congrats none the less!

    ReplyDelete
  51. I don't know who to congratulate the most: Brandon, who's obviously first in line because it's his day; Bryan, for coming up with THE MOST AWESOME wedding ceremony EVER (which I'm sure took hours and hours to get to perfection); or the women in you guys' lives who were clearly genius enough to hop right on a good thing when they found it and snag it for life.

    There's nothing more important in a marriage than laughing on a daily basis. I think you'll all turn out just fine. Congratulations!!

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  52. Congratulations to Brandon! And you!

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