Monday, September 1, 2014

A Laborious Labor Day Posting

With today being Labor Day, and us being incredibly busy with new novels, our killer new agent, and planning a wedding, we wanted to phone-it-in take it easy this week for the holiday, just this once, because even bloggers get vacation days... right?



So since we don't get sick days, vacation days, maternity days, lunch breaks, or smoke breaks (good thing we don't smoke!) today's post is a roundabout way of saying that we'll not be posting today... so we can take a little one week break.

During this time, Brandon plans to learn more about football, so he won't sound like such a noob now that football season is starting up again.


And Bryan, ever the opportunist, plans to drink the blood of his foes as their now-orphaned children are forced to watch.


Between this, we'll probably have a dance party with our retarded goat, because what else screams "well-rested vacation" quite like "krumping with a mentally imbalanced goat that wears one orthopedic shoe"?


...So really, nothing terribly exciting will be happening. But we hope you have a good Labor Day if you celebrate it, and if you don't, celebrate it anyway. Take a nap at work.* Drink at your child's soccer game.* Neglect your own hygiene for a week.* Treat yourself to a little laziness.

*don't do any of this, please, if not for yourself then for those around you

So we'll see you here next week for an especially awesome post on why women suck at packing and how men are so much more efficient (er, lazy and half-assed) at it. Also, Bryan finally gets the DNA test results back that'll allow him to prove to Sha'Quisha once and for all that he is "not the father", and Brandon gets called in to identify a corpse... HIS OWN! - on an all new ABfts! Same Bat time, same Bat web address!

Last but not least, congratulations to Elizabeth Seckman, who won the axe from last week's book release of Lovely Death. To everyone who bought the novel and supported Brandon's latest release, thank you. You're the ones who help keep the dream alive.

Cheers and stay rested, friends,
B&B

Music: Eluvium
Beer: Blue Moon Caramel Apple Spiced Ale

87 comments:

  1. Man, I sure missed the krumpin' goat.

    Here in France, September first is generally considered "la rentrée," a.k.a. back-to-school AND back-to-work-after-a-month-long-vacation day, and I'm just sitting here enjoying the employed life. :P

    -Barb

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, I meant UNemployed life. (Big life changes here...)

      Delete
    2. Uh oh, did George the Idiotic Wisdom Tooth crush your employment as well? When does his tyranny end???

      Delete
  2. Have a good week. I agree, we bloggers don't get much time off.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Between that, I've been bugging HR for weeks and weeks to get me a paycheck, but no one seems to be responding. This is practically the worst job ever!

      Delete
  3. I'm not going to lie guys, I prefer Bryan's plans. I think that as bloggers we can actually take days off whenever we want and do whatever we want. I just took a week long holiday and I've taken about one day off in my entire 3 year run. I think it's been three years. Anyway, I'm vaguely interested in just what happens during Labour Day. As far as I can tell it's basically a national day off where most people get the day off. In England we call them Bank Holidays and nothing really happens, but things seem to happen on Labour Day.

    That was a very long and complicated way to ask what you guys do for Labour Day and what Americans in general do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, you nailed it. Labor Day is the one holiday of the year that everyone gets off but no one truly understands, so like most other holidays we just stay at home, perhaps have a barbecue with friends, and happily drink beer during a time that we would have otherwise been sitting behind a desk or doing some heavy lifting or whatever your job of choice is.

      In other words... free day off, don't question it.

      Delete
  4. Gah! I can't believe all that I missed being on a little blogging vacation for the last couple of weeks- you boys got an agent? Whaaa? Brandon's book dropped and I missed it? Whaa? I'm feeling so out of the loop and like a crap friend... I will get over to Amazon and buy your book right away Brandon, even though I will probably have nightmares for the rest of my life after reading it. And big congrats on landing an agent! Now you know you boys are straight up the shiz, because you weren't even looking for an agent anymore and that's when one of them came knocking on your door. Best of luck with all of these new developments guys!! And enjoy your Labor Day break.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I know, right? So much happened in the past few weeks it was just overwhelming. Having a break is much needed. Now instead of drinking heavily to fight the constant stress we can drink heavily to relax.

      And as someone who read Brandon's book, I can assure you it's not something that will give you nightmares. It's more of a dark psychological story about a man haunted by his past, but you know how it goes with the term 'horror' - it's kind of a one-size-fits-all name for a genre, but people tend to think that means scary, gory, and twisted. Glad to hear you're still willing to give it a chance - it's been the best book I read all of 2014, hands down, and I say that not just to butter his biscuits (which is both gross and weird).

      Delete
  5. This is the first labor day I had off in years, maybe since I was 19. To me labor day, is usually a day where I'd have to do labor because everyone else had the day off.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. So now you can shake your fist at those young-ins that now must feel what you've felt all these years. Isn't climbing that corporate ladder eventually awesome?

      Delete
    2. What does it feel like to actally climb that ladder instead of staring at it? I really need to know.

      Delete
  6. >>... Beer: Blue Moon Caramel Apple Spiced Ale

    Awww, WTF is THIS?!?!?!

    Ya know, all this time I thought I was following a Manly Man's type of blog. "A Beer For The Shower" - I mean, if that ain't a manly man's kind of concept WTH is?

    And now suddenly I find you wussy guys are drinking... Blue Moon Caramal App--- oh, hell, I can't even get my manly fingers to type the whole thing out!

    As I type these words (at 7:39 AM), do you know what beer I'm drinking? 'LAGUNITAS NightTime Ale' - 65 IBU, 8.2% Alcohol By Vol.

    >>... Same Bat time, same Bat web address!

    Will I return to this same Bat web address at the same Bat time? I dunno, maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see. Right now though, I am as disgusted as I am intoxicated!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal MANLY American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know the hardest thing about having a wife? Sometimes she gets to pick the beer, and this was her choice - the Blue Moon Autumn Variety pack, featuring things like the Pumpkin Ale, and the Cinnamon Horchata Ale, and even the Caramel Apple Spiced Ale. Admittedly, the Caramel Apple is the best of the bunch. It doesn't taste like an apple cider. It tastes like a beer with hints of apple and a bit of spices. Would I recommend it to you? Eh, maybe consider picking up a single next time you're at the store. It's not sugary sweet in the slightest, and if you like the Shandy, then who knows, you might just like this one. But I enjoyed it for what it was.

      With that said, I'd take a Lagunitas over that one in a heartbeat.

      And hey, need I remind you that true friends stick together through bad jobs, bad broads, and bad beers?

      Delete
    2. So wait, are you saying that apple cider isn't the most delicious thing since Zima??? Don't crush me, bro!

      Delete
  7. For a post about not posting you sure posted a lot lol yeah, hopefully no one takes your skipping hygiene for a week advice. Hopefully all goes well at your sea and things calm down soon, in a good way, with much more coming your way

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Even when we're slacking off we're working hard. What is wrong with us?

      Oh, and lucky for me (and for everyone around me) I don't leave the house all that often, so the only one who has to suffer my poor hygiene is my wife.

      Delete
  8. This was the best non-post I've ever seen. Very impressive. I hope you will enjoy your day off and do something you've been wanting to treat yourself to. Like a manicure, or a massage. Or maybe you can go back to having those awesome frosted tips hair that you were rocking back in high school. That's gonna come back soon. Just you wait and see. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh yes, a manny AND a peddy, followed by some hair treatment and then maybe a day of shopping. And maybe after I'm done with that I can regrow my testicles since apparently they shriveled up into my stomach even thinking about that scenario.

      Delete
  9. Well, this is a sad state of affairs. You only post once a week and this week was a weak post about not posting. Although, the graphic of the dancing goat in the ortho shoe was rather funny...

    Oh heck, you guys aren't the only ones Phoning It In. Seems like the entire blog community is on the verge of a grinding halt. I've noticed many people aren't blogging like they used to and I feel like crap. Honestly, even phoning it in has felt like a lot of work. All I really want to do is lie in bed until the stupid migraine leaves. But that could be a year or more of lying in bed... and who has time for that???

    So, hang in there and see you next Monday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, that comment actually made me kinda sad. I hope the blogosphere doesn't just crumble away. As for us, we have a really killer post planned for everyone, we just want to have the time to give it the treatment it deserves. So yes, we'll see you next week - better than ever! And ditch that migraine in a hurry, will you? Those things are the worst.

      Delete
  10. So labor day's a day all about labor, and you take/get it off? Sounds... pretty sweet. Too bad the people it is meant for still have to work (right?).
    Hope you enjoyed your lazy week (preparation normally goes into these I assume?), it was probably well deserved.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes sir, a lot of prep goes into these posts, and the one we have planned for next week just needed extra time and care, so we're putting this lame little post up so we can really knock next week's out of the park.

      Delete
  11. I used to feel guilty when I missed a posting date. I don't feel guilty about it anymore. The way I figure it, everyone will appreciate quality over quantity in the long term and anyway, they're getting their money's worth, right?

    I will check back in next week...

    (Oh, and if this turns out to be the second time I have posted this same comment, then I just want you to marvel at how my brain works the same way- down to the letter- even when a comment fails to post the first, second, or third time...)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We too are big fans of quality over quantity, which is why we didn't rush the post we were originally planning for today. It would have absolutely sucked compared to what our readers deserve.

      Oh, and by the way, if I give the same reply to your same comment, it's because my brain's been melted the past few weeks and not working so good as of late.

      Oh, and by the way, if I give the same reply to your same comment...

      Delete
  12. It's not a lame post at all. Your stuff takes actual work to put together whilst many people just write about their feelings. Takes about five minutes to knock something like that off.

    It's so different in the gaming community. We can post on any schedule we like and take as much time away from blogging as we like. And since it's almost all men, I never have to read about how somebody is feeling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's why we like you, Anne, because you tell it like it is. Almost makes me wish we could be a part of the gaming world. I need another mommy blog in my life like I need a good, hard punch in the goody bag.

      And you know how that makes me feel? ...Shit, it's infected me, too!

      Delete
  13. I already do all of the things you suggested and now I'm wondering why you said NOT to do these things. Tell me it's just so you don't get sued, and not because they're bad life decisions. Nevermind, don't tell me.
    Try smoking candy cigarettes, go outside like the smokers do. It's only fair.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We do them too, even drinking at random children's soccer games (since neither of us has kids). But according to our legal team, if we want our bank accounts to remain in the positive, we shouldn't tell others to live our glamorous rockstar lifestyles.

      Delete
  14. How come Brandon's so keen on learning the rules of football all of a sudden? Some kind of desperate need to impress the new inlaws? Are they all manly football fan types (excluding the women of course, but if I'm wrong about that and she's single, give her my phone number, 'kay?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, this isn't about impressing in-laws. No, this is about jumping on the bandwagon now that the Broncos are actually good. Because this was once a thing:

      Homer inherits the Broncos

      Delete
  15. Random. You guys are SO RANDOM and that seriously is what makes you so funny!!! The blood and the goat and the orphaned children… seriously. I want to know what on EARTH you guys talk about in your normal conversation… oh to be a fly on the wall…

    So I totally tweeted about your agent post even though you guys are too cool for twitter. And go E-Seck! Congrats on winning!!! And I'm waiting for another post where Bryan's wife will be featured. I want to be best friends with her even though I don't know her. :) :) :)

    Oh, and I'm still laughing at the asterisk…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Twitter? What's that? The thing where everyone posts pictures of their breakfast and talks in short, practically illiterate sentences about how much they hate Obama?

      If you want to see your bestie my wife, then stay tuned for next week. She's going to be featured pretty prominently in this one...

      Delete
  16. Your "not-a- post" is better than most people's actual posts. I especially like the Lord Google cartoon dude. And your warped senses of humor. (A must for all my friends.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, it's true, Lord Google owns our asses for eternity. And he always demands 110% of our abilities. On the plus side, it means that we try to maintain the best quality even on off days, but as a con I'm pretty sure he's been taking any money we've ever made blogging (which, currently, is zero).

      Delete
  17. Why women suck at packing... Well, all I know is it takes me fifteen minutes to pack my very, very big suitcase.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. All I know is that when I go away on vacation, she brings 3 suitcases, a backpack, a purse, and a travel kit. And when I go, I take a plastic grocery bag with about 5 things, tops.

      Delete
  18. I take exception to the statement about women being poor packers. Not so, I happen to be an excellent packer. Men may pack suitcases fast, but they forget half of what they need. Then it's 'did you pack my. . . (fill in the blank), hon?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, well stay tuned for Monday and I think you might be surprised as to our post's overall message. Hint: men are not very good at packing, and we know/fully acknowledge this. :)

      Delete
  19. Your dream is alive?
    Man, I think mine is like that watermelon I just plucked off my vine and flicked across the yard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If your dream is anything like ours, it's never over. Even if it gets a little wet. Or a little airborne.

      It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good."

      Delete
  20. You can't fool us. I bet you guys spent hours training that mentally challenged goat with an orthopedic shoe how to krump without letting its drool fall from its mouth. How'd you do that? Sadly, his/her/its dancing is much better mine, and I don't have nearly as much control over my saliva...I keep watching and laughing. Thanks for the entertainment - it's awesome. Be well, and keep on keepin' on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Training? What? I'm drooling right now. Why do you think we masquerade as cartoon characters? Much easier to pass ourselves off as "normal" and "not-slobbering mongoloids."

      Delete
  21. This sure was awfully post-y for a non-post. I wish I could do non posts this post-y. I'm a little bit jealous, even.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, but you have a plethora of awesome music. And us, we're just trapped in this dusty old website with a sick sense of humor and some stale farts.

      Delete
  22. I worked at the store all day. Then when we were supposed to close at 6, a rush of people came in and I couldn't kick them out. I was very close to beating somebody with a 5-inch heel but I decided not to because security cameras. I'm not sure I would do well in prison.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Working all day in 5 inch heels? I think I just felt my wife spiritually "bro fist" you for that. Rock on!

      Delete
    2. Hell no. I wear sandals that are equally uncomfortable, but less dangerous for me to wear. Nevermind the fact that I fell out of my sandal while telling somebody about the sale on sandals. I was trying to sell 5 inch heels. Nobody will let me wear them. I fall too much when barefoot to risk it.

      Delete
    3. Hmm, you don't wear socks with those sandals, do you? Socks that go all the way up to the knee? And the sandals have that big velcro strap? You've painted a picture with that last comment and I just can't unsee it now.

      Delete
    4. Nope. I don't own socks that long or anything with Velcro. The socks might make it more comfortable though....

      Delete
  23. I hope you had a very happy labor day as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! It was truly nice just to take a day off. And now it's Tuesday, so... back to work!

      Delete
  24. I missed the mentally challenged goat (yet I can't remember her name, dammit). So having her triumphantly return whilst dancing counts as a post in my opinion. Also, I forgot to enter the contest and I shall never forgive myself. Back to my self-flagellation chamber.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her name is Peggy Sue, Pickleope, and you may have forgotten her, but she never forgot you.

      Delete
  25. Damn! I forgot about the axe contest! Never mind, I'll still buy Brandon's book, but I could have really used that axe for....stuff...like...scratching hard to reach places.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It also delivers a really clean shave. Brandon used it just last week and lost a whole pint of blood! You just can't get that kind of shave with a traditional razor.

      Delete
  26. Not bad for phoning it in. Sorry, I really did take the whole day off from the Internet on Monday. (Screw you, World Wide Web!) But I'll be back for the carnage on Wednesday...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's too late, Alex. Your comment is meaningless today. It only held value yesterday, when comments really matter (that goes to any of you other slackers reading this on a non-Monday. Shame on you).

      Delete
  27. Yay for days off! I didn't post either. Or read. Or do much.

    ...i hung out with my cat. Now shut up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No judgment. I hung out with my cat too. It was pretty damn awesome.

      Delete
  28. Ah, the challenge! I had a four day weekend so my sense of time was all out of whack. Ah well, I hear my ax obsession is getting a bit unhealthy anyway. Apparently a guest was using our bathroom and an ax fell from the ceiling, nearly castrating him. I'm pretty sure one more ax would cause my floor to buckle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you think your axe obsession is unhealthy, you should see Brandon's garage. It's like a murder cave.

      Delete
  29. I had to take a vacation day. I had a post written and everything, but the effort to hit publish was just too much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're glad to hear we weren't the only ones feeling lazy yesterday. Something about spending your entire day off on the Internet just seems lonely and pathetic. So I spent my holiday drinking alone. A slight upgrade!

      Delete
  30. Well if you guys are not posting and actual post, I'm not commenting. Sort of.

    That goat has some sexy dance moves . . . err, anyway, happy blood-drinking and football catching up! I shall be back to stalk you, I mean keep informed about your bloggish stuff, next week! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you commented a non-comment, I'm going to give you a non-reply reply. That is all.

      Delete
  31. Enjoy your vacation! See you next week :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm trying to enjoy it but it's practically half way over. Time flies so fast!

      Delete
  32. I am such a lucky girl!!!! My kids are going to think I am soooo awesome!!

    Enjoy your vacation. I hope the FBI doesn't start tracking you when you mail the axe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh, then stop talking about us mailing you an axe. If you keep mentioning mailing an axe, then they're more likely to notice us mailing an axe.

      Mailing an axe.

      Delete
  33. Best non post I've seen. Much better than those who post saying they have nothing to say

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Ummm, so I don't really know what to talk about today." - Guaranteed way to get me to exit a blog in a hurry.

      Delete
  34. Looking forward to reading it! And as for packing...we're moving, as you know, so there will be an entire post on how I'm kicking ass on that. Just you wait.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, we actually meant packing for a trip, not for moving. But we have no doubt that you kick ass at either of those two chores. Us? Not so much. "Throw it in the truck, hope for the best." Our attitude regarding moving AND small trips.

      Delete
  35. Don't bother trying to learn more about football..it's not even worth it. lol Have I mentioned that I don't watch sports? No? Well I don't. Love the drooling weirdo goat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Guy throws ball. Guy catches ball. Points are made." You'd think sports would be that easy, but nooo, there's all these nitpicky rules. "Well, see, he didn't get the points because the offensive lineman jumped the start and there was an illegal formation."

      Uh... wut?

      Delete
  36. Hope you guys can niche out some time for a real break during September 17-22…just saying, I'd hate to drink alone in a Denver bar...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds like such an old Film Noir thing to say.

      "There she was, alone in the bar, looking at me with that One Eye o' hers. I knew she was trouble from the moment I saw her, but I felt compelled to help her with her novel anyway. And God help me, it was the biggest migraine of my life..."

      Delete
  37. A post about not posting. Now why didn't I think of that. All the time I'm too tired or sick to post. Or just on those days that don't contain enough hours, I could have saved so much time and anguish by posting a post about not posting instead of just laying around being guilt ridden that my fan base is suffering alone without me. This idea is genius. Of course, I could never pull off that awesome dancing goat.

    Anyway...Not exactly sure when the impending nuptials are supposed to take place other than some time in September, so all the well wishes to Brandon and the new Mrs. Brandon. All of the best of luck and good wishes to Bryan and Mrs. Bryan also, who I am sure are scurrying around like little mice in Cinderella, making sure that Brandon and the new Mrs. Brandon have an absolutely scrumptious wedding day.

    This turned into quite a long comment about not really commenting,now, eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr. and Mrs. Brandon will be wed at the very end of the month, and I can assure you that Mr. and Mrs. Bryan are not scurrying around, so much as they are scheming. Mrs. Brandon's parents are very concerned that Bryan, as the reverend, is going to do something "weird." So that means Mr. Bryan really had better knock it out of the ball park.

      And hey, Seinfeld was a show about nothing, so maybe we can be a blog about nothing. I guess in a way we kind of are. Does this blog have any central theme whatsoever? I think not!

      Delete
  38. Enjoy what's left of your vacation! In the meantime, I'll try to stay on Elizabeth's good side!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  39. comedy never rests!
    hilarious as usual - enjoy your planning/creating/working vacation!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A working vacation is like a slap in the face of vacations, because sure, I'm taking time off, but I'm working just as hard as ever. I was told there would be booze and relaxation. There was neither!

      Delete
  40. Hope your labour day weekend went well. I spent me getting ready to go back to classes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our Labour Day was pretty colourful. Some might even say a little dishonourable.

      ...We just love the way you Canadians class up your words with those extra vowels. Us 'Murcans? We just take 'em away.

      Delete
  41. Wanted to let you know I dedicated something to you guys on the Thursday post. Sorry this is arriving so late, but I have been phoning it in....

    ReplyDelete