At first, Brandon wondered if maybe he was surrounded by too many damned churches, because everyone was asking for Jesus. But eventually Brandon realized that this Jesus of which his unexpected visitors spoke was the previous homeowner. And that he had died. In Brandon's basement.
From a massive drug overdose.
His OWN drugs, mind you, because Jesus was a drug dealer. The neighborhood drug dealer, actually, and his product was so good that it killed him. Or bad. But I guess that depends on your views concerning crack.
Yes, that's right, Jesus dealt some grade-A crack rock, and because of it his old compadres still come by, seeking the best fix in town... three years later. Apparently they haven't heard the news that ol' Jesus kicked the bucket. Or maybe they just don't understand that when you're dead, you can no longer sell crack.
Either way, as if regularly getting paid a visit by cracked out junkies looking for another fix isn't bad enough, let's just say that when they do stop by, it's not during your standard 8-5 business hours.
What's best about this is that even though a dorky white guy answers the door, they still seem pretty confident that ol' Jesus is running around in there, brewing up another batch of crack.*
*or however the fuck that shit gets made. Don't look at us for those kinds of answers.
In fact, Bryan's even had the pleasure of encountering one of these strung-out "kids, don't ever turn out like this" poster children while walking up to Brandon's front door.
And so, even though it's a pretty decent neighborhood and not a lot goes on, sometimes, on a quiet night, Brandon will get visited by an angry junkie looking for a fix. All because they got a great deal on some crack 5 years ago from their favorite drug dealer Jesus, whose drugs were so good (or bad?) they killed him.
Needless to say, it's made Brandon pretty hesitant to answer the door for anyone.
Though, in all fairness, I suppose that's really no different from how Brandon usually treats door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons.
Anyone else live in a place that used to belong to someone of ill repute?
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Beer: Nitro Vanilla Porter
Music: Stone Roses