I'm usually not one to complain about gifts, because I know how hard it is to pick them out. And trust me, in my 30 years on this planet, I've received my fair share of bad gifts.
But last week I got a gift that takes the cake on bad gifts, and through no fault of the gift giver. And it's so hilariously bad that I felt compelled to blog about it this week.
For Christmas, Meli and I got a fancy gift-of-the-month type deal from her brother. It came in the form of a letter on Christmas Eve...
As both of us have been incredibly busy lately, we were excited at the prospect of being treated to dinner and a movie. You know, one night a month that we could just relax and have a quiet little date night at home. Well, last week, when the first gift arrived, we were... uh, a little confused. Because it seemed woefully incomplete.
"Dinner" was nothing more than a box of uncooked pasta and a jar of pasta sauce. And included in the box was a printout of a recipe, which had a HUGE list of ingredients.
Meaning that in order to make our romantic, elegant dinner, all I needed to do was go to the store and buy $20-30 worth of ingredients and then spend 2 hours cooking it myself. Wait, isn't that what I'd pretty much have to do even without this so-called 'gift'?
I don't know about you guys, but when I hear that I'm getting treated to dinner, I don't assume that I'm going to have to buy all of the ingredients and cook it for myself.
And the free movie? Well, that would be a $1 coupon for a RedBox rental. Because while you're out and about picking up $20-30 worth of ingredients for your gift dinner, you should probably stop by the RedBox and pick up a movie. And at $1-2 a rental, thank God they're footing the bill! I mean, I don't have a lot of money leftover after I paid for the rest of my 'gift.'
I know this is no fault of my brother-in-law, and we appreciate the thought, but I have to wonder just what kind of fucked up gift is this? Like, I feel if I did this to my wife, I'd be sleeping on the couch for the rest of my natural life.
And best of all, we have 2 more months of this, so that's another two boxes of generic uncooked pasta, another two jars of generic sauce, and another two RedBox coupons. Hurray for us?
Maybe I need to adopt this business model into my own life. Say, for example, Brandon and I write a 300 page e-book and sell it to you for $2.99. Except we only wrote the first 3 pages. The other 297 are blank. You have to write them. But don't worry, here's a printout telling you how you might do that.
Also, here's a $1 coupon to Amazon. Buy our other books while you're at it.
Any takers? No?
On that note, let's take things over to our ABftS...
Bonehead of the Week
And this week's winner is actually this week's loser... the Denver Broncos. Rather than show off their record setting offense, the Broncos decided to play 60 minutes of open mic-night, amateur hour, middle school football in their 43-8 loss to the Seahawks. The Broncos are just really, really good sports, I guess. Because the Seahawks are a great team, but to ensure that they won, the Broncos really went out of their way to help them with all of those interceptions and fumbles. Hell, we even started them off with a 2 point safety on our very first play of the game. Wasn't that so nice of us?
Maybe next year instead of being so kind to our opponent we'll actually help our own team... assuming we can bumble ourselves into the Super Bowl again.
So... what would you think if you got the gift I mentioned above? And what's the worst gift you've ever received?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)
Music: Maudlin Strangers