Monday, February 17, 2014

Self-Important Dismissive Disorder

Today we'd like to take a break from our usual humorous ramblings and talk to you about something very serious. There's a new medical disorder that's currently affecting millions of people across the world, and worst of all, they might not even be aware they have it. Today we'd like to shine some light on the devastating affliction known as Self-Important Dismissive Disorder, or SIDD.

Starting from the ears and burrowing through to the brain, this disease is affecting men and women of all ages by tricking them into believing they're more important and more interesting than they have any right to think, leading to extremely lopsided conversations.












Those afflicted by Self-Important Dismissive Disorder are incapable of hearing the thoughts of others, and are only interested in spewing their own thoughts and opinions, which they deem superior. They have something to say about everything, but because their brain is being ravaged by this disease, they don't really care what your input is toward the conversation. They'll often nod and add absent agreement toward anything you say, serving as nothing more than a social placeholder while they ready their next barrage of verbal diarrhea. It's sort of like talking politics with a very opinionated parakeet.

But it's totally not their fault for acting like selfish pricks. No, this is the fault of the disease addling their brains like a very selfish, over-opinionated case of Alzheimer's. And don't be fooled, it IS a disease, just like alcoholism or gambling addiction or affluenza. You see, the disease in question works by enlarging the modules of the brain directly responsible for speech, confidence, and sense of self worth, leading them to viciously attack the listening modules into a bloody, molecular pulp.

Under a microscope, we can see the red Speech molecule and the blue Confidence molecule attacking the poor yellow Listening molecule with sticks and clubs. It's just basic science, people.

So, how can you tell if you or someone you know is suffering from this relentless disease? Here are a few of the most common symptoms:

1. Will often stare into space when you're talking, paying attention to nothing else in the room but their own deep, important thoughts.


2. Will initiate or steer any and all conversations toward themselves, even if what they're saying has nothing to do with the original topic whatsoever.



3. Will often glance down at their cellphone the minute you start talking, as a way of subtly demonstrating that a game of Flappy Bird or an old college buddy's poorly made Facebook meme are clearly more important than anything you might have to say.

4. Will say "yeah," "uh-huh," and "right" to everything you say in hollow agreement, no matter what you say.




So if you know a friend or loved one who suffers from Self-Important Dismissive Disorder, please, set them down and talk to them about it now. Let them know they have nothing to worry about, and tell them they should not feel ashamed or embarrassed for acting like a completely selfish asshole, because they're suffering from an awful (but treatable) disease. Tell them to consult their doctor immediately so that they can be diagnosed and treated.

Or, I guess, don't tell them, since they probably won't hear a damn thing you say anyway.

Do you know anyone being ravaged by this awful disease?

Cheers and stay classy, folks,

-B&B

Beer: Denver Pale Ale
Music: Murder City Devils


 

124 comments:

  1. SIDD seems to be a world wide epidemic, there are so many near who like that. Maybe they need a gag, it is getting pretty bad when furries become involved. But to offset SIDD just stick them in a room with NTKE (need to know everything) people, perfect match.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard that a SIDD and a NTKE once started having a conversation and have never stopped to this very day.

      Delete
  2. Pat's suggestion is good! Or put two of them together. They'll never notice.
    And thanks, the plushie-furry photo will be with me all day...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seeing two of them together is hilarious. One completely shuts off and shuts down while the other is completely full of life and just rambles. Then when they stop rambling, it's like a light switch has been struck and the speaker shuts down while the other starts squawking. Just back and forth, back and forth. It's like a conversational Rube Goldberg machine.

      Delete
  3. Uhmm, yeah, that's a great post and all, but did I tell you about the really great post I wrote?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hahahaha to this post. Hahaha to Flip's comment.

    Unfortunately, I have seen this disease in action. I get a dose about once a week when I go with my mom to trivia. One of her friends has this disease. I find it fascinating. While anyone else talks, you can literally watch the wheels spinning in this person's brain as they focus on what they will say next. And then this person monopolizes the conversation for as long as possible.

    My ex-husband's children suffer from a variation of this disease. They are big into the "Yeah" and "Uh huh" responses, are glued to their cell phones, but it isn't because they want to take over the conversation. Their version of the disease indicates that all adults are boring and not worth the effort of speaking to (or listening to) or conversing with... period. And the only interesting stuff comes from their friends via their phones. It makes for a fun week on vacation!

    Sadly, in adult cases I am going to step out on a limb and deem it untreatable. In the case of teenagers... it is possible they will grow out of it. Maybe.

    Thank you for shedding light on this maddening disease savaging the country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, thanks for the awesome comment!

      That last part poses a great question - 30 years from now, will we have a bunch of socially disconnected 40-somethings who just sit around on their couches staring at their phones? In 60 years, will those elderly people in retirement homes look completely vacant and out of touch with reality not because they're senile but because they just sit around all day staring at their old smartphones?

      "Mrs. Miller, your grandson is here to visit you. Do you remember Timmy?"

      Mrs. Miller: "Right. Just one more Words With Friends, dear, then I'll see Jimmy."

      Delete
    2. 30 years from now, the 40 year-olds will be staring at their Google Glass. It will be like the episode of Star Trek Next Generation where they all got addicted to the game you put on like glasses -- just staring into space, half-hypnotized.

      Delete
    3. That is an excellent question... what will "Smartphones" do to the teenage population over an extended period of time? Will the day come when young people only communicate by phone. Will the English language be reduced to abbreviations? Everything will be LOL or OMG or BRB. Will people actually begin talking this way so that no one says anything meaningful... ever? And what happens when these people get older and can't SEE their phones anymore? Will they just sit around and vegetate because life will have lost all meaning????

      Delete
  5. Neat.
    You know, my Uncle had a disease once. It wasn't SIDD but it had something to do with his blood and his... uh... urine, I think. Anyway, he had to have a toe amputated because of it. After that he always walked with a slight limp.

    I had a limp once, too. It was from a game of football where this guy tackled me and the facemask on his helmet actually cut into my leg. Well, it wasn't the facemask, actually, but one of the bolts holding the facemask to the helmet. But anyway, so I was limping for about a week and finally had to see the doctor because the cut wasn't healing and the doctor prescribed this cream that I had to put on three times a day and...

    [Years ago, I knew this woman where I worked, and she amazed me! I could say ANYTHING to her and she could find a way to twist it or circle around it and somehow be talking about herself or someone in her family inside of two sentences, every... single... time! I could say, "I just saw a picture of a Vietnamese hut with an aardvark on its roof", and in two sentences or less she would somehow tie something I said into something about her or her family. It was actually pretty fascinating to watch her work this. So fascinating that I have never been able to forget her.]

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's fantastic. If I knew a person like that, I would almost make it my own personal game just to talk about the most random, inane things to see how he/she could loop it back to themselves.

      It's like the "6 degrees of separation game" except with conversations.

      Delete
    2. 6-B ~
      Once I realized what a great talent she had, that is EXACTLY what I used to do! I would bait her, just to see how she managed to catch the fish in a sentence or two. I mean, how could I refrain from it? It would be like having one of the world's greatest magicians yakking with you and NOT axing them to do a magic trick for you.

      Sometimes I wonder if you aren't my long lost brother, and Nappy is really... hell, I have NO IDEA who Nappy "really" is!

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  6. Gawd, it's a friggin EPIDEMIC! But can't talk now, off to search for chicken/coyote porn on the internet . . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoiler alert: much like in real life, this story ends with the coyote eating the chicken.

      Delete
  7. I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. No, not because I have SIDDs, because I was too busy furiously masturbating to the image of the Furries fornicating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to an old wives' tail, doing that too much will make your palms hairy. Or one can only hope.

      Delete
    2. As soon as I saw the picture, I just kept hearing newscaster Ernie Anastos when he accidentally said "Keep f***ing those chickens!" on a live broadcast. It was like a loop in my brain.

      Delete
  8. You guys just don't get what a big deal I am. You should be happy to know who I am, and glad that I deign to talk to you. If I have to listen to you too, then it's just far too much effort for me. I'd rather go deal with someone who will worship me for the God that I am and just sit there and listen to all the shit I have to say.

    Just kidding, I personally can't stand people who dismiss everything you say and focus on their own stuff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry, I couldn't actually hear anything you said over the sound of my own awesome. Would you repeat that to my secretary, so she can take that message, ball it up, and throw it in the trash bin where it belongs?

      Delete
  9. Haha this is amazing. I really enjoyed it, but then again I enjoy most things because I'm an open, positive person. I really am. People tell me this all the time. But that's not to say I like everything, I am discerning - I'm positive and picky, you could say. But in a good way, you know?

    Anyway this blog post reminded me a bit of myself, mainly because it was funny. Did I mention I'm writing some comedy sketches for radio at the moment? They're really funny. I'll tell you all about them if you like. Which kind of means that I'm funny - I should put that on my CV really shouldn't I? Although, there's a lot on there already, about me, obviously. I don't know why, it's just fun to write about yourself isn't it? Well, not you, I mean me. No-one would be interested in that. I'll send you across my CV if you fancy some bedtime reading, it's really interesting. You'll just need to make sure your printer has about 20 pages of blank paper in it first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. So did you know that we're making a YouTube show? You should watch it, Like it, share it, and validate our existence so we can appear to be more than just two guys creating sketches in our basement.

      Delete
  10. You guys have impeccable timing. I just posted about how self-important my brother-in-law and his family. If you try to talk to him he often plays on his phone until you're done, but he's also walked away while someone is talking to him as if simply being around that person is beneath him (and that person was his sister.) Of course he expects you to listen to his rants and complaints about every perceived problem in his perfect life, and if you disagree with him about something (especially politics) he'll just scream louder until you realize how wrong you are.

    His wife is even worse. She does everything he does (only she at least has the courtesy to respond "uh-huh" when you talk) and she turns every thought you have into a ten minute conversation about herself.

    I think they all have SIDD. Probably affluenza, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh oh, affluenza too? Better send them off to go ride therapy horses. I know, it's hard to punish someone you love so aggressively, but it needs to be done to teach them that what they're doing is wrong.

      Delete
  11. It's spreading rapidly, so perhaps that's where all the walking dead come from, frustrated writers, etc. It seems to spread the fastest in coffee shops. . .Thanks for educating the blogworld. . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spreads fastest in coffee shops!!! LOL.

      Delete
    2. It's also very much alive on Facebook and Twitter. Not even the Internet is safe from this epidemic. Where can we hide?

      Delete
  12. Unfortunately, this is something that happens. I find it's happening all-too-often with people and their cellphones. Like, we're out for some drinks, can't you leave facebook alone while we have an actual conversation? Aren't phones/facebook something to kill time when you're bored? Oh. I get it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that one always stings. Can't you just look at your Facebook at home? Why did you even invite me out if you were just going to browse your phone for an hour while I awkwardly stare down into my beer? Wait, on second thought, don't answer that.

      Delete
  13. Thankfully, God has made a fool of me often enough that I know for certain I am not the shiz. But, if my head ever begins to swell from SIDD, please kick me in the arse!!!

    (My kids busted me with the cell phone message obsession. It kills me NOT to answer a message. I mean it's rude to ignore the sender and it's rude to ignore the person you're with. Oh no!!! I am suffering symptoms!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If someone ever tries to make you feel like you HAVE to respond to a text message instantly, just kindly remind them that you're an adult who's very busy with grown up things, and you have a life outside of your cellphone. That's usually all it takes to make them stop expecting auto-responses AND question their own life choices.

      Delete
  14. Reason number 239842u3492 I avoid parties. (Also, the lack of invitations. Womp womp.)

    To be fair, I hate it when I'm asked in detail about my job because the details are boring. I can tell that they aren't really listening and I dont wanna keep talking, but I feel kind of stuck or obligated because they ASKED, you know? Bleh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best solution for this is to lie. Lie your ass off.

      "Yes, I work at a non-profit. My job? Security. You wouldn't believe how many assassination attempts are made on our founder. I just killed a guy last week. With my thighs."

      Delete
  15. Right.

    So today I'll be talking abut this one cool chick from Botswana who grew up in Ireland and France and roamed through Turkey in a circus before finally making..

    Oh this wasn't a post for your following's own self promotion? Geeze my bad guys. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't, but now that you mention it, tell me more. Did this cool chick have rockin' boobs? We the reader want to know all of the important details.

      Delete
    2. I don't know if rockin' fits, but they're not bad. They're not bad.

      Delete
  16. This is great! Yep, I know some of these people. Actually I should say I knew some of these people. The weird thing is this disease has been around for well, ever I guess and took you guys to define it and give it a name. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It may have been around for ages, but the invention of the smartphone sure isn't helping things. "I'm bored, and I don't want to listen to you, but I also can't blatantly walk away. I know, something in between - I'll stare down at my phone and absently nod! They'll never notice I'm not listening! Man, I'm so smart. In fact, I should mention that after they shut up."

      Delete
  17. This is so true. And you know what, we all suffer from this at some point or other. Not all of us are good listeners, because everyone is not a good speaker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is 100% true. I hate when someone's telling a really, really bad story (and of course telling it very poorly) and I catch myself slipping in and out of the conversation. But dammit, I don't need to know about the three side-tangents that aren't relevant to the story... just tell me the damn ending!

      Delete
  18. I've been hoarding all those yellow listening cells so I can possibly hear the off-worlders when they speak of how tiny our brains are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was wondering where all of my listening cells went. Man, science can be such a cruel bitch sometimes.

      Delete
  19. I think everyone I know suffers from this.

    I think I might have it myself.....

    Oh well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As people get shorter and shorter attention spans, I'm sure everyone will suffer from this in the future. Hell, just look at Twitter - an entire website devoted to people spewing out word vomit while not reading anything in return.

      Delete
  20. Right. Uh huh. That picture looked cool but it didn't seem to have anything to do with me so I was thinking about soup. Man, love me some soup! I just started making soup last year, let me tell you all about it.......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right. Uh huh. Speaking of last year, did I tell you that last year I released another novel? Let me just grab it and read you the first chapter...

      Delete
  21. I know exactly what you're talking about. Luckily none of my friends have it, but sometimes friends of friends join the party, and I try to spark up conversation. "Yeah." "Oh really?" "Hold on let me just pour in some more booze." They aren't even listening when I'm telling them the importance of wiping both ways after a poop!
    Then again, that must be how telemarketers and jehovahs feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know, if a Jehovah's Witness started talking about the importance of wiping both ways, maybe I'd actually listen to then.

      Delete
    2. No denying it'd be an improvement, or a nice change of pace if nothing else.
      (Also, looks like the feed you guys probably have of my blog stopped working, so you want to re-add it as http://blog.fang.io/feed . Sorry for the trouble!)

      Delete
  22. Ah, yes. I actually suffer from a more mild case of this disease. That's not a joke, either. It wasn't until I took a Small Group and Interpersonal Communication class that I realized what a crappy listener I am. In the communication field, they call these people "monopolizers" or "stage-hogs." After this VERY bitter wake up call, I've worked really hard to shut my trap and let other people talk.

    I never thought of my thoughts as being more important than everyone else's, I did it more in an attempt to connect with other people, to find some common ground. Sad, I know, but I'm a lot better about this now. AND I'm better able to spot it in other people! I know a girl who's even worse than I ever was! Whenever I get cornered into a conversation with her, I can't get a word in edgewise! I just sit in silence, and then when she leaves, I start thinking: "How did I ever make any friends before? Was I really this bad? Ugh! I think I need to go punch myself in the face!"

    Oh, and I don't know if you're familiar with Brian Regan, but he does a bit about this problem, and it's hilarious! http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vymaDgJ7KLg (You'll have to copy and paste this, since I suck at embedding links into comments...Worth it, though!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think if you're interesting enough, you can still make friends that way. If you're not, then you just look like a jackass. As for that stand up clip, the two of us have a friend who's a "Me Monster." And if you think it's great listening to this guy talk and one-up everyone regarding everything, you should hear him flirt with women. Holy hilarious.

      Cute woman interested in him: I just worked out for an hour, and my body's really tight. Want to feel?

      Him: I worked out for TWO hours today. And I'll probably work out for two more hours when I get home. Lightweight.

      Her: Oh... uh, okay. Well I guess I would have worked out harder but I sprained my ankle a couple weeks ago.

      Him: I blew out my knee last week. Had major surgery, got pins put in, and still ran a marathon yesterday. But whatever.

      *girl frowns and walks away awkwardly*

      Him, to us: Man, what was HER problem?

      Delete
  23. I thought the cure was a knife?
    I mean, isn't it one of those diseases you have to cut out? Like gangrene.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is true. I believe it can only be cured by surgically removing the head from the anus.

      Delete
  24. Is there a subsidiary condition where you act like you have SIDD but then feel really bad about it later? That might be me...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A true jerk feels no remorse for their actions, so I believe you're only a pseudo jerk. Hell, maybe you're just really interesting and everyone around you is not. That's not sarcasm; I know a LOT of very boring people who just LOVE to talk.

      Delete
  25. SIDD has reached epidemic proportions...I totally agree with your comment about Facebook and Twitter. Unfortunately, since so many people now only communicate online, perhaps they have forgotten the art of a two-way conversation. Let me see if I remember how that works. Hi Bryan and Brandon! How are you guys?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh... yes! I mean... LOL? Oh God, we failed miserably. Why is two way communication so hard?

      In lieu of our failure, please accept a picture of a rabbit with an ice cream cone on its head.

      Rabbit with ice cream cone hat

      Delete
  26. I love this. SIDD seems to have progressed from epidemic proportions to pandemic, at least in my neck of the woods. Thanks for a new more refined, more PC moniker to attach to this ah... phenomen. In the past I has simply thought of it as A-hole syndrome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not so much for the sake of being PC, as it is that Asshole Syndrome could apply to so many people and situations. Chronic bad driving. People born without manners. Anyone screaming politics on Fox News. Etc.

      Delete
  27. I know too many people that suffer from this. I'm currently working on a cure which involves spraying them in the face with a hose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God help us all if they make it past our front yards, though. What then???

      Delete
  28. While I don't suffer from SDD I know I am more interesting and intelligent than the common person. And I have the decency to hide this fact from them. By being charitable to the ignorant I am demonstrating my sensitivity to their condition. All of which makes me a superior being.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After awkwardly meeting some of the most boring, untalkative people at parties, it's hard to disagree with that logic. God bless you for not shoving their uninteresting stupidity back in their stupid, uninteresting faces.

      Delete
  29. I saw all of these people as a server. I hope SIDD isn't contagious. I better get checked out so I can catch it in the early stages.

    Speaking of early stages, I'm in the early stages of planning a poem. Let me tell you all about it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, it's too late! However, you now have a promising career in sales, so maybe that beats serving?

      Delete
  30. Scary thought, most governments are chock full of peoples who suffer from SIDD. Sadly, politicians don't suffer from that. They suffer from the rare disease called SISS, Self Inflicted Stupidity Syndrome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Add some SIDD to that SISS, and we wonder why nothing ever changes and they don't listen to us.

      Delete
  31. Mr. Deeds goes to washington and meets every SIDD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Dear government, my family is suffering. We need affordable health care, better laws, and more rights. Can you help us?"

      Government: "That's neat, hey did you see my new army?"

      Delete
  32. Applebee's administration is so uptight. That blurb about them made me laugh out loud. Pretty much every date I've had in the past 5+ years (there weren't that many) suffered from SIDD. One guy, for example, asked about my ex-husband and interrupted my response by describing how he makes the most flavorful bbq'd shrimp. I was shocked...that he knew there was a similarity between my ex and shrimp. But I'm suffering from SIDD now. What I really mean to say is this is a great post. You scored again.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always love seeing which of our readers suffers from Internet ADD. And you know, going on a date with an SIDD is bad, but equally bad is going on a date with someone who just won't talk. I once went out with a girl who would not ask anything. Even if you asked her a question, she wouldn't respond with the typical "(Answer question), how about you?"

      Example:

      Me: "So, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

      Her: "Yes."

      END OF FUCKING CONVERSATION

      Longest 2 hours of my life. Needless to say, I never called her after that. Which saddened her, because apparently she had "a lot of fun" on that date.

      (What is wrong with people?)

      Delete
    2. I'm laughing. Yes, I've experienced that too. I don't know what the hell is wrong with people, but at least they give good writing fodder.

      By the way, yours is the only blog a religiously re-visit to read your responses to comments. Everything you write is entertaining. Thank you. =)

      Delete
  33. Sometimes I think I have this...and then I slap myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everybody probably has this to a certain extent. I'll admit I've been guilty of being locked in a particularly lousy conversation and mentally making a laundry list of all the things I could have been doing instead of being trapped in that conversation (fight a homeless person, spit in the salad, rip up the grass, etc).

      Delete
  34. I can't have this thankfully. I'm too busy paying attention to anything and everything you say in hopes that it can be used against you later.

    Wait, I think this is worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this isn't a superpower, this needs to be one.

      Delete
  35. I had a co-worker last year where he would only talk about his home renovation projects. I'd be like "how are you" and he'd say "well bud I just got my roof painted, and tomorrow we're going to put up new celing fans, etc" This went on for several months until he left.

    We never talked much as any thing I brought up would revert to home improvement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's great, bud, but did I tell you about my new deck? Brazilian cherry wood. Got a nice stain on it. Gonna waterproof it this weekend. Also built a new fence. You want to see pictures? Let me just get these useless pictures of my children out of the way, first...

      Delete
  36. Sadly I think this disorder effect more people then we realize.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Judging from the last house party I attended, I'd say at least 75% of the population.

      Delete
  37. I'm so glad this disease is finally getting the recognition it deserves. The poor sufferers have been dealing with it alone for far too long. I've also heard it's contagious - it seems to have spread at least half way around my office already x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it hasn't already gotten to you, it will soon. Here's a test - do you give a shit what I'm saying right now? If not, it's too late.

      Delete
  38. I know too many people with this problem. LOL! I think sometimes it rubs off on me after awhile of listening to them ramble on about... them. In the future, I think I'll just smack them in the face and say, "Snap out of it!" It won't stop their ramblings, but it will sure make me feel better. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best way to beat a SIDD is to out-SIDD them at their own game. Talk loudly over them. Don't let them speak. Ignore anything they do manage to say. Even if nothing is accomplished, I'm sure it would make for a pretty hilarious experience.

      Delete
  39. I believe SIDDs sets in at about the age of 13. If the parents aren't aware of the condition, it gets progressively worse. Thankfully, it can be stopped by a swift kick in the ass if caught in the early stages. I'm currently going through this with my 14 year old. It's an uphill battle but it can be won. I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless anyone going to war with a hormonal teenager. Do you have your riot gear and bear mace ready?

      Delete
  40. SIDD is a horrible affliction. It makes it all the harder for those of us that ACTUALLY are super important and interesting.

    Some people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry, but I couldn't read your comment over the sound of my own awesome. Could you repeat that, except make it more interesting and more important this time? KTHX.

      Delete
    2. I know, right? I'm so much more important. I have two cell phone batteries because I'm so popular.

      ~Tina, whose reply will only make sense if you read my comment, which is a couple down. If you want. If I'm important enough to read. Never mind...

      Delete
  41. I'm glad there's finally a name for this disorder. Nothing infuriates me more than when I'm talking and someone rips out their cell phone and starts slobbering all over it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder if people realize that this isn't any different than if you were talking to someone and suddenly they pulled a book out of their pocket, sat down, and started reading it while you just kept talking.

      Delete
  42. I've met a lot of folks with that syndrome. Annoying, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Did you say something? Cuz I was like checking my fb and having a text conversation with my other friend who is more important than you because if YOU were important I'd actually be at this table in this restaurant with you in person rather than having just sent my body while leaving my brain attached to my phone and I gotta change my battery (at noon) cuz it's almost out and my friend I met online is posting some pictures for me on fb later and I promised I'd look right away so just a second.
    I'm not making this shit up. This is a very typical lunch time occasion with a very close family member, you know the kind where you both come from the same womb only a few years apart? That kind of family member.
    Sometimes I say something about, "Can I tell you something really cool that's happened to me lately?" Thinking that something really cool might catch her attention because God forbid she actually listen like in a NORMAL CONVERSATION that people who go out to lunch have.
    "Ok."
    "Great, so you know how I'm working towards the whole writing thing, well..."
    "Why do you have to tell me you're a writer every time I see you? I KNOW you're a writer. It's like you say it to get attention, like you're special or something because you can WRITE." And that's it. She's back on her phone. What I'd like to say is:

    Well dear, I say it every time because we never get to the NEXT part which is what actually happened on the path that you care nothing about. The part that is new, the part that is a huge step in my opinion. The part I wish you cared 2 minutes to listen to. Then I wouldn't have to preface the conversation with what I do. If I just blurt out what happened with no context you'll have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about because you haven't heard any of the other parts...sigh.
    So instead I get to look at pictures of kids of friends who she's never actually met and what they are doing and funny sayings she found on fb, and the texts she "can you believe she said THAT" wants me to see. So it isn't about her, it certainly isn't about me. It's just an unbelievable waste of time if it weren't for the martini...
    Pass me another, actually...or I may just chuck your damn "life" in it's cute purple little case into your glass of water and walk out.
    Disclaimer: people you meet online and make friends with are just as much real friends as friends you actually meet. That's not the kind of friend I'm referring to. I'm talking about the person with whom your only social interaction is that you "like" each other's pictures and cute phrases and have some peripheral friend of a friend of a friend connection to that's so far strung out even YOU, who lives in cyberspace can't tell me how you know her.
    Rant off.
    Great pictures. Great topic. Hit a nerve, I guess. Big time. Incurable disease though.

    Tina @ Life is Good
    A to Z Team @ Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2014

    P.S Do you know someone who has two batteries for their phone and has to carry the charger so that they can plug in the extra one so that it's charged for when they use up the second one a few hours later?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I get what you mean. I hate people who live on Facebook. You know, even in real life. You're sitting in a bar or restaurant and all they want to do is show you Facebook shit. "Wow, look at this picture on my Facebook. Isn't it so funny?" Yes, hilarious. I'm glad I drove 20 minutes and paid $8 for this beer just so you could show me a picture that you could have 'shared' with me straight on Facebook. You know what else is interesting? Real life. It's bright and colorful and funny and best of all it's ad free. Plus Mark Zuckerberg can't spy on you there (Only the government can).

      Plus, let's skip the façade. We all know that you're nowhere near as interesting as your Facebook portrays you to be. Try being interesting in person. It's so much more rewarding.

      P.S. I don't but I'll tell you this; I know a girl who'll just bring her phone charger everywhere. And nothing's more fun than going to a restaurant and being in the party with "that girl" who requests, "Can we get a table by a wall charger so I can charge my phone?" or even more mortifying, to the server, "Can you, like, go charge this for me for like 15 minutes?" and then just dumping her phone and charger into the server's hands.

      God forbid your phone die and you be forced to socially interact with the 5 others who came out tonight just to spend quality time with you.

      Delete
    2. Sniff. You get me. You really get me. Let's go have a beer or four...
      ~Tina

      Delete
    3. Sure thing! Let me just grab my phone and my charger...

      Delete
  44. I guess if you dissected the personality of a writer (or someone who self identifies as one) a major trait would be that many of the things they share are after giving them some thought. So while other personalities might meet a SIDDy person and just brush it off, writer personalities are like "Are you FREAKING kidding me?!?" We're kind of sensitive. Not that we're so freaking proud of our oh-so-erudite ideas, and you all must listen to these pearls of wisdom (and kneel before Zod, by the way). It's not like that. You can disagree, you can be bored to death, just be... considerate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Plus, as someone who writes dialogue all day long, I can tell when a slew of "yeah"s and "uh-huh"s and "right"s just seem a little TOO out of place. Where's your OWN character development, person I just met? You can't say anything but these three words when I'm talking?

      Delete
  45. I find a lot of writers suffer from SIDD. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely 100% yes. If you've ever been to a writer's conference, you know that about half of them suffer from this, aka "My story is so much more interesting than yours, so I'm going to pretend to listen to yours, but just WAIT until you hear mine!"

      Delete
  46. Laughing my ass off! I swear, if they put this in the DSM 5, someone would buy into it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only that, but it would somehow make this behavior "excusable" because it's a mental disorder. Shudder!

      Delete
  47. Hmmmm. Interesting. I have a friend (the kind you don't have on speed dial and just call them because you don't want to offend the other common friend type) she suffers from this disorder. You can try diverting the topic from polar vertex to chow Mein, she is pretty skilled in bringing anything back to her and make anything sound like conspiracy against her. And the moment you say "I or me" she will say "I have to go now, matter of national security" which makes it very easy for me. Always use the magic words "me" "I"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If she's concerned about national security when you talk about yourself maybe she thinks you're a terrorist? And speaking of polar vortexes, I was in one last month, and it was a lot for me to deal with. I had to spend a lot of time making my famous chow mein. You should try it. I'm amazing at it. It's the best anyone's ever had because I'm great. Me me me.

      Delete
  48. My colleague has this!!! Finally I know what it is!! Thank you so much guys. Seriously, everything you say to him can be related back to rugby.....you could tell him you are giving him 1 million EUR if he doesn't mention rugby and then "something something RUGBY". I even stopped going to lunch when he is in the kitchen. Greatest diet ever!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that feeling. Back when I used to work, I always avoided the kitchen when a particular SIDD was in there, because I'd be forced to listen to him talk about himself during the agonizing 3 minutes it took to microwave my lunch. It doesn't sound like a lot, but 3 minutes is easily worth 10 boring high school football stories (no rugby here).

      Delete
  49. So now I have SIDD, and Old Cow Disease. I'm scheduling a lobotomy ASAP. Another hysterical post B & B, only this one hits a lot closer to home!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think someone getting a lobotomy is a SIDD's wet dream. Captive audience who can't talk, just sits there listening to you raptly, and occasionally nods (and drools). What's not to love?

      Delete
  50. Neat. Fun drawings. I admit, I didn't actually read the text. Hey, I bet you guys have been wondering where I've been! Well, I've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom. LOL. No, really, I have. Did you guys know I have multiple sclerosis? Yep! It makes me have to pee all the time! LOL. So that's what I meant earlier about spending a lot of time in the bathroom. LOLOL. But I've also been doing some really, reallly interesting other things.......wahwahwahwah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please, tell me more about your bathroom adventures. TP - over or under? How many squares? I AM SO FASCINATED BY THIS.

      - said no one to a SIDD ever

      Delete
  51. I tried desperately to get through this but every word looked like wah wah wah.

    It's a product of cell phones, smart phones, and the need to feel connected to ridiculous social media that we have NO attention span anymore. To make matters worse if it's anything more than a tweet length, a thumbs up, or a short text we just don't have the attention span to actually communicate with actual human beings. It's ridiculous!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've also heard that because of shows like SpongeBob, etc. that all have 10 minute episodes, kids' attention spans are getting worse and worse. Pretty soon the blog is just going to be 1 sentence with a picture, and our upcoming Youtube show will just be a 6 second Vine.

      Delete
  52. Awesome post guys. Really late to the party as always lately. Not that i think I am too important to get here on time, I am just really really slack.
    But, despite being so far down the page it looks a bit like some of those winter photos I have been seeing, I just wanted to say I did drop by and you did make me smile.
    Hugs :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry Mynx, the party's still going down here in comment limbo. We're always happy to see you drop by!

      Delete
  53. Sorry, this post lost me quite close to the start. Anyway, I wanted to talk about what I had for dinner last night. Pork chops with BBQ sauce, yum! Now I'm off to play Flappy Bird!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only can I make better pork chops, but I can play Flappy Birds at the same time AND get a higher score. What now???

      Delete
  54. That Hitler is so damn funny! I forgot everything as soon as I seen him! Hey does this count if you have to go or have something urgent to do? I try that at work. I look around or check my watch while still paying some attention but seriously I have shit to do I can't stand here all day listening to your wife's meatloaf in a crock pot recipe you had for dinner last night that the dog somehow got into and shat all over your pergo floor that you just picked out at the depot of homes after your trip to the ice skating rink to watch your niece's hockey game even though you don't think girls should be playing hockey because they could get hurt which is going to drive up the cost of our free obamacare which really isn't free at all because we pay for it out of our paychecks with our ass busting work we do all day RIGHT HERE at this place! Huh? Get it? DO you get it?

    That is what I put up with. I need some kind of defense. Help!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell your own boring stories. Things you know they'll absolutely HATE. Then you'll do to them what they do to you. My first suggestion? Just start talking about how much you love Hitler's art. Hitler was a great artist, you know.

      Delete
  55. I kind of think I suffer from this. I'm probably the poster child for this. That's kind of a SIDDs thing to say, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only if you ignore everything I say as a follow up, and then pat yourself on the back a little more. The first step, however, is admitting you have a problem.

      Delete
  56. I always wondered what that was called. I wonder if this gives me the skills to avoid the illness and those suffering...which I feel are many, many people...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The best way to handle a SIDD is to throw a wrench in the conversation. When they start to speak about themselves, say something extremely awkward, like "Does it smell like burning human flesh in here?" or "You know, there could be a ghost breakdancing behind you right now and you'd never even know it."

      Delete
  57. I do know a few individuals afflicted by this; they usually don't stay in my presence for too long.

    -Barb

    ReplyDelete