Well, folks, it's that time of year again. It's the day when sweaty, furious, manly behemoth-men concuss one another for the chance of supreme sporting glory. At least until next year. That's right, it's time for the Super Bowl. And along with the Super Bowl comes the legendary Super Bowl Party. And we here at ABftS are nothing if not ready to get our party on. Here're the things we're most looking forward to:
1) Junk food en masse - Because Richard Sherman's mouth isn't the only thing that deserves a heavy hit on Super Bowl Sunday, Brandon and Bryan look forward to treating their hearts to a coronary pummeling too. Because even if you can't cook to save your life, you can definitely fry everything in your fridge with butter and lard and make it into something that tastes good. Bring on the bacon wrapped bacon, bitches!
2) Drinking your weight in beer - Like any good party, the Super Bowl Party demands excessive amounts of alcohol abuse. Which often leads to really fun drinking games, like our personal (childish) favorite, the Penetration Drinking Game™.
And rest assured, friends, come Super Bowl Sunday you're not going to be the only overgrown child giggling about "penetration in the backfield" or "penetration by the tight end."
3) The commercials - When asked, most people say they watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. But let's face it, they haven't actually been entertaining since those frogs got taken off the Budweiser payroll. Or sexy.
As straight dudes, we don't say stuff like this. Ever. But please, for the love of God, Danica Patrick, keep your damn clothes on.
So that's what we plan on doing for Super Bowl Sunday. In the end, we know that unless you're Denver or Seattle then you're probably not watching the game itself anyway. But hey, at least you still get to have drunken, gluttonous fun with friends and family, because after all, isn't that what Super Bowl parties are really about?
With that, let's finish things off with our...
ABftS Bonehead of the Week
You probably saw this coming a mile away, but this week we'd like to tip our hats to a meltdown case that's been in the making for the last half decade. Like so many overly ass-kissed young celebrities before him, young Justin Bieber has finally realized that nobody aside from screaming tweens actually gives a shit about him or his "music." And it's sent him spiraling dangerously close to what the rest of us call reality, when he was arrested last week for DUI, drag racing, and resisting arrest.
We here at ABftS have obtained exclusive footage of the police chase leading up to Bieber's arrest.
That's right folks, this little twat was caught drag racing 55 in a 30 mph zone, further proving that even when doing something badass like drag racing in a Lamborghini, Bieber will still find a way to do it like a complete pussy.
So how will you be spending Super Bowl Sunday? Throwing a party? Watching alone? Don't even care? And what the hell is the appeal with Danica Patrick, anyway?
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Beer: Redrum Ale (Estes Park)
Music: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club