Monday, December 9, 2013

The Roast of Arlee Bird

Our good friend Alex Cavanaugh is hosting a roast of our other dear blogger friend Arlee Bird of Tossing It Out, and Alex asked us if we would participate. We blindly said yes, not realizing that there were things like questions you're supposed to answer and flash fiction you're supposed to write and other such "rules" that we rogue bloggers aren't terribly fond of. So we thought instead of doing all of that we'd truly give our dear friend Arlee the roast he deserves.

He dresses like this AND he juggles? This should be easy!

Now then, all of you some of you may not even know who Arlee is, so allow us to fill you in.













So even if he couldn't handle a good old fashioned spitfire roasting, he's still a damn good guy and a true friend. And he has no idea that we did this, so... hopefully he stills talks to us after reading this (we didn't mean most any of it, we promise!).

If you haven't already, go check out his lighthearted but very thought-provoking blog and say hello. Tell him we sent you, and he'll give you 10% off your next pan-fried noodle delivery order (5 mile radius, please).*

*not likely

Cheers and stay classy, folks!

Also, stay tuned on Thursday for BIG news regarding the future of A Beer for the Shower. Here are 3 hints. It's a good thing, it does not include blumpkins, and it is not a murder/suicide.

-B&B

Beer: Mama's Little Yella Pils
Music: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds


92 comments:

  1. And for those wondering how to find Lee, his blog is also Cell Block D.
    Awesome job, guys! Knew you would do it in style and with class.
    Now hand over a drumstick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and he accepts comments, e-mails, and cakes with hacksaws baked into them. Oh, and hurry up and grab that drumstick before all one of his friends gets to it first!

      Delete
  2. I've often thought of becoming a prison blogger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard the money is decent and the hours are flexible if you don't mind the occasional shanking or beating. Or toilet wine.

      Delete
  3. I've often thought of becoming a prison blogger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've often thought of becoming a double commenter.

      Delete
    2. I think he might be thinking about it too much!

      Delete
  4. You guys are two stab-happy writers, afraid there won't be much left of the guy after he reads all this. Well, at least the puns were good, so it's totally worth it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just nice to know that if writing/blogging doesn't work out we can always take over for one of those unfunny celebrity D-listers they hire for those Comedy Central roasts.

      Delete
  5. Hey, juggling is the easiest way to pick up girls besides card tricks, binge drinking, and balancing things on your chin.

    And, can't wait to hear the big news!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, I bet that guy who balances tables on his chin gets so much tail. I've been living my life alllll wrong...

      Delete
  6. It's never a real roast unless Courtney Love shows up and claims to be sober.

    But you claim to be listening to Nick Cave, so I'll let it slide this time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We tried to let her in but her overpowering stank kept interrupting our train of thought. Also, the contact high almost turned our set into 2 hours of slurred 'yo mama' jokes.

      Delete
  7. Remind me to never ask you guys to roast me. I'm okay with being put on a spit roast but I don't want you insulting my taste in hookers or my lovely arresting officer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if we got all of them together to appear for the roast? I mean, I'm sure they've met each other plenty of times, your hookers and your arresting officer... having had to arrest you for all of that soliciting of prostitution.

      Delete
  8. I love a good roast! I need to get back to my roots and start roasting people again....but that would require actually sitting down and blogging. (Nevermind me while I argue with myself.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, it's good that you talk to yourself. At least someone wants to talk to you.

      (Did giving you a mini-roast kick up any inspiration? No?)

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. You can fry pretty much anything and it'll taste good - even "old guy."

      Delete
  10. I think you guys should co-host the next celebrity roast with Seth McFarlane!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a bad way to make Seth MacFarlane appear funny again.

      Delete
  11. You should do one of those comedy roasts. Better than Seth MacFarlane anyway...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all fun and games until we say something about one another that hits a little too close to home and the fists start a-flyin'.

      Delete
  12. I don't know which is more fun--the post or the action in the comment section. You guys are a hoot (note the owl/bird reference).

    Oh, and the 10% only applies if you tip very, very well. Besides I don't think there are any bloggers in a 5 mile radius of where I am. If there are they either blog in Spanish or they are unsavory characters that I don't want to know.

    Thanks guys--I think.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A roast just isn't a roast without a good pun or three, and who doesn't love a good avian pun? And we're within 5 miles of you. 5 feet, even. Open your blinds and check the bushes. You'll see us waving. Don't be afraid. We only want our pan-fried noodles and then we'll leave... peacefully.

      Delete
  13. Holy carp! I had no idea they meant literally, actually put him on a spit and roast him. Aren't you afraid of all one of his friends coming after you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have my senior citizen LifeAlert bracelet and Brandon has his rape whistle, so even if his friend(s) come after us... we're totally prepared for war.

      Delete
  14. You guys clean up nice. I particularly like the matching suits. It took my mind off the cannibalism thingy. Maybe you took this roasting thing a little too literally?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're too poor to afford two suits, so I took my suit and photocopied it for him in MSPaint. Isn't technology awesome?

      Delete
  15. I have to admit, you sure know how to roast a guy! You animation is way too much fun! Nice post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think that's fun? You should see when we're not lazy and actually make them move!

      Delete
  16. Cannibalism, did he taste like chicken? Nice of you to invite all of his friends too lol great roast

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He tasted half like ham and the other half like rubber chicken. If you want to know what rubber chicken is like, well, it tastes a little funny.

      Delete
  17. Hum, I will now rethink inviting you to roast a friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're available for parties, bar mitzvahs, and brisses if you change your mind.

      Delete
  18. "I'm not saying he has bad fashion sense, but Lady Gaga has asked him to ease off the colorful shirts."
    I'm not saying he makes questionable fashion choices, but Princess Beatrice of York called his hat silly looking." (Look at me taking a time machine back to the Royal Wedding to make that joke actually relevant and funny.)
    Looking forward to the news. Hopefully it's cartoon related?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're ever tired of being "gainfully employed," just know that you always have a job as an unpaid (and uncredited) insult comedy writer here.

      Delete
  19. Were you sure and not to burn the meat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That meat was burned out long before we even touched it.

      Delete
  20. I hope you never got any on your suit, they look expensive

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The most expensive Salvation army hand-me-down suits that $10 can buy!

      Delete
  21. Well, that's a roast, a real roast, but I don't know about roasting a tuff bird. Aren't they kind of stringy and dry? Well done, this was.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not so bad once you pluck out all the hair. The head was easy, but the body? Almost not even worth the effort.

      Delete
  22. WHAT'S THE NEWS?!?! I'm excited and impatient. Also, this blog wasn't on my radar but now I shall check it out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The news is that times are tough, and we're downsizing. One of us has to go, and it'll be an epic fight to the death to see who remains as blog king.*

      *this is not true whatsoever. Just wait until Thursday. :)

      Delete
  23. Do you know if Albertson's carries Arlee Bird? We're looking to try something new for Christmas dinner this year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They should. He's part ham and part turkey, so check either of those sections first.

      Delete
  24. Alas, a real roast! Well done. I really like the cartoons of Arlee too - very realistic and flattering, even.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We just wanted to give Arlee Bird a true roast. In other words, we wanted to flip Bird the bird. :)

      Delete
  25. Wow...and I thought I was roasting him!

    Well done and funnier than I could ever hope to be!

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your roast was great. I don't even know how we missed the stoner angle. That goofy grin, the Hawaiian t-shirts, secretly wishing to be a carnie... he has stoner written all over him.

      Delete
  26. Smells like a cheap hooker....

    That begs the question of when did you smell him and how many cheap hookers do you know. (aside from me).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We can smell him all the way from Colorado, and actually, we don't know any cheap hookers. They all want waaaay too much. $10 for a Norwegian Hummingbird and $15 for an Alabama Slamdancer? What am I, Mr. Moneybags here?

      Delete
  27. Wowza! You guys went all out with your terrific animation, and lounge lizard repertoire! Now this was a true roast! You really should be on Comedy Central!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  28. Clap, clap, clap. (Not the disease, just that ya did good.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In Arlee's case, let's just say both? (ba dum TISH)

      Delete
  29. You guys should do a reverse roast thing. Instead of multiple people roasting a single person, it's just you guys roasting everybody else. The best part is the benefit is mostly yours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be hilarious, except for the part when none of our readers come back because we just insulted all of them. Worth it for the laughs?

      Delete
  30. I don't know if my words are going to explain properly how this post made me feel but the minute that I seen that you guys were taking part in the roast of Arlee, possibly the Blogging world's biggest lad of all lads if there has ever been one I started to grin like a maniacal little chipmunk.

    The line where you guys say that he juggles and dresses like he is in the photo cracked me up and it didn't get any worse as the post goes on. I'm glad he isn't actually roasted though, he's one of my oldest blogging friends and possibly the greatest person in the world but this was hilarious, man so so hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that he read this and doesn't hate us is just a testament to how great a guy he really is. Glad you enjoyed!

      Delete
  31. This is what I love about you guys. You don't follow the rules but make your own. You guys rock.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! The original rules were cool and all, and we have no disrespect for the people who formed the blogfest, but sometimes it's just fun to do your own thing and think outside ye olde box.

      Delete
  32. Cheers to roasting a mighty fine bird! Where's the beer?! You guys brought it~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We not only brought beer, but we brought the good stuff too. There's no Bud Light around THIS blog.

      Delete
  33. Oh, god, roasts make me so uncomfortable! I can't watch them, I just can't. But apparently READING a roast in comic strip form is perfectly acceptable to me. Thanks for curing my phobia!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Insulting someone to their face? Awkward. Insulting someone over the Internet? Hilarious. And now you see this is how Internet trolls are born.

      Delete
  34. Bravo! Bravo! I think you guys may have found a great way to make some extra cash. I hear the Friars Club calling your names!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So where is this extra money and how can I attain it? Because as of now we both have still made zero dollars from this whole funny-blogging thing...

      Delete
    2. Didn't you hear? You can make a fortune using AdSense! *eye roll*

      Delete
  35. Great roast, BEER BROTHERS! ("Pass the mashed potatoes, please. Got any more 'Mirror Pond' in the ice chest?")

    You made me GOL, Loved the way the horizontal, wider angle revealed the TRUE predicament of the roasting "Bird".

    Also... the shot of Lee's "friendS" in the audience was classic. You did a nice job of breaking the rules in an A-list way.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What we lack in mashed potatoes or any solid edible food whatsoever we more than make up for with plenty of Mirror Pond. And we will gladly raise a glass of today's nutrition to a fellow rule breaker.

      Delete
  36. Awwww. So heartwarming. Wait, no. No, that's just the bowl full of Almond M&Ms I just ate. I could really use a glass of water...

    Seriously though, how could you just roast a guy over a spit like that? I mean, everyone knows that the best way to cook and serve "guy in a Hawaiian shirt" is in an oven--slow-cook temperature with regular basting to keep him from drying out. Pfft. Come on, people!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This was our first roast, so we're just lucky he even turned out. Next time, though, I hear slow cooker is the best. Now... where can I find a human sized crock pot, and how can I order it without arousing suspicion?

      Delete
    2. Well, if you have no shame, you can get one at Wal Mart, but if you'd rather be discreet, Costco sells them online. No questions asked.

      Delete
  37. I came for the humour, I went away for the noodles!

    You should do one of those roast shows. To be honest last Christmas (i gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away , thiiissss year to save me..) oh sorry I always get carried away at that phrase.

    Any way last year I watched a lot of those roast shows, and I really liked them...but you could do a lot better. yes, that was my point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like those roasts but I think the problem is that some of the roasters are gut-bustingly hilarious and off color and some of them are just roll your eyes awful. I have no doubt we could fight off as much eye rolling as possible.

      Delete
  38. You lads could go on Ru Paul's Drag race with those roasting skills x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One day, for the sake of humor, I may very well wear women's clothing. But it will not be on national TV, on Ru Paul's drag race, where everyone then thinks I am actually a crossdresser.

      Delete
  39. Um... each of you have a drumstick; Alex wants a drumstick; how many legs does Lee have? Is that why we only ever see pictures of his face? Is he some kind of spider mutant?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can turn anything into a particular chicken-like shape with enough kneading and enough breading. Just look at the McNugget.

      Delete
  40. I'm with Arlee - I can handle mean jokes [so long as they're not TOO close to the truth! :) ] but I don't think I can handle the heat of the spitfire. Looking forward to Thursday!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's okay, contrary to popular belief my soft, supple flesh cannot handle 1000 degree heat either. I know, what a wuss.

      Delete
  41. Hol-ee crap. How have I not visited your blog before, you guys? I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. This was priceless. Priceless. I don't even know what to say but I loved all of it. My favorite post so far. Thank you for giving a real roast and thanks so much for participating in this fest. Lee rocks.

    *not likely <---- Totally laughing.

    And now I'm going to have that picture of Lee in his Hawaiian shirt roasting in my mind ALL DAY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And we ask ourselves how we hadn't found yours. Or knew that there was more than just one host. The blogosphere is just so damn huge, and well, we're new at this whole branching out thing. Glad you found us, and thanks for the kind words!

      Delete
  42. You guys really have the knack for this roasting thing. (may Arlee rest in peace...or piece as the case may be)

    Big News???? How sneaky to tease us like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, we've got GREAT news - we saved 15% or more on our insurance by switching to Geico! ...

      Delete
  43. "How funny can *this* be?" I thought, upon realizing you'd be WRITING a roast about (for? to?) someone I don't know.

    Well. Quite funny, actually. Shows what I know. Thanks for the laugh!

    p.s. I cracked up when I saw the lone fellow in the audience.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I should have known you would actually roast him! Thats what you're supposed to do, right? No? Brb, I have some...firewood to get rid of.

    ReplyDelete
  45. What did you do to this guy? Why are his thighs so thin? You should be able to get way more meat off of someone that size.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never actually seen a picture of him other than his face, so I didn't want to draw him as fat if he's really not. I mean, we're already insulting every other aspect of him. Let's give his body a rest.

      Delete
  46. Aloha guys,

    Sorry I'm like eight days late getting to read this post, but I'm glad you didn't follow the rules - that was brilliant.

    Will keep better track of your posts - especially with the new changes - and good luck with all that :)

    ReplyDelete