(The answer, of course, is none of them. Any damn fool knows that's a job for a butterknife.)
So, we're proud to present to you a few handy tips to help make sure you don't look like a complete ass when your wife's boss invites you both over for dinner.
1) Keep your elbows off the table.
We know this is an obvious one, but it's important. Not only because it's considered uncivil, but because you're limiting your grabbing range. How do you expect to hoard all of those hors d'ouvres from your fellow guests if you don't have a proper reach? And don't even get us started on hygiene.
2) Be sure to graciously compliment your host.
These nice folks slaved away hours in the kitchen so you could stuff your fat face, so the least you can do is repay them with somewhat sincere compliments about their appearance and/or cooking skills. And those of you receiving the compliments, don't be a dick. Thank them.
3) Introduce yourself to fellow guests.
There's no surer way to gain that popular socialite glow like glad-handing a few random strangers and getting to know them better. Really try to make an impression. Personally, we find that stock tips are our forte.
But in the end, not everyone will be as courteous or as gentlemanly/ladylike as you are. The key is to face this with dignity and charm.
Because remember, no matter where you are - even a raging orgy - it's always important to have your manners and your etiquette. Without them we're just common animals.
Cheers and stay classy, folks!
Beer: Upslope Craft Lager