Our new employer? The North Korean government, of course.
North Korea is no stranger to ridiculous stories. As their people are shut off from the entire rest of the world, they're forced to listen to whatever BS the government feeds them. And they believe it. For example, an article last year claimed that North Korean archaeologists found a unicorn's lair.
And in a video, they even claimed to have blown up the Capitol Building and set their sights on the White House, to keep us Americans "in check."
So when we heard we were going to work for the North Korean government, we were just ecstatic
Our first story (aside from 'please help us anyone,' which resulted in a full day's worth of beatings): the shutdown that previously held up the American government for 17 days and cost us $24 billion dollars was not due to congressional disagreement. Rather, it was the infiltration of Kim Jong Il, who is not dead, but has actually spent the past 2 years posing as a congressman from a state no one gives a shit about. On October 1st, he served his glorious nation by shutting down the US government.
He also knows every single one of Montana's secrets. The US government is still trying to figure out if this actually holds any sort of value whatsoever.
Kim Jong Il is also responsible for the lunar pull and solar eclipses, and when the Insane Clown Posse posed the quandary, "Fucking magnets, how's that shit work, yo?" the correct answer, of course, is Kim Jong Un, who when not bravely fighting diabetes and hypertension, also fights magnetic poles.
Stay tuned for next time, when we unveil the cause of the obesity epidemic in America (hint: it's Kim Jong Il posing as a delicious McDonald's hamburger). That is if we aren't beaten for our western insolence.
Cheers and stay informed, friends,
Music: Do the sirens that usher everyone off to a hard day's labor count?
Beer: Prison-style toilet wine
P.S. In honor of this week being Halloween, we're offering a week long 30% off discount on the paperback version of our new horror novel The Graveyard Shift. Just copy the coupon code below, and enter that bad boy at checkout to get 30% off. It's perfect not just for those who haven't yet bought the book, but for those who might have snagged the Kindle version but still want the paperback copy to grace their library. We truly mean it when we say this is the sharpest looking book we've put out to date.
Discount code: XTMCD38C