Monday, September 30, 2013

Grandma Explains How Garage Sales Work

Yesterday I was out in the garage doing some work on my car. During this time, my next door neighbor was having a garage sale, and so I got to watch as various people came, and went... and bent my neighbor over for all she was worth until they cleaned her out.

Personally, in this day and age, I don't understand why people hold garage sales or yard sales. I have a whole spiel on it, but I'll save you the rambling. You see, my wonderful grandma (you know, the one who got pushed down an escalator) actually told me her thoughts on garage sales a few weeks ago. She said it better than I ever could, so I'm going to share it with you today. She said...



*Grandma's not racist, she just knows her own people (she's Mexican).


And of course you tell them, "But this table cost me $300. $50 is a steal! Okay, MAYBE I can sell it for $25, but no lower. Will you take $25?"

And your new friend says...


And they keep going until they break you. But they don't just want your expensive coffee table. No, they want everything you have.



And at this point, you just want to get them out of your hair. So you say...


To which they reply...


And after all of your hard work, you've sold everything you've ever owned to some family for a dollar. A family that's been at this a lot longer than you have -- they've been doing this every single weekend for years. 

So for all that time wasted you could have just thrown everything in the trash, gotten a part time job at McDonald's, and come out further ahead...


-Grandma

And frankly, folks, after watching my neighbor sell a brand new printer, an electric guitar, and a bicycle for one dollar to a very stubborn Mexican family that haggled with her for over an hour today... I'd say Grandma pretty much nailed it.* If I ever want to sell something I don't need anymore, I just use Craigslist (which has brought us both a lot of luck, except for that whole gay bear thing) where I stand to make more than one dollar and won't lose an entire afternoon haggling with a family that's just looking to clean me out.

What do you guys think? Have you ever actually found success holding a garage/yard sale?

Cheers and stay thrifty, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: The Kooks
Beer: Maui Brewing Coconut Porter

*Grandma really did tell me this story, and perhaps what was most amusing was that as I was laughing my ass off, she made sure to tell me, "I don't know why you're laughing. I'm not telling you a joke, I'm just telling you what happens."



110 comments:

  1. Garage/yard sales are one of my biggest recurring nightmares. It was a hobby of my father's, he would pick things out of the garbage, fix/clean them and have big garage sales at his and his friends' houses. He made me help him one time, and this is a big contributor to my hatred of people, haggling and inviting strangers to your yard. I would literally rather donate all of my possessions to Goodwill than haggle with some jerk over a $5 lamp. I would rather BUY housewares and clothing FROM Goodwill, so I don't have to worry about selling them when I'm finished with them. I'm shaking a little from READING about a garage sale. I'll take my chances with the pervs on Craigslist.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. If it's something expensive, like an electronic, I'll sell it on Craigslist. If it's something like a $5 lamp, I'll donate it it to Goodwill. I just don't ever want to be in a position, financially, where I HAVE to spend my entire afternoon trying to sell a $5 lamp at a garage sale or my electricity will be shut off.

      Delete
  2. I've done a few car boot sales before, which are essentially the same thing. One time, some guy went ape-shit mental at us because we wouldn't sell him an Oskar Emil watch for £5. We let him inspect it and weigh it (yes, weigh it on his portable scales that works out the approximate value for him) before he told us it was fake (it wasn't. It had a hallmark on the clasp and we'd had it verified by two different jewellers), and then told us that we needed to "sort our fucking prices out" and stormed off in a huff. There's always someone who wants something for nothing.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I bet that guy makes a hobby out of doing that to people, and he's just mad he couldn't rip you off. What a fucktard.

      Also, cars wear boots? God, the UK is such a weird, magical place that I may never understand.

      Delete
  3. Garage sales are awful! It's been years since we had one. If my wife even hints at having one, I throw everything in my car and either take it to Goodwill or donate it to my church for their yard sale. (Considering what happens at yard sales, the latter seems kind of evil now...)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Karma points with the big man upstairs are so much more important than having an extra 3 dollars in your pocket and an extra 15 points on your blood pressure.

      Delete
  4. Garage sales are like everything now. There are experts! I made an off hand comment to a lady at the Pig saying their roast chicken looked good and I thought I would take one home. She said, "they're 20 cents cheaper at Wal-Mart. Then eyed my shopping cart like I was a child who had bought groceries."

    If I have anything to sell at a garage sale I get my neice to do it. She's the expert.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Yeah, that's right, I'm an expert garage sale shopper. Sure, I spent years crafting this ability while I could have done something practical like getting a job or learning a valuable life skill, but if you want someone who can get you an old table for a dollar... I'm your man."

      Delete
  5. For some people going to garage sales is the equivalent of hunting big game. Seriously, they'll bag something cheap and spend the next 3 years giving you a blow by blow account of how they did it. Good God, put a sock in it people/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Wow, you bought an old bicycle without a seat for $2? That's so amazing that I want you to tell the story all over again. Please, it was riveting!"

      Delete
  6. Yeah they are a complete waste of time. Unless you are prepared to tell those hagglers where to go and you know you're going to have a big customer base, which 95% or garage sales don't. At least when using craiglist you can ignore the $1 offers easier.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's what I'm saying - ignoring an e-mail is so much easier to do than having to say, "get the fuck off of my driveway, you greedy bastard."

      Delete
  7. The last time we had a garage sale people wanted to buy the tables the crap was laying on, and they weren't even for sale. I mean they were good tables we actually used. Some greasy guy wouldn't give up so I dumped the shit on the ground, took my tables inside and let them have the pick of the litter.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Ooh, this is a nice driveway. Is this cement for sale? I also like this car parked in the driveway. That's for sale too, right? You'll take $20 for it?"

      Delete
  8. will they buy everything or only the good stuff for an dollar? I need to get rid of some stuff here but I am too lazy to drive to the dump.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. After watching my neighbor have all of her nice stuff taken (and all of the junk left behind) I'd say you're better off either taking a trip to the dump or throwing it out into the street and hoping no one sees you.

      Delete
  9. Have none of you people ever heard of the word "no"? You must run a garage sale with an iron fist, my friends. AN IRON FIST.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. My neighbor's apparently never heard of the word no. But today she stands four dollars richer, so who's the chump NOW?

      Delete
  10. people who haggle are awful. They go around all the garage sales, all the flea markets, and all the stores being a pain in the ass everywhere they go.

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    1. You know what's the worst? People who haggle in stores. I once stood in line behind this old Asian woman at the grocery store who was trying to haggle with the cashier over the cost of her food. And the cashier was like, "Look lady, this is a grocery store. I can't set the prices. Either buy this or you need to get out of here." To which the Asian lady would say something stupid like, "Yes, but I won't buy this box of cookies unless you take twenty cents off."

      I immediately went to another line.

      Delete
    2. Although I know some cultures haggle by custom, I have no interest in every going to those places. I, too, hate to haggle, and quite frankly, do not have enough of my life left to worry about saving a fricking quarter on something. I avoid garage sales and flea markets like the plague.

      And don;'t even start me on the car-buying process....

      LC

      Delete
    3. As a gear head who knows more about cars than your average car salesman, let me just say that I enjoy the car buying process. It's my revenge for any other haggling process I had to be on the receiving end of for the prior few years...

      Delete
    4. A gearhead, eh? Hmmm... That reminds me... The greatest guitarist of all time was also a gearhead, and he celebrated that fact in a rockin’ instrumental (accompanied by one of the greatest Hammond B-3 players of all time, Joey DeFrancesco) titled, oddly enough, ‘GEARHEADS’. I wonder if you would like it.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      ‘Loyal American Underground’

      Delete
    5. Danny Gatton, right? That song makes me want to do stupid things to my car and then fly down a country road at some stupid speed while having rural misadventures.

      "I didn't know she was your daughter, Farmer Brown! 'Oness to God!"

      *peels out*

      I see Danny was into building hot rod Fords. Not that I have any brand I favor over another, but I'm building two pretty cool Fords now.

      You see, I just don't have enough going on in my life and need to add a few more hobbies to my life, you know...

      Delete
  11. I suck at having garage sales. I think tops I've made about 30. I had neighbors that had yard sales every weekend. I think it was their second job. who am I kidding it was their only job

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow! A job that makes $30 a day and only requires 10 hours of your time? Where do I sign up??

      Delete
  12. This brilliant post sums it up. I prefer Craigslist over garage sales for selling. I had couple of experience with haggler experts. One was with my tv stand which had selling price for 20$ when for original I paid around 350 and wanted to get rid of it since i wanted to go for a slim one. He and his family came around 10pm and negotiated that for 10$ and after loading it in the truck he said he wanted bit more lower price because there was a apple mac sticker in the side. I gave him back the 10$ and wished him good luck. Still a steal for me because i may need to pay 60$ to get rid of it.
    Garage sale is a pain, you need tp label items with price and wait in your garage whole weekend and haggle with these lowballers and set up tables and rain, pain and all boards in street corner. Craigslist creepers are far better.
    I prefer donating clothes. Funny though i was size 4-6 before kids and saved those clothes hoping for one day to go back to those and took a while to loose my baby weight and after getting rid of after saving them for 3 years i am back to size 6. Maybe albatross. :) i got rid of all those 10-12 ones not sure when i may need them again :)

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    1. Yesterday I watched an entire middle eastern family, led by grandma (who was probably about 4 feet tall) get out of a Mercedes and proceed to haggle with my neighbor for 2 hours. Even after they bought something, they came back and said, "No, actually, I want it for a lower price." I don't think my neighbor has a spine because she kept giving in. I felt like telling her you do know that if you wanted to get rid of this stuff you could donate it to Goodwill, where it would go to someone who really needed it? Not some pushy asshole in a brand new Mercedes?

      Delete
    2. Exactly. I didn't know that goodwill could pick things for free. The sad part is end of the day I end up feeling like a cheapstake after dealing with these folks. Some of craigslist responses had made me feel much worse.
      1. Sends me a mail saying he is going pick items by afternoon, I remove the post and then late night I get a mail "sorry my bro got into an accident and had to take him to hospital" and reply back with genuine concern and try to make them feel better and he replies back with some link to work from home to earn million dollars or donate something for something. "people...."

      other time I felt guilty for two weeks when I bought Thomas train collections from a lady for literally a throwaway price and the kid actually came out and explained the names and how the toys work and he said "I am ok I am more into superheroes now"
      My kids would bring whole roof down.

      Kid: where are my artworks?
      Me: i have pictures of your artworks for previous years and this year yes i have them.
      Kid: no worries i need to review them this Saturday.
      (he believes that this is my biggest worry- maybe he is right)
      ( you can't dispose anything he had done or he played with - i have to do it when they are asleep)

      i think i am becoming a hoarder.
      I need a therapist. Seriously. Referrals and pointers shall be much appreciated.

      Delete
    3. I don't know anything about therapists because those cost money. But I'd be happy to be your free, completely unqualified comment therapist. "How did ripping off some poor kid make you feel? Did you later mail him pictures of your kids enjoying his throwaway Thomas toys and having so much fun?"

      See? I'm a natural!

      Delete
  13. My mom held a yard sale a few years back. She made about $75. It wouldn't have been so bad if not for a hoard of cars passing by our house for the next week seeing if we were throwing away any of the goods we didn't sell.

    But, I love going to yard sales. Hell, I got a couch and chair for free because the old couple selling it thought I was a nice young lad. Though, I broke the legs on both on the first day. Now they're my problem.

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    1. And that old couple is now having a good laugh at your expense. "Yes, that guy thought we were giving him a free couch out of the goodness of our hearts! But we were really just giving him a broken couch so we didn't have to pay the disposal fees!"

      Old people are evil masterminds.

      Delete
  14. I might need to fly your grandmother in to explain how the world works to some people I know.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just don't ask her to explain "the computer." She doesn't quite grasp that area yet.

      Delete
  15. I've never hosted a garage/yard sale myself but I have been to a few car boot sales. That's basically the same thing but a bunch of people turn out to sell things. I can understand the point. I had a friend who moved recently and they had a yard sale to try and get rid of their stuff. It didn't go too well though, mostly because they probably refused to sell everything for a dollar. I've never used Craigslist either but I do hear more horror stories than success stories.

    Actually I just never sell anything.

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    1. Hey, I'm not opposed to hording your stuff. You never know when you might need that half broken laundry rack with missing pieces that won't stand on its own anymore.

      Delete
  16. I have and it was fairly successful, the main annoyance was when I had a chair out to sit on, a stereo to listen to music and a table to put shit on and someone came along offering to buy it... it's like "No, I'm using that *right now* and I want to continue using it for a long time, but thanks!".

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    1. I think it's pretty universal to these kinds of people that anything in your yard/driveway is for sale. "That rose bush... is that for sale? What about $5? I'll grab a shovel and throw it in the back of my truck? No?"

      Delete
  17. No time this morning for an A-list comment, but I has one, and after work tonight (as Douglas MacArthur said to Arnold Schwarzenegger) "I'll be back."

    [Also got some Beer Yak to tend to.]

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. For now a C-list comment will suffice. I eagerly await this A-list comment.

      For reference...

      F-list = "Nice post bro."
      D-list = One thoughtless sentence that could be about almost anything. "I really enjoyed this content! It was relevant to me!"
      C-list = One well thought out sentence.
      B-list = One well thought out paragraph.
      A-list = Stephen T. McCarthy sized comment, well thought out, with added drunken wit.

      Bring it on!

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the introduction (now I only hope I can live up to it).

      I can't think of garage sales without also thinking about my maternal Grandpa (also known on my blogs as "Rock Bottom"), who was one of the greatest (and toughest) characters I ever knew.

      He was a garage sale junkie before it was "in". He'd hit those things every weekend, and I'm talking about, probably, in the late 1960s and definitely in the very early 1970s until shortly before he passed away. Sometimes he'd take pre-teens Brother Nappy and me with him and so many times I heard him disparage an object for sale by looking at the price tag, and disgustedly saying, "I wouldn't pay more than two bits for it."

      [For you youngsters, "two bits" is the equivalent of twenty-five cents.]

      So, many years later, I adopted that saying, often applying it to females. My Brother might point out what he thought was an attractive girl and I'd reply, "I wouldn't pay more than two bits for her".

      And then decades later, Nappy, my buddy Pooh, and a group of us guys from the UCLA Parking Service began seeing each other socially, off the clock. We formed what we called "The Bitter Brothers", and we'd get together on the weekends periodically for "Bitter Breakfast Meetings" where we'd dish the dirt on other UCLA Parking Service employees, etc. (On my recent trip to L.A., we had a Bitter Breakfast Meeting at The Sidewalk Cafe on Venice Beach; photos may eventually make it to my blog.)

      Rick is our only Black member of The Bitter Brothers. I remember many, many years ago when Rick said, at a Bitter Breakfast Meeting, "I will tell you all ANYTHING you want to know about Black people if you will answer just one question for me: What makes White people haul all their junk out onto their driveways or front lawns every few weeks and try to sell it for a dollar here and a dollar there?"

      So funny that I still haven't forgotten it all these years later.

      4-B, I will save my Beer Yak for my response to you on my own blog, Bro.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    3. You definitely need a "best commenter" award or at least ABFTS t-shirt or something.
      I have lot of these one-liner questions for white people or generally Americans as well.

      Delete
    4. Wait, two bits is a quarter? The math ain't adding up on that one. What's one bit? 12 and 1/2 cents?

      That's a great story, and Rick's right. Hell, I don't understand it and I'm white. See, I just learned that my neighbor NEEDS this money because she's in danger of losing her house. So... what the hell is an extra $20-30 going to do? She even sold her grill, for I think like $10. As a man, that kind of thing sends an arrow through my heart. Not the grill. NOT THE GRILL.

      Oh, and seriously, you DO need some kind of best commenter award. Now if only I knew what that entailed. I don't have a big budget (I get it for one dollar).

      Delete
  18. Never seen one but have heard of them but now I think you need a shotgun, some mace, pepper spray, tazer etc.........but not for a dollar?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. For a dollar I can get a jar of pepper and some hair spray. Let's make some magic.

      Delete
  19. Ha! Boyfriend and I went to one this weekend. It was a bit underwhelming. No, I do not want your worn out shoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "What about for 25 cents? Only 100,000 miles on them. All highway."

      Delete
  20. Not a big fan of garage sales, either, I don't want to argue with people about an already "give away" price. I, too usually just donate stuff to a charity. Our neighborhood has a annual sale, and I have participated a couple of times to appear like I can stand any, all, some of my neighbors....see me being a team player. Here people will do better than a dollar and I think I made a few hundred bucks. For all the work required though, it's still a losing proposition.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. At least around here, Goodwill will come pick up your used goods for free (as long as it isn't blatant garbage). I did that last year and emptied half of my garage. I much prefer that to spending an afternoon trying to be salesman of the year in my own backyard.

      Delete
  21. Hilarious lads. I think it's fair for there to be a bit of haggling but I honestly would have told that family were to get lost after those ridiculous offers, it takes the piss a little that they lowballed your neighbour so badly, really sucks.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. My neighbor sounded like she really needed the money, so it makes it all the more pathetic/sad. Apparently someone needs to teach her about a little thing called "a job".

      Delete
  22. Yeah, that crap is WAY more trouble than it's worth. If we want to get rid of stuff, we usually just take it to the DI (charity/thrift store). Then we get to save the hassle, avoid getting royally screwed, AND we get to feel good about giving the stuff to people who need it.

    Oh, another good option is putting the stuff on ebay. Man, those crazy auction hounds will overpay for ANYTHING!!! And they don't even want the stuff all that badly, they just get caught up in the competitiveness. "Ha, so you think you can defeat me in my quest for the A.L.F. Lunchbox with its original Thermos? Well NOT TODAY, PUNK!!! Maximum bid: $5000. HA! Suck it, Bitches!!! Wait..."

    ReplyDelete
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    1. YOU outbid me on that ALF lunchbox? Son of a bitch...

      Delete
    2. Hey! Don't jump into the fight unless you're willing to take out a small business loan to make sure you WIN!

      On an unrelated note, anyone interested in a vintage ALF lunch box? Reasonably priced at ten thousand dollars!

      Delete
  23. I've never had the interest in having a garage sale, but it seems to be a big deal in Arizona, and I've seen people do the opposite of what you describe-pay 10 or 20 percent less for something than they could get it for new at a store, and feel like they got a steal.

    I'd rather pay the extra 10-20% and be able to go yell at the store if I have a problem.

    LC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people have to justify their meaningless lives somehow.

      "Look at me, I only spend $15 on these used shoes that someone paid $20 for new! Do I matter yet?"

      Delete
  24. I love your grandma.

    I see the opposite at garage sales: people put pieces of moldy, decrepit crap out for $300, and they wonder why it doesn't sell. I've yet to find something valuable at a garage sale that sells for $1. [I think around here, they're hoping to have someone buy it all for an estate sale; we're further from Mexico.]

    PS Anxiously awaiting the arrival of your horror book. And I do mean anxious. I don't read horror. I am scared.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and now we just hope you see our new horror novel as more than just a $1, moldy, decrepit piece of crap...

      Delete
  25. Every year, the HOA in our neighborhood hosts a big garage sale day. The first year we lived here, my wife insisted that we participate. I think we made about $20 or so, but, see, I don't haggle. Period. I think word of that kind of thing gets around or, maybe, people can just see it on your face? I don't know.

    Now I want to watch the garage sale episode of Animaniacs again.
    And, of course, there was a great bit in The Shield (I think?) with this guy that was stealing peoples stuff and selling it back to them in his yard sales.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I've heard (but not seen) tales of garage sales where one family member will distract the seller by haggling while the other one shoplifts items. Then the haggler says, eh, you know what, never mind, and leaves, having stolen a ton of your shit.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, I've heard of that, too.
      But, then, I don't haggle. Or, really, have yard sales. That one was the one.

      Delete
  26. Hahaha yep that sounds about right... I like garage sales tho, and flea markets. Never buy anything but I like strolling around and looking at all the (crappy) stuff.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I love looking at someone's sweaty old "team building 2009" company t-shirt and thinking, "Who the fuck would buy this?"

      Delete
  27. Garage sales are still cool, but the seller shouldn't allow the buyer to get on top and dirty (if you get what I mean). Protip for selling, always have "ideal" and "lowest" prices in mind, and never go lower than your lowest (cue "how low can you go" chanting).
    Then again, finding something good at a garage sale is pretty hard these days.

    Also, I updated Caves p34 a bit, hopefully the intro is a bit more clear now. (The fact that part of the scene was left as cliffhanger in p33 probably didn't help my cause.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. If the key is not to get dirty and violated, then I guess you could say my neighbor got violently gangbanged. I'll pass!

      Delete
  28. Your Grandma is pretty funny. Garage sale or Craig's List, each has it's downfall. I've done both as a seller and a buyer. I have an attitude that you can't blame someone for asking, and they better not blame me for sticking to my price. Personally I love a good Thrift Store, generally something a little more 'high end' than Goodwill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And where might one find a high end thrift store? Does that mean I can find used monocles there?

      Delete
    2. At the 'high' end, of course. Come by for a visit and I'll take you to a few.

      Delete
  29. Your grandma is a pearl without price.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA!-HA!-HA!
      So much for... "without price".

      [Classic reply!]

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
  30. Anytime we have a garage sale our number one goal is to get rid of stuff, not make money. If we have something big we want to get some money for, it goes to craigslist or ebay.

    But I still hate the people that haggle. Especially the ones that are like "Will you take 10 cents for these books instead of 25 cents?" The go away from the sale thinking they got a steal while I go away thinking they are a complete moron.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Did you see the way I knocked that guy's price down by 15 cents? Man, I am SO good at buying things."

      Delete
  31. I had a garage sale before I moved to my current place and made $250 in an afternoon, despite one haggling lady buying a whole tub of clothes for just $5, but I didn't feel like taking them all to Goodwill anyway. Plus it's a lot easier than individually photographing and listing items online.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. $250? What did you sell, black market organs?

      (Congrats. You're much more of a boss than I would be at that whole garage selling thing)

      Delete
  32. Replies
    1. No oceans around here, so I guess I'll have to settle for dumping it in my neighbor's backyard when they aren't looking.

      Delete
  33. What can I say guys...Grandma's are the shit! They know what they're talking about :-).

    I geeve you one dullar por a Heineken? CHEERS on your new book!

    ReplyDelete
  34. What can I say guys...Grandma's are the shit! They know what they're talking about :-).

    I geeve you one dullar por a Heineken? CHEERS on your new book!

    ReplyDelete
  35. What can I say guys...Grandma's are the shit! They know what they're talking about :-).

    I geeve you one dullar por a Heineken? CHEERS on your new book!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A comment so good it needed to be said three times! ;) Thanks Barb!

      Delete
  36. When I was selling my car on Craigslist, people would call and go, "What's the lowest price you'll take?" It's like, "Ummm, yeah, that's not how a negotiation works."

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "The absolute lowest I'll take is $2,000. But the price is set at $3,500. So... what do you say about $3,000?" - guy who doesn't understand haggling

      Delete
  37. I need to learn those haggling skills. I'm too broke to spend $25 on something that's never been taken out of a box! I have plenty of one dollars though. Being a waitress makes sure of that, so I just need to learn how to buy things for that dollar. Besides Ramen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On the plus side, now you can think of your waitress job as a way to justify shitty tips. No longer will you think of it as, "Great, this asshole only left me a dollar." Now you can think of it as, "Yes, I just got one new-in-box printer at a garage sale!"

      Delete
  38. I've never had one! I hate strangers showing up where I live, period. Your grandma's story and her not thinking it was funny reminded me of a hilarious (IMHO) story. One of our members (who is in her 80s) was telling a story about how she kept seeing MYOB on students' books when she was a teacher. At first, she thought it stood for Mind Your Own Business, but she found out it stood for "Meyer (not her real last name) You Old Bitch." She told us this story in my office and we howled. Then she said, "I don't know why everyone thinks that's so funny."

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    Replies
    1. Now I can tell this to Brandon on a regular basis, and howl with laughter when he doesn't understand what I'm saying. Thanks for that.

      -Bryan

      Delete
  39. In my town, the only people who have any kind of success, are the ones located on insanely busy thoroughfares. Their success is not due to sales, but to creating serious traffic/safety hazards as people suddenly stop and park on both sides of the road while traffic is flying at five to ten miles over the speed limit.

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    1. That's a great point that I forgot to touch on. I'm pretty sure garage sale buyers just feel entitled to park wherever they want. At this particular garage sale there were people parking in the alley (as in blocking all through traffic), there were people parking in front of my driveway... one asshole tried to park IN it until he saw me working on my car and I waved him off angrily... good thing I didn't have to go anywhere, right?

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  40. I usually sell crap at my yard sales and keep it cheap. Some stuff I'll give away so I don't have to call someone to haul it off. My sales are usually kind of successful relatively speaking. I put about 5 hours into it walk away with about $30 in my pocket and I get rid of more crap. I need to have one soon. I still have crap left. And I could use $30.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out


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    1. Using it as an excuse to have people haul away your old junk that'd you normally have to pay to dispose of and making a few extra bucks in the process - fantastic idea. Now THAT I can understand.

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  41. I'd much rather donate my stuff or even junk it out than going through the hassle of trying to profit from it.

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    1. If Dan doesn't want to try to make a profit, you know it's a waste of time!

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  42. A big lesson from your grandma for us all. Will she use Craigslist? I bet she does. She's onto something good.

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    1. She's not so good with the Internets, which is fine by me, because I don't think anything good could come of her using Craigslist.

      "I've been trying to pray for this poor Nigerian man, but he just keeps trying to give me his lottery. I keep telling him I don't play the lotto but he doesn't listen."

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  43. Hell, you just figured this ebook thing out too. It's like a book garage sale, where they worm you down to selling your stuff for .99. Grandma's right. I'm going to get a job at McDonald's today.

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    1. That... just made me sadder than you could possibly know.

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  44. Craigs List or Goodwill. Mexicans don't give out tax credit slips!

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  45. I come from a land where garage sales don't exist. After reading this, I'm kinda sad. I'd love to see people getting taken advantage of like that. I mean it's LEGAL.

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    1. I never thought of it that way...

      Take advantage of someone online? Scammer! Call the Internet police!

      Take advantage of someone at a garage sale? Look at me, I got a great deal! What a sucker!

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  46. I've always looked at garage sales as alternatives to paying some guy in a truck to come and take your junk to the rubbish tip.

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  47. I love your family! I bet holidays with them are a blast.

    I've held garage sales twice. Both times people showed up early and waited while I set up. I'm not talking fifteen minutes early. I mean stalkish early. It was creepy as hell to set up while people watched me.

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    1. Holidays are awesome. Grandma always has the most interesting stories/opinions. Like her thoughts on "the gays."

      No, grandma's not homophobic. She just doesn't know how to call them anything but "the gays." Which makes it especially hilarious when she says something like, "Why are you laughing? I'm just telling you about what's going on with the gays."

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  48. OK, two things, NO WAIT THREE.

    First, there's a beer made from moon rock. Thought you should know. I mention it here: http://www.thinkingthelions.com


    Second, when we were younger my sister held a garage sale, at which she was unsupervised. And SEVEN YEARS OLD. (Ah, the 80s when there were no predators around!)(I mean "To Catch A Predator" predators. There were, of course, PREDATOR predators. They're still around.)

    Where was I? Oh, yeah: 7 year old Katie took all my mom and dad's old 45 vinyl records from the 1960s and put them on a table. When a guy said "How much for the records," Katie said "A quarter." And sold about a four-foot-tall stack of Beatles and Elvis ORIGINAL MINT CONDITION 45 VINYL RECORDS.

    For a quarter.

    (There were also records by Herb Alpert & His Tijuana Brass!)

    So there's that.

    Then there's my own kids, who we told to have a garage sale one day because hauling the garbage ALL THE WAY TO THE CURB was a lot of work, so we put up a sign and said "Garage sale" and told them to sell this motley collection of beat-up kitchen chairs and "Kindergarten Cop" VHS tapes for whatever they could get.

    And these kids, who otherwise avoided work like the plague, instead hauled all the stuff to the shed in the backyard and shut the garage sale down 20 minutes into it -- so that we made NO money but I had the consolation (?) of two years later REHAULING IT ALL BACK TO THE FRONT YARD when I tore down that shed.

    THEY said they canceled the sale because it was "going to rain," and justified their actions by pointing out that although it didn't rain, a branch had actually fallen off of a tree onto the driveway, smashing a garbage can, and claiming that had they gone through with the plan, they'd have been dead.

    But they probably only would've been severely injured.

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  49. Also, have you ever heard the comedian Jake Johansen talking about garage sales? Yours is better but his is pretty funny.

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  50. I've actually been helping Mummy Dearest with this for the past several weeks... She's moving from her giant house to a condo, so naturally she'd rather make some money off of the excess stuffs and furniture rather than just throw it away. I've been helping her list anything of value on craigslist.

    The way I see it, garage sales or yard sales or whatever are only successful in two sets of circumstances:
    1. You're moving LIKE REAL SOON and you need to get rid of your shit like now, so you hold a garage sale Fri-Sat-Sun one weekend, selling the excess stuff for whatever money you can get for it. If everything is not gone by the end of the day Sunday, start giving it away, because paying people to move it will most likely cost ten times what you made selling all of it.
    or
    2. You're clearing completely unwanted items out of your house, and you planned on throwing them away anyway. But now you can make a profit, and then throw the rest away.

    xo!

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  51. 4-B ~

    Is this a good idea or what?!... And not just a good idea, but a good title for the idea, too.

    Wish I’d-a thought of it first:

    “BREW BATTLES: Blind Beer Taste Tests”

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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  52. Reminds me of a garage sale we held a few years back. An unlikable Asian woman wanted to buy my old rocking horse and my Mother refused to sell it to her for cheaper. After much "negotiating" the woman left very "unsatisfied".

    A few minutes later a sad looking Asian man drove up, and bought the horse for original price. Not suspicious at all.

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