We all know how terrible the job interview process is. It's like beating yourself in the face with a dead mackerel while trying to prove your sanity to the person across the desk from you at the same time. And there plenty are a lot of tips and pointers out there for prospective job seekers to prepare themselves. Hell, there are "how-to" interview books by the hundred. But they all come back to one thing, which is why we decided to distill the bullshit down to the single most important factor you'll need in order to ace that next job interview and join the ranks of the gainful(ish)ly employed. And that rule is: No matter how tempting it may be, never lie in a job interview. Your potential manager always wants to hear the truth, no matter how blunt it may be.
If the hiring manager asks you this...
...Never say this.
She wants to hear the truth. So tell her why you really want this job.
Or if you get asked this gem...
...then don't use this classic reply.
Tell her what your real weaknesses are. Hey, she asked!
And don't forget this question, which is an interviewer favorite...
Don't say this. We all know it's a lie.
Let her know what you really plan to do with your life. Where you really plan to be in 10 years.
And don't forget how important teamwork is... to interviews.
Never give this generic, BS answer.
You should be honest about your feelings toward working with other people.
And lastly, don't forget that a company will often ask you this...
Don't BS your way through some lame company history you don't even care about, like this...
Tell her what you really know about the company, which is nothing.
But alas, no matter what you say in an interview, just remember that in the end, your fellow applicants may be more qualified than you...
...Or they might just be the boss's nephew.
And there you have it, folks. A surefire way for you to get (almost) hired every time. Like my wise old Granny once said, "The truth shall set you free. But the welfare office is more efficient."
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Beer: Tunnel of Trees (TRVE Brewing, Denver, Colofuckingrado)
Music: Il Cattivo