Monday, July 29, 2013

There's Nothing Gay About Camping

This weekend we went on a camping trip. The original plan was for us, our friends, and all of our ladies to go, but one by one the women each had something come up that forced them to bow out, so when all was said and done it turned into a trip with four dudes. A sausage fest, if you will.

But it was a lot of fun, even without the ladies. And we just wanted to assure you, the reader, that there is nothing gay about camping with another man.

For example, there's nothing gay about getting wood with another man. When you're making a campfire, it's expected.



And while you're getting wood, you have to be extra careful with your skin, too. Skin cancer is no joke, and you've got to stay protected from the sun's dangerous rays. No homo.

There's also nothing gay about sharing a tent with another man if someone didn't happen to bring one.






Well, it's not gay unless the tent is so small you'd practically be humping each other just trying to sleep.

But it's not just the campsite, either. There's nothing gay about going on a beautiful nature walk with another man, so long as you call it "hiking." And so long as you treat the mountain like your opponent and not like something out of a Robert Frost poem.

Not acceptable:


Totally acceptable:


And speaking of hiking, there's nothing gay about needing a good hiking pole. However, it's always good to make sure when inspecting your best friend's hiking pole that it actually is a hiking pole you're examining.



And that, ladies and gents, is why we four, totally masculine and sexually self-assured men had such a great, manly time pitching tents with each other and shining our walking staffs around the campfire. And it was totally not gay.

Cheers and stay classy, folks!

-B&B

Beer: Breckenridge Avalanche
Music: Van She

77 comments:

  1. Not gay at all!
    Of course, if you guys made s'mores, that totally negates it.

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  2. LMAO!!!! Can't stop reading it over and over for the giggles. Reminds me of my recent private yoga classes when my instructor puts her hands on my sacrum and pubic bone. I tell myself, she's not being gay, just showing me how to free up my hips. I pray that's what she's doing.

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  3. I don't see anything wrong here at all, just two nature loving guys getting wood, whittling away with their choppers and pitching tents all over. How could that possibly be misconstrued?

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  4. That's so cute, did you make smores together too? Regardless, camping is still less gay than plumbing--laying pipe, ass crack, caulk, tightening nuts, dripping faucets (okay that last one is a stretch to make a chlamydia reference).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We four men made s'mores, and we have no regrets.

      Delete
  5. You guys are killing me with your Mike's HARD lemonade and pitching each other's poles. Your next sponsor is Penthouse/Forum.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, and let me tell you, there is nothing straighter than drinking Mike's Hard after getting huge amounts of wood.

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  6. I've never been camping but I have shared bedrooms with men before and it's totally not gay. Although it was my brother and my dad so yeah, it had better not have been gay.

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  7. Hey, if you four started your small talk with "gained some weight? Looking cool dude" then I would say that you guys are Indians and you went for "outing".
    I don't know whether the "woods" is the reason all the ladies dropped off, but this wouldn't have made me uncomfortable.
    In India dudes marry women but enjoy picnic, movies, dinner and sports and everything with their dudes. Of course you can't see women on streets so this isn't so uncommon. :)

    how many sleeping bags were in pink color, only a man who is pretty confident in his sexuality can put up a post like this. No losing your mancard here. Bravo B&B :)

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    Replies
    1. I'll see a movie, go to dinner, or watch sports with my friends, but you won't find us going on a picnic together. That's where I draw the line.

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  8. Tent sizes are always listed on how many people can possibly sleep in it. They always like to stretch the truth. Like anyone's not going to figure it out by looking at the picture...

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  9. Not only is it totally not gay, it's also safer to go with all men. The number of bear attacks due to the presence of mentruating women is quite common. I think there's like 2 attacks a decade or something. A risk I'm not willing to chance... And also my girlfriend hates camping.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you seen the Tampax commercial with the shark?

      http://youtu.be/wGZpWOMGJCM

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    2. Haha, yeah I saw that not too long ago. The Russians are some crazy bastards.

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    3. I hate when women just menstruate all over the place. It's like, God, I GET it, you have ovaries. Get over yourself.

      Delete
  10. Camping?

    That's where you lie in the woods doing drugs and end up getting stung by a scorpion, right?

    I think I've done that. It was totally gay when I did it, though.

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    Replies
    1. We don't have scorpions here, so I guess we haven't had the "true camping experience." I'll be sure and grab one from the pet store next time we go up, though, right before I go ask a random ethnic man in an impoverished area of the city if he has any "drugs" I could purchase from him. That's how you buy drugs, right?

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    2. That will be fun for you, because then you can have that urban experience before you have your camping trip.

      When trying to buy drugs, it is preferable to use street slang you think you remember from rap songs from the Eighties.

      Delete
  11. I'm impressed, boys! Not ONE Brokeback Mountain reference!

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  12. It's only gay if you shared a sleeping bag and sat around the camp fire telling ghost stories.

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  13. Singing would have totally made it gay

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  14. This is really funny guys and I'll remember the rules y'all set out so the next time I go camping I won't have to worry about coming home gay.

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  15. Both your post and the resulting comments are hilarious!

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  16. Why, oh why, am I the only perv who is actually getting turned on by this post????????

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    Replies
    1. What lady wouldn't get turned on by good old fashioned man-on-man camping action?

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  17. Hahaha... great post. Although some of it *does* sound gay if you aren't keeping camping in mind.

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  18. HOW 'BOUT DEM BEARS?!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    Replies
    1. Whenever I go camping I always bring extra strength bear mace in case we get attacked by a pack of bears.

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    2. No, no, not the bears. DA BEARS!!!

      ~ 46 D-Fens... Dogg

      POSTSCRIPT:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5KFiihsiNs

      I still remember watching that game against the Raiders on TV. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! WTF?! I was a huge Raiders fan then, but (to quote Lester Hayes…) the “D-d-d-dictate and d-d-d-d-dominate” Raiders got d-d-d-d-dominated! After the third Raider got carried off the field, I knew the Bears were... DA BEARS!!!

      Delete
  19. Chiz is getting his facts, I think, from "Anchorman," which is totally acceptable if you are unable to distinguish 'reality' from 'movies,' but, then, who wants to do THAT? If God didn't want us to imagine that we were flying an X-Wing down that Death Star trench instead of 'commuting to work on Highway 12,' then He wouldn't have given us a targeting computer, would He have? AND YET, HE DID. But I'm still going to turn it off and trust my senses. Close your eyes, man. Let the Force flow through you. Pretend that Steak, Egg, & Cheese Bagel is actually... what did they eat in Star Wars? CRAP I MISSED MY EXIT.

    Also: very funny post. The last time I went camping was about 15 years ago. We had to sleep OUTDOORS. And there were probably bears, or at least porcupines. One of the guys got a tick on him, and we pulled it out and packed up our stuff and headed to the Wisconsin Dells where we went bungee jumping. True story. Greatest camping trip ever, if you ignore the part where we didn't actually go camping.

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    Replies
    1. Anyone who says they haven't imagined they're going into "hyperdrive" when they start driving through a snowstorm is a damn liar.

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  20. Seriously guys...the only good camping is on Call of Duty and tea-bagging the noobs!

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    Replies
    1. And there's nothing gay about tea-bagging another man.

      Delete
  21. Funny thing was, I didn't even plan to read your blog today. I just googled "camping, Gay, hiking pole, men, spooning, tent" and this came up.

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    Replies
    1. We have to keep those Google searches relevant. All about the SEO around here.

      Delete
  22. The fact that you need to keep telling us it was absolutely not gay is kind of suspicious, don't you think?
    Still, what's so gay about humping another man when trying to sleep? As long as the humping isn't powered by your overwhelming feelings of love of him, it's all good.

    Thanks for the comments on the last Caves, patched it up a bit (comma count went from 52 to 32, sort of decent I guess?), hope it's better now. New part will probably be out later tonight!

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    Replies
    1. Another good rule of thumb: it's not gay if you don't make eye contact.

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    2. I prefer "it's not gay as long as swords don't clash".

      Delete
  23. You've already answered my question; you made s'mores. So did you lick each other's hot melty chocolate whilst resting against each others' chests and gawking at the Big Dipper, then spontaneously belting out a rousing round of Kumbaya? Nothing gay about that. I was just fantasizing. I mean, wondering.

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    Replies
    1. There's just something so satisfying about licking the marshmallow off another man's hot stick that's better than licking it off of your own.

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  24. Did I tell you stop? Did you boys see some rainbows out there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, sometimes you need a little more color in your life...

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  25. If you really want to claim it is not gay, just call it hunting or scouting for ______ (hunter prey of choice). Then it is certainly a manly thing. I hope you guys showered when you got back. Probably one of the things on the list of why the women didn't go along. At least that's my guess.

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  26. The comments are almost funnier than the post itself.

    Hyperdrive in a blizzard - busted, but I was just trying to feel the edge of the road with my inner senses.

    Now you should ask what the girls do on a camping trip.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can already answer that: Wish they were in a warm bed. Tell us their feet, their necks, and their backs hurt. Ask why we think this is so much fun.

      Delete
  27. I used to have a car with overdrive, which, you know, is almost like hyperdrive.
    Which has nothing to do with camping, but, then, I'm not a fan of camping.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't like sleeping on a rocky floor in the rain and cooking simple foods unevenly over a fire, like cavemen? Why ever not?

      Delete
  28. It's ok to make s'mores as long as you are confidently heterosexual.

    A long time ago, I started sleeping in my car when I went camping.

    Real men do not use those inflatable mattresses, and I hate sleeping on rocky ground.

    But real men can sleep in the car....no one revokes your man card for that.

    But isn't a hiking pole basically a cane?

    And isn't it really walking? And walking is not gay as long as you don't hold hands.

    Technically, isn't all this gay talk a hate crime?

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't a hate crime until the moment I used the term "tranny." That moment being now.

      Delete
  29. Once again totally laughing my ass off! I hate camping, and now I'm an adult so I can refuse to go camping, but I can also say "there's nothing gay about getting wood with another man." Can't I?

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    Replies
    1. You're right, there's nothing gay about getting wood with another man.

      However... getting a "woody" with another man is a whole different ballgame (like football becoming tennis).

      ~ 46 D-Fens... Dogg
      'Loyal American Confidently-Heterosexual Underground'

      Delete
    2. So tennis is gay? I missed the memo....

      Of course, football players are always patting each other's behinds....that could be a whole blog post....

      Delete
  30. LOL despise camping at my sea. As long as the wood doesn't make you chipper, it isn't gay. No kumbayas and all peeing together or same sleeping bags, you're all good.

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  31. Bahaha "did I tell you to stop"made me lol, whilst sitting among my family on vacation. Well done

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  32. I agree with you whole heartedly guys, there's nothing gay about camping, but there's plenty of things that's camp about it uhahaha! I'm supposed to be going camping not this week but the next week with some friends although one girl is coming which might make it ever so slightly less gay than the hilarious photos here although I wish she wasn't there, she's my friend's girlfriend and without meaning to sound mean, I'd love a lads trip without her!

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  33. Good things the ladies bowed out...what were their excuses? Hair to be washed,books to be read. I think that had they actually gone along they would of been overpowered by all the testosterone that was present on that camping trip. Nothing gay in that story at all.

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  34. No nothing gay at all, but I'd like to know what scared all the ladies away

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  35. No homo? Usually people only say that if they were thinking about being homo. But I mean, you said you weren't, so obviously there was no gayness to it at all.

    But why did all the girls decide not to go?

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    Replies
    1. To answer the above three comments, the ladies weren't scared, they just all had plans they couldn't break or had to work, etc.

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  36. Look...going camping in general is NOT gay. Men out taking on nature and winning, might I add, is intrinsically male. The fact that you snuggled one another, held hands to help one another up trails, roasted s'mores and fed each other, read excerpts of poems to one another around an open flame, and held one another as you star gazed...totally and completely normal.

    Glad you guys had a great time. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When it's cold and rainy out... that body heat doesn't generate itself.

      Delete
  37. Camping is definitely not something I enjoy. I hate the outdoors enough as it is, but being away from technology and the comforts of modern life? Not for me.

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    Replies
    1. We didn't even have phone service where we were. We had to actually talk to each other instead of poking around on our smartphones all night. It was miserable.

      Delete
  38. Camping is not gay...it is just horrible..HORRIBLE! I need my comfort I admit it, I need a comfy mattress and a flushing toilet and a fridge for all the chocolate. But I like starring into the fire...maybe even start one...

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  39. "That's the sound of us boding" LMAO. Glad you guys all had a great time. I need to go camping. It's been too long.

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  40. There's a group of us guys that do an annual camping trip each year where we leave all the wives behind. We do partake in a lot of male on male sex but there's nothing gay about that.

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  41. So if your camping and your man friend bum rushes you while sleeping in that two man tent would you tell anybody?
    No?
    Wanna go camping?

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  42. I'm glad you got to pass the elk nuts sign. In a reverse on that, I'm taking a cna course right now, and the nurse that teaches us totally says diabetes like "diabeetus." Every time she does that, I instantly think of your Wilford Brimley (or however you spell the name I'm too lazy to look up right now), and have to try not to laugh, and it always surprises me when I look around at everyone else and fail to find anyone else who's amused.

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  43. Ironically, neither myself nor any of my gay friends enjoy camping-None of us who have ever gone once would willingly go again. The bitching that ensues is completely off the charts and dramatic- and those who have endured an entire camping trip without bailing mid-way, have deemed the experience truly traumatic. Too dirty, buggy, hot, rustic and the lack of proper bathroom facilities and room service are at the top of the list of our complaints. LOL

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  44. Isn't this the plot of Brokeback Mountain?


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  45. We did lots of camping and sleeping in tents when we were younger. Today, my idea of camping is a hotel room with a toilet, shower and bed.

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  46. You had gay sex, and it juiced up your creative flow together. It's okay.

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  47. Haha, looks like you had a smashing time. Two men tents are only designed to fit one human and ne dog - if they're spooing x(Also, I just said in my head 'nothing CAMP about camping' and then laughed at my own pathetic joke on my own.)

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  48. I think your ladies are very smart leaving you guys to your male bonding weekend.

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