Well, last weekend she told me a story about her last trip to the airport. And it may have topped the meth explosion.
This is my grandma, in all of her glory...
No, that's not a compressed image, that's just a compressed grandma. So at 4'10 and a weight that's probably in the double digits, grandma's quite tiny. But don't let that fool you. She motors around like her legs are on fire. Like, she's that old school kind of Catholic that likes to walk to mass every morning at 5 AM.
Did I mention that she just turned 90?
And did I mention that this story involves her just coming from visiting her sister, who's 101?
Yes, I know, I'm probably going to hell for that picture, but I assume that when you're 101 you're just a senile gob of melted, wrinkled flesh, held together by a tacky sweater.
So back to the story. My grandma had gone to visit her sister in California, and then came back on a flight to Denver. Right after she stepped off the plane, a group of concerned citizens urgently grabbed a wheelchair and insisted on wheeling her around and carrying her bags for her, like her own personal entourage.
But even though my grandma was fine and said she liked walking, they insisted on their random act of kindness and wheeled her to get her bags. From there, one valiant white knight offered to escort her all the way outside, where my uncle was waiting to pick her up.
And so he wheeled her to the escalator and asked her if she was sure she could ride down without the aid of the wheelchair, because she might hurt herself. He could always wheel her to an elevator. Again, she insisted, "No, I'm fine, really." And again, he insisted he help her, so he held her elbow as they rode down the escalator...
And as they went down... he tripped. And he knocked into my grandma. And he sent both of them tumbling down the escalator.
That's right, the man who wanted so badly to help escort my 90 year old grandmother because he was concerned she would hurt herself... knocked her down an escalator. After which he immediately fled in embarrassment, never to be seen again.
Meanwhile, a group of airport employees came around, scared that A) she was hurt and B) she would sue them. But grandma was okay, other than being a little banged up, and just wanted to go home.
(Later, as she told this story to me, she lifted up her pant leg and showed me a huge purple bruise that covered her whole shin. "See?" she said. "Barely a scratch. I was fine!")
They offered to call her an ambulance, but she was up and walking, and just wanted to take her bags and go. And so the airport staff reluctantly sent her on her way... after, of course, they had one of their employees put her in another wheelchair and push her out to my uncle's car.
Thank God my grandma's a tough little cookie, otherwise she could have been seriously hurt. But let that be a lesson to us all. Next time you offer to do something nice for a little old lady, and she absolutely insists she can do it herself, just let her do it. Otherwise you might end up being that jackass that pushes an old woman down an escalator.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)
Beer: Sam Adams Belgian Session
|I need to stand next to my grandma more often. She makes me look like a damn giant.|