Second, it means that I can sit out on my balcony with my garden, sipping a beer and enjoying the view. From my garden you can see lush greenery and the Rocky Mountains among a smattering of colorful houses.
(Come on, would you rather I draw some Bob Ross style landscape, or something funny? I thought so)
And third, it means that I get to be attacked by nature's rapist: the wasp. These little bastards, along with honey bees, are attracted to my fruits, vegetables, and flowers. But I don't have a problem with the honey bee. I actually kinda like them. They're fat, they're furry, and they're fluffy. And they don't really want to sting you, because doing so would rip out their stingers and kill them, too.
They're like lethal little teddy bears.
Not the wasp. The wasp is a big armored thug, with a poisoned stinger that can stab you as many times as he feels is necessary (which is pretty much as many as he can get in before you kill him).
So needless to say, I don't mind when I'm sitting on my balcony and a little honey bee approaches me. Because they're always cautious and gentle.
Not wasps. A wasp will invade your personal space and aggressively rape your face just trying to figure out what you are.
Sufficed to say, I don't like having my face raped (or stung), so I've been on a quest to rid my garden of them. And this is not an easy task, either. It's not like I can just spray my garden with wasp spray.
So I've resorted to some simple wasp traps. These are big glass domes that you hang in your garden and fill with sugar water. The wasp squeezes itself through the hole in the bottom to get to the sugar water, but is apparently too stupid to fly back out, so he gets trapped.
Only, I haven't caught any wasps yet. So far I've only caught a WASP.*
*White Anglo-Saxon Protestant
So hopefully soon I can take advantage of the summer and spend some quiet time in my garden writing. But until then, it's either stay inside or get my face raped by wasps. And I rather like not having my face raped.
Anyone got any good tips on how to get wasps out of your garden (or at the very least, keep them from raping my face if I want to just sit outside)?
Until then, I guess I'll just have to pit WASP against wasp and hope for the best.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)
Beer: Black Jack Porter
(Also, as an added bonus, here's Nicolas Cage in the fantastically ridiculous movie The Wicker Man)
Pro tip: when wearing a bee helmet, make sure to open your mouth as wide as possible while screaming.