Our winners were G.B. Miller from Cedar's Mountain and, interestingly enough, on our second attempt we managed to pull two names out at once, so we're going to honor it and proclaim Deb from Just Keepin' it Real, Folks! and Jen from Jaybird's Nest as dual winners, meaning they can fight to the death over the second book. Either that, or they each get one.*
*According to our lawyers, that second one.
Now then, today we want to talk about criticism, which was spurred by some chats we've had recently with our good friend and fellow author/blogger J.A. Kazimer. You see, we understand that no matter how good you are, not everyone is going to like your writing. If you made an honest attempt at reading one of our books and just didn't care for it, we respect your opinion.
But then there's another brand of criticism... the troll review. Someone who clearly didn't read the book. Or someone who doesn't have enough brain cells to be reading a book in the first place. Or someone who just lacks any semblance of common sense. We wanted to share with you some of the more memorable (and laughable) troll reviews we've gotten over the years, as read by actual trolls. And our responses to them.
#1: I hate this, but everyone else will love it.
Logic would seem to dictate that if you "hate" a particular genre of book, not to read it. But that didn't stop this lady. Also, she felt that people who actually like the zombie genre would love it, but she gave it one star because SHE didn't like it?
Gee, thanks. That's really helpful to all the people browsing books.
#2. This is the most vile piece of filth ever penned.
|*No really, I did. It's on my desk.|
As a politically incorrect humor writer, you know you've done your job well when you get one of these reviews. Also, we have to point out the hilarity of complaining about the plot not making sense when you didn't actually read the book. You mean those 3 chapters I skipped were vital to the plot? No way!
#3. This book about zombies is totally not plausible.
That's right. In a comedy book about black Elvis, a fat janitor, and a stripper saving the world from reanimated corpses, you just can't put something like a zombie tiger or a drunk guy in there...
Because it's totally unrealistic.
#4. THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING.
Yes, a book about little green monsters taking over modern technology and destroying the world is not science fiction. It's historical erotica nonfiction. Silly us for miscategorizing it. It won't happen again.
Also, we're sorry this wasn't believable science fiction. We have the same bone to pick with Star Trek, which features alien races, starships, and teleporters. I don't know why people like this series; it's just so damn unrealistic.
#5. Epic review is epic.
But alas, not all reviews are troll reviews. For example, there's this epic review we got the other day. We're not even going to quote it. Seriously, just go check it out, laugh your ass off, and vote it up (Was this useful to you? YES) so that other people can see it.
"You Probably Had to Be There" by Bapak
Best. Review. Ever. (And sadly, about 99% true)
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Music: The Neighbourhood
Beer: Leffe Blond
P.S. if you're a writer, go check out J.A. Kazimer's blog. She's a good friend, a fellow humor writer, and like us, will "tell it like it is." Tell her we sent you and your next oil change is free.*
*99.9% chance she will not honor this