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| Shortly after taking this picture, George Lucas and Hasbro both sued us. |
These are the three things we learned from our book signing:
1. You can always tell who is and isn't going to buy, because it's always in relation to how close they're willing to stand to the table. People not interested in buying (but still nosy enough to wonder what the hell we're doing there) will get as close as they possibly can without creating any form of human contact. Because, you know, if they approach us they'll be sucked into our "void of imminent sales."
On the other hand, the people willing to buy are always the ones who come up close. Even if it's a little too close.
2. Bragging about yourself is awkward but necessary. As an Indie author, the only way to sell a book is to brag about your achievements. Modesty just doesn't sell books.
But the moment you start bragging, people will suddenly start reconsidering.
...Just don't get too carried away.
You aren't truly a "famous writer" until you've signed a middle-aged man's hairy moobs.
3. Comic book geeks will take any opportunity to argue about their favorite comic book/TV show/movie, regardless of whether you actually initiated the argument or not.
We actually got stuck in a very long, very heated, and very one-sided argument with a guy we'll call "Joey" who is very, uh, passionate about the topic of Star Wars.
We had no way of escaping, since we were confined to this table, and soon we were his verbal prisoner. We were looking for a way out, but even his mother coming to pull him away and take him home (no, really) did not deter his fervor.
At first we were nice to him because we thought he was there to buy a book. Then we quickly realized he was just there because we were a pair of captive ears, and Brandon asked the dreaded question.
And after all that, he didn't even want a book. Or his moobs signed. I think he just wanted someone to talk to that wasn't his mother.
Regardless, the signing was a fun experience, and we'd love to do one again, even if we have to deal with another Joey.
Anyone else know a 'Joey'?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
-B&B
Beer: Mojo IPA
Music: Bill Withers
Ha! That sounds like an awesome (and um, colorful) experience. But seriously, remind me to avoid comic book stores.
ReplyDeleteThis really is nice boys and I'm happy for you. You've got paperbacks out and you get to sell them to people in real life. These days that's almost an unusual experience.
ReplyDeleteNow imagine if you had to meet all of us at a comic book store. I know, I know, it's frightening. For Gods sake don't do it :)
I did a book signing once. No one showed up. Not even the people hosting the signing.
ReplyDeleteGlad yours went well.
I am patiently waiting for the day I get to do a book signing but I'm glad that your one went pretty well, except for the comic book geeks. Although I'd probably have fun with those guys because I remember enough about Star Wars.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the signing, I hope you wore gloves when signing the man boobs lol and yeah know people like Joey, what is fun to do is just spurt random things as they go on and on. "The Jedi are the best" "I need to pee." "The new movies sucked" "Did you know I am a mime in training." They usually go away then lol
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the book signing! Next time you have one in a comic book store go dressed as your characters hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteGlad the signing was a success!
ReplyDeleteGuess I'll never be famous because I'm not signing any moobs.
I think they assign a Joey to every book signing. However, if Lucas sues, just send Joey to negotiate.
Congrats on the book signing and the sales! Honestly, I am one of those people who hovers around the outskirts of a signing table for the exact reason you stated. I hate telling people 'no'. It makes me feel terrible. Even though I know they don't particularly care if I'm not interested.
ReplyDeleteI refuse to make fun of Star Wars nerds. I am not a Star wars nerd, but I am a nerd in a lot of other... nerd cults, so it would hardly be fair.
ReplyDeleteThere's an unspoken bond amongst nerds.
Someday, people are going to be blogging about how goofy A Beer for the Shower nerds are, and a future generation of blog commenters will be laughing along with them.
I want you to know, I will stand with you when that happens.
Not LITERALLY stand with you (I don't want to look like a nerd), but figuratively.
I am glad you had a good-for-the-most-part experience but the Joey and his mother thing is a bit creepy. There's a comic book store here that also sells used CDs and DVDs so I go in there from time to time. Great place to see some "interesting" people.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the book signing! That's amazeballs.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the Joey. I have encountered PLENTY in my life- a few are even related to me. It's not necessary to open your mouth you will still find yourself deep into Star Wars debates you never intended to initiate.
Oh gawd, Joeys are EVERYWHERE.
ReplyDeleteSo when you gonna take your book signing adventure on the road? Come to Indy, we are really nice people! They may be a few Joeys but for the most part we are super duper nice.
ReplyDeleteWhat mom? But I'm reading this blog post, dammit!
that's pretty cool, to think of what could happen ten years from now. You'll be so big that a whole message board forum of nerds will make awkward star wars references in a fit of rage.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the book signing. Wow, considering Joey has zits and braces at 38 yrs old it makes me wonder what he and his Mommy might be doing in their spare time.
ReplyDeleteI spend a lot of time in comic book stores pursuing my geeky hobbies. I have been binned down by the Joey's of the world many many times.
ReplyDeletecongrats on the book signing! will there be a book signing world tour?
ReplyDeleteI have a joey but instead of star wars it is about conspiracy theories and the third reich...being German qualifies me apparently to listen to all of it...
Yay book signing. But it makes me sad that Joey's exist in the world. Such a lonely, lonely soul. His poor, poor mother.
ReplyDeleteWow, you really on the way to make the rumors of your neighbours come true arent you? Now all your booksales credit is going to go to drugs isnt it?
ReplyDeleteI someone beats me in an argument about Starwars, I would totally swallow my pride - I do it everyday, my 5 yearold twins are starwars nerds - bigtime.
Me: Honey, finish your breakfast, else I am going to take away your R2D2.
Kids : Mesa thinks yousa mean. How wudeee.
If I see some hobos in your book signing, I should totally take them as fans in Slim Dyson's costume - right?
BRYAN ~
ReplyDeleteUh... never mind... disregard. I retract my offer to "trade tortures". You keep yours and I'll keep mine.
:-)
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
It must be a great experience to see all those different kinds of people
ReplyDeleteOh and thanks for your recent comments. I'll try to patch that piece up with the advice you gave me (good points!), and also give re-doing it in present tense a shot if I find the time. Weird how that repetition of "by the way" slipped past me, since I'm usually pretty anal about not doing that kind of thing.
Also, here's the original first paragraph, present tense and all. The others never were present tense, because staying consistent is hard. And yeah, as you said, present tense carries that lovely feeling of immediacy that's pretty hard to convey otherwise.
'Hey guy?' She nudges the body she just found. 'If you're not dead, now's the time to prove so.'
No reaction from the body. She flips it over so she can see his face. After sighing, she holds her ear up to his chest. Thud thud. Thud thud. There's something beating in there, alright.
Smack, smack. Some slaps to the face, that'll help. 'Wake up already man, I'm not going to carry ya all the way back!'
A couple of subtle movements of limbs and some blinking later, the guy's sitting upright. He looks around, dazed, and locks eyes with the gal.
'Don't think I've seen you around here, ya new?' she asks, stretching out her hand, offering for him to grab onto it. He does, she pulls him up on his feet.
Seconds of silence pass. 'No?'
'Yeah, you're new alright. Come on, let me guide you to town, it isn't far.'
Thanks again for the c&c, "This is really good," made my day. ;D
Forgot to finish up that first part there, derp.
DeleteIt must be a great experience to see all those different kinds of people, and have direct contact with those who like your work, or starting liking it as they walk by. If you're ever touring, tell me when you stop by the Netherlands! ;D
Sounds like a successful signing. I think the bragging part is hard for most authors...and if it means signing Moobs I'm not sure I want to get over that reticence.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the book signing guys, that's absolutely huge, well done guys, keep up with this momentum!
ReplyDeleteThose are all very good lessons to have learned, and I say well done!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are lucky that Joey didn't pull out his light saber and challenge you to a duel! Although I'm pretty sure you guys could take him. :)
It's a tough job being famous ;) - but it sounds like you had a good time :). Pretty much spot on with the categorization of people buying/not buying anything :).
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, guys! Looks like fun, despite Joey. Yep, I know him, dated him too. My Joey was 45 and living with his mama; addicted to Star Trek, not Star Wars. Regardless, you still have my sympathy.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
Do you have to use a special pen to sign moobs? Does that same pen work on boobs? I need to google that now to find the answer.
ReplyDeleteIn my hobby there's fecking loads of them and I'm signing nobody's moobs!
ReplyDeleteI did a book signing once but the place got made at me because A) I hadn't written any of the books I was signing and B) The book store had never giving me permission to come give away all the old books that were cluttering my house.
ReplyDeleteYou boys are well on your way to officially being Hot Shit. You're making me so proud.
ReplyDeleteYou had me thinking, 'how cool is this' until it came to signing moobs...eewww!
ReplyDeleteGood for you guys with the book signing. Stranger danger! Memories.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there are several nuts out there just wanting to get in a deep discussion about something unimportant.
I dated a Joey. He was a South Side Irish guy who enjoyed a nice brawl after a few several beers. :)
Sounds like a blast! :) I love signings...sorry I missed it. And sadly, Joeys are everywhere...but that is what makes life interesting. :) Cheers to your great signing.
ReplyDeleteYou do moob signings? I'm going to grow some moobs especially for you to sign them.
ReplyDeleteI'm just kidding. I already have moobs.
I think you have a few "Joey's" following your bloggy blog. I got into a multi-blog comment ..er disagreement one time with one such individual. Pro-tip they've already commented here on this post. Don't engage, they may have rabies.
ReplyDeleteSir, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.
DeleteOh man! I actually have a few cult followers at work that take entire days off to attend our events, but so far, no one like Joey...although I can't count the number of people who can talk a blue streak.
ReplyDeleteGeez, talk about someone staying up past his bedtime!
I guess this is the kind of stuff that just always happens when you have things to sell at a table in public. I'm actually familiar with all these.. and.. well, I hope you guys keep doing it. It can lead to some very interesting conversations.
ReplyDeleteJust wait 'til you've got the random 60 year old trying to get into your pants. That one's always a funny jaw-dropper.
I think Joey missed his naptime. If that was your first book signing, I can't even imagine what your next one will be like. Honestly, I'm a little scared to find out if you already had to sign moobs and deal with people who want you inside their heads... Good luck. I'll send pepperspray.
ReplyDelete"Why are you yelling at us? Stranger danger!" That line cracked me up. Working in home care, we call the Joeys of this world 'basement dwellers.' They are grown men that still live with their moms, often literally in the basement. You would be surprised how many of them are out there. Let's just pray to God they never unite against those of us who have no clue about the Star Wars universe, or we're all toast!
ReplyDeleteOh, and shoot...congrats on your books signing!!
DeleteGlad the signing went well! You know I'm a fan!
ReplyDeleteAwkwardness aside, a book signing is absolutely an absolutely spectacular life achievement. It doesn't seem like it having to suffer a parade of misanthropes, but it really is.
ReplyDeleteWhat it makes me realize, is that you superstar authors (pronounced "auteurs") need an "Intellectual Bouncer" (TM Pickleope Enterprises LLBean). That's where when a socially awkward person stalks the outskirts of your table or worse, breaks your personal space, I, or one of my trained team of Intellectual Bouncers steps in and turns the awkwardness on them.
Guy acting like he's looking at something nearby where actually looking at your stuff? We step in to openly stare at him, the attention shall have him running for shelter like a roach. Guy gets too close and wants to have your thoughts inside him, we step in and tell him how we wish we could just live in a bubble of farts while wearing a coat made of his armpit hairs. An obnoxious geek argument breaks out? We will step in and frustrate him by confusing Trek with Wars or DC characters with Marvel or just insisting that the Ninja Turtles came from outer space. Hire us today, before you're forced to endure any other nonsense.
I've seen enough Joeys online. I have to say though, it is absolutely hilarious (on my end) to say something inflammatory amongst of a group of them and then run away to watch them bicker from the sidelines.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the signing and yeah you get them everywhere, try standup
ReplyDeleteKianwi and I share the same favorite line. "Stranger danger! I need an adult." That just had me rolling.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your book signing. What a fun adventure, even with moobs and Joey. I hope it leads to a huge tour around the country. I hear the east coast is nice this time of year.
Hey, you guys can do like the big names and send out autograph cards on sticky paper. Charge your fans like ten bucks a piece for them!! We can stick them in our paperbacks and it's almost like we were there. Almost.
Yep, I know a Joey. He always sends me pics of naked ex-girlfriends (No joke, fellas!) I'm sure your Joey was a bit less pleasant to deal with... I mean, that was quite an adult conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm a bit shy, but could you sign my blue moobies? ;)
Glad your signing went well! I work in computer programming, which means that I work with and around people like Joey all day long (and I am sure I fall into that realm every once in a while myself - just get me started on Drum Corps trivia). Unfortunately there are times when a polite smile and nod send the wrong message, but a "Get the hell away from me!" just wouldn't be kosher.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin is a bit of a Joey, he generally just walks over to groups at family parties, says something borderline racist and creeps off to read 90's porno magazines in the toilet - leaving everyone feeling very uncomfortable. ANYWAY, glad the book signing went well! xx
ReplyDeleteAnd the NYC leg of your tour starts when?
ReplyDeleteBook signings are fun. I can't wait to do more. I hope to meet you guys someday. Maybe at one of your book tours.
ReplyDeleteSo... you...had fun? Good, I guess?
ReplyDeleteNo, seriously, I'm super proud of you guys and really happy you went to the book signing and that people purchased your book. That's awesome. Everyone starts somewhere!
Sounds like a fun book signing! I'd like to have storm troopers at my book signing some day. Maybe my hubby will dress as Darth Vader and stand there for me. Nice moobs on that guy. Stranger danger, indeed. Yes, I've known some Joeys. Blarg. Congratulations on your signing!
ReplyDeleteShannon at The Warrior Muse
Congratulations guys, this is a really awesome thing to be doing.
ReplyDeleteI just wish I lived a bit closer so I could hover, and bask in reflected brilliance while muttering to anybody who will listen "I knew them, before, such nice boys they were.."