Monday, May 13, 2013
Taking a Stance Against Stances
It seems you can't turn on your TV or even just watch an online video without first seeing a PSA from some random celebrity. You know, their stance against (insert world crisis here). But we wondered, why do people need to take such a firm stance against these things? Isn't that kind of a given?
For example, let's take a PSA like this:
So what, you want a man-of-the-year award because you boldly proclaimed that rape "isn't cool"? Congratulations; unless you're truly a shitty human being, you're right there with the rest of us.
It's not like you're ever going to turn on the TV and one day see this...
We're all for ridding the world of sexual assault. So is everyone else with half a brain. So why do celebrities insist on making it sound like they're making a controversial statement by coming out against something?
Thank God we have brave souls like Channing Tatum risking their own public image to step forward and take an unpopular stance on enslaving and killing innocent children. If it weren't for that, we might have to see something like this on TV instead...
Newsflash: everyone in the world thinks enslaving and murdering children is fucked up, minus the people that are actually doing it. The ratio of people who are against murdering children to those who are for it is probably ten million to one. So please, celebrities, stop making it sound like you're on a holy crusade because you declared that child slavery is "just totally super NOT cool, guys."
But it's not just taking a stance on a horrid act of violence. No, we also love seeing the PSAs where a celebrity takes a "stand" against something that they just got caught doing. For example...
Let's face it, when you see a commercial like this, you know she's just doing it because it's the only thing keeping her ass out of jail. I bet if Lindsay was to truly clarify her opinion of drunk driving, it'd sound a lot like this...
So watch out world, because one day we might become celebrities. And when we do, we might just come out and make a PSA video.
So just remember, every book you buy from us goes towards keeping a child locked in a basement knitting knockoff sports jerseys and toward punching a Labrador Retriever directly in the face.
...or maybe it doesn't, because we're not shitty human beings and we both have a shred of common sense and decency.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Music: Porcupine Tree