Monday, April 1, 2013

The First Annual Beer for the Shower Blog Awards Show Extravaganza

          For those who aren't bloggers (or for those bloggers who are just unpopular and unloved), there's something in the blogosphere called "awards." But these aren't regular awards, like a trophy or a medal or that lame 'Participation' ribbon they give all of the kids in school (even if they suck). No, these are digital awards. You can't keep them, you have to pass them on to a bunch of people (like a cold, or the clap), and in order to accept them you have to promote the hell out of the person who gave it to you and answer a bunch of questions. They're like those terrible forward e-mails you get from your aunt who only kinda knows how to use the computer, the ones that are always titled: "FWD: fwd: RE: FWD 101 Awesum Questions 4 u!", the ones you regret opening the second you click on it.
           For that reason we've never really accepted awards. We just figured our readers wouldn't care what our favorite color is or what dead person we'd have lunch with if they weren't, you know, dead. So today we wondered what would happen if we actually did accept awards. If we did, well, we'd make it a big deal. We'd throw an awards show, and we'd hire a celebrity to host it. We imagine it'd look something like this...

























So thank you to anyone who's ever given us an award, and a big thank you to our good friend FarawayEyes for inspiring this post. Now... stop it. If you want to show you appreciate what we do, just keep reading what we write. And if you REALLY want to know our favorite food, or what we're afraid of, or which Sex and the City character we are, then just e-mail us.

(FYI: Brandon is TOTALLY a Miranda)

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan

Beer: Fat Tire
Music: Steven Wilson

51 comments:

  1. This is absolutely brilliant man and a perfect job at taking shots at Seth MacFarlane for that poor job at hosting the Oscars haha, love this post guys, congratulations on your much deserved award too!

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  2. We all want to see you get a Brazilian butt lift and then we want to see you get a Brazilian wax. Truly, it doesn't hurt.

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  3. A perfect representation of "virtual" awards. Is a "Brazilian butt lift" different from a "Taiwanese Tushie Tuck" or an "Argentinian Ass Raise?" If so, I may have been ripped off.
    Now, tell us 28 facts about yourselves.

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  4. Seen these awards around, glad you cleared up their purpose for me.

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  5. Hahaha. That's awesome. And I was just getting ready to award you.

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  6. LOL what you mean you don't like telling people the size of the tree in the backyard and how many blades of grass are in your lawn?

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  7. Awesome. Best answer I've seen yet to being gifted a virtual award.

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  8. Award bashing 101...where's the piss? You can't disgrace an award without pissing on it! C'mon guys, I thought I taught you better than that!

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  9. The thing is I can totally see you being part of an IRS investigation. I'm not sure it's going to take ten years though. At first I liked the awards, and I would happily accept them, but these days I really don't care much for them given how disillusioned I am. I generally accept them just to give the person who gave it me a little boost. I don't really mind promoting people and would happily do it with no strings attached.

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  10. Your artwork has achieved the impossible...you have made a cartoon that is an exact replica of the original. I can hardly tell that isn't a photo of Seth McFarland.

    That is a really funny perspective on blogging awards. Love the answers to where you are going to be in 10 years. Setting high goals for oneself is the first step in successfully achieving them.

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  11. I'm glad the virtual awards have died down a little since a year ago. If I had a nickle for every time I had to read one of them.

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  12. Excellent take on those chain letter awards. Hey, nice rack on the suburban upper class white mom.

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  13. The one thing that surprises me is that you BEER BOYS wore green ties for this important occasion rather than your "red power ties".

    Oh well, the important thing is that you won, even without the "red power ties". Good job! Keep it up.

    Oh, and if you could be just one mass-murdering dictator in history, which one would it be? That's a question that was not included in this blog award acceptance requirement, but one I would like to have answered.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. That's a tough call. Does Kim Jong Il count? I just loved his manipulation of all things that mentioned him, including the newspapers, which would have articles like, "The mountains wept in joy and the birds sung songs of the great Kim Jong Il and the good deeds he's done mankind" and report it as fact.

      "Today's Denver Post weather report: Beloved co-presidents of Earth, fashion icons, champion breakdancers, and inventors of the Internet Brandon and Bryan allowed the sun to shine today. The clouds departed in utter joy because of the release of their new book, which is already the best and highest selling book in the history of humanity. Executions for those who have NOT yet purchased the book are scheduled for this Thursday."

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    2. >> . . . and inventors of the Internet Brandon and Bryan

      Somewhere right now, Al Gore is preparing a lawsuit.

      Either that or inventing something even worse than "Global Warming" to scare you with.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

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  14. I knew it would be good! Best award acceptance so far.

    Miranda huh? I'll bet Bryan has 150 pair of shoes.

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  15. Ugh. I hate getting those awards. I mean, it's nice and all, that people think of you and stuff, but while I LOVE talking about myself I don't want to bother other people with the awards. You see, I don't want to pass it on, but I feel like a bitch for not complying with the "rules" when someone took the time to pass it to me? Ugh again. I mean, that's why I have a blog anyways- to have somewhere to go where I can just talk about myself as much as I like.

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  16. Man I forgot that thing goes around each year. Bravo, for the skewering.

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  17. Getting one of those awards is like running 5 miles to your grandma's house just to get the last piece of chocolate cake before your cousin can get to it.

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  18. *Clap* No I don't have the clap. This post was hilarious. I do appreciate awards, but I know that they can get crazy while the love spreads.

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  19. You deserve an award for the most creative award acceptance post in the history of blog awards acceptance posts. Farawayeyes is a gem. And Brandon doesn't seem nearly as uptight as Miranda, but she is the smartest of the foursome (i.e., she may even have a 3-digit IQ).

    Cheers, guys.
    xoRobyn

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  20. Well, I'm a lowly blogger that needs all the promotion in the world. So, I'm awarding the Cute Blogger Award to everyone including you guys. Now tell me where you ideal vacationing spot is, who's your favorite president, and why you think the sky isn't green.

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    Replies
    1. 1. I hear Syria's nice this time of year.
      2. Peggy Sue the Retarded Goat, the president of this blog.
      3. BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT.

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    2. >> . . . 1. I hear Syria's nice this time of year.

      That actually reminds me of a funny book I read some time ago:

      'HOLIDAYS IN HELL: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels To The World's Worst Places And Asks "What's Funny About This?"' by P.J. O'Rourke.

      You boys would like it . . .

      THIRD WORLD DRIVING HINTS AND TIPS:
      Pg. 69 -- "What would be a road hazard anyplace else, in the Third World is probably the road."

      Pg. 72 -- "As a rule of thumb, you should slow down for donkeys, speed up for goats and stop for cows."

      Overall though, I think P.J.'s book 'PARLIAMENT OF WHORES' was even funnier. I have a full-length review of it posted on my F-FFF blog under the title 'Whorribly Humorous'.

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

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  21. Award for Best Cartoon Blogger goes to....

    ....surprise A Beer for the Shower!

    *applause*

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  22. Yes it seems everyone only does awards posts out of guilt. On an old blog of mine I finally did one of these and got some random guy who commented, "your blog is great, but that personal stuff sucks." But they made me do it, argg!!!! I've since been traumatized sufficiently to never do an awards post again.

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  23. And that's why I don't do those awards either.
    I would've said either blonde or redhead though.

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  24. Same reason I don't do awards! Brilliant awards show, however!

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  25. You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Oh, I mean blog of the year! Sorry, I got confused with Elf.

    I have decided I'm not doing any more awards posts. There's just too many! And I realize that sounds incredibly spoiled, I do really appreciate them, but I just can't do that post again.

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  26. At one point in time (when captain morgan and I hung out), I thought Seth Mcfareyes looked kinda hot and his voice was shexy....but yesh congratulations, I wanted to hear more of that thank you speech.

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  27. brunette! That's awesome. I'd be torn, because I'm not a straight color guy... wait, that sounds wrong. Um... I don't know how to fix what came out of my fingers.

    You know, I used to get those awards, but that quit, well, probably more than a year ago. Now I wonder why.

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  28. I'm no big fan of those awards (and that's not because I don't get them), because I really don't like the idea of 1) having to share stuff about myself (I mean, I'm seriously not that interesting - why would I let the rest of the world know how much I suck?) and 2) the absolute need for passing it on. It feels like chain mail.

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  29. I think you guys know I feel similarly, so I'll just appreciate the Seth burns. That got me to smile.

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  30. Ha! I'm terrible at awards, especially the answering questions/coming up with new questions part. But I figured no one reads those, anyway. Right? Right.

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  31. Brunette for the win! Love the Seth illustration. When you guys are all dressed up like that, you remind me of the old dudes from The Muppets. You give Brandon boobs, he'll never leave the room and you'll be a solo act.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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  32. Yeah. I never really understood the whole award thing either. Granted I've only gotten a few of them myself, but that's neither here nor there.

    Well done. You made me laugh. Again. :)

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  33. I don't watch Family Guy but that seemed like you got Seth perfectly.

    There are things I don't like about the whole awards thing. But I would be lying to say that they didn't make me happy. I've only gotten a couple of them, but they just really make me happy and feel like somebody might like my blog. Or pities me enough to pretend they do.

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  34. I've stopped with them as well. It's sweet and all but I just can't see how they make any sense. Besides, I'm kinda snotty and like exclusivity and those things are the HPV of the internet. ...they are freaking everywhere.

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  35. Now I have the perverse desire to know who Bryan's favorite SATC character is. *Smack.*

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  36. I'm a blog award virgin. I'm not sure if I should be eager or frustrated by that revelation.

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  37. Hahahah!!! really good i love your blog its going so funny

    business statistics help

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  38. Hey, you guys really nailed Seth MacFarlane! Not in that way, of course. Although now that I think of it, how the hell do I know?

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  39. I was going to guess your favorite color was bacon. I am so pissed that you didn't pass that award onto me. Now how else am I suppose to tell people that don't care what my favorite cereal is?

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  40. I've been given 2 awards, but I agree, they're pointless. I just thank the giver and move on. And burnt peuce is a great color!

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  41. I'm offended by your Asian stereotype depicted via Seth McFarlane. We are way funnier than that. >:( You should be ashamed of yourself.

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  42. This post makes me feel LESS guilty for not reacting properly when I get a blogging award.

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  43. Ahhh those awards are just so fun looking aren't they?

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  44. No offense but I really thought Anonymous was going to win it. That guy really cracks me up.

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  45. Haha, family guy lite... Hehe...

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  46. Even though I have put an "Award Free Blog" button on my blog, I still get them. I have no illusion it's because I'm popular. I know it's quite the opposite. They ran out of people and are like,"huh, I guess I can give that Liebster one to Elsie. I don't even read her blog, I'm sure she'll be thrilled to get something!"

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  47. Awwww man.
    I'm totally "Started a blog for no reason guy."
    Dammit.

    I'm pretty sure I've given you an award at some point.

    My favorite color is OSU Beaver Orange.

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