Monday, March 18, 2013

The Show That Just Writes Itself

          It's no secret that TV shows are getting lazier, but it's recently come to our attention that even children's shows have stopped trying. Like this little gem, which we just learned is not only a real show, but going into its second season!


          Yes, it might seem unbelievable, but this steaming pile of dog crap is on television. In fact, here's a quick promo clip as found by our good buddy Chiz, who we assume showed us this clip because he's helping us to make fun of it, and not because he's a huge fan of the show (and its incredible CGI graphics, as rendered by a 10 year old computer in some Chinese kid's basement).



         Thank you, Disney, for showing that blogging is so mindless and easy that even a dog can do it. But also, thank you for proving that nowadays a show can be sold by its title alone. I mean, tell me this wasn't how this business deal went down.





           We wondered, how hard could it be to pitch a TV show solely by its name? So we put together some ideas, shot some promos, and came up with some equally great cartoons that Disney would be crazy to pass up.

Idea #1:




          It's like Dora the Explorer, except instead of exploring a map we explore the lamb's body and her constant need for sexual attention and depravity as a result of major daddy issues. What this show lacks in decency it more than makes up for with unapologetic, violent, and highly gratuitous displays of pornography.

Idea #2:





          In this show, the Frog and the Panda work together to take down America and its immoral ways. Not only is it topical, but kids will learn that when a woman shows her wrist to another man, that slut deserves a good stoning.

Idea #3:





       This show teaches children that it's not okay to be different. Because it's not. And this is coming from two straight, middle-class white guys, so I'm pretty sure we know what we're talking about.
       
       So, what do you say, Disney execs? We've just pinched off three fresh, steaming ideas for you in less than an hour. Impressive, right? Don't worry, there's plenty more where that came from. Just be sure to keep those fat sacks of cash coming to our doorstep and we promise you, you'll never see a ratings drop (or a lawsuit decline) ever again.

Cheers and stay classy, folks!

-B&B

Also, three of our e-books are available for free today over at Amazon, and will be available for download at no cost through Friday. The books are:


So, if you haven't bought them yet, now's your chance!

Beer: Left Hand Sawtooth
Music: Led Zeppelin

56 comments:

  1. Hilarious! I'm betting the sheep show will make millions.
    Dog with a blog? Really? How about Litter with a Twitter?

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  2. I want the lamb show! LAMB SHOW!!!
    I like the terrorist frog, but the whale show? Meh.

    I grew up watching that show when it was called "My racist father grew up in Missouri." Pass.

    Stating the obvious: These are ALL better than 99% of American television.

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  3. Ha! Boyfriend and I were channel flipping once and saw Dog with a Blog. At first, we were like "aww cute doggy" and then it "talked" and we went OMG NO CHANGE IT CHANGE IT

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  4. Holy crap- "death to America praise be to Koala" I just laughed so hard I peed a little. Thanks for making my Monday morning so fun boys!

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  5. While I don't disagree with the premise that TV shows are getting lazier...how complicated should shows be when they are geared to the 9 and under crowd. Having lived through Mr. Ed, I am not surprised at the newest reincarnation of something "talking". I am sure that your ideas would have more staying power with adult viewers. BTW...does the frog have a blog as well?

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  6. I guess it's better than "A Cat on GChat" or "An Impala Lookin' to Holla" or even "An Ewe in a Big Canoe"

    Damn you, Disney.

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  7. Mostly, I'm concerned about the fact that the show is on at 9:40/8:40 Central.

    What the hell does Disney do with those other ten minutes?

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  8. Pfffft the cat already does that, takes offense at his mat. To that of a poo eating mutt being given one at Disney's hut. Oh wait! Disney and mutt, hmm not jealous at all. Maybe of the money though. Might want to copyright those ideas though. Next it will be Cod with a Bod, get as slim as a fish.

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  9. OK, you've finally done it I'M SPEECHLESS and so glad I don't have television.

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  10. How could I not be a fan of the show!? It has a talking dog, hipster children, and a stereotypical, goofy, white father!

    H'anyway, here we go: "The Mouse with a Key and A Gallon of PCP," "The Snake and The Fawn, Members of Golden Dawn," and "A Cock and A Hen in An Opium Den." Those are all I've got.

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  11. Why you guys aren't filthy rich TV writers yet is beyond me. Ditch that novel writing pronto. Jeez, Amazon is giving them away for free now? That's not going to bring in any ka-ching ka-ching for you!

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  12. I can't believe how lame tv is becoming. The new show "Splash" is another example.

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  13. E! and VH1 will be fighting over the lamb show!!! Perhaps someone like Jenny McCarthy as the voice of the lamb? She's no stranger to talking about how hairy she is and the waxing involved with her nether regions.

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  14. You had me at, "that slut deserves a good stoning" If I were a Disney exec I'd be drawing up a contract right now!

    Free books? You guys rock!! I highly recommend them all but my personal favorite will always be Slim...I have a serious crush on him.

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  15. panda and frog would be an interesting show.

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  16. Tv sucks these days, but that lamb show sure would spice things up.

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  17. And you guys thought that I was joking when I said that Kira actually wrote all of my blog posts. Actually, it's more accurate to say that she wrote only the posts which were any good.

    [cue canned laughter as Kat walks in to find Kira typing this comment]

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  18. wnt 2 c da bonr hahahaha. Love that panda. Wrists are sexy. Disney needs to be sexed up, alright. Enough said, fellas ;)

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  19. Yeah. TV's gotten pretty sad and pathetic these days. I remember when it was the Smurfs, Rocky and Bullwinkle, even Tiny Toons. You know, real high-quality, highbrow stuff.

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  20. Dog With a Blog is just dumb, dogs can't type and have no interest in learning the written word. We all know this.
    I would watch The Rainforest Frog and Panda With Terrorist Propaganda. That would be entertaining if also horrifying.
    You could also just make another derivative of those "I'm a teen rock star" shows that are so popular.

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  21. Your ideas are 10 times better than Dog with a Blog. I would never let either of my dogs have a blog. I can just imagine the stuff they would write about me and my hubby. I don't need that extra headache right now. I am so glad they are happy with napping most of the day, watching Animal Planet, and enjoying their dog treats.

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  22. LOL. You always have the best ideas.

    And everyone knows the best cartoon on TV is Adventure Time. Don't ask me how I know this. It's not like I sit around watching cartoons...

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  23. I can without the slightest bit of doubt say that this isn't just the funniest post I've ever read on your blog but the funniest post I've ever read on Blogger in general, I'm literally dying right now. A good proportion of my laughs are coming from the fact there is actually a show named "A Dog With a Blog," I feel like if I actually Google the show it'll reveal that there is no such show and this is all a really great prank, it's so ridiculous, like does the entire show consist of a dog reading a blog? The whale giving out hate speeches in braille too cracked me up, this is incredible haha, thank you so much for the laughs I'm having right now guys, so amazing.

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  24. Also this is the SECOND SERIES of this show? The SECOND series? I haven't laughed so much in a long time.

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  25. So, right. I have an uncomfortable pants situation to go deal with.

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  26. Thank you for this one, guys! I have seen A Dog With A Blog (I work with 'special' clients and they like it). Of all the crap on TV, it's one of the worst. In front of the clients and staff I said "As a blogger, this show offends me!" They didn't respond, just kept watching the dog stupidly sit there with his paw on the computer mouse.

    xoRobyn

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  27. Will you guys help me make "Primordial slime with a penchant for hate crime"?

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  28. Slim Dyson is the only book out of those three I'm missing (I helped make Dead And Moaning happen, go me!) so I'll be sure to jump on it like a Welsh man on a sheep. I think I would actually get a kick out of the Panda and frog show. I do think though the less said about the stupid stuff The Disney Channel shows, the better. I hadn't heard of this Dog With A Blog and I was much, much happier before.

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  29. Hate speech braille? Where do you guys come up with these things?
    The only problem with your ideas is that they are far too imaginative for tv

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  30. Books for freeeee? It's getting crazy up in this bitch! I will be grabbing mine just as soon as I get home from work. (Yes, some people work for a living)

    I've blogged about my dogs before but I never in a million years woulda dreamed that they would blog about me! The tables have turned on us humans!

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  31. Hey, I think that frog and panda thing could be a big hit!

    I'll try to remember to spotlight your freebies later in the week. You know, after my stuff is finished being free.
    :P

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  32. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself (seriously!) Seriously though, having lived in Texas, there is a serious contingent there that would loooooove the sheep cam.

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  33. I was trying to read this post, but all I saw were dollar signs. Yeah, baby!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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  34. I would watch the shit out of all of those shows. Especially the whale. I like whales. Even that one.

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  35. I follow that dog's blog. He is an amazing writer. He might get a movie deal soon. The spin-off show is Cat with a Podcast.

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  36. You should send this to the Disney people. You'll become super rich and you'll never have to do anything else ever again. Unless you run out of beer money, which now that I think about it, does seem like it would happen. So you should probably sell them lots of ideas. Probably something with beer, since thats your specialty.

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  37. My kids have gotten old enough that I can now block the Disney channel without howls of protest so I wasn't aware of this show. I still have recovered from the SUITE LIFE OF ZACH & CODY.

    I grabbed all three of your books to read soon. Isn't it great to have cheapskate readers.

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  38. "Praise be to Koala!"
    allah's unholy trousers - I love it!

    Yeah, being different is so... I dunno... DIFFERENT!
    It really shouldn't be allowed.

    But 'a dog with a blog'? Waaaell... if a "LOSER" like me can have a blog, why shouldn't a dog?

    ~ Stephen ...with a blog.

    Hmmm... somehow that doesn't ring right.
    (Where's Bob Dylan when ya needs him?)

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  39. Did you get help from Patt Hatt with some of these titles?

    Also, how the hell does a dog type with paws...?

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  40. I think you're definitely on a winner with all of those ideas! You'll be raking in the cash any day now.

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  41. Oh wow, the Bro's computer sure is tiny! Got to compensate for something I guess... wait what?
    "AL-JAZOOKY"? You could've easily turned that into "ALL-JAKOOZY". I'm disappointed.
    Also, the uploader of that video has blocked it in my country. Oh wow.

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  42. If I was one of the execs I'd take them in a heartbeat.
    After modifying them a gazillion times.

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  43. And why haven't you started your own channel yet? Get netflix on the line or something.

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  44. Ugh, I hate to think what would happen if my dog had a blog. He would be the type to tell all my secrets and humiliate me more than I humiliate myself.

    Your suggestions are all awesome, particularly the panda and frog. And completely appropriate material for Disney. Completely.

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  45. Hilarious. I think I'd be arrested if my dog had a blog. Disney would lose out if they didn't sign one of your shows.

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  46. That lamb nipple tweak is the sexiest thing I've seen in a long time. Move over Californication, there's a new slutty show out to give you a run for your money.

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  47. "The fritter on twitter" about an apple fritter that tweets. It'd probably be more substantial than Jay-Z's account.

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  48. You're just pitching this where you'll never get it rolling. Try after a big HBO or Showtime flop. No commercials is the way to go.

    I'd rather go for your real books guys, it takes me forever to read e-books. This is mean, dangling it all in front of me like that.

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  49. I think the story line sold exactly as portrayed in your hilarious comicblog. Love the alternate "ideas".

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  50. I was thinking of starting a blog for my dog. Didn't know I could turn it into a Disney show.

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  51. Disney is giving away free money! Pitch them anything! Though the panda one certainly made me LOL pretty hard too.

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  52. Ooooh, I got one. How about "The Guy in Dungarees with the Fatal Lung Disease"?

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  53. Wow. It is sad I might actually watch one of those. Probably the sheep one. Mostly becasue I think it would be hilarious to watch an ewe get wasted on a web cam while shaving off her fleece and singing "I am beautiful no matter what they say."

    You know what, I am kinda messed up in the head. Forget I said anything.

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  54. i can't see the clip, but I might be better of any way. Well, it can't be all spongebob and ninja rangers right?

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