Thursday, March 21, 2013

Indie Pimpin' and the Big 3-0-0

So, this morning Bryan found Brandon awkwardly standing on a street corner, whistling at passersby. While not entirely unusual, it was strange that today he was doing it in broad daylight.

That's right, Brandon might have AIDS. And low standards. But also, our books are now officially in Colorado bookstores. Not major retailers like Barnes Ignoble or Wal-Mart, but at some awesome independent bookstores all around Denver.

I Want More Comics - 1020 W. 104th Ave., Northglenn, CO 80234

Kilgore Books and Comics - 624 E. 13th Ave. , Denver, CO 80203

Mutiny Now Art, Books, and Coffee - 2 S. Broadway, Denver, CO 80209

The Tattered Cover - All three Denver Metro locations

All of our paperbacks are, of course, still available at, along with their e-book counterparts. But now we have some local Indie cred. So do your part in keeping Brandon off the streets (and support a local bookstore) by checking out our freshly printed scribblings if you're in the area!

And if you're not in the area, well, that's okay too. We've still got something good for you. See, today's officially our 300th post, which means 2 things. First, that we've been doing this a long-ass time and can only expect to go downhill from here (think The Simpsons). Second, Bryan released a short story on Amazon. So what would you expect to pay for this amazingly awesome, funny short story? Would you pay $19.99? $9.99? $99.99? What if I told you that right now you could have this short story for 4 easy payments of...

ZERO DOLLARS? That's right, it's free. Today through the weekend it'll be completely free, a gift from us to you. It's funny, it's a quick read (5 pages), and oh yeah it doesn't cost a thing, so go check it out and use it to remember us fondly as we pass our 300th post and inevitably snowball into obscurity by way of brainless jokes, lame puns, and ridiculous storylines that are grasping at straws... ala The Simpsons.

Cheers and stay classy, folks!


Beer: Stone IPA
Music: Robert Johnson


  1. Congrats! On both the posts and the BOOKS IN A REAL BOOKSTORE THAT'S SO EXCITING!!

  2. That is awesome news guys! I think it's every author's dream come true to walk in a book store and see their books on a shelf-I'm so happy for you guys. Congrats. And congrats on 300 posts. Can't wait to read Bryan's short story!

  3. congrats !! its look so nice happy to see u

    statistics homework

  4. That is awesome that you are in the stores, soon you'll be rich at your shores. Then phoning it in like the Simpsons, won't be so bad. Aids beats ebola at least. lol

  5. Congrats Dudes! Real books in real bookstores fabulous Dahlings, just fabulous. I used to go to The Tattered Cover whenever I made a trip to the flatlands. Hope to be back soon, and maybe I'll stop in and buy one off the shelf instead of through the air.

  6. Congratulations guys xD
    and thanks for the give aways :P

    Keep posting , entertaining and ... gifting? ;)

  7. Brilliant idea-getting out there in person to push your wares. I'm pimping my blog today too and coincidentally I'm using one of your books as a giveaway. So I'm pimping for both of us.

    Oh yeah, I'll grab the freebie. Thanks boys!

  8. I didn't think it was possible, but you guys are cuter in person than in your cartoons. Congratulations on your books being in stores. That is so awesome!!!

  9. Congrats on hitting three hundred posts AND on getting in book stores. I think getting in book stores is probably the bigger deal though. So more congratulations there.

  10. 300 posts AND indie cred? Life is sweet. I hope your books sell like gangbusters.

  11. Congrats on the 300 blog posts and the "you're officially local celebrities and soon to be famous authors world-wide". Yay...can I tell people I know you??

  12. This is awesome! Congrats.

    And where is Brandon's pigtails and makeup in that photo?

  13. That's pretty cool.

    At Mutiny, your book is right by "Naked Lunch," and you didn't even have to write about gay sex hangings to get it there.

    Speaking of which... Why don't you include more gay sex hangings?

  14. Sweet! Congratulations guys! I picked up the ebooks the other day!

  15. Congrats on getting your books into bookshops. I managed to get mine into my local supermarket by putting them in packets of Weetabix as free gifts. I hope you don't thrown out by security like I did.

    Well I've managed to get your entire back catalogue for free. I feel like a supervillain, only I haven't broken any laws.

  16. That is so exciting! How did you force yourselves to leave the stores? I would want to stand there all day, especially in the one that has the cardboard display, and watch people look at my books. Congrats, guy! And I love independent bookstores. Granted, I buy most of my books on my Nook, now, but there is nothing like going into an independent book shop. I love the vibe. Sadly, they are harder and harder to find, but they do still exist!

  17. 'Movin 'on up' uh guys? That's great, you totally deserve it, even if Brandon's ethics are in the toilet, and a public toilet at that, you know, like the ones at Walmart that haven't been cleaned since Sammy boy was a youngen...:) Totally checking out the free story, cause being a cheap ass, I love free stuff. You guys rock!

  18. Great to hear you got your works out into the physical world like that. And hurray for indie bookstores, those must be really nice places. I'm not even remotely close to those though (Netherlands is way over here), so can't just walk over and get them.
    Congrats on the 300th post as well. Nice milestone!

    That last image hits the spot man. Not because it's half past beer, or the way you guys, as predicted, turned into the Simpsons. Nah, it's something way better. Chicks riding robot sharks, F YEAH!

  19. Do you know if there is a Denver in Portland, OR? I would like to check these places out.

  20. Congratulations on your books being in so many stores! Very cool. So is three hundred posts. Just how long is a long-ass time?

  21. I think independent bookstores are the only bookstores that exist. All the Barnes and Nobles and Borders in my area closed,and the only people that frequent WalMart are those that don't know how to read (I'm such a hypocrite).

    So, I think you guys are doing just grand! Congrats on the paperback releases!

  22. Haha, I have seen this kind of thing happening with the Simpsons with them running out of ideas and stuff but I don't think it's going to happen to you guys, I'm off to try and get this free book now, what a treat. Congratulations on having the book sold in the local area too guys, don't downplay how much of a massive achievement it is, everybody major starts somewhere and this is only the beginning, great news guys.

  23. Man, I wish I could get the local book store to carry my stuff, but the way they want to do it is almost as bad as the terms publishers want you to take. :/
    Are you on consignment?

    Off to get the story.

  24. I'm really excited for you guys! CONGRATULATIONS on getting your work out into book stores that are much more worthy than Barnes Ignoble. (<-cute.) And I don't believe for a moment that your blog, or anything you create, is headed downhill. You're just picking up steam. You WILL need to dodge the paparazzi at places other than Walmart.

    Cheers to you two.

  25. That's really excellent boys, onwards to bigger and bigger I say!

  26. Soo.... How much does Brandon charge per hour...?

  27. I'd like to have any kind of bookstore nearby. There aren't any. Oh well.

    Free short story. It's almost like a blog post on amazon, isn't it? Yes, checking that out now!

  28. I love free stuff. Throw in a bag of lemons and a back scratcher and you got a deal.

  29. Congrats, that is fantastic! And thank you for the short story, I'll go get that now.

  30. I am so excited for you guys! Why do I feel famous for you? I really do!!! Thanks for the free book too.

  31. Congratulations to you both on getting pulp into indy bookstores with such cool names!

  32. Wow! That is great! I soon will be able to tell people, I knew those guys way back before they were famous!!

  33. 300 posts!?! Wow.

    Congrats on your books being in the public eye.

  34. that's a pretty cool display you guys set up

  35. Soooo awesome about being in stores, you guys! I am ever so proud of you.'ve just grown up so fast...

    Okay, so not REALLY grown up, per se...but you know what I mean. :)

  36. Congrats, you guys!! If I was in CO, I'd hit the stores... but... I'll have to wait for mine in the mail. :(

  37. Congrats! I think that you'll be like Harry Potter- it only gets better as it goes along. Not The Simpsons. Now, I have a book to go download and then review like crazy to support two starving authors to keep them off the streets. (But just in case, remember that birth control is cheaper than diapers and child support for your illegitimate children.)

  38. Part 1 Of 2:


    “Beer: Stone IPA
    Music: Robert Johnson”

    You boyz iz really cool, dudes!

    Stone IPA? Yeah, that’s purdy good stuffs. (I actually like their ‘Smoked Porter’ best, which be really sayin’ somethin’ since I ain’t normally a dark beer man.)

    But you really got me with the Robert Johnson music! What you White boys know ‘bout Robert Johnson? I had no idea! I loves me some Robert Johnson. (I just put in my CD player some Robert Johnson tunes so this comment would turn out all Robert Johnsony.)

    In my yout (very early 1980s), I learned my drinking buddies the song ‘Love In Vain’ (the RJ version, NOT the Rolling Stones remake) so they could sing it with me when we left the bars girl-less. Which all of us, except ‘Torch’, often did.

    I even taught my dear ol’ Ma (RIP) Robert Johnson’s stuffs and she fell in love with him, especially the song ‘They’re Red Hot’ - she was one very funky, soulful female, for a White woman born in 1931:

    “Man, don't mess around ‘em hot tamales now
    Cause they too black bad, if you mess around ‘em hot tamales
    I'm onna upset your backbone, put your kidneys to sleep
    I'll due to break away your liver and dare your heart to beat ‘bout my…
    Hot tamales cause they red hot, yes they got em for sale!”

    Any White boys who even KNOW ‘bout Robert Johnson get an “A” on my A-list list of ‘A’right White Boys’!

    “A woman is like a dresser; some man’s always rambling through its drawers.”

    Methinks an even better beer choice than Stone IPA for Robert Johnson would have been Dogfish Head ’60 Minute IPA’, only because Dogfish Head is based in Delaware which feels ‘Blacker’ than does San Diego. (Iz I thinking too deeply ‘bout this stuffs?)

    And A-list congratulations for you A’right White Boys gettin’ yer books in bookstores. Someday I’ll say, “I knew ‘em when they only had 15 minutes of fame and only 15 books published”. (I’m not sure what that means, but Jim Beam and Robert Johnson told me to type it.)

    Continued Below...

  39. Part 2 Of 2:

    >> . . . “Not major retailers like Barnes Ignoble or Wal-Mart”

    What? Not “Wal-Fart”, like my Pa used to say?

    “You looking for an awkward, but moderately okay time?”

    That reminded me of something funny (to me, anyway). Back in the day (early ‘80s again) my drinking buddy Pooh and I fairly frequently went to an Italian restaurant (long gone) in Santa Monica called ‘Pinocchio’s’. I think it was on either Pico Boulevard or Santa Monica Blvd.

    Anyway, we went there often (usually intoxicated) because it was cheap and it was “OK”. We had both eaten great Italian food and bad Italian food, but we agreed that if someone was asking us where to find “OK Italian food”, our Number One recommendation would be ‘Pinocchio’s’. We pretty much repeated that line EVERY SINGLE TIME we staggered out of ‘Pinocchio’s’. [It’s one of those things that seems very funny when you’re drunk in 1983, but kinda stupid when you’re sober in 2013.]

    Pooh and I and the rest of ‘The League Of Soul Crusaders’ got kicked out of ‘Zucky’s’ restaurant more times than we ever ate at ‘Pinocchio’s’ (we were simply misunderstood by the ‘Zucky’s’ manager). It’s all in my unpublished book manuscript, ‘The League Of Soul Crusaders’ – not coming to an independent bookstore near you anytime soon.

    Anyway, I tried to find a photo on the Internet of the defunct ‘Pinocchio’s’ but had no luck. I did, however, find a photo of ‘Zucky’s’ – click HERE.

    Interestingly, the dude who runs that Restaurant Website got his ‘broken Zucky’s sign’ photo from ME: I took the photo myself and posted it on my defunky ‘Stuffs’ blog, where he found it and “borrowed” it, uncredited, for his own website.

    I don’t mind though, because I like his website and... really... is there any “art” in that photo that he stole from me? Naw. It was just a snapshot of a busted ol’ sign of my “glory days”.

    Recongratulations, Bryan and Brandon, for moving forward in your writing career which I sincerely believe will be a major success (if the USA lasts long enough).

    ~ Beer Boy Stephen

  40. That has to be great to see your books in stores, congratulations, now you can give up your extra curricular activities, or not if you enjoy them.

  41. Got lucky I get to read one of your works for free! Thanks! By the way, congratulations!

  42. In order to be like The Simpsons you have to only make self-referential jokes and substitute celebrity appearances for actual ha-ha's. (I only poke at it because it hurts so bad that they were once so good and now even the voice actors don't want to do the show.)
    Your being in bookstores is awesome. What a great feeling that must be. The only way I can come close is printing out my nonsense and stapling them on electric poles around the city. Not quite the same satisfaction.

  43. Oui, I endeavor to never write a comment as long as beer boy's. Way to go on 300! I'm rounding on 1000 with all my drafts that I totally mean to get around to publishing.

  44. Don't quit your day jobs just yet...because the corner of Market and Broadway can be a lucrative corner, if you pimpin it right!

    When can we expect to see your books in a store near us?

  45. Congratulations to you both! You look so normal in that picture. I was expecting one of you to be wearing a zoot suit and the other carrying a goat. :)

  46. Aww! You guys have come so far! That's really amazing! One day I hope I walk into my local B&N here in NC and see your books on the shelves there. *wipes tear* So proud of you guys!

  47. Oh my gosh that's seriously AMAZING!
    Congrats to you both!
    And I'll definitely have to check out the short story too :)
    Yay!! Cheers!

  48. How cool! You guys are on display all over Denver. Well, erm, your books, anyway. You've got a whole standee at the first place. By the way, I had no idea there were three Tattered Covers. Congratulations!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

  49. That's great, fellas. Really great. Brandon... don't ever wear that disguise ever again. I found it strangely appealing ;)

  50. Oh I missed this blog, curse you internet. Congrats! So how do I get a hard copy? I want one!

    1. Oh I got it, after my coffee and once I turned on the brain!