Monday, February 11, 2013

Razing the Bar: Facts Strange But True

It's no secret that the two of us here at A Beer for the Shower have put in some solid overtime hours sipping suds at the bar. And, being the observational writers that we are, we can boldly declare that whilst broadening our asses in a watering hole we've learned many remarkable and profound things about the human condition. Even if that condition is, quite frequently, "alcohol poisoning." And in that spirit (the spirit of spirits), here a few of our favorite and most interesting bar-related facts we've learned over the years.

1) It's been said that in old England, a whistle was baked into the rim or handle of ceramic cups used by public house drinkers. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get service. So when people went drinking, they would "wet their whistle." However, this is just a myth, and when people wanted another beer in jolly old England, they just used their "voices" and "yelled belligerently" like the rest of us. What a novel idea, right?

That line absolutely killed at parties... in 1785.

2) The U.S. Marines’ first recruiting station was in a bar.

Still not the worst decision Brandon's made while drunk.
3) The bill for a celebration party for the 55 drafters of the US Constitution listed 54 bottles of Madeira, 60 bottles of claret, 8 bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of port, 8 bottles of hard cider, 12 beers and seven bowls of alcoholic punch large enough that "ducks could swim in them." Which somehow made up for the vaginas that wanted to party down with hard cider.

It only took a few Zimas to turn Ben Franklin into a real dick.
4) Being intoxicated had desirable spiritual significance to the ancient Egyptians. In fact, beer was often the beverage of choice over water, not just because the Nile river water was dirty as hell, but because the Egptians believed that drunkenness was a holy link to the gods. Maybe it was a link to the "porcelain" gods.

What some might call "party foul" this poor sucker called "40 lashes."
There you have it, folks. Some completely useless, but true facts about barroom culture. Who said reading this blog couldn't make you smarter?

(Also, now that you're smarter, go hit a few of those new brain cells with a frosty beer and help break 'em in.)

Prost!

-B&B

Beer: Anchor Steam
Music: George Thorogood

53 comments:

  1. You guys drink? Oh, well that's kind of a deal breaker for me. Nice knowing ya.

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  2. I'm pretty sad that we didn't have whistles in our beer but it means I can have this idea now and become rich. That sounds like one wild party after everything was signed. Although now I'm thinking they got drunk before they signed anything and they didn't realise what they were signing. I wonder what clauses were never meant to be.

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  3. I knew I read your blog for its high academic and intellectual contents, you guys are a true fountain of knowledge and something else that I can't mention here....lol :)

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  4. Holy crap! You can insert yourselves into historical photos/artwork now? This opens up endless possibilities for mayhem!

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  5. I am now dumber for having read this. My God have mercy on our souls!

    Now where's my beer?

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    1. I was waiting for you to say that at no point in our rambling incoherent post were we even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.

      No beer for you!

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    2. I wish I could just like this comment and move on with my life, but that's not how this works. A truly excellent rejoinder there chaps. Skewer those hecklers.

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  6. Helping my IQ, that i never would have suspected. I'll have to go kill it off with a beer, now where's my whistle?

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  7. Beer used to be considered medicine in medieval times. But then again so were leeches soi guess that's not a very impressive factoid.

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  8. Aw man, the U.S. Constitution party sounds like a huge sausage fest. I bet by the end of the night that chandelier was being used as a sacrificial alter... because that's what people do when they get drunk... I think. Well, I do anyway. To appease the gods.

    Anyway, I was really hoping that the ceramic cup whistle was true.

    But damn, these are some interesting facts about a subject that I love!

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  9. These facts are all great although I'm shocked that so much alcohol was ordered when they signed the constitution, makes me wary of some laws haha.

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  10. Erm...thanks? I...am...glad to have "learned" about this...?

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  11. That's actually really interesting. Especially the After Party for the Constitution. I had no idea those fellas got down in such a legitimate manner. Well, I knew about Franklin, whore-mongering bastard.

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  12. Barroom intellect kind of escapes me. BUT, Cleopatra barfing, that's priceless.

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  13. I have always known you two bring color to a black and white world. Now I have proof.

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  14. But I thought militaries all over the world always recruited at bars. If you couldn't walk home, you ended up on a ship or something. Isn't that how it went? Maybe we should start doing that again?

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  15. I drink copious amounts of beer. And I served six years in the USMC. Coincidence? I think not.

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  16. I am hopeful that someone asks me questions about the history of booze so I can come off as a genius. It may be one of the rare opportunities to show off my vast knowledge on a subject.

    I did already know Ben was a Dick. He is the guy that said, it didn't matter to him how old a woman was as far as having sex with them, because if it was light you could cover their head with a basket or if it was dark "all cats are grey"....yes the bastard said that.

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  17. Ahh Zima brings me back to when I was 14. Nothing like a cold Zima when your voice is cracking.

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  18. So glad to know the drafters of the constitution drank quality wine like claret and not cheap ass shit like white zin.

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  19. I hope Brandon wasn't stuck with the Zima. That stuff leaves lasting headaches. But I guess it's better than the berry wine coolers George Washington reportedly drank. ("Reportedly" = well researched like everything at aBftS).

    Your posts keep getting sillier and more creative. Cheers to you.

    xoRobyn

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  20. I hate Zima. But I do feel smarter now.ha

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  21. Is there a place where wine was favored over water? I think I originated from there

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  22. I bet that line is coming back into fashion. I'll try it at my lunch party tomorrow and see how it goes. :)

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  23. I'd love to see an entire post in Cleopatra-ese or 1785-speak. Just sayin'.

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  24. Hey, I know things about bars now. Well, besides the obvious, "You go to a bar to drink and (attempt) to pick up dudes/chicks". I went almost an entire day without learning things and you changed that for me.

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  25. You forgot to mention that Sam Adams drank Heineken.

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  26. >> . . . In fact, beer was often the beverage of choice over water

    As well it should be - ALWAYS! - dirty Nile or no.

    I liked seeing you Beer Boys pictured in history . . . it just makes history seem to come alive for me; makes it ever so much mo' interesting.

    OK, 'Compliment Time' is over. Now it's 'Time To Bitch', as I quaff (don'tcha just love that word - "quaff"?) this Deschutes 'RED CHAIR NWPA' (6.2%)...

    George Thorogood? Good! Always a fine dude to drink to. Same with The J. Geils Band, Tom Waits, Warren Zevon, and some others I could name. BUT…

    BEER BOYS, forgive me, 'cause ya know I loves ya like Beer Buddies and we'd have a hell of a Lost Weekend if we ever got together in a bar. BUT (like I said above)...

    Your Beer selections are wearing thinner and thinner. I thought you guys wuz REAL Beer drinkers. 'Anchor Steam', from San FranCrisco? Are you kidding me? That's a sodomized 'Coors'. How can you possibly have a blog titled ‘A Beer For The Shower’ and be passing yourselves off as serious Beer drinkers, and even THINK about mentioning 'Anchor Steam'?

    Even my Beer-drinking Brother, Nappy, noticed your poor beer choice last week and made a remark to me about it. I had him read your blog bit because I knew he’d think it was funny. But then he gets to the end and says to me, “Beer: Modelo Negro? I thought you said these guys were Beer-drinkers?” I answered, “Well, they’re just trying to appeal to… [blah, blah, blah].” In other words, I had to make up some lame-ass excuse to cover for your lame-ass asses.

    C’mon, BEER BOYS! No mo’ mention of ‘Anchor Steam’, ‘Modelo Negro’, ‘Fat Tire’, et al. Please start mentioning some REALLY GOOD BEERS. You could start with the one that won Nappy’s and me’s ‘Blind Beer Taste Tests: Beer Battles’ contest: ‘BIG SKY IPA’. Or maybe Lagunitas’ ‘LITTLE SUMPIN’ ALE’, or ‘ODELL RED ALE’, or Four Peaks’ ‘HOP KNOT’ (if you can get that one there).

    Shoot, yer own state brews better beers than the ones you repeatedly mention! Why not support your local brewers by mentioning ODELL IPA, ‘HAZED & INFUSED’, and Boulder Beer Company’s ‘MOJO IPA’?

    Seriously, Beer Boys, it’s time to put up or shut up. If I don’t start seeing some serious Beer recommendations on yer blog bits purdy soon, I may have to call you out on my own blog as “Beer Poseurs”. You wouldn’t want that, wouldja?

    Dudes, there are so many superior Beers out there (and ‘SUPERIOR’ ain’t one of ‘em), that there’s no excuse for me seeing ‘Fat Tire’ mentioned as a Beer recommendation on your blog so often.

    Quaff da good stuff or change da title to: ‘A Pseudo-Beer For The Shower’.

    We don’t need/want no mo’ piss-poor Beers mentioned on this excellent blog. OK, rant over – drink on, Brothers, DRINK ON!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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  27. Eeesh, I thought wine people had the monopoly on telling people what they should or shouldn't be drinking?
    Problem with a lot of those boutiquey beers is that, while tasty, they are so damn heavy. I'll have one, barely have a buzz, and feel full. Drowning my sorrows fail.

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    1. WINOPANTS ~
      Did you mention whine on a Beer blog?

      Eeesh! Have a glass of Stone Brewing Company's 'SMOKED PORTER' and feel full... of... beer. (It's a feel-good good feeling.)

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

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  28. Hard cider was the drink of choice in America in the 18th century for some reason. They didn't have the right yeast for beer or something. In fact Johnny Appleseed was planting apple trees for cider rather than for eating.

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  29. Gee, Egyptian women were very poised when they vomited, huh?

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  30. Ha, interesting stuff, right there. I'm kind of disappointed though, by the low amount of whiskey (relatively speaking) on that celebration for the drafters. I thought people back then had developed some taste already, but seems not?

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  31. I killed a lot of brain cells last night... I think I need to take it easy tonight, or else I might wake up tomorrow not being able to do math anymore. But thanks for the insight!

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  32. These were wonderful facts, but I'm drunk right now so I probably won't remember them in the morning.

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  33. Thank you for taking me under your wing - you're truly a fount of knowledge :) Hopefully your music isn't George's 'I Drink Alone'... that's never nearly as much fun as making a complete fool of yourself in front of witnesses :p

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  34. I could use a cold one or four after this week is done.

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  35. You know, you guys pick on Zima a lot (by a lot, I think this makes twice) and I'm starting to think it may be partly your fault they went out of business. Zima was my malt of choice, that's right, I said malt!, malt of choice, back in the day and I miss it dearly. I miss dropping my watermelon Jolly Rancher inside and downing a few and then having a hangover from hell the next day. So, B&B...confess...did you have anything to do with Zima's demise?

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  36. #i'm going to go and spend the next hour searching Amazon for that whistle cup to take out with me. xx

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  37. Oh the things I can learn when I go online with my phone at work! Way better than this mind numbing meeting. Maybe I should tell them we need to celebrate like the drafters of the constitution!

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  38. it still did not make me like beer - true fact, but I believe to have heard that the beer back in Egypt wasn't as strong as the beer now a days, so you were able to drink quiet a lot.

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  39. I feel smarter!
    And did you know we wouldn't have refrigerators today if not for beer? True fact. Saw it on TV. It's all true, isn't it?

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  40. Hey, cool stuff. I think I'll hit you up on that beer too, I could go for one right about now.

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  41. I really like the black and white panel you did-very cool style. Now where is the Tardis you boys used to time travel?

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  42. I heard that they took beer up on that Apollo 13 mission and the real reason why they skipped the moon and took an emergency route back to Earth was because the refrigerator broke and they didn't want the beer to get warm.

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  43. Oh, dear old Zima...takes me back to pre-drinking age antics in the dorm room. I don't care if it was never cool - I will always love it('s memory; I'm not planning to drink it ever again).

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  44. Did Brandon really sign up for the Marines? Cause USMC boot camp would really not be the place you'd want to wake up with a hangover. Just saying...

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  45. Psst, please hop over and vote, BnB. Right now, there's no clear winner. =)

    xoRobyn

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    1. Ya your right there is no clear winner nice post i love it keep up ur good work doing

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  47. You will not insult hard cider, sir! I dare you to finish a mere 2 pints of Blackthorne's Hard Cider or a flagon of Woodchuck or two and tell me if you can stand! Dare you quaff a 6'er of HardCore (by your beloved Sam Adams Brewing Co.) and recite the alphabet I'll buy you a whore.

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  48. I've heard about the founding fathers taste for booze before but had never seen the list until now. I'm impressed and willing to do my part to help govern our country.

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  49. I love reading posts, comments and love watching images, I always go New Orleans bar check the link below yesterday I went with my friends we enjoyed a lot.
    http://www.neworleansbarandgrill.com/

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