Thursday, February 28, 2013

My New Doctor is Kinda Useless

On most days, I'm the shining example of health. I'm physically active, physically fit, and physically healthy. I haven't been sick in over 15 years, and I don't even remember what the flu or a cold feels like. In fact, the last time I had gone to see a doctor, well, they used filing cabinets and pens and paper instead of computers, and I got a lollipop at the end.

So it tells you something when I booked a doctor's appointment last week, my first in almost 2 decades. I've been feeling really shitty, and I tried to tough things out and let it pass, but my symptoms weren't going away, so I decided to buckle down and seek a medical professional's advice. What I got... was absolutely useless.











...And I didn't get a damn lollipop, either.

Seriously, that's all the doctor did, and that's all I was told. A week later, I still don't feel any better. Did the doctor think I'm just some kind of big baby making all of this up? Did she not believe me? Or is this just how doctors handle all of their patients now?




So needless to say, I feel like crap, and I still don't know what's wrong with me. I now spend my days surfing WebMD, using a mixture of bad judgment and a huge list of vague symptoms to diagnose myself with all kinds of ridiculous and improbable ailments.


So until my six weeks is up, I guess I've been prescribed 100 CCs of "man the fuck up" and "quit yer bitchin." Hey, what's the worst that could happen, right?*

*According to WebMD - paralysis, limb amputation, and death

Anyone else ever been to a completely useless doctor visit?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Beer: 1000 CCs of 90 Shilling
Music: Kavinsky


63 comments:

  1. AHhh I could have written this myself! First there was this dr: http://mayorgia.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-went-to-doctor-and-he-was-jerk.html from last year and he sucked, obviously. Then, because I've been getting headaches for the past ten days,I went to a new doc just yesterday. She kept telling me that things that are related weren't related and that I didn't have this issue when I think I do and you didn't run any tests, woman!! But I did end up with a muscle relaxant. Guess I can't complain too much.

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  2. My doctor isn't a great deal better than yours. I've actually had chronic heartburn for years now. Years. I went there a few years ago and he prescribed some heartburn meds and told me to come back if nothing worked. I went back, and he just did nothing, and said it would pass.

    Well, that worked out well didn't it?

    Sorry to hear you're sick and everything though. I hope you do feel better soon, and maybe a bit more rest will do you some good.

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  3. That's sounds pretty much exactly like what I went through at the doctor's when I went in for my stomach problems? He kept making me come back for appointments where he told me NOTHING. "Keep taking the omeprazole and see how that goes." Yeah, thanks for charging me another $59 to hear you say that, doc. What a racket!

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  4. They are MORONS! I've been fecked up for over a year and the best the asshole can do is tell me to live with it. Really? They go to school for a decade and that is what they come out with? unless your leg is fallen off they are completely useless! You'd get better service going to a vet.

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  5. Useless bastard.

    The medical school of Google is never a good idea. A few weeks ago I had convinced myself right into a case of fibromyalgia. Step away from the WebMd.

    I do hope you feel better soon.

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  6. Doctors? What do they know? You need to see your local Shaman immediately. He'll probably grind up a few animal phalluses for you, and you'll be right as rain in no time. After ingesting animal cocks. Animal cocks.

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  7. The only statisfaction you'll ever get from a doctor is if you out live them.

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  8. I haven't been to the doctor's office in quite a few years. Last time I went I was about 14 or so. I told them I wasn't feeling well, and they said I was just getting old.

    I got bit by a tick and tried set up an appointment recently, but they told me not to bother. I just went to CVS and picked up a thumb-sized bacterial tranquilizer. I felt like shit the whole day after taking it, but I'm pretty sure I don't have lyme disease now. I think.

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  9. I'm so sorry Bryan. Sending well wishes your way!

    Unfortunately, I'm someone who has spent way too much time seeing doctors. I've gone all over too, from NYC to Boston to Philly. I've been attended by all the so-called experts, the uber specialists at top of their game and the best in their field- yada yada- and they still didn't know shit. My mom is a nurse, who retired 20 years ago, yet somehow, she was able to diagnose me before any of those arrogant bastards did!

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  10. Does your city only have one doctor? Keep going to different ones until you find one who takes your symptoms seriously. Of course, that's easy for me to say. We have socialized medicine up here and it doesn't cost us any fees to doctor hop. But still, your health must come first and those symptoms don't sound good.

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    1. I went to the closest doctor in my health insurance's "network." The nearest doctor after that's fairly far away.

      Damn your awesome Canadian health care!

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  11. All doctor visits are useless. That's why I quit going. I will only go if it will require giving me some good drugs!

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  12. I sense a pattern here judging from most of the comments. I too am normally super healthy and have been plagued by this virus that just shows up as fatigue and achiness. My doc at least had enough respect for earning her 80 bucks to tell me I had a virus, tell me to take it easy, and take some Vitamin D. (which leads me to think, that she thinks I have Seasonal Affected Disorder) So my cabin fevered ass is looking for light sources to take naps under while waiting it out....probably while my doctor takes her buckets of money to take a quick trip down to the Caribbean to soak up some sun.

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  13. I'm glad my Dr. isn't that bad.

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  14. .
    >> . . . using a mixture of bad judgment and a huge list of vague symptoms to diagnose myself with all kinds of ridiculous and improbable ailments.

    HA-HA!

    Actually, BRYAN, you have already hit on the medicine and should be feeling better in about 15 minutes:

    1000 CCs [cold cases] of 90 Shilling

    That's the very prescription I would have sent you home with had you visited me at MY medical office. And I am, after all, a Doctor of Alcohology and the President of Inebriation Nation.

    Seriously, dude, I hope you're feeling a lot better really soon.

    Off-topic but . . . I left a question for you in the Swag Emporium regarding my attempt to purchase the paperback book you recommended to me. If you're feeling up to it, would you provide an A to that Q so I know how to proceed in my purchase? Thanks, Bro!

    Get better 'cause beer-swillin' time's a-wastin'.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  15. Sorry you feel bad and hope you get better soon. I can sympathize. I'm married to a plastic surgeon and every time I get sick he tells me to take 2 Advil and it will go away. Yea right dude. One time I had pneumonia thanks to his stellar advice. On my tombstone I'm writing, "told you I should have gone to a real doctor".

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  16. Can you not go to a different doctor? If that one is useless I wouldn't want to go back, especially if you are feeling like donkeys poop!According to the web I have various forms of cancer!

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  17. Ah yes, that's the way doctors are these days. It's understandable though, when you take into account the amount of people that come in whining about all kinds of shit and just have the common cold, or even nothing at all. It sucks though when you're really sick. Kind of a "people who yelled wolf" thing.

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  18. As a nurse, I'm telling you to go to a different doctor! Seriously, the minute my doctor is blowing me off about anything I'm outta there! Like telling me my horrible hot flashes couldn't possibly be happening at my age- really? Oh.well.I'll just stick my head in some imaginary freezers then.

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  19. The worst is when you get the bill for those two doctor visits. Then you will really feel ill.

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  20. I'm so sorry, Bryan. Trust me, I understand. I went through it for years before I had a diagnosis and you have to be persistent. These guys are overworked. Find a new doctor, one that will take a few minutes to listen to you. They are out there but they are getting harder to find right now and once you find them, stick to them like glue no matter the cost.

    Feel better soon!!

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  21. Aww man I really hope that you write an update in the future about feeling better, this post has really angered me (through no fault of your own obviously), I just hate the lack of compassion that doctors have, some of them are just compassionate-lacking asses who study enough to get a degree yet have no actual first hand experience of helping anybody. Sorry that you got such a shitty doctor man, hopefully it sorts itself out soon, I remember the time a psychologist told me that when it came to my obsessive compulsive activities I was just supposed to "nip it in the bud" like I'd been doing it the whole time not knowing how bad it was for me or something ridiculous.

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  22. I'm convinced most doctors are useless. The one's that aren't useless are specialists and unfortunately I can't go see my baby doctor for a horrible cold and the dr I did go see just threw some meds my way... which haven't really helped. Or maybe it has helped and spared me from totally succumbing to the Rage Virus.

    I hope you're feeling better soon or that you find a better doctor.

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  23. Yep. Been there. I put off going to the doctor for as long as possible because I know they'll tell me: "It's a virus. There's nothing we can really do, so you'll just have to wait it out." And sometimes they just don't know what's wrong with me, and so they'll either tell me to wait it out and come back if it doesn't get better, or they'll refer me to a specialist--who probably won't know what's going on either.

    They still charge you the fee, though. Yep. Money well spent.

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  24. I don't go anymore, unless I really, really have to. A couple of years back I went and was told my symptoms were "all in my head". I'm still angry about that now. So I've decided that doctors don't really know what they're doing, or they're lazy. Or both.

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  25. I hear you. They should have at least done a blood test and checked out a few things. My husband was feeling like that and he had a vitamin D deficiency (not enough sunlight of all things!). But it could also be a thyroid issue too. That can come on suddenly as you get older...not that you're getting older. I'm just sayin'.

    I surf WebMD entirely too much. It's sort of addictive.

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  26. Sounds like the flu to me. And it's been really bad this year, so...
    Everyone in my family has had it except me. Unless that's why I've been so tired this past week or so. Or, maybe, you did this to me?

    The worst doctor visit I ever had was with my younger son. He was running a fever of over 105. They left us sitting a hall for 2 hours with his fever like that until I made someone stop and give him something. We were there for 8 hours, and they had to give him fluids to re-hydrate him because they made us sit around for so long. And they took x-rays.
    In the end, the doctor said, "We don't know. If his fever is like this again tomorrow, though, bring him back. Here's your bill for today: $1000." Seriously. I didn't take him back the next day; we just pumped him with ibuprofen until his fever finally broke.

    My kid is incredibly smart. He scored virtually 100% on his last two STAR tests and is a grade ahead. I've often wondered how much more smart he would be if they hadn't baked half his brain cells that day.

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  27. Aww, sorry you don't feel well. Been there and done that. Save $$$ on the Docs and take a few shots of ta-kill-ya and see if you can call me in the morning. Either way you should be good.

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  28. Unless you're dying they seem to have zero good advice. Sigh. Not having health insurance makes these kind of visits even more infuriating.
    When I'm not feeling well, I try to eliminate sugar, flour and dairy out of my diet for a while. This always seems to give me super powers- too bad I can never stick to this program for long.

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    1. white sugar that is, I'm not one of these nuts that stops eating fruit, honey and stuff like that

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  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Listen some of it comes from they had 15 minutes scheduled with you, it makes it hard to get to the bottom of things okay. You come in once in 20 years and complain that in 15 minutes they couldn't discern what is causing your general malaise?
      Body ache can come from a host of physiological and psychological reasons and it takes a bit more than 15 minutes of chatting with you to sort that bit out. Start with a physical, talk to a chiropractor or see an osteopath, don't discount that sometimes stress can make you hurt. Leading a healthy lifestyle doesn't strictly mean you're healthy. For instance eating too much leafy greens causes kidney stones for some people.

      In any event hope you feel better.

      http://www.nwedible.com/2012/08/tragedy-healthy-eater.html

      I cannot spell, and hate when I notice it after I've published a comment. That is all.

      Delete
  30. I specialize in WebMD induced panic attacks, and I have to say that I have 0% success rate diagnosing myself.

    One very special time I convinced myself I had ergotism which is a disease people in the Middle Ages got from eating bread made from moldy rye. My doctor laughed at me.

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  31. I dislike doctors. I can think of only one visit that was worth anything to me, and anyone could diagnose it. I just literally couldn't see it.

    I lol'd today for this one. Thanks.

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  32. I was having severe back pain several years ago that lasted almost a year. I was sent from doctor to doctor. None of them had a clue, but every one of them thought they needed to check my prostate. I would tell them, "It has been checked 15 times in the last three months that is NOT the problem." But they would insist on checking anyway.

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  33. I'm surprised by this. I would have guessed that the doc would have offered to check for strep or at least advised rest and drinking plenty of non-alcoholic fluids.

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  34. This is why anytime I have some medical issue I just ask my mechanic. I'm already paying him to fix my car I might as well kill two birds with one stone and get some medical advice while I'm at it. And I'm as a healthy as fine oiled machine.

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  35. When a doctor tells me they need to check my prostate, I know I'm in trouble.

    Most doctors are idiots. If you don't have the exact symptoms in the exact order listed in their precious PDR, they say "You're fine." When I was hit with a chronic condition years ago, I had to go to 3 or more doctors to find one who didn't tell me that I was fine. By that time, I'd accurately diagnosed myself.

    Sorry. I hope you find a better doctor, but I also hope you don't need to see one because you get better soon.

    xoRobyn

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  36. Have you been walking in tall grass recently? Maybe you have Lyme's disease. I know it's hard to diagnose.

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  37. When I was 17 I spent a long period fasting and ended up fainting one day. My mother insisted to take me to see a doctor. I was afraid that by going I would get reprimanded for fasting or he would ask me if I might be pregnant. After a similar checkup you had the doctor determined the veins in my neck were so long that they were collapsing cutting off oxygen to my brain and causing me to faint. So he prescribed a large number of tests to run to confirm his diagnosis. Can you say CHA-CHING?? Ask around for a referral, but definitely try a second opinion. And don't spend too much time on WebMD or you'll turn in to a hypochondriac.

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  38. I don't get sick very often, but if I need to seek professional advice, I ask my sister. She is a nurse and she will tell me if its serious enough to waste my time waiting for a doctor

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  39. That's ridiculous! What a waste. I'd say go find another dr. I mean, it could be vitamin B deficiency. If you read stuff online you'll think you're about to die, as symptoms for all of the death stuff is so vague.

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  40. That's horrible. I don't know what it's like down there with insurance and whatnot, but what I do is be the living, breathing example pf the "squeaky wheel gets the grease". I keep going back, again and again. If they say "I told you to come back in 6 weeks and it's been 6 days", I say "I couldn't wait any longer". It usually works.

    Feel better soon!!

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  41. Are you sure she was a doctor? Perhaps she was a lunch lady, they wear white coats too.

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  42. That is utterly ridiculous. I can't believe she didn't at least order blood work! I have no idea what your insurance is like, but you should go see another doctor. If that's not possible, is there another.physican you can see in her practice? If not, call that doctor's office back and say you can't wait six weeks and need another appt now. Sadly, you have to be your own advocate. When you see the doctor, tell her you want a full physical with bloodwork, because this is not your norm. I know you aren'y shy, so go ahead and insist on being properly taken care of! People don't realize how much power they actually have. At the end of the day, they are just a business providing a service, and they want to.keep their "customers."

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  43. At least it hasn't affected your blogging ability. When I'm sick I can't even write or read anything.

    At the end of my doctor visits I usually get a hand job from the ugly nurse.

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  44. Congratulations, you are pregnant!

    ...Moe seriously though, if you're a female and 18-above, the doctors always assume that you must be pregnant. Or if you're female and 16-below, they assume you're pregnant, but look disapproving.

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  45. SO MANY mothereffing times that now I consult WebMD FIRST, come up with my own diagnosis and suggest possible treatment to THEM before I go. You would think a doctor would HATE this, but it works 90% of the time.
    I'm hoping one day, they will just let me phone my own meds in. I'll let you know if that happens.

    You'll know because I'll be a LOT effing HAPPIER.

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  46. I think the biggest travesty of all this is that you didn't get a lollipop. You're just supposed to endure the shame of buying lollipops at the grocery store as if you didn't earn them now!? Unforgivable.

    -Audecdote of Quimsical Audecdotes :)

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  47. My Dr makes me feel like I'm only there to get my medical marijauna card. Seriously dude that is real blood. Mary jane isn't gonna stop the bleeding!

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  48. Dude, go see another doctor.

    I had an experience like that about a year ago, except after asking about four questions and listening to my lungs, he said, 'you have asthma'. Huh? I'm in my mid-30s, in good health, and no one in my family has asthma. He insisted he was correct and instructed me to use a steroid inhaler. Long story short, I went to see someone else for a 2nd opinion, because his seemed...wrong, and he did indeed totally misdiagnose the problem. I'm still pissed at that guy.

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  49. Doctors are the suck. They just want to make money off of you.

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  50. I usually find out whats wrong with me when I go to the doctor, but I try not to go if I don't have to. They never do that many tests though and when they tell me whats wrong, I'm very rarely convinced that they know what they're saying until I'm better. Not convinced about the concussion I got in October though. I still get dizzy spells and headaches. They said I would be better "after a couple months". I believe I got the concussion but not that it was "mild" or that they really believed me.

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  51. Maybe it's different here in Canada. Because my doctor does fairly similar things BUT he also sends me to do tests.

    However he doesn't notify me unless something terrible has shown up. And he notifies me within 12 hours of the test being done. Otherwise, I don't get a call, I know I'm good to go.

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  52. So sorry you are not feeling well.
    If you saw my doctor, she would do all that poking and prodding, check your ears and throat and chest, send you for blood tests and most likely get you to pee in a cup.
    And if you are very lucky, ask you how many days you want off work and give you a certificate for sick leave.
    Best bit, shouldn't cost more than $20 after medicare

    Hope you feel better soon
    Hugs xx

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  53. I had an eye doctor once who threw a temper tantrum because I wouldn't submit to a procedure that he decided I needed to have done that he only told me about three minutes after I had walked into the office.

    Apparently, he thought I should've said yes to having something done that contained such side effects as dizziness, lightheadness and nausea, which wouldn't be a problem if I was walking to and from the office, but would be a major catastrophe if I was driving.

    Which I was.

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  54. Is a doctor that wants to kill u better or worse than a useless one? Cause if u need one that wants to kill u just go to my Kaiser doctors, they really try hard, and they're quite successful. They almost killed my husband three times now, that's how they trim their case load...






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  55. This is beyond useless! It's negligent. Not sure if she would be so oblivious if you had visible symptoms. Many doctors dismiss testimony of symptoms that aren't visible or easily detected. I'm glad you saw through the BS and didn't let her make you feel invalidated, or give up. You know your body better than anyone else. If you don't feel well, she needs to take it seriously and help you feel better. Even if it's most likely or is a benign thing; you feel terrible either way.

    I wish more doctors would show interest in quality of life issues.

    Best of luck to you! I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of feeling terrible.

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  56. That's not cool at all. She literally said nothing else?? I'd go to someone else. Hope you're feeling better already since my comment is incredibly delayed.

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  57. I'd see a different doctor. And, yes, over the years I've been to a series of useless doctors, have had to self-diagnose and present the diagnoses to them, etc. The best advice I have is to push it. If you think something is wrong, something is. Sometimes you can just stumble across it online. Sometimes there's a simple solution, like a vitamin or supplement, that you end up finding yourself. I think doctors are so busy sometimes that they wait to see if certain things won't just go away on their own. But, seriously, if she didn't address more than that, I'd see someone else, and I wouldn't necessarily wait the 6 weeks to do so, either! Sorry you're going through this. I hope you figure it out and can feel better soon.

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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  58. This article made me feel better than my last 4 doctors visits combined. That's right, even the fourth doctor told me to just wait. I feel like they think I'm crazy and imagining it.

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  59. First of all, try to ask your friends, family members, and colleagues about having knowledge about any chiropractor or have going to one in the past. best chiropractor near me

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