Monday, February 4, 2013

Fear and Loathing in Home Depot

When my grandfather passed, I inherited an old bottle of tequila from him. A really old bottle. Like, it sits on my shelf and farts dust.


It's called Gusano de Oro, which means "The Gold Worm," and it's made in Mexico, but I'm sure you already knew that because of the gold worm wearing a sombrero. Those Mexicans sure knew how to advertise back then. Well, I can find almost nothing about this tequila on Lord Google, except that they definitely have not made this particular brand in years upon years.



Like Brandon on a Saturday night, this was sold for 50 cents
I wanted to find out more about its brand and its origin, so Brandon and I decided to take a road trip to Mexico.





So we drank some of the tequila. Actually, we drank a lot of the tequila. And let me tell you, tequila will get you drunk, but half a century old tequila will do things to you, especially once you're sweating it out in Mexico. We started seeing things.




Once in Mexico, it was hard tracking down answers. It's like no one understood what we were saying. I don't know if that was because we were tripping balls or the fact that no one spoke English, but it made for difficult conversation.



It also didn't help that the locals were acting a little weird. And by acting, I mean morphing before our eyes thanks to the effects of the tequila.









And that's the story of how we got kicked out of Home Depot. Makes sense, I guess, since we never could have walked to Mexico, especially not while tripping balls. Perhaps we'll never know about my mysterious tequila, but boy was it an adventure that law enforcement and angry parents everywhere will never let us forget.




Cheers and stay classy, friends,
B&B

Music: Bat for Lashes
Beer: Smithwicks

P.S. on a serious note, if anyone knows how I could find out more about this tequila (without drinking it and having a delusional, drug-addled vision quest) let me know. All I know for sure is that it was made in Oaxaca, Mexico, bought in Texas for 50 cents, and is old as hell.

60 comments:

  1. How cool (the old tequila, not the child abuse)! Sorry, I know nothing about tequila, though..

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  2. The only I know about tequila is that it makes me do questionable things when I drink it. Maybe go to a liquor store? Shit, they probably won't know anything either. Go to Mexico! Answers straight from the horse's mouth! Plus, how great would that trip be?! Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, I asked the bartender at a local tequila bar (which has an insane assortment of old Mexican tequilas and mezcals) and she'd never heard of it.

      Delete
  3. I shared this on stumbleupon.
    You could write the company that bottled the stuff?

    Nacional Vinicola S.A.
    International Private company
    Azafran No. 609 Granjas Mexico, Ciudad De Mexico, , Mexico
    ()52 5556571495, 52 5556481850 fax,

    Primary SIC: Distilled & Blended Liquors, Primary NAICS: Distilleries
    Description: Manufacturing: Beverage Manufacturing

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  4. This is all I could find "Certain mezcals, usually from the state of Oaxaca, are sold con gusano, a practice that began as a marketing gimmick in the 1940s. The worm is actually the larval form of the moth Hypopta agavis that lives on the agave plant."

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  5. This reminds me of my high school days back in the 80's. A fun but very hazy time.

    I have to say, this was pretty spot on, almost like you wrote from experience. Just saying...

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  6. As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.

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  7. You boys have too much time on your hands. You need a hobby. Have you ever considered writing a novel?

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  8. Never even heard of that old as shit tequila. Be interesting too see what it does, of course not sure you can get more trippy than licking babies, maybe licking your retarded goat haha

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  9. LOL I'm still laughing over here. My boss thinks I'm just looking at cartoons. I might have to share. Who needs Home Depot anyway?

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  10. I don't know why you didn't come directly to the Tequila-phile here. That there is the urine of Ra.

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  11. That's the ONLY condition I go to the Home Depot in.

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  12. Whew, I drank margaritas last night for the super bowl and that store brand tequila kicked my butt. I couldn't take a chance on the the Gold Worm.

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  13. Did you ask at old liquor stores? Old dudes at liquor stores know stuff. They've SEEN things.

    Whatever you do, don't eat the worm.

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  14. How cool was you grandfather to leave you old tequila as your inheritance. I plan on leaving a six pack of Bud Lite to my kids and at least one of them is looking forward to it. (the beer not my demise...ok maybe my demise in order to get he beer)

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  15. I hope you find out more about your special tequila! I know nothing about it, only that I don't drink ANYTHING that has a worm in it. Never. Going. To Happen. Sorry-

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  16. I found out that it's not tequila but "mezcal". It contains a worm larva :)

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    Replies
    1. It sure does, and that worm's older than I am. Possibly older than my parents. Imagine eating that little sucker. Or don't.

      Delete
  17. I'm glad you guys did not in fact (it seems) drink the 50 year old tequila of dubious origin. That's the kind of thing that needs to settle for another generation or so. Although I could see you guys getting so drunk you go to Home Depot thinking it's Mexico and having trouble with the law.

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  18. If I remember my days in San Diego, T.J. and Ensenada, really macho men will drink the worm out of the bottle and or chew it.
    To learn more about your mysterious and old bottle of mezcal (Flippy's right), find an old macho Mexican.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "The World's Most Interesting Man" probably knows the answer.

      Delete
  19. What you have is not tequila, but mezcal made from the maguay plant. NO tequila has worms, it's against Mexican law. Mezcal is another plant that frequently gets worms on the leaves. The bottle you have if fairly common as I found many pics on the Internet. There are more modern versions of the. Hope this helps.

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    Replies
    1. I know it's a mezcal - it says so on the bottle - but it's easier to say 'tequila' for the sake of people understanding what it is. :) Also, I found a few pics on the internet too, but nothing that indicates much about its history or when it was last made. But like you said, there are a few that look a bit more modern than mine, so this brand was made for a decent chunk of time.

      Delete
  20. When Google doesn't work, always go to eBay.

    I've never understood the point of the worms. Or the scorpions. Or any of the other weird things at the bottom of alcohol bottles.

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  21. I have no good advice, except to take it to the Antiques Road Show! They always seem to have an expert :) Oh, maybe contact a historical society in Texas? Sorry, that's al I've got.

    I loved the ice cream cone cartoon :)

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  22. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080416235853AAHNerS

    best that google gave. The best answer has some links and a phone number.

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  23. Your transformation into the lead characters from FaLiLV gave me a good laugh as I scrolled down this post.

    Also, I agree with ComfyTown Chronicles point regarding tapping the sweet, sweet brains of those on the plus side of middle-age.

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  24. Last line: awesome!
    With those giant yellow glasses your head kinda looked like a taco :P

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  25. It'll probably go for thousands of bucks simply because of how ancient it is.

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  26. I did an exchange in Oaxaca but never saw anything like that. (Thanks for the ice cream cone nightmares, in advance...)

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  27. This is brilliant guys haha, you're lucky to own such an old bottle of tequila even though drinking it is probably the worst idea in the world, I could imagine you getting seriously wasted off this like in your drawings, great post.

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  28. How is that beautiful elixir not just an empty bottle by now? How can you leave it unattended? That beautiful gem.. what kind of alcoholic-- ah.. :/

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  29. mmmm tequila... can't wait to drink some more of that!! Good luck, I've never heard of that one :)

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  30. Maybe it's just me - but that cactus behind you guys looks kinda
    x-rated... I'm not sure now if I can continue to follow this blog, lol!

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  31. I don't really have any advice and I know basically nothing about any sort of alcohol, sorry. Good luck though.

    Remember, licking babies is frowned upon unless you are a puppy. If you go to prison, then you can't post anymore. I mean, you can't have beer anymore. Yeah, that sounds a little less selfish.

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  32. "Para todo mal, mezcal, y para todo bien también" is a pretty good little aphorism I found looking up the difference between mezcal and tequila.

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  33. "This is bat country" - Best ending to a blog post ever. Probably the best title to a blog post too. I will have to conduct a survey. I bet Danny Trejo knows the origin of your tequila.

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  34. Nice. It makes me want to reread one of the only books by Thompson I like...you can guess which (it's not The Great Shark Hunt).
    This tequila may have been a one-off, like that weird jar of "White Lightening" someone gave me. That shit was strong. Then they made a show about it called "Breaking Bad" that I haven't seen.

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  35. I have only one thing to say here: BAHAHAHAAHA!!!

    That image of Brandon licking the kicking ice cream is by far my favorite.

    Sorry, I can't help you with the tequila thing. Hope you find some answers. :)

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  36. BELIGHTFUL BEER BOYS ~

    >> . . . P.S. on a serious note, if anyone knows how I could find out more about this tequila (without drinking it and having a delusional, drug-addled vision quest) let me know. All I know for sure is that it was made in Oaxaca, Mexico, bought in Texas for 50 cents, and is old as hell.

    I really enjoyed this blog bit, but I’m not sure this bottle is as old as you think it is. The thing that raises red flags for me is the [according to the photograph] clear plastic seal over the top of the bottle. I don’t believe that shrink-wrapped plastic seals on liquor bottles became commonplace until sometime in the 1980s.

    Either way, I assure you that the worm is not really hallucinogenic. Back in the Bay Street Days of ‘The League Of Soul Crusaders’, I swallowed the worm from bottles of Mescal on two different occasions. I got drunk (as expected) but in neither instance did I experience any hallucinogenic weirdness.

    Take it from a guy who’s been there and done that, the ONLY thing you’ll remember (forever) after swallowing a Mescal worm is the bump-bump-bump of the creature going down your throat. No dreamscapes, no multi-dimensional trips – just the “bump-bump-bump” of the worm working its way down yer throat. Trust me, Beer Brothers, it’s an eternal memory that ain’t worth it.

    You said the bottle was produced in Oaxaca, Mexico. All I know is that the Enchiladas Oaxaca at Antonio’s Mexican Restaurant in Los Angeles are extraordinarily delicious! Also, Antonio’s serves a number of different types of tequilas, so a phone call and a conversation with Antonio himself (or his son) may clear up your mystery.

    Regardless, if you’re ever in L.A., be sure to visit Antonio’s Mexican Restaurant on Melrose, because it’s the best I ever ate at: the Enchiladas Oaxaca and the Enchiladas En Mole Poblano are both to kill and die for!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    ‘Loyal American Underground’

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  37. NOTE:
    The words "Antonio’s Mexican Restaurant in Los Angeles" in the comment above is a LINK to the restaurant's website and menu.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
  38. Your post and Stephen's comments were so entertaining, I'm starting to see double. Thanks.

    I'm fascinated by the fact that you inherited that bottle from your grandpa. What a cool (or eccentric alcoholic) grandpa you had. But was that it for your inheritance? I sure hope not.

    xoRobyn

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  39. You have a 50/50 chance, as far as I can tell. 50% chance it has peyote in it and you get high as can be for far too long. 50% chance that the active ingredient(s) have worn off over the years. Are you gonna take the chance??

    Please video tape it. :)

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  40. Since I am currently drunk on tequila, after deciding it was a good cure for the common cold, I'm going to guess that my answer would be quite pointless.......

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  41. I was laughing so much at this, I'd love to be able to utter the sentence "I'm here to see a man about a worm, he's solid gold and wears a hat" x

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  42. I must find this squeeltilla? tesquilla? mosquito? Whatever it is, I need it!

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  43. Yes, this definetly sounded like a Hunter S. Thompson trip...I love that. :).

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  44. All that bad judgement and you still didn't find an answer? You'll just have to try again.

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  45. Are you telling me that the people at Home Depot were of no help at all and seemed like they didn't have a clue as to what you were talking about? I'm shocked.

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    Replies
    1. I know, crazy, right?

      The first thing that comes to mind is this:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFWeoxrhbE8

      Delete
  46. Bring it to Antiques Road Show next time it makes an appearance in your timezone? But, tripping in public places is not always the best idea. Luckily last time I did, it was before secretly filming people and posting the results online was a fad.

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  47. Trademark info: http://www.trademarkia.com/gusano-de-oro-mercal-legitimc-de-caxaca-con-su-propio-gusano-75186000.html

    Dude selling a bottle of that brand (what you have is probably worth $$): http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/gusano-de-oro-oaxaca-mezcal-tequila-251766998

    Dudes seem to be name dropping in here, and could maybe give you some if (if you ask sweetly): http://www.tequila.net/forum/general-mezcal-discussions/2277-any-info-regarding-el-senorio-anejo-mezcal.html

    I'm not sure if any of that helps at all. I tried to find a company page, but went around in circles and some sites are blocked by my company computer. Good luck!

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  48. Send it to me, I'll do some really good research :)

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  49. I'm sorry, what did you say?

    ...

    Google doesn't know... :O

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  50. Maybe you guys learned the history of this tequila and didn't even know it, or forgot.

    Anyway, hilarious cartoon as usual. That's some tequila. Both the drinking of this sacred tequila and the quest that followed, is quite a male bonding story. Can you say Hollywood movie?

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  51. Gusano de Oro is a Mezcal, not a Tequila. The company was in the habit of putting a larval moth "hypopta agavis" caterpillar/worm in the bottle for effect and shock-factor gimmick in the '40s and '50s, leading folks to believe it was full of mescaline; it does not. The "Worm of Gold" brand you drank is a mezcal and is made from marguay plants (as opposed to tequila using the agave plant). It is fairly unpopular in Mexico as it sucks, but foreigners are buying it up thinking (wrongly) that the larval worm has hallucinogenics in it. The coloring process of this cheap booze was by the worm, not by any oak-cask aging process. I'm a huge fan of high-end scotches and have quite a wall of them, some of them from WWII and I'm familiar with gimmicks like these. Unless the brand is aged about 7 years, it's crap to the connoisseur. The brand you purchased is still being made (the Gusano Rojo or "Red Worm" variety is best) and can be had for about $19. http://miniaturasdelperu.com/PAGINA%20WEB%20NUEVA/4F%20TEQUILA%20G.htm Good Mezcal that's aged does not have the larva in it. Still, I guess.. if it got you drunk and put you on an adventure.. Life WIN!

    ReplyDelete

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