Recently our friend Rachel over at When a Lion Sleeps held a contest where the winner got a venus flytrap. Defying all odds, I entered and won, bringing my venus flytrap total to 2. See, I'm quite the green thumb, and I'm also a huge fan of meat eating plants. What, plants eat meat too? That's right PETA, so fuck off.
"My flytrap brings all the flies to the yard, and they're like, little green carnivores. They'd eat you, but they're not so large..."
Now that I was officially a contest winner, I was on top of the world. My green thumb knew no bounds. So Brandon and I decided to open a plant shop. But there was only one problem. We disagreed on what kind of plants we should grow and sell.
So in the spirit of cooperativeness, we agreed to sell both. And we opened up our brand new shop.
But we quickly ran into a problem. The fly traps were always hungry.
|I wonder how many of our younger readers will get that joke.|
...and soon, the plants were addicted. All of that marijuana was giving them a nasty case of the munchies and they just grew hungrier and hungrier, which made them aggressive toward customers.
Which was leaving our customers unhappy.
But I was a bit in denial, so Brandon had to stage an intervention.
So we had to kill the plants and close up shop. I guess I'll stick to small flytraps, like the baby flytrap that Rachel sent me. I mean, how much trouble could I get into with this little guy?
Right now he's practically helpless, so I guess life can just go back to the way it was, no real harm having been done.
Oh, and as promised to Rachel, part of my terms and conditions for winning the contest was to post a picture of the flytrap with a top hat and monocle. Well, the one she sent is too small, so here's my big guy looking as classy as ever. Apparently he's also a smoker, but a classy smoker. You know, the kind that gets the classy kind of lung cancer.
Any carnivorous plant fans here? Would you ever have one in your household? What happened to Rick Moranis, anyway?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon's dessicated corpse)
Music: Van She
Beer: Negra Modelo