B&B's Craptacular B-Movies

It's no secret that there are a ton of bad movies out there. But, if you've really perused your Netflix cue, or even visited a Redbox recently, you'll see that for every crappy film that boomerangs in and out of theaters, there are four or five low-budget flicks that went straight to DVD. And, most of the time, they're just a blatant ripoff of a movie that was actually popular. Here are a few of our favorites.

You read that correctly. Metal Man. Who needs originality when you've got the aborted twin of Iron Man and a K-Mart costume aisle at your disposal?

That's right. Someone actually wants to be Michael Bay. He'd probably sue if he wasn't so busy working on Jenga: The Movie right now. Spoiler alert: the blocks all explode.

Just when you thought you'd run out of audiovisual diarrhea to enjoy...enter a singin' Sunday with Jesus.

These are all fantastic, right? What a great idea it is...to steal an idea. So good in fact that we here at ABftS can't believe we haven't thought of it before. That said, here are a few borrowed movie ideas we think would make for great films...

1) Los Miserables

It's the dramatic tale of Juan ValJuan, who is deported for stealing a taco for his family. Sure, everyone dies at the end, but it's hard to be depressed when everything's sung to boisterous mariachi music. Starring George Lopez, who, let's face it, just didn't have anything better to work on.

2. PickUP

This one's for the kiddos. A drunk old redneck who lost his wife (and her fingers) to a bad gambling debt wishes he could just fly away, so he attaches some helium balloons to his house and sets off an amazing adventure that may or may not include burglary and grand larceny. Also, his "house" is actually his "pickup truck," but this takes place in the South, so you already knew that.

3. Magic Mark

We haven't forgotten the ladies. If you loved Magic Mike, then you're absolutely going to love this straight to DVD release of Magic Mark. Now remember, a guy like Channing Tatum costs millions of dollars, so what you have here on a very tight budget is the B movie equivalent, and what he lacks in abs and hair and overall chiseled features he more than makes up for with embarrassingly eager enthusiasm.

Now that's how you steal a movie idea. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, B-movie "writers."

What's the worst B-movie you've ever seen?

Cheers and stay classy, folks,

B&B

Beer: Fat Tire
Music: Avenged Sevenfold

PS If you get a chance, check out the short story we penned over at The Indie Chicks. We totally channeled our inner goddess. Or something like that.