Monday, October 15, 2012

No Wieners Allowed

Today's post is one for the ladies. It's a topic that both of us here at ABftS have stumbled upon many a time during our wildly disastrous misadventures in the world of dating. It's a question that you yourself have at one time or another undoubtedly heard or been asked. And that question is, "Can women have male friends?" To reach a suitable answer, we've invited some of our fans who are struggling with that very topic. But since we're far from qualified to help these people, we've enlisted the help of our good friend Chris Bird from Change the Topic, who just so happens to have a track record for dispensing nuggets of wacky relationship wisdom.

He helped us put together a day time talk show. I know what you're thinking, but it can't be worse than any of the other bullshit out there, right?















Next up, let's meet Charlie. He's stuck in "The Friend Zone."









So what do you think? Can guys and girls just be friends? Or is there always an ulterior, biologically-undeniable motive lurking somewhere in the background?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

B&B

Beer: Sam Adams
Music: King Charles

Oh, and if you haven't already, go stop by and say hi to Chris Bird. He's a very funny guy and his Therapy Thursdays are so awesome they saved my marriage.*

*Not guaranteed to be true

58 comments:

  1. Hahah great advice, guys. I think they can, as long as no one secretly wants to bang the other.

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  2. It's totally possible...after you've had a one night stand or drunken hook up and the sexual tension is gone. Man, that made me found slutty...I swear I don't have THAT many guy friends. No, really, it IS possible but if we're all being honest one or both are always hoping to get in the others pants.

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    1. I don't think my wife would go for this tactic, even if I pleaded, "But it's for the sake of the friendship!"

      Channeling Seinfeld a bit on that one.

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  3. I think they can. Sometimes, you just see each other in that sibling way. But you should always be careful around large quantities of alcohol. :)

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  4. Absolutely. Though I assume on some level there is an attraction of sorts. It's a superficial world we live in and rarely do you get close enough to be friends with someone without being initially attracted to them in some way. But a little crushing is a good thing. Flirting is a good thing. I love my guy friends and while I know a certain one (or two) may have "feelings" for me or whatever, I don't worry that it is our only reason for being friends nor do I worry that I am breaking their spirit in some way. That's what marriage is for.

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  5. I've always wondered the opposite. Can guys and girls really be enemies? I mean, guys can't hit girls, and many of them are too pretty to truly hate, so I don't think it's possible. A girl can hate a guy though as they are not bound by the same laws of attraction.

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  6. Of course men and women can be friends, presuming both are mature, neither are selfish assholes, and neither have an agenda. The real question is, can pre-op transexuals and hermaphrodites be friends?

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  7. Haha. Good one, I married the second guy, I never thought that I would fall in love in him or marry him. It is not just attractiveness , sexual attraction, "motive" time,vulnerability, disappointment,depression lot of factors weigh-in when crossing that line and once who start to see your BFF as your love interest there is no going back and gals marry them because we can't afford losing that BFF. I can't speak for all gals and I can say positively that guys always have that "pants" motive all the time. Almost?!? ;)

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  8. Guys and girls can absolutely be friends, as long as the man has a good imagination and lots of hand cream and Kleenex. *wink*

    Love this post...I'm feeling the bromance. :)

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  9. I need to invest in Kleenex too. I think it's possible but you're right, it's also about what the other person wants. I think I make friends easier with girls, and my best friend is a girl I'll never sleep with, but they do always see me as their gay bff. I think it's easier for a guy to be just friends with a girl than the other way around. Not to generalise men, but I think you need to worry less about what a girl friend thinks about a guy than what a guy friend thinks about a girl.

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  10. My girlfriend has guy friends. I feel so insecure now. I-I don't know... Nah, but honestly, it is pretty dangerous for women to be friends with men in my opinion. Like Mark noted, I don't believe for a second that these "friends" never thought about having sex with every woman they encounter. But I suppose I just have to trust my girlfriend with her judgement.

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  11. The friendzoned guy looks like Bryan with glasses and a better hair do xD

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  12. Yeah they can be friends, if the woman is 100 or so, other than that all the guys are going to see is sex, just lurking in the wings waiting for a chance.

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  13. Hahaha, that's awesome. Thanks guys, for immortalizing me into the annals of aBFtS, and for that ointment to get rid of that fungus. You were right, Brandon, it does get under the foreskin and make it tingle like Aqua Velva.

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  14. My wife used to have a ton of guy friends. I tried telling her over and over again that they are just waiting for a chance to hook up with her. She doesn't seem to understand why they stopped talking to her after we got married and had kids...err I mean had kids THEN got married.

    As a guy, a guy with a set of balls that is, that there is no "just friends" when it comes to girls. Women are sexual objects, whether we admit it or not!

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  15. I am disqualifying myself from this discussion because I am sexually irresistible to people of either gender.

    ...and a lesbian.

    ...and single.

    Your blog post has now made me sad.

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    1. Katy Anders, you make my loins ache with desire. I'll bet you make everybody's loins ache with something. If you were closer to me, I would invite you for a rendez-vous with Mrs. Birdman, and yes, you guessed it...ME! I'm sorry if that made you even sadder. I should probably clear this all with her first.

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    2. Cheer up, Katie. You are a dream come true. Well almost. Bi would be better. But seriously, girls-wake up. Us guys beat each other senseless over you, trying to protect our pride. The power of the pussy is such that men will hang out with you on and off for years, tryin to get into your panties. Even when the possibility looks bleak. We are hard wired to fuck, and if you look at the previous comments, the girls say "Yes, but". Think about it. There's always a "but". Get it straight, girls. The answer is NO. Till you figure that out, us guys will continue to beat the fuck out Of each other out here.

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  16. Absolutely not possible on any sort of meaningful level. Could my wife and one of my male friends spend time in a room together without penetration. Sure. Could they have some kind of a meaningful relationship without one or both of them thinking there might be something more eventually. No. Perhaps a gay guy and a lesbian could pull it off.

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  17. My general opinion is not really. I think it's possible for a girl to think she has guy friends. However, even guys firmly in the friend-zone will probably think of how they can get into a chick friend's panties. Even if she's married.
    Girls and guys want different things from their friends. What a girl wants out of a relationship (even a friends one) is most likely very different than what a guy wants. After all, how can you have a manly night of playing poker and watching the game when you have a chick running around flipping her hair and asking if that was a touchdown or a homerun. Same thing for girls - guys do not want to gossip and just talk. Ever.
    This is kind of hard for girls like me who are low maintenance and like guy friends for the absence of drama.
    I think if you have friends of the opposite sex, you have to know what they want from the relationship and have very strong boundaries right from the beginning. It's also better if you're both happily married and just hanging out in a group setting. Just sayin.

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  18. I had guy friends back when I was working; but maybe I was just kidding myself.

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  19. Sorry Birdman, I don't trust anyone that grins like Joe Biden...

    ...unless they're Joe Biden.

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    1. It's gotta be better than this, right?
      http://youtu.be/yTCRwi71_ns

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  20. When I saw the word wieners, I laughed because that's what they call hot dogs in Germany-Wieners...and I giggle at that, which makes me very immature.

    As to the question, of course guys and girls can just be friends, but there's nothing that says they can't 'want' to sleep with each other. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends and sometimes we flirted. I'm sure if I let it go a little passed friendship, one of them would have 'rose' to the occasion.

    But I think it's the best love relationship anyone could find. To be friends first and then let it naturally turn into more is a sign for that it will be long-lasting...and I'm not just talking about the wiener.

    P.S. Thumbs up for Sam Adams.

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  21. BEER BOYS, this was really, really funny!

    The answer to the question is: Watch 'When Harry Met Sally' and accept it as gospel.

    I could write more on this... but I think I'd better not.

    More answers, presented in an extremely humorous way, can be found by clicking on this: Why Men And Women Can’t Understand Each Other (Or, “Wossamotta U?”)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  22. Well, my two "best friends" are guys, but they are also my husband's friends too...and when I was single I had a lot of guy friends, but that was definitely problematic...soo, I vote for "yes" if you're already married?! And your husband is friends with them too? Otherwise, no. a girl can be friends with a guy and not want to bone them, but guys don't seem to do that very well.

    Which, btw, caused me to have a reputation when I was single...

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  23. I have tonnes of guy friends and only a few of them want to screw me! :)

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  24. I would really like to friend Scarlett Johansson so feel free to add that to your data.

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  25. Clearly, the three of you would make a great "group therapist" and Chris Bird's somewhat limited training doesn't put me off in the least. (although his comment about the fungus is a bit concerning)

    As to the subject of "can men and woman be friends". In rare cases if the guy had been train by immersion with a pack of girls, preferably sisters, not sluts, and the girl never has been or never will be a girly-girl there might be enough common ground to form a friendship. If they think of each other in any way other than gay or sibling it smacks of disaster.

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  26. seems likely we could be friends, but as previously mentioned, maybe avoid bunches of alcohol. probably deep confessions or complaints about the spouse should be avoided too.

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  27. No. Negative. Not possible. I mean, yes. They can be friends but one or both will at times be thinking about sex with the other. Even if the guy bff is gay. Maybe more so if he's gay. We likes a challenge.

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  28. Not possible, as long as the man has a sex drive the only reason they first talked to the woman is the urge to bang, even if they do like them for other reasons after. True story.

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  29. I had a few really good guy friends and they all turned out to be gay. They are the BEST male friends EVAH!!!!!

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  30. I would say... uh... yes? Guys and girls can be "just friends", but only if the guy is already got a sex partner who isn't jealous, OR one of you is hideous, OR homosexual, OR if there is a big enough age gap that you aren't in the same dating pool.

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  31. I absolutely believe guys and girls can just be friends, as long as one or the other is way out of the others league AND as long as the more attractive one is willing to completely ignore the fact, feign almost believable ignorance, of the feelings the other person is barely able to contain.

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  32. In the lovely lesbian paradise in which I live, men make the best friends for our female partners to have.

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  33. I had a lot of female friends when I was younger that really were just friends. It was all kind of weird, actually, and it may have been related to the fact that I was really stuck on this one girl so that made me safe to all the others?

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  34. Of course women can have guy friends. If the guy is gay. Otherwise, there will always be the one who wants things to be more than friendship, and they end up living a lonely life filled with the dull ache of unrequited love...

    Er...maybe I've watched a few too many chick flicks. You may want to disregard my opinions on this matter.

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  35. I have plenty of male friends, but you'd have to ask them whether there's more to it than that. I'm very much of the philosophy that if I don't think about it, it isn't a problem. Healthy? Of course not. Effective? Absolutely!

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  36. I don't really think I'm normal. I have a lot of female friends, but then again I stray away from guys because DAMN there's a load of douches out there.

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  37. Yay Birdman!!

    I definitely think that guys and gals can be friends, as long as you accept the fact that one will like the other more than the other.

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  38. hahaha All of that makes very good points, but I believe guys and girls can be just friends. Mostly because girls are bitches and guys are douches. Girls don't want to be around bitches so they can end up being friends with guys, who may or may not be douches. I think it works in other way around, but I'm not a dude, so I don't know.

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  39. it's rare when it works out between a girl and a guy as good buddies. Not just the "hey we know each other, we're friends I guess" way. Mostly it's when they're both not attracted to each other.

    My girlfriend leaks out jealousy every once in awhile when she sees a remotely attractive girl I friend on fb.

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  40. I have some very good guy friends (and only some of them are gay), so I'd have to say yes. That said, I've had plenty of guy friends who I thought were harmless turn out to be ruled by their dicks.

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  41. Of course guys and girls can be friends up until I er,...they realise the guy isn't going to sleep with me-I mean, them. Ah shit.

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  42. Can a girl have guy friends? Sure.

    Can a hot girl have 500 guy friends? Jesus christ, no.

    I mean...I dunno. This kinda reminds me of the situation I'm in with a particularly hot friend...who has a boyfriend. And 500 friends.

    And I'm the guy who gets calls every now and then for backrubs.

    Backrubs that make her melt.

    So yeaaaaah, that can be an...interesting...situation...especially since I've often thought what it'd be like to be the boyfriend to a woman like that.

    And noooooo. 500 guy friends who hang out with her, she hits up at odd hours and such?

    N-noooooo. Yeah, naw, I don't think I'd be down with that. :3 I only have so many female friends, and I certainly as hell don't hang out with THEM at weird hours.

    So noooooooo.

    ...I mean, if I ended up with one like that, I wouldn't worry too much. I mean, I'm me.

    Period.

    But right now? Thinkin' about it? Noooooo.

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  43. You can't spell therapist without rapist - oh my gosh, what a great line! So wrong, but oh so right. Bryan, you're rockin' the pink sweater - just don't wear it outside ever again. Ever.

    Yes, men and women can really be friends but here's what my guy friends told me; in the back of their (perverted) minds, there is always a thought about what the chick would be like in bed even if they know they have zero chance in bed with her.

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  44. You guys never fail to crack me up.

    I have a lot of guy friends.
    BUT
    all of them are either gay, or exes of some form or another and we stay friends because we got all the sexual stuff out of the way already.... if that makes sense.

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  45. You guys are always so funny :)

    I think men and women can be friends as long as there isn't any sexual... stuff. Guys are sometimes easier to be friends with because there's usually a lot less drama/ you can talk about geek stuff and video games a lot more than you can with most girls I know. Sometimes it's good to get a male perspective on things also. I don't know if I'm just being naive though :/

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  46. Once upon a time, no. I thought the answer was yes then, but guy friends kept ruining it. Bastards. These days, yes. I'm all mommified and out of shape. I'm sure I can keep guy friends now. ;-p Also, I have guy friends that I mostly just know online. Maybe that makes it easier?

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    1. It's all different once you're Mommified. It's like a permanent brand that you're no longer a danger to yourself and others. (If only they knew!)

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  47. A relationship cannot be ruined by sleeping together if the only reason he was her friend to begin with was to get in her pants.

    On a serious note, it can be done. I have several girl friends that are just that, FRIENDS. That doesn't mean I have never had one that I would have liked to been more than friends with, but it can be done.

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  48. Have been friend-zoned before, it sucks. Like you say though, no courage, no glory!

    On a side note, have been MIA but slowly catching up. That last girl, Amelia, definitely have a problem with her.

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  49. I think this should be a real talk show. I like the sweater. ;) I'm trying to think of how PR people will connect with you to promote their stuff on your show...

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  50. This is too funny. Love the line about the sweater making him look like a lesbian Bill Cosby! LOL

    BTW, Chris Bird is my brother's name, and all of his friends call him "The Birdman" which makes this post even funnier.

    I believe it's very possible for guys and girls to be friends withOUT benefits. I am friends with lots of guys and have been for years. They have and always will be just that: friends. I think they feel the same way. Maybe I'm just not that attractive, so they lumped me into the "friends" category too, LOL

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  51. I have have had far too many female acquaintances in my past who just wanted me as a friend. Sigh.

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  52. I have to agree with Jewels. Once the sexual tension is gone,m whether from a kiss or actual sex, the friends only road is clear. My BFF and I are close as can be. Sexual tension was cleared a long time ago.

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