Hey, all. Bryan here. If any of you noticed that my web presence last week was a little light (tweets, comments, Facebooking, etc), it's because I
Really, I had no expectations of being picked. They asked me to write down my occupation, and I put "unemployed blogger/writer," assuming they'd peg me as a nosy blabber mouth. But no, they seemed to think that qualified me to be a very "thorough and thoughtful" juror. No, really. I know, I don't get it either.
The trial I got turned out to actually be interesting. It was a brutal stabbing. Basically, a family on their way to the first day of school was backing their car out of their driveway when they stopped half way to go give the dog some water. A car appeared behind them and started honking. The family pulled their car back into the driveway, but the honking continued. The mother got out of the family's car asking what the problem was, and a young girl jumped out of the honking car, looking for trouble.
Brandon and I will be reenacting what happened, with Brandon as the woman from the family, and me as the young girl. Also, this takes place in the hood, so let's just say the dialogue isn't too far off in accuracy.
On second thought, we don't have a lot of time for today's blog entry, so let's skip past their "two-minute verbal altercation" and get straight to the action.
Yeah, that's right, the chick got out of her car and stabbed that lady right in the face, in front of the lady's husband and children, and then asked, "How do you like your pretty little face now, bitch?" Then, instead of calling the police, she called a car full of her gangbanger family members to come over and wave around more knives. But here's the most ridiculous part: Ms. Stabby-Stabs hired a lawyer and plead not guilty by reason of self defense. Seriously, self defense. She said SHE was the one in danger.
Great choice. Let me know how that works out for you when you get out of prison in 10-30 years.
Regardless, I learned a few things while serving as a juror.
1. Trials on TV = really exciting. Trials in person = not so exciting. Remember, you're hearing 10-20 people spend hours upon hours talking about the same 5 minute event over and over and over again. My trial took 3 full 8 hour days. It's mind numbingly painful. Also, you have to sit through a lot of so-called "expert testimony." A LOT.
And don't forget the doctor who stitched up the victim, who was required to spend 20 minutes giving us her full medical background, training, and schooling so that she could be viewed as an 'expert witness.' Because just hearing "she's been a doctor for 25 years" definitely wouldn't have been enough for me!
2. Law and Order will have you believe that most lawyers are fast talking, quick witted, Johnnie Cochran types that are ready for a verbal battle. Unfortunately, most real lawyers look like they could be used car salesmen and are one lost case away from an eviction notice.
3. During deliberation, people will disagree with you, not because they're "unique individuals bringing their own life experiences to the table" like the lame jury pamphlet tells you, but because they're idiots.
In the end, justice prevailed, and while I wouldn't have volunteered willingly, it was an interesting experience. For those of you wondering, yes, that's what really happened. Here's the news story I seemed to miss because I don't own a TV, which actually made me an even better candidate for a juror. Mental note: get TV service again.
Ever been on a jury? Was it awesome, or was it horrible?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Beer: Dos Equis Amber
Music: Mumford and Sons