Monday, October 22, 2012

It's Free As Long As You Pay For It

            Nothing in life is ever free.
            As some of you may or may not know, Facebook is now offering to put your posts to the top of everyone else's news feeds for $7. But what's worse is that if you don't pay, your posts are getting shoved all the way to the bottom or not being shown at all. So their service is still free, but if you want other people to see what you're posting, you're going to have to fork over some money.
            Basically, it's become "freemium": completely free to use, but you have to pay for the "premium" stuff... like creating content that other people can see. Which really isn't all that premium. And which is such a ripoff. Yet, "The Zuck" is going to make millions.


          Because it's crucial to make your Facebook status heard.




          But see, I didn't pay "The Zuck" $7, so no one saw my profoundly inventive inspirational quote, and three hours later...



           Isn't that heartbreaking? So I ponied up the $7, and look, instant validation!



          And just like that, I became a sage of Facebook, because it's so important that my 125 friends know how thoughtful and intelligent I am... which got me to thinking, what if we brought the concept of freemium to the blog? Brandon and I need money just as much as anyone else, so what if we started writing Brandon and Bryan's Freemium Adventures™?
          For free, you get a complete Choose Your Own Adventure style short story, but for as little as 99 cents, you can purchase literary upgrades at any time!









           And hey, maybe we can even add this kind of service to our comics. They'll still be completely free, but the free comic only has a decent joke. Not a great one.



          Let's face it, it's funny, but it's a lazy punchline. Then again, what do you expect for free, you cheap-ass? So let's check out what kind of high quality punchline you can get for only 99 cents...





          Totally worth 99 cents, amirite? ...Yeah, I wouldn't pay money for that either.
          So in the meanwhile, if you follow us on Facebook (or even if you don't - add us here!) and actually want to see what we're thinking, or when we post more funny drawings, or even just when we post these blog entries, then go to our Facebook Page, click where it says 'Liked,' and make sure you add us to some kind of 'Interest List.'


            It doesn't matter what you call that list, but without it, you won't be hearing much from us. Or any of your other favorite pages, for that matter. So do this for all of them if you still want to see their posts.
            Because as starving artists, we don't have an endless supply of $7 falling out of our asses so that you can see a new silly picture I drew or a random hilarious thought either of us had. Don't let the Zuck win. He's already got his billions.


Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: South of France
Beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest

54 comments:

  1. Again with the hate on Apple. Why? Why? So what if I can't print half the stuff I want from the web from it...that's what my PC is for ha ha ha

    I had no idea Facebook is doing this but that's probably because I haven't been on FB in forever in a day, (except three seconds ago to add you guys). I'll be on it again once the election season is over.

    Now that you've brought up the idea of us picking an ending for your posts, does that means it's going to happen?? Just sayin', I think it's a cool idea!

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  2. Good to know! I heard about the seven dollars thing but I didn't think much about it. I'd be surprised if a lot of non-corporate users actually pay for it...

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  3. Just another reason why Facebook is an awful piece of crap. It's also another reason to complain about it while still using the damn thing. I can't leave because of the years of pearly wisdom I've posted to my timeline, and I don't want to lose it.

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  4. Wow, never heard they were doing that, as I avoid most facebook crap. That is just down right greed there. Billions and they still want more, Facebook is such a load of garbage. I'll give them their $7 though. I will go get a happy meal, chow it down, wait a bit and then take a shit all over them, there is their $7.

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  5. Can I pay $7 to hide all of my family's posts? Can't we all agree to abandon Facebook like we did to MySpace? Your idea for the premium Choose Your Own Adventure on the other hand sounds awesome.
    Why is Facebook the one thing that our grandparents started using that we still say, yeah, it's cool and continue to use?

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  6. This post really made me laugh haha, when I seen Facebook offering the service I found it ridiculous, you'd have to be weird to want to constantly fork out money to keep your updates part of the top of the website, I loved what you did with the inspirational Ghandi thing too, awesome stuff buddy.

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  7. They've really done this? They've seriously really done this? Oh God damn I'm going to have to stop myself before I start a rant I can't finish.

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  8. $7 seems a small price to pay to let my old classmates from second grade know I am currently eating at the Burger King on South Shepherd Drive.

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  9. This is what happens when FB shares tank on the open market. Zuck'll screw ya one way or another. Daddy needs his money!

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  10. I noticed this a few days ago but didn't think anythign of it since I don't think it affects personal pages. Either way, it's bullshit. He's been saying forever they won't charge for FB. And I guess I understand having COMPANIES pay to promote their pages, but blog/band page promos? That's just a rip off.

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  11. This makes me so angry! I'm going to post a status about this on Facebook to let everyone know how much this angers me.

    "Ugh!1 Having a bad day! Dont wnt to talk about it! But ill tell you neway! Facebook is SO fake sometimes!!!!1"

    Alright, that's good. Now I'll pay the $7 so everyone can see it. But only this ONE time. Just to get my point across.

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  12. Thanks for the tip, I enjoy reading your posts. Will get over there shortly and change the settings :)

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  13. Huh. I hadn't noticed anything different on my fb page....but maybe that's because people are actually paying this $7....stupidity.

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  14. Yes, I noticed this and what a load of shit! $7 seems pretty steep just to move an update higher in the timeline. So let me guess, once you pay the insane charges and move it up to the top of the timeline, it gets pushed back down to the bottom because Billy keeps posting pictures of his fluffy kitty while Barb keeps bitching about her bitch friends and Sandra, in quite the dramatic fashion, is complaining about drama queens and attention seeking whores!?

    Back to the bottom it goes! But for another $7 you can move it back up!

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  15. WOW, wonder how many of my FB friends are gonna shell out the big bucks to let me know they just got some gold coins, or made it to the top of the pyramid in one of those ridiculous games?

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  16. I am so very ashamed. How did you get inside my pathetic little head to so accurately describe my mental process for the crap I post on FB? I need those "likes" damnit. How else will I receive proper emotionally validation?

    But, I will be damned if I pay for them. Not gonna happen.

    Going to friend ABFTS now, you'd better "like" my shit!

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  17. Don't think the Zuck will be getting any cash from me!

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  18. My posts are usually lame and by doing this Zucky is doing me a favor. I dont need to block the people who post lame posts and I dont want everyone to read my posts either.
    On other hand I do like starbucks latte art over got "7-cup from 7-eleven at 7-am and threw up 7 times" posts.

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  19. A failproof way of getting likes/comments on updates is to never post updates. That way when you do, people are like "Oh yeah, I remember her..." and comment and like. But don't let that trick you into posting more or else you start getting the "I don't matter" feelings again. We all have to avoid that one...

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  20. That is bullshit. It's not that I need to be heard on facebook or whatever, but I still don't think people should be able to buy their way to facebook stardom. $7 a post is a steep price, too. I say you go with the "choose your own adventure" idea. It's brilliant and entertaining... but do it for free!

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  21. Oh gosh, such a bunch of bastards! You see their business model? A year and a half back, they turned everything into pages. And when everyone really started connecting with their fans a lot via FB - BOOM! - now you have to shove some money into their face :/

    I'm sure the big corporations will pay millions to smear their content all over Facebook. Doubt most other people will be able to afford this crap.

    I already added all you lovelies to my interest list :)
    Although, I think soon they'll try to find a way around this as well. What's stopping The Zuck from just saying "yes, but now you need to pay to even show up on the interest lists!"

    I totally understand a business wanting to make money from advertising and stuff, but Facebook goes about things in a such sleazy way. It doesn't give a fuck about it's users.

    Argh, fuck it. I just watch cat videos on YouTube all day anyways, so I guess I don't care anymore.

    Damn it, I wanna read more on those gigantic alien boobs. Where can I send you my money?

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  22. Even if I wanted to waste my money on shit like that, I'm too broke. But I also have a concussion and I'm on a lot of meds and I STILL wouldn't throw money at a millionaire just so somebody can see my status. It's not like I post on Facebook that much anyways.

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  23. I hadn't heard of the $7.00 upgrade to premium. Nothing I have to say is worth 7 bucks to anyone, so I guess Zuck will have to budget his money wisely in lieu of my "missing" contribution. I am sure he will feel the pinch.

    The real problem with asking people to pay for FB is that line that everyone says (ya, EVERYONE) "You really, can't bitch about something that is free". NO more, Zuck! Now 7 dollars pays for bitching rights.

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  24. I honestly never go on Facebook anymore because the thrill of seeing how much weight all my old high school friends have put on sort of wore thin. Like after the first week.

    But I will log in to like you because...I like you. Happy Monday.

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  25. So I heard from someone that they heard from Amazon about this disappearing review thing and that Amazon has decided that authors can't leave reviews for other authors and has been removing them. I don't have any confirmation, but, if it's true, Amazon's gonna be making it kind of impossible to get reviews up.

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  26. Huh... I didn't even notice that. This sucks!

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  27. Are they really doing that? What a stupid idea!

    Of course, it all depends on us, and whether people go for this or not.

    I see 2 possibilities:

    1.) No one will pay for this crap, and the service will be discontinued.

    2.) Enough people will pay, everyone else will get fed up and leave, and it will end up being the downfall of the site. They say that something like a quarter of the Earth's population is on Facebook now. Look for that number to take a radical nose dive if this service catches on. Then we can all go one the Zuck's page and post, "Congratulations for destroying Facebook, you greedy idiot!"

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  28. Hi Guys, I'd like you on FB but I don't do FB so I guess whatever Zuckerman's doing won't affect me. I just don't want people "all up in my business" and I don't think it's all that interesting.

    That said, I like you. I really really like you.

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  29. I don't have a FB account, but I'm in charge of all of the social media at work, so I am aware of this chicanery...Zuckerberg must be a Republican, because "free except the part where you pay" is a very Republican argument!

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  30. What. Just great, I go and make a facebook and I realize this. What's going on.

    Anyway, I definitely get everything you put on there, but that's probably because I don't follow much else.

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  31. I forgot to mention that tomorrow I'm featuring your zombie book on my blog.

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  32. Yeah, I guess my status updates will just have to stay at the bottom of the barrel, because there's NO WAY I'm paying seven bucks every time I feel the urge to post something! Take that, Zuck! What a creeper!

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  33. I would pay $7 to remove all political posts from facebook. Or $7 to stop all game invites. Or $7 to stop all invites, friend requests, and messages. I don't even know why I use facebook.

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    1. I agree with you regarding political posts and game requests.

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  34. Sheesh! I'm not even ON 'Facebook'. Does that make me a Negative-$7.00 Loser? (i.e., a whole $14.00 from the top of the heap?)

    I suck one-thousand, four-hundred pennies! It's enough to make a bloke drown his sad self-perception in... BEER! (Can I borrow $7.00 from you for a six-pack?)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  35. You mean your loyal cadre of groupies don't disseminate your musings for free? You need better groupies.

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  36. Hilarious! I just noticed the $7 on posts last week and thought Zuck is pathetic. He lost so much on his IPO and the share amount sucks. He'll do anything for money. I've still been out there looking for another social network...haven't found one but I can feel it in my bones that there's one about to spring up within a year.

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  37. The entire thing digusts me so much that I can't even make a simplisticly funny comment about it. Especially because a post from fucking Mitt Romney appeared in my feed today and I don't even "Like" the bastard--so I'm assuming that if you pay Zuck enough that he'll post in EVERYONE'S feed regardless of if you like them or not.

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  38. What the?! I didn't know about this! Lame. Seems to me that it's time for a new social networking site to step in and kick ass. Facebook who?

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  39. Thanks for the tip guys, I think one day I will be able to abstain form Facebook...one day!

    But this is just like these free browser games, it is all for free but if you want extra equipment you need to pay!

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  40. Wow, I thought you guys were joking. This new Facebook "feature" is really pathetic. :(

    That being said, I think your marketing ideas actually have some potential! Especially that choose your own adventure story. Can you imagine a well-written, complex and illustrated choose-your-own adventure novel marketed as a facebook game, with tokens for do-overs and alternate paths? I totally think someone could do something with that...

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  41. THIS IS HILARIOUS!I wasn't even aware of the whole Facebook status update thing, though. Which narcissist would actually pay seven bucks to get their status update on people's news feeds?

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  42. Think I heard today that Facebook is losing money hand over fist (or hand over... as your pic portrays) Guess ol Zuck needs to maintain his lifestyle

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  43. Hahahhaha oh my god! What is air! That post just made my day. Say hello to your new Facebookfan!! XD

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  44. Those pictures of "The Zuck" make me feel icky inside. I'm not a big FB fan. I only go on every couple of weeks to check for messages. Having to pay for it, would make me want to go there even less.

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  45. I was wondering what that little "Promote" link was all about.

    Trust me, I'm not that important enough to have my posts be put at the top of everyone newsfeed, even if I got a book coming out next month that I want everyone to buy, 'cause the content is bit like this post: boobs, babes, and lots of hot sex.

    And yes, I'm being 100% serious here.

    And I thank you for the chuckle this evening.

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  46. Charging for people to see my posts on FB? I really don't think anything I have to say is worth that kind of money. I prefer free outlets to my musings.

    But if you decide to start up that choose your own adventure thing let me know, cause I have all kinds of 99cents for that kind of activity!

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  47. you guys seem to do so much... but you dont... it just looks like it. I can do that too sometimes...

    yesss....

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  48. Who uses iphone 5 nowadays? I upgraded to Galaxy SIII, and suddenly, I could see clearly and the rain was gone... Okay don't mind that subtle plagiarism. (PAY ME FOR THAT ENDORSEMENT SAMSUNG!)

    I think it's ridiculous when friends/cousins of mine who recently became parents start posting inspirational quotes, or anecdotes of how wise they've become as a result of parenting. Really? Let me ask that again... Really? I think this is why most teenagers are annoyed with their parents. Not because of the facebook quotes but because of the holy-than-thou attitudes these parents developed when they were very new at it.

    By the way, your idea sucks. Want to REALLY make money the Zuck way? Make your readers pay to have their comments be ALWAYS on the top. Whoever pays more is king of the hill. Whoever pays the least will be in the bottom, but still above of those cheap scumbags like me who will refuse. And since most of the people who are commenting on your pages are other bloggers trying to get attention, this is a sure way to some big money.

    Wow why did I just share this piece of genius with you?! darn it...

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  49. That's really dumb that Facebook does that now... I didn't realize until I read this post.

    By the way, that story was totally awesome because of its explicit sexual nature with the awesome boobies and all. Now excuse me while I go "choose my own adventure."

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