Hey folks, and welcome to part 2 of superheroes you didn't know existed. For part 1, go here. Or don't. We don't currently have a superhero to enforce that rule.
Today brings us the greatest modern superhero of all. He's a man I used to work with back when I was employed, and he has the ability to command complete and utter silence, no matter how many people are talking or how loud they are.
Because he is... the Joke Killer.
Yes, that's right, that's Comic Sans you just read. If you want to imagine the sound of his voice, just imagine nails on a chalkboard... AKA the audio equivalent of Comic Sans.
He has that $8 Bill Gates haircut and that dopey, dead-behind-the-eyes expression that says his idea of comedic genius is Full House-era Bob Saget (not to be confused with modern, edgy, potty mouthed Bob Saget... only a slight step up). It's not just that he's unfunny, but that he genuinely thinks he's funny. Enough people have pretended to laugh at his bad jokes up to this point in his life that now he just swears that he's an absolute laugh riot.
But he's not. He is a man whose jokes are so awful that once uttered, no conversation can ever recover from it. Talking to him is like the verbal Holocaust. He knows more than one-hundred knock knock jokes, because he thinks those are "comedy gold." And, because of all of this, he can kill the wittiest, funniest conversation with a single joke.
And with that, the conversation is dead and everyone wishes they could just jump out the window to their deaths. Because he is the Joke Killer.
But worst of all, you can't ignore him. Oh no, that just makes things worse. Because then he'll want to "explain" it, you know, to make sure you received the full dose of hilarity.
Do you have a Joke Killer in your life, be it at work, or a friend, or God forbid, someone at home?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)
Music: Dutch Uncles
Beer: Negra Modelo
Also, just FYI, our new e-book novel "Dead and Moaning in Las Vegas" goes on sale one week from today!