I’m not good at a lot of things. I’m not good at waiting, I’m not good at swimming, and I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut, but one thing I’m especially not good at is poker. Betting, bluffing, holding, folding – it’s all Greek to me. I’ve had Brandon try and explain it to me before, but it just does no good.
So to celebrate our new novel about zombies taking over LasVegas, we flew out to Sin City to learn some high stakes poker. And we invited our good friend Youngman Brown to help us out. Between him and Brandon, I got some very helpful poker tips that have really turned my game around.
I also learned from Brandon that being good at poker has everything to do with skill and nothing to do with luck...
Another thing I learned is that your "poker face" is everything. That Lady Gaga chick was onto something.
The last lesson I learned was to always tip your dealer. Because, eventually, karma will poke you in the eye for being a cheap bastard.
So, how is that a lesson, you ask? Apparently, insulting a man's livelihood is frowned upon by the galactic powers that be, because once we all returned to our respective hotel rooms we found that our dealer had taken the liberty of having sexy call girls delivered to each of us. And by sexy call girls I mean big, hairy bikers dressed in women's lingerie. I never did find out why bikers would actually choose to wear lingerie. But I did find out that no matter how good your luck is or how much you win at a poker table in Las Vegas, when a three-hundred pound man in a corset shows up on your doorstep, everybody loses.
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
-Bryan (and Brandon)
Music: Two Door Cinema Club
Also, I wrote a very small short story that got posted over at The Indie Chicks. Check it out if you can. I don't like to brag, but it doesn't suck.
Short story awesomeness here
Oh, and if you haven't checked out Youngman Brown, seriously, do it now. He is one funny dude. And if you stop by, tell him Brandon and Bryan sent you. He offers a free 30 minute deep tissue massage to all first time visitors.*
*This is 100% not true