It's kinda like the NFL equivalent of Dungeons and Dragons.
So here at A Beer for the Shower, we realize that many of you (being the questionably "sane" people that you are) may have no clue about the glorious lifestyle that is fantasy football leaguing and might be interested in joining the fray. Well, today we've put together a guidebook for those looking to learn about the many necessary sacrifices that such a competitive hobby demands...
First, you absolutely have to take off 3 days from work to watch the NFL draft. This is rookie level dedication, and if you can't do it, well, sorry bub, but you deserve whatever chump you get stuck with as your quarterback.
Second, if you aren't paying at least $100 for a league entry fee, you are most likely a pre-pubescent girl. Because, everybody knows that free fantasy football is for chumps, and this is the year you're going to win big.
And speaking of monetary investment, you'd damn well better be dropping $50 to your TV provider for the NFL Redzone channel so you can watch every single game and constantly evaluate your players.
Next, you have to neglect your wife and family while evaluating said players at least 6 hours a day. Watching hour after hour of muscular men in tights falling on each other instead of having sexy time with your beautiful wife isn't gay at all.
Then, spend more time crunching player statistical numbers than you did working on last year's taxes. The number of times per year a quarterback has scrambled out of the pocket is totally relevant to who you're going to pick and could absolutely be the difference between whether you win big or not.
And if anyone asks why you have Aaron Rodgers' medical records, you just tell them that you aren't going to invest your time drafting some sissy that gets the sniffles and costs you first place!
Next is the draft, and then the gameplay itself. Little of that is important, since you're such an expert now. What's most important is trash talk, which is especially menacing over the Internet. So what are you waiting for? Get in that little chat room and talk some shit!
Then, when the season is over, celebrate the fact that you took 8th place, which out of 10 people isn't last place! Sure, you lost over $200 (plus lost wages from all that time off), but there's always compulsive gambling to win it all back, right? Also, don't take shit from those who won, like the teenage girl who took 2nd place just by picking who she thought was hottest (we can't help it if Tom Brady is good AND good looking). Because yeah, she won $250, but she doesn't know football like YOU do, sport.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan and Brandon
Beer: Stella Artois