Monday, July 23, 2012

Frosty Beer Taste Testicle 2012

Before we start today's post, we just wanted to remind you that we have a totally kickass Kickstarter going to help fund the cover/marketing of our new book, The Dead Don't Play Slots. If you pledge at least $1, we'll tweet anything you want, and for at least $5, I'll draw you anything you want (within reason) in MSPaint. See here for details.

With that said... hi folks. Today, upon the past suggestion of multiple readers, we've decided to stage a taste test competition for that slur-inducing nectar of the gods: beer. The first contestant for this epic showdown will be that swilling champion and all-around smartass, Bryan.


The second drinker is One-Leg Craig, the hallway hobo. Not just because of his intimate familiarity with alcoholic beverages, but because, honestly, what else does he have to do? (Also, we don't have to pay him)

Brandon will be serving as game judge. So...let's go ringside!








(It was actually Left Hand Milk Stout)




(Our good friend Workingdan from Shameful Promotions.)







Is there a moral to the story? Probably not. But if there's anything to be learned here it's that, yes, to some people taste and flavor are important components to the things they put into their mouth. But no matter how delicious the complexities of composition, after the third beer or so, the shit all basically tastes the same.

Cheers,

Brandon and Bryan

53 comments:

  1. "I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I shotgun the cheap piss to get drunk faster." That's what the "most interesting man" says, right? I'd actually love to see someone convert a hobo into a beer connoisseur.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Stella Artois is dishwater. German white beer is where it's at, with Erdinger being the king of all beverages, alcoholic or not.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bwahahaha! Love it because it's true. In this recession of ours, I've taken the approach of starting off with a good beer (what are your thoughts on Boddingtons? I think I'm the only guy who likes it) and the moving onto whatever is cheap.

    Thanks for the laughs guys.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can't believe Bryan lost either. They say that if you go on long enough it all tastes the same, but I've never reached that point. I don't really like the taste of alcohol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Honestly, I've never tasted a beer that I actually liked. I'm just glad I can now order a Coke without embarrassment.

    Funny post as usual.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ice cold Modelo in a can, squirt some lime juice on the rim, sprinkle salt and chug. Well, that's how they drink it here in Mexico. Salud!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol! Awesome ending to this - can't wait for Workingdan to come by and see this. He'll love it :) But I never thought that Bryan was going to lose... also, with alcohol not having an effect on him - how did he get muddled?

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's true after #3 or 4 they all taste the same. That's why I usually start with Sam Adams.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would have to agree, after about 3 beers they all start to taste the same. Unless of course you drink a Keystone light! That shit always tastes like piss...and I should know, I pissed it myself!

    Thanks for the guest appearance! Such a fitting role for Workingdan! Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. that is a horrifically awesome "painting" in the background. eek.

    ReplyDelete
  11. That's a pretty good drawing of workingdan

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL yeah they all taste the same eventually anyway and if you need some extra cat piss, the cat will surely help out haha

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh my GOSH!!! The last pic was sooo freaking funny. The secret ingredient to Keystone revealed. Awesome ending to an already great post.

    ReplyDelete
  14. So that's how Keystone light is made... lol.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Out here in redneckland, Budweiser is the king, thankfully we have an actual brewery with real beers!

    And I believe Keystone light can only be made after urine is completely diluted by drinking too much water....

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hahahahah they all taste like the same shit from the start to me. I'd fail miserably. Wine testing? I'd still fail, but at least I'd enjoy myself.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haha...I thought Bryan would have the hobo in the bag, then BAM! One-Leg Craig came out ahead. Better luck next time!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am not a fan of the beer, but I once attended a tasting of several home brewed and those weren't as terrible as I had imagined.

    Whiskey, baby. Never lets me down.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm not a beer afficionardo(?). It all tastes like crap to me!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Beer tasting of an ah...more technical variety?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Craig has a lot to teach us. He's sort of like Yoda, if Yoda had subsisted solely on the swamp water of Dagobah.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You had me at "a flexible schedule is one of the perks of self employment".

    You are right, it does all taste the same after a few too many, that's why I always end the night on cheap and nasty.

    And I thought when you do tastings, you take a mouth full, but spit it out?

    Who am I kidding? I'm not good enough at keeping a straight face

    ReplyDelete
  23. You guys are going to turn me into a beer drinker yet!

    ReplyDelete
  24. I love seeing Dan over here! You captured his "essence" in true form - especially in the last frame - the only thing missing was his deck LMAO

    =PPPP

    I don't drink beer anymore, when I drink, I drink vodka!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I use to fire a few Imperials down my throat on break. I hated the taste, but it was the quickest way to get tipsy before going back to the kitchen. I think I nearly cut my finger off a few times being drunk in the kitchen.

    Other than that, I've heard a lot of good things about Fat Tire. I've never seen it before, though.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Go Dan!!! I'm so glad you boys put him into your strip as he's done so many kind things for all of his fellow bloggers. Yes he's rude, he's crude, he's ill-mannered, but he does it with love and affection. And if people don't get it, well feck 'em!

    ReplyDelete
  27. heh heh
    wait... aren't taste and flavor the same thing? Mostly.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Beer is awesome and that's why I brew it. If you have a hopville profile you should hit me up. Current Beer on keg is Docksider pale ale.

    http://hopville.com/brewer/convictus

    ReplyDelete
  29. Kill'ya Irish Red, I think I've had something similar!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I hope I don't get blocked from your site for saying this, but...I hate beer!

    But, I do admit, you guys do have me wondering if it is just because I've only tried crap beer. Hmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Bahahaha! I love it. A cameo by Workingdan? Perfect.

    P.S. Avalanche=love

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm just getting on the beer band wagon thanks to Tech Boy. He LOVES everything dark and IPA. I can't deal with that. I also won't touch the bullshit american piss water like PBR, Bud, Miller or anything like that. I like craft beers.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Never underestimate a one-legged hobo!

    PBR = Pabst Blue Ribbon?

    It's good to know you BEER BOYS hain't fallin' for that new PBR trend that's supposed to make a man seem cool. It's garbage.

    Then again, it ain't really any worse garbage than some of the stuffs I was swillin' when I was young and stupid: Carling Black Label Beer and Schaefer.

    In fact, me and my boys drank so much Schaefer that we even referred to ourselves as 'The Schaefer Club'.

    'Course there was also Azteca Mexican Restaurant that served .99 cent margaritas from 10 AM to Noon. We were there so often that we called that 'The Ninety-Nine Cent Club'.

    I have so abused my ver. (There's not enough healthy tissue left to spell "liver" fully.)

    Well, I'd comment further but I've got an Odell IPA in the fridge that's callin' my name. (Betcha think I'm joking, huh?)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
  34. What? A picture of Dan that doesn't show his ass? I feel cheated ;)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Man.. free booze. I'd like that again. It's been a while. Memories

    ReplyDelete
  36. I think that hobo was cheating. He was probably the one that filled up the glasses before the competition started! (Make of that what you will...)

    ReplyDelete
  37. I drank PBR the other night and thought of you guys. In my defense it was free and I was at a concert where beer was EXPENSIVE (and I'm broke). Then I did shots of Jack Daniels to hurry up and get buzzed so I couldn't taste the shitty PBR. I totally concur...after a bit it just doesn't matter. That being said I'm bitching out and LOVING Leinkugel Summer Wheat....tastes like a fucking blueberry muffin and I love it. I don't care if it's incredibly girlie.

    ReplyDelete
  38. LOL!
    I like your fundraising idea! You guys should get into advertising.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Stella Artwat tastes nothing like PBR. Sure, I've never has PBR, but Artwat was my beer back before a doctor ruined my life by telling me I can't drink beer. Please, take it back. Tell me it's not true. I want my mommy.

    ReplyDelete
  40. And that is why I stick to wine or Tequila :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. I would be man #3...beer all tastes the same to me. lol Congrats to the winner ;) hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  42. Is it too early to have a beer at 1030 in the morning? That post made me thirsty.

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is why I don't drink beer anymore, it taste like piss (or maybe it is)....cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Ha! Awesome post. I'm no beer lover or anything, I'd love to attend one of those beer fest though.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I can usually tell the difference between beers. That being said, I love them all!

    ReplyDelete
  46. Whenever I can't tell the difference between beer and piss, I take a leak in an empty cup and check it. Or so my latest YouTube appearance tells me.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I used to go put up with the snowbroders on Monday nights just to get some free Breck Vanilla Porter...mmm

    ReplyDelete
  48. Y'know, I don't do alcohol...but I'm fairly certain I'd be a snob about 'em. Like microbrews and ales only or some shit. Imports and harder stuff when I'm goin' for poker or some such...

    On the other hand I have a friend who swears up and down I'd be the type to drink appletinis and cosmopolitans.

    Said friend also loses to me a lot in heads-up poker.

    Just sayin'...

    ReplyDelete
  49. Hmmm... Never drank enough beer to notice the difference yet.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Excellent post as always! And Dans appearence in it is very funny! Moral of the story? Hobos know best!

    Good luck with the kickstarter campaign! I hope you guys make your target! I'd help out but I'm saving all my money to make sure I don't end up like One-Leg Craig, the hallway hobo.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Dammit... if I'd known kickstarter uses Amazon to pay I wouldn't have gotten all excited. What kind of awesome futuristic funding site doesn't accept paypal?

    I like having the freedom of a 17 year old and not having a credit card, thank you very much! :|

    ReplyDelete
  52. Last time I was in Denver, I toured three different breweries. My douche Ex (pretends he) has a great palate, and he gave every beer this long description. I was drunk halfway into the first brewery (cheap flights of good beer?? yes, please!). My "descriptions"? : "I like this one. It tastes good". It's funny: other than Blue Paddle (aka Swamp Water), I didn't find a beer I didn't like.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Powered by Blogger.