Monday, July 30, 2012

Double Dating is the Devil's Handiwork

I hated dating. The bad ice breakers, the long, awkward pauses, the brainless chit chat, washing the blood out of my clown suit at the end of the night (I'm just kidding... I hope). I hated it all. So I was relieved when I got married, because I was promised no more dating.

But they were wrong, you see, because you DO still date when you're married... you double date. You go out as a couple, with another couple, and it's double the bad ice breakers, double the long, awkward pauses, double the brainless chit chat... and double the misery. The awkward silence is especially agonizing.















Or if it's not awkward silence, sometimes you just don't mesh well. For example, I like a night of drinking as much as the next guy, but if the couple you're drinking with is slamming them back like water and bordering on alcohol poisoning, well, that's not very fun either.









Lucky for us the alcohol poisoning shut down her liver and killed her, which spared us the hassle of having to come up with an excuse as to why we couldn't hang out with them next weekend. We're still trying to come up with a good excuse to ditch the funeral, though...

But enough about acute alcohol poisoning. Double dating is hard. Unlike single dating, double dating is even trickier because everybody has to like everybody for it to work. Frankly, it's awkward if the girls get along, but the guys don't. Or vice versa.






Double dating requires compromise and agreement, because you have two brains trying to agree on whether they like who they just went out with. But really, that's not unlike single dating, amirite?


Though in the case of single dating, that second brain doesn't seem to listen very well to the first brain...

At least double dating's easy with Brandon. It's never awkward. Well, almost never.






Any of you attached/married folk ever been on a terrible double date?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Music: Nigel & the Dropout
Beer: Breckenridge Agave Wheat





57 comments:

  1. When we go out with another couple my redneck husband likes to do the "Logan County double date" (named after the county in West Virginia where he grew up). That means the guys sit in the front of the car and the chicks sit in the back. Weird huh?????? By the way, I LOVE Channing's 6 pack!!!!

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  2. Never asked out on double dates because of our anger issues!

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  3. My husband flat out refuses to go on a double date with any of my friends and their husbands. He doesn't like people.

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  4. You should double date with your neighbours. I'm sure all the inadvertent but blatant racism would pass the time quite well. I don't think I've ever really been on an actual date. The closest I guess was when I was hanging out with my best friend and her girlfriend. Things got a little uncomfortable, but mostly for the girlfriend actually. It must feel good to see your partner putting you to the side in favour of their friend.

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  5. Eh, we don't double date, we just go hang out with friends because amazingly, we know a lot of single people....weird. Then again, we don't really go out a lot, we're homebodies.

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  6. My broom farts all the time and then it wonders why I never sweep the floor!

    My wife and I don't really double date. Mainly because we can barely afford to go on a date for ourselves. That, or it could be that we seem to have difficulty finding good friends. Our friends are all lazy fucks!

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  7. I've been an unsuspecting 3rd wheel. Probably much worse than a painful double date

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  8. I want to put it in her butt?

    Classy as ever, guys! Laughed my butt off ... but don't go trying to put it in there.

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  9. I've been on a couple double dates and each and every one was freakin awkward. lol.

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  10. This is why I always have a kazoo with me. Any time there is an awkward silence or even a lull in conversation I bust that bad boy out and do a rendition of "Dreamweaver".

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  11. We have most of the same friends anyway, so it's not so much double dating as mass friend gatherings. You can't just invite a couple of them without the others getting jealous. I don't know if that's less or more difficult than the situation you're describing.

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  12. Mark was right on with his comment, above.

    Double date with the neighbors!

    That would be a blockbuster worth waiting for. Like "Superman Meets Jesus" or "Jason Meets Freddy".

    That will get paid theater goers in the seats!

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  13. I haven't ever done the double date thing.

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  14. Never double dated... Dating is bad enough. I guess I need to find a husband, so I don't have to date anymore. But then, I'll badger him to do 'date night' so that it doesn't feel like we've lost our spark. So, really, it'll always be awkward! :)

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  15. I went on a double date that was so boring I tried to liven things up by starting a conversation about how FDR probably had a presidential bed pan cleaner. They decided appetizers were good enough and left.
    Also, I pledged $5 but can't think of a good drawing the best I could come up with was a moose in a top hat old timey boxing a pickleope with a monocle. But then I thought maybe supporting art and artists I like is reward enough without making you dance like monkeys.

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  16. My girlfriend's BFF is married. The ladies are desperately trying to make us friends.

    ...it's not working. He's too ADD and I can't keep up on the topic changes he throws at me. By conversation #7 I have a migraine.

    I learned very quickly, do NOT play Apples to Apples with an analytical ADD dude...

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  17. Aw I love Double Dates...except we don't call them double dates. We just call them going out with mutual friends that we like having fun with.

    I honestly can't remember at all ever having an awkward double date. Probably because we tend to hang out and do stuff at home all the time, so "doubling up" is really just doing the same thing outside of the apartment. Haha, idk.

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  18. I gave up on double dates when it became obvious that my blatant flirting with other men was making their dates uncomfortable. Bitches.

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  19. Double dating, oh yeah. I would rather put needles in my eyes.

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  20. I'm with Creepy Query Girl.ha And my husband is ADHD so it makes it worse if the other couple is boring. It's like physical torture for him so we just skip it. Parties are a whole different story though.

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  21. Oh and blogging about you guys today!

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  22. Hahhah great post. I've never really thought about it - guess it's an upside to dating someone quasi secretly. We don't get together with other couples.

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  23. I hate dating. Which is probably why I'm still single. Because I use my online dating profile strictly for making fun of the douchebags and cringing at all the grammatical/spelling errors. I'm hoping some matchmaker just finds me a husband that is a good match so I don't have to do the dating thing. But now you've crushed that dream. Thank you for that.

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  24. Aside from the hideous trolls my friends have set me up on a blind date with, the most recent failed double date was when me and my girlfriend went on a date with a friend of mine and his new girlfriend.

    We went to Dave & Buster's and my girlfriend was so excited to play games that she was slightly jogging while motioning for us to follow. My friend's date wasn't moving beyond a very slow walk. Well, turns out she had a bum leg and can walk much faster than a crippled snail, therefore making the evening already start out spectacular. Anyway, to make a long story short, my attempts at including everyone in the conversation were met with one-word answers, silence, and farts.

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  25. Very funny, you BAD BEER BOYS!

    But that blonde chick is right. I'm always having that same trouble with MY pink Hummer as well. I'm going to trade it in for a pink camel and move to the Middle East.

    A bird in the bed
    is worth two in the bar


    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  26. I haven't been on anything that might remotely be considered a double date since college.

    I didn't realize y'all didn't have an artist, yet. You should contact Rusty; he likes paying gigs :)
    And he's good.
    Better than good.

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  27. Went on an AWFUL (but hilarious) couples date once. The Husband HATED the "metrosexual" husband of my friend I set him up with and swore he was hitting on him in the men's room later on...

    I could not stop laughing at how The Husband jumped out of the way every time the guy so much as came within an inch of his elbow, while we sat at the bar. NEVER a good idea to try and hook up my Alpha Male with someone even slightly in touch with his feminine side, LOL

    Best laugh of the night: In the beginning when The Husband was trying to get to know this guy, and asked him what his fav movie was, and the dude said, "romantic comedies" bah ha ha. I thought The Husband was going to run out screaming, right then and there!

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  28. I am still figuring out the double dating exercise now that I am married. I think it's more stressful if it's with another married couple because you feel obligated to like BOTH of them!

    Double dating with a non-married couple is easier because most likely your friend will introduce you to the "next flavor of the month" soon enough.

    When the other couple is married and you don't like both, there is little hope of a better experience if you go out again!

    No.1 Rule of double dating: YOU MUST LIKE/GET ALONG/HAVE THINGS IN COMMON WITH AT LEAST 1/2 OF THE COUPLE!

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  29. Best of luck with your Kickstarter. I backed you guys a while ago but I'm hoping my real name isn't discovered. :P

    And now you have me scared about double dating because that's exactly what my girlfriend wants to do when her friend gets back.

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  30. You know how I feel about the people in Wichita, so you can imagine how a double date might go down. Brutal, my friend, brutal.

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  31. I don't find it that bad, but that is because generally hang out with people we've known a long time. The last people we did a dinner out with we've known since college, and the girls went to an all women's nude spa before our dinner. So we don't have lot's of awkward silences.

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  32. You guys are so close on your Kickstarter!! Fingers crossed for you guys!

    You make double dating seem like so much fun, I need to find a married couple to go hook up with this weekend....is the heroin couple available? They seem like fun.

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  33. I love to bring up topics like abortion, child labor laws, gay marriage and ghosts to liven up my double dates.

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  34. For me business lunches gives me heebiedabajeebies than this doubledating. Maybe because I havent gone with any oddcouple like your pink hummer lady.

    Hubby has three butoons
    1. Mute - He goes on auto-mute button mode whenever we have to take lunch with NORMAL people. Normal topics like weather, religion, family, kids are buzz words to turn on this mode.
    2. ON - Only ON button , no OFF mode. If has to talk about odd subjects like economy, politics, sports, cars he never stops.
    3. Nerd/Geek aka SHELDON COOPER button - This is like siren, alarm mode, I usually leave the XY chromosome with the hubby and grab the XX pair of the pair to "powder the nose" room.

    There we start our marathon talk about burp, poop and fart stories about kids. And we exchange and reuse "cute, adorable, lovely, awesome, choo chweet" with a loud laugh and forced smile. :)

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  35. Yes I am married and we did go on a double date that turned out disastrous. The guy got stinking drunk and picked a fight with anyone who looked at him wrong. Needless to say, we left at quickly as we could. We took his poor embarrassed date home.

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  36. So far we've done OK with our double dates, I'm pretty good at faking it! :) I do have some dreadful friends though, ya know, the ones where one of us doesn't get along with the other ones. Yuck!!

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  37. I'm married, but we don't really bother with double dating unless it's people we already know we like spending time with. Culls out the freaks, y'know? :)

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  38. I've never been on a double date, technically. I have been the second third wheel (trust me it makes plenty of sense if you dont think about it) when the couple decided, drunkenly, that it would be a great idea to set me up with his coworker, who happened to randomly be at the same bar and decided to join us. Yeah. That was fun.

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  39. Blah, you make double dating sound about as fun as the runs haha, I think I will avoid such a thing and great pic too.

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  40. What do you think accounts for this documented deterioration of social skills during marriage?

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  41. I don't think anything sucks more. Especially if you're not fixed.. Maybe I've just been doing it really wrong.

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  42. LMAO So basically the dating world never ends? Rough...

    This really did have me laughing!!! I read it during class and I think the kid next to me now thinks I have slight issues. Next time I'll wait until I get home ;)

    Oh, and Debbie's picture is AWESOME! I now have to think of something equally as awesome to pledge...

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  43. Double dates suck.
    Thanks for the guru-mantra. Seriously.

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  44. Weird timing for this post. Earlier tonight, my friend suggested that my brother and his girl go on a double date with my friend's friend and his girl because they live in the same city. I thought to myself how horrible that sounded.

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  45. Nailed it, just like this comic.

    Fan-fucking-tastic.

    I do double date, but it generally with my friends so our girlfriends are the ones having to do the awkward stuff while we work out the best way for an orc soldier to build up a static charge. There are no carpets in middle earth damn it!

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  46. Add a layer of awkward: the hideous other couple is your husband's boss and his wife, who spends the evening talking about the island she's going to buy when husband dies from his crappy eating habits. Yes, this was actual dinner "conversation."

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  47. The Hubby and I make a point to not double date anymore. All the couples we went out with turned out to be freakshows In a few years you'll stop it all together. It's rarely worth it.

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  48. Meeting my brother's girlfriend. In the 8+ years I have known Mr. RK, he has only taken an instant dislike to two individuals - and she is one of them. But he made an otherwise unbearable evening amusing by cutting off most of her sentences and totally hijacking the conversation.

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  49. The last double date I went on was with a married couple that fought loudly throughout the entire date. It was very uncomfortable.

    Never again.

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  50. You're my featured blogger of the day.

    I've never been on a double date. Too much to concentrate on, especially if its a blind one.

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  51. I love Mark's idea of doubling with your neighbors. Talk about blog fodder. Not married but my boyfriend and I don't really do doubles anyway. Hell, we're lucky if we have time for a single between the two of us.

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  52. I'm such a friggin' hermit, going out with anyone else is painful (I hate small talk). The wife, on the other hand, is the proverbial social butterfly...everyone invites us out with them, because they love her!

    The didn't reckon with *me*, though...

    >:)

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  53. "I hope you get hepatitis and your hepatitis gets cancer" may become my new insult of choice.

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  54. I responded to your comment.

    http://convictushome.blogspot.com/2012/07/meritocracy-round-1.html?showComment=1344294651834#c4065104925454882323

    ReplyDelete

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