Showering with a Cold One

          Today we're gonna discuss something we've touched on before: how to properly shower with your beer. Namely, some cheap and easy ways you can keep your beer cold and out of the water while still enjoying God's gift to man in a hot shower. And the reason for this isn't just educational... it's also spite!

          See, we have an imposter among us, or maybe I should say a pair of imposters. Now, I know what you're asking, who would wish they were 2 unemployed writers? Well, that would be the 2 guys over at A Beer *in* the Shower, who created a knockoff blog as a way to steal traffic from us. We've talked to them before. They've read our site dozens of times, and they know that we're typically the #1 Google search result for "shower beer", "beer shower", etc. Their knockoff is not only deliberate, but it's also a marketing ploy to sell the cheap foam shower caddy they're peddling. And it's laughably unsuccessful.

          So you might be curious about their blog. Don't be. Don't go to their page. Don't give them hits. Don't give them any unnecessary followers or comments (which all stand karmically at zero). If you want to know what their site looks like, I'll show you.

Currently growing spiderwebs... and very bored spiders

        They're trying to sell an overpriced foam coaster to hold your beer while showering, which is cheaply made, stupid, doesn't hold up well (they gave us a sample one) and $13 more than any shower beer holder should cost (that price being zero). And did I mention it only holds cans?--yeah, have fun showering with a Keystone Light, because you're not gonna get a good craft beer in there! So today I'm going to show you the best free* shower beer holders that money won't have to buy, for your can OR bottle needs!

*using things around the house you already have.

1. The Kleenex Box Ice Chiller. 

Let's face it, if you're showering with your beer, you're already in the process of doing something very not classy, so this item really isn't going to ding your reputation as a socialite debutante.

Take an empty kleenex box and fill it with ice. Then, when you shower, just set it on something nearby and plop in your favorite beer. Be it the counter, the toilet tank, or a cabinet, you'll have a nice cold receptacle that acts as a cooler AND as a barrier (so you don't have to set your frosty brew directly on, say, the toilet. Or the counter where you and your significant other have done filthy, unspeakable things).

2. The Ice Pack Cozy.

Again, the main thing about a beer cozy is that it should keep your beer cold, not just hold it. If not, you're just letting it hold a warm beer. We all know that warm beer tastes godawful, and if I wanted to be immersed in lukewarm pisswater, I'd just swim in a public pool. Or take a bath for 10 hours. Or drink a Keystone Light.

So here's another cheap and easy container: just take a very wide cup (mine has a grip - ideal for the shower) and wrap an ice pack inside like a liner. Then, not only is it ice cold insulation for your beer, but the container becomes your new 'cozy.'

3. The Shower Tap.

If you're more the alcoholic type motivated drinker, perhaps you might think of remodeling the ole' bathroom plumbing a bit. Don't worry, you don't have to be Bob Vila to pull this one off. Any inebriated asshole with a hammer can knock a few well-placed holes in the walls, and then bam, all you've got to do is run the hose from your kegerator right into your shower.*

Man, was my landlord ever pissed about this one. I think. Reason #213 I'm glad I don't speak Romanian.

*If you entertained this notion for even a second, I'm assuming you're enough of a drunk to already own a kegerator.

So there you have it, a few cheap and easy (and most likely free) ways to shower with a cold one. If you have any other unique ways to shower with a brew, let us know in the comments. Or, if you're feeling really daring, you're always welcome to e-mail us your best shower beer pictures to abeerfortheshower@gmail.com, which might just land you a spot on the site. No nudity, please...

...unless you're a really hot chick.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: Lotus Plaza
Beer: JosephsBrau Dunkelweizen (in the shower)

P.S. A good friend of mine has just established an E-book publishing company called Temporary Infinity Press, which prints novellas (good novellas!) and markets them in E-book form. If you happen to be a writer and have a novella you want published, look him up and see if you might want to send a submission to him or his associate. He's a great guy to work with, he's got a good, solid platform, and no, he's not trying to sell you anything. It's legit publishing. His name is Andrew, and if you tell him Bryan sent you he'll give you 20% off your next oil change (okay, no, he won't do that).

Temporary Infinity Press