Monday, May 7, 2012

How to Drink a Beer in the Shower

          Today we're gonna discuss something we've touched on before: how to properly drink a beer in the shower. Namely, some cheap and easy ways you can keep your beer cold and out of the water while still enjoying God's gift to man in a hot shower. And the reason for this isn't just educational... it's also spite!

          See, we have an impostor among us, or maybe I should say a pair of impostors. Now, I know what you're asking, who would wish they were 2 unemployed writers? Well, that would be the 2 guys over at A Beer *in* the Shower, who created a knockoff blog as a way to steal traffic from us. We've talked to them before. They've read our site dozens of times, and they know that we're typically the #1 Google search result for "shower beer", "beer shower", etc. Their knockoff is not only deliberate, but it's also a marketing ploy to sell the cheap foam shower caddy they're peddling. And it's laughably unsuccessful.


          So you might be curious about their blog. Don't be. Don't go to their page. Don't give them hits. Don't give them any unnecessary followers or comments (which all stand karmically at zero). If you want to know what their site looks like, I'll show you.

Currently growing spiderwebs... and very bored spiders
        They're trying to sell an overpriced foam coaster to hold your beer while showering, which is cheaply made, stupid, doesn't hold up well (they gave us a sample one) and $13 more than any shower beer holder should cost (that price being zero). And did I mention it only holds cans?--yeah, have fun showering with a Keystone Light, because you're not gonna get a good craft beer in there! So today I'm going to show you the best free* shower beer holders that money won't have to buy, for your can OR bottle needs!

*using things around the house you already have.

1. The Kleenex Box Ice Chiller. 

Let's face it, if you're showering with your beer, you're already in the process of doing something very not classy, so this item really isn't going to ding your reputation as a socialite debutante.


Take an empty kleenex box and fill it with ice. Then, when you shower, just set it on something nearby and plop in your favorite beer. Be it the counter, the toilet tank, or a cabinet, you'll have a nice cold receptacle that acts as a cooler AND as a barrier (so you don't have to set your frosty brew directly on, say, the toilet. Or the counter where you and your significant other have done filthy, unspeakable things).



2. The Ice Pack Cozy.

Again, the main thing about a beer cozy is that it should keep your beer cold, not just hold it. If not, you're just letting it hold a warm beer. We all know that warm beer tastes godawful, and if I wanted to be immersed in lukewarm pisswater, I'd just swim in a public pool. Or take a bath for 10 hours. Or drink a Keystone Light.

So here's another cheap and easy container: just take a very wide cup (mine has a grip - ideal for the shower) and wrap an ice pack inside like a liner. Then, not only is it ice cold insulation for your beer, but the container becomes your new 'cozy.'




3. The Shower Tap.

If you're more the alcoholic type motivated drinker, perhaps you might think of remodeling the ole' bathroom plumbing a bit. Don't worry, you don't have to be Bob Vila to pull this one off. Any inebriated asshole with a hammer can knock a few well-placed holes in the walls, and then bam, all you've got to do is run the hose from your kegerator right into your shower.*

Man, was my landlord ever pissed about this one. I think. Reason #213 I'm glad I don't speak Romanian.

*If you entertained this notion for even a second, I'm assuming you're enough of a drunk to already own a kegerator.

So there you have it, a few cheap and easy (and most likely free) ways to shower with a cold one. If you have any other unique ways to shower with a brew, let us know in the comments. Or, if you're feeling really daring, you're always welcome to e-mail us your best shower beer pictures to abeerfortheshower@gmail.com, which might just land you a spot on the site. No nudity, please...

...unless you're a really hot chick.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: Lotus Plaza
Beer: JosephsBrau Dunkelweizen (in the shower)


67 comments:

  1. Back in one of my old apartments I had a communal shower type stall, though it was in my apartment. It was a brick/cinder block thing that didn't go all the way up to the ceiling. The top of the cinder blocks was open and you could pack it wit ice to keep your beverage cold. It looked like shit, and was rough on your forehead as you leaned against it in an alcoholic haze but it was a great beer holder.

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  2. Very educational boys. And to think I just use a regular ol stubbie holder for my shower beer.
    What I really need though is a way to stop spilling my wine when chillin in my hammock

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  3. How long do you guys shower anyway?
    Unless beer is your protective shield armor, and you need to protect against "Psycho" mommy-issue boys, why do you need beer in the shower?
    And you dont take tub bath? You could apply for patent for a duckie bucket like this one to fill ice and hold beer bottle, not just for shower but for bath too:)
    Sales from Ireland would hit the roof I suppose?

    Anyway pretty educational by the way and I have learned so much today.

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  4. Any advice for those who would like to enjoy wine whilst bathing?

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  5. I usually just try to drink the beer before it goes cold! The bad thing about that is I drink it too fast and have to go running naked through the house to get another one!

    Now I need to figure out how to add a beer tap to me shower!

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  6. Correction... goes warm, not cold!

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  7. I only shower once a week anyhow, but when I had a job, I would hire a prostitute to sit on the corner of the tub and hold my beer in a cozy, while protecting the top of course, and she would hand it to me when I was ready.

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  8. The image of your imposters' site is great - and I imagine they won't get very far with their efforts of making money off of it.

    I do wonder why you haven't graduated to bathing in beer instead of just drinking it though.

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  9. I trained the cat to sit outside the shower and hold it for me, althought he damn cat drinks it all and just hands me an empty bottle. Maybe that is why he rhymes so much, he's always drunk..haha...good tips.

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  10. I always wondered how to enjoy the nectar of life in the shower. Stay classy guys! lol.

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  11. I think it would be great if people actually sent you in their pictures. I don't have a beer, just a bath, so it's quite easy for me to drink in there if I want to. Though maybe one day I will own a shower, and I will need to remember your endless wisdom. I also wonder if there's anything you can do about that other site. You guys should actually make a beer that's for enjoyment in the shower, and call it A Beer For The Shower. Or some other name that's much simpler. I wonder what a beer made for the shower would taste like. Probably better than beer that came out of a shower.

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  12. I think it's a total douche move to try and rip off another blog's concept. Although, imitation is supposed to be the highest form of flattery, right?

    Sorry guys, but I'm doing you a favour by not forwarding a pic. There's no coming back from seeing any of my lady parts peeking out of the shower. :)

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  13. The only place I have to set a beer even close to my shower is on the toilet, so I'm gonna need some kind of anti-bacterial holder/spider swiper if I want a beer for my showers.

    Did I mention that my shower is some kind of futuristic looking space pod thing that you can barely turn around in and only has 3 shelves that aren't wide enough for a bottle of shampoo, let alone a beer?

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  14. I can't believe that someone is using your fame to try and profit...hey, wait, I'm unemployed and wanting to become a writer...I could say there are two of me...hmmm...no, I don't even like beer. I like vodka.

    This had me laughing so hard -"motivated drinker" - I know some people who fit under this label.

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  15. Those bastards! Besides, any drunk college kid knows you don't need to pay $$$ for a beer holder. And that is a life lesson that sticks with you, as you've shown with your very innovative ways to keep your beer cold while showering. I used to use a beach pail filled with ice and then I could hang it from this hook in my shower. It was fantastic. Now, I don't even try to keep the beer cold because I shower in 3 minutes flat.

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  16. I'm thinking about maybe using a sippy cup. That way you don't worry about spilling it if it's slippery and you can keep the water out of the beer too.

    Jay

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  17. For one split second, my heart skipped a beat when I looked at the bottle sitting in the Macgyverred cozies and I went in the fangirl mode, thinking "OMG! Is that KASTEEL??? I *love* Kasteel Donker! SQUEEEEEE!!!"

    ...Then I realized it was something else, ha ha.

    Just for kicks, I went to the impostor website. I think its chirping crickets went extinct because they purposefully jumped into the very bored spider's web to end their misery.

    The photos of the modeling hands really cracked me up, by the way. I needed a good laugh this morning. :)

    -Barb the French Bean

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  18. When I google my name and the word "gobshite" I get ten pages of results. I get even more when I google O'Leary and Jesus Christ. I'm so pleased that Google so strongly connects me with a deity.

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  19. Very creative use of a Kleenex box. Thank you so much for the tip.

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  20. I feel like there should have been some nudity in this post.

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  21. My old roomates and I used to just use the jutting edges of the shower. We built up quite the collection of beer cans/bottles in the shower. We had a decent tower going until it finally toppled over. Eventually, the beer cans got so bad that mold started growing in the shower so we had to finally clean it up and start over.

    Anyway, I think the ice pack one has the best design.

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  22. That sounds like great advice, but I'd sort of like a second opinion before I give it a try. I don't want to go trying to drink beet in the shower willy-nilly.

    Any idea where I can get a second opinion?

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  23. This is a public service announcement. You guys are kind of like heroes.

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  24. BAD B BOYS ~
    This one belongs under the 'Best Of ABftS' category!

    OK, just a few quick remarks here, as I have a Blind Beer Taste Test to attend to...

    Back in my twenties (or what we League Of Soul Crusaders refer to as "our Bay Street Daze"), I drank beer in the shower many times. I never required a "beer holder/chiller" though because...

    1) No guy should be in a shower stall for as long as it takes a beer to get warm, and...

    2) I rarely turned the water on, so as to avoid accidental dilution of the golden elixir.

    Yeah, I'd just sit in a dry shower stall and guzzle the beer. It saved me the trouble of inventing a beer holder/chiller, and it saved wear and tear on towels.

    And my final observation...

    Those shower tiles and the grout pictured in this blog bit look awfully clean! Are you sure you're a "dude"?

    ...Oh, wait, I remember now: you have a wife. Ahh, yes, it shows.

    Expensive beer and cheap women - that's for me!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  25. Oh knock offs and people with no imagination. You're handling them as best can be done. Next step, make an actual beer holder, maybe for the neck of the shower head where the.. you know this is a god idea. Message me or something if you're interested, I'm not publishing it on the comments.

    And I'd send a picture if only I could drink beer. I crave for the day when I can casually have a cold one without it affecting my health.

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  26. Imitation is the best form of flattery? I've always heard that statement but I prefer compliments

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  27. A beer in the shower is still better than a beer shower.

    On that note, Old Milwaukee takes FOREVER to wash out of your clothes... just saying.

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  28. A Beer *in* the Shower. What a bunch of fuckheads. I already have a shit-ton of cozys around the house, businesses give that shit out for free. I have never felt the need to go out and actually purchase one.

    I'm not really big into the beer these days, with being knocked up and all, but if I were to indulge and do it in the shower, I'd go the ice pack/cup way. Very clever boys.

    Do it in the shower... now I've given myself ideas.

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  29. If you're (allegedly) like John Travolta and have a gaping anus (allegedly), can I just pour a bucket of ice in there and keister that beer?
    Should I rethink my strategy to rename my blog "Shower with Beer"? That's like YouTube people who name their crappy video something close to a popular video.

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  30. Imitation the highest form of blah blah blah. Or Plagiarism at its best. Whichever? (Man, I have a headache and a hand cramp from trying to spell plagiarism.)

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  31. You do realize you just gave them a couple of good ideas...

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  32. Aaah, I was having such a shitty day, and this was the only thing that cheered me up today. I think I am some sort of junkie for your blog posts. I was obsessively refreshing your home page, being all like "WHEN ARE THEY UPLOADING THEIR NEW POST??!!"

    Btw, I was totally in the mood to spam the hell out of the imposter blog. We are all the type of obsessive fans of you guys who would totally be up for something like this. But I guess you're right, we don't wanna give these fuckers any hits

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  33. Very creative ideas for keeping your beer cold while you're in the shower. I'm more of a vodka gimlet girl, myself.

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  34. How do you know if you've made it?

    Big house? Fast cars? Fast women? Lots o' cash? No, someone ripping off your shit.

    Good advice gentlemen. I currently lift the lid of the cistern off the toilet (the part with the clean water), fill it with ice and have my very own esky/cooler.

    That way I can have a beer for the shower, for the bath, for brushing my teeth...

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  35. We all have our styles or ways to make our blog better than others. Just depends on how we work hard for it. Must be really catchy. Not boring.

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  36. HERE I AM! because let's be real...you missed me. 1. fuck dem guys. 2. fuck em. 3. i held mine in between my knockers. That was after I duct taped my 70s disco t***ies together to MAKE clevage. I have a frost burn on my sternum but not everyday is a win.

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  37. Silver lining? You know you've made it when people are trying to impersonate you and trying to ride the coat-tails of your success! :)

    But seriously... fuck those guys!

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  38. Dear A Beer for the Shower Guys,

    Can you magically devise a way for me to have my milk and cookies in the shower without it being spoiled by raining drops of warm, pressurized water?

    Sincerely,
    Your intermittent fan

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  39. Beer gives me the toots.

    However, if you can work out a way to keep my joint in a bubble bath dry, I'll love y'all forever.

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  40. So imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but also the lamest? I won't go there. Meanwhile, maybe someone will create a blog called pissed off kitty. What do you think?

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  41. Thank you for handing me your card today. I had quite the giggle reading your post, today's post of course... By the way, this is for Brandon, cuz ya know it's hard to tell which is clearer sometimes ; #1 or....pause.... #2? or do they look about the same?
    soooo much fun!
    Rhonda

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  42. I don't think I would have ever thought of the tissue paper cooler. I have to strongly suggest that anyone who tries this sticks to aluminum cans because broken glass and nudity is never fun.

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  43. a memorable way to keep your bottle of beer in the shower!

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  44. A Beer *in* the shower? JERKS.

    Perhaps I'll try on of your beer holding methods, and maybe send a picture. I say maybe because I'm very forgetful.

    Also, thanks for the heads up about your publisher friend :)

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  45. Excellent work. You truly are men of science. Now, if you can find a way for me to make toast in the bath, I'd be eternally grateful.

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  46. It's funny now that you mention it I just want to check out their site for shits and giggles. BUT I WONT! :)

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  47. How dare they!!!! Posers.

    Your commentors are a little scary with their beer FOR the shower suggestions so let me give you a classy one. A nice little wicker basket shaped like a cornucopia(look it up)in the up position and nailed to the wall. You can put dried flowers in it when not using for beer.

    See? Stay classy. Sort of.

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  48. Love the photos. The plumbing update is very nice.

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  49. Question, you're not gonna be mad if I start a blog called Hot Chick with a Beer in the Shower are you? Except there won't be any spiders. I hate spiders.

    - Ash

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  50. How long are you showering for? I can finish my shower before my beer warms up. Or, I finish the beer before I even start to bathe. Maybe that's it. :)

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  51. I compensate by taking cold showers. It keeps the beer cold longer.

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  52. I visited their blog before I read that I shouldn't. It depressed me, so I am thinking, if their shower caddy ever makes them any money, I can sue them for emotional distress.
    Also, here's an idea. Just use the sink! Fill that thing up with ice cubes, stick a beer in there, the end. Easy.

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  53. :;looks from The Generalist to them and back to The Generalist::

    Niggaz, are you psychic as well? Holy crap, I was just thinkin' 'bout how to distribute these things. Especially if the average is going to be 39 pages...

    ...a novella is longer than a short story but shorter than a novel, right? Like Robert Asprin novels?

    ...methinks I'mma gonna hit these guys up. :D Thanks broskis!

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  54. OK I am not a beer drinker but could you not just take of the , hell I forgot the word in English and German...ah you know the thing that holds the water, take that off put some ice and beer in there voila!!

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  55. They must give you the noble award for creativity lol

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  56. ha. You guys put a lot of thought into this. I'd probably opt for the ice pack in the big cup since you'd think ice would melt and collapse a kleenex box...That is, if I was the kind of girl who felt the need to drink beer in the shower.

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  57. Excellent post, guys. Serves them right, too, that bunch of thieves. Would you like me to send my cousin Vinny their way?

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  58. Haha what a solid upgrade to an already ingenious post.

    And thank you, also, for finally giving me the idea to call myself a "motivated drinker," which will definitely make my mom cringe a little less than calling myself an alcoholic.

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  59. Amazingly resourceful. I'm w/CQG, soggy boxes don't make for the best koozies. But hey, if it's a short one...

    My daughter was just telling me how her friend double wraps his cell phone in a sandwich bag so he can text from the shower. Text, not talk. When he's old enough to drink beer he's going to have a real party in there. ;)

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  60. I'd prefer to just hold my beer and drink it before it heats up.

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  61. I love my post-ski beer in the shower. Mmm... shower warms my butt while the beer cools my belly. Best. Beer. Ever.
    It just goes on the high up windowsill/shelf and I crack the window to keep it cool.

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  62. I'm not a big enough beer drinker to do this. Damn my Asian genetics.

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  63. A friend of mine put a tap in his outdoor shower down at the shore.

    (Why oh why did I lose track of him?)

    ((Oh I remember now; he was a little too motivated of a drinker.))

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  64. That tissue box idea is GENIUS!!

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  65. I can't beleieve someone is actually trying to knockoff your site. Well, no, I can. People suck. I'm curious to see what they're aiming at but you're right, a hit will just keep them going.

    As for the suggestions. I'm loving the tissue box idea. And the cozy is perfect because it will stay colder longer. Score!

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  66. edwardkosky@bellsouth.netMay 14, 2012 at 2:40 PM

    I'm still most curious about how others think about and deal with this HIGHLY disconcerting world in which we live. I don't recall what links I followed to get here...'Zombie Housewives' was somewhere on the way... but having scanned these thoughts and comments...my faith is once again renewed. Speaking as one who formerly viewed himself as but a 'bi-pedal, carbohydrate powered vehicle in which resided a temporary spark of the divine' I thought I was 'stranged out'. 'Beer in the Shower' guy and acolytes...may you all one day wash away the shame and regret with finality and find 'The Peace that passes all understanding'. Feel free to peruse the strange journey recorded on my FB Photo Page and fire away...pro or con. I most assuredly am NOT ashamed to state my grounding in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. (ELK USNA '68)

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