1. There are two types of people going to this thing. The very married, and the very desperately single, and the latter is a danger - to herself, and to others. She's that girl whose only one goal is to get as trashed as possible and take anything with a penis home.
2. It's a small, dinky cow-town. If we wanted to have conversations with a bunch of halfwit hicks we'd go to a Larry the Cable Guy show, not a high school reunion.
3. Brandon was kind of a hoor in his high school days, and since he doesn't have Facebook, he doesn't relish the thought of seeing how his old flames have aged.
Like the ultra-fit, Amazonian sports star, who was also a powerlifting champion*.
*true fucking story
Or like the hot cheerleader, who got a little "too into" the party scene after graduation.
And where old girlfriends are concerned, let's not forget the introduction of their inevitable offspring. Or, as folks back home like to call them: fuck trophies.
|Come on. Did you really want to see a cartoon of this, you sick bastard?|
*yes, this is also a true fucking story
5. It's always sad to see what a failure everyone turned out to be.
Music: George Barnett
Beer: Shiner Bock