An Apartment Apart

It's been noted before that I tend to get around...of course, meaning that I've lived in a lot of different places, and therefore many different apartments. Which is why today I've decided to compile a short list of useless things I've learned about apartment living.

1. Don't freak out when you see random homeless people sleeping in the hallway/entryway foyer. Depending on your neighborhood, these things happen. A lot.

And don't blame One Leg Greg. If you want to point fingers, blame that skanky hairdresser in 2A who just can't ever seem to remember to shut the goddamned door after she takes her chihuahua out to crap on the sidewalk.

2. It's important to establish a good rapport with the landlord. - For example, my Romanian former landlord in Chicago would often ask me, a writer, for serious medical advice. I quickly learned that the best policy when dealing with your property manager is a no-bullshit policy, in matters either personal or professional. Especially if they speak broken English.

Yes, this really happened. Except his hand was still attached...to a swollen, twisted, flesh-covered tree trunk that almost still resembled an arm.

3. Dealing with Dealers - Let's face it, apartment buildings in urban areas tend to attract the occasional drug-peddling riff-raff, especially if you live within proximity to a good-sized target market school. While I'm usually a supporter of entrepreneurial spirit, it's often hard work convincing the 15-year-old who hangs out on the corner that, no, you really aren't interested in investing in an ounce of his ditchweed that's been cut with kitchen spices.

4. Rescuing Your Security Deposit - Everyone should have a rudimentary toolbox, because sometimes you have to be your own handyman in order to keep your landlord from learning about the heinous debauchery that goes down when you have insane friends over for a party. Like when your neighbor Mongo decides to eat three Chipotle burritos, guzzle a barrel of ale, and then plug your poor, defenseless toilet with the resulting nuclear shitbomb.

There are plenty more things to add to the list, as you, my fellow apartment dwellers well know. So, what would you add?

****  Before I go, I have an announcement to make. As we mentioned last week, we've got a lot of exciting new developments going on here at ABftS. With the video game and the upcoming animated web-series (on top of writing new fiction and webcomic/blog content) Bryan and I are running low on time and must make some sacrifices. With all of the above projects underway, we want to make sure that each of them is of the highest possible quality for your enjoyment. Therefore, we regretfully announce that we will have to severely limit our reading and commenting on our regular blogroll. It accounts for a cumulative 8 hours per week and we just can't keep up with it. I wish we could. We'll stop by when we can, and we'll always be around. We won't forget any of our blog friends. But with so much time needed for development of these things, we hope you'll be understanding if we don't come around as often as we do now. We appreciate every one who not only reads and supports our blog, but takes the time to leave a comment. You folks rock. You've made this blog into what it is today. And we look forward to taking you all along on the odd and zany journey as the blog/webcomic/cartoon/novel grows into whatever the hell kind of amorphous monster it will. For the time being, our posting schedule will remain the same, though you will likely see more behind-the-scenes videos and production snippets as we prepare to launch A Beer for the Shower (the web-series). As always, feel free to drop us a line either on our Twitter feed or at abeerfortheshower@gmail.com. We always answer e-mail. Unless you're sending us Dutch porn. No more of that please. Please. ****

As always, cheers and stay classy, friends,

-B&B

Beer: Beer Chang
Music: Warren Zevon