Second, and perhaps most importantly, we've learned to always be on your guard, especially when it comes to scam artists.
Be they Nigerian princes with cash to blow on strangers, the head of a British lottery you don't quite remember entering, or even your bank somehow forgetting all of your personal info, scams are everywhere. And we here at A Beer for the Shower want to help you learn how to identify these awful Internet scams before you end up sending off your life savings to a fat, bald, and sweaty 60 year old Russian guy posing as a big-breasted, lonely, and horny teenage girl (easy to mistake, I know).
1. Know where your money is going.
All scams ask for money, but the key is knowing where the money is going and why it's going there. Why does this guy need $1000 in order to mail me a check for $100,000,000? Why does a foreign lottery worth billions need $500 from me to release its funds? If I give this charity $100, how do I know it's actually going to the intended cause?
Yes, that's right, charities too.
I'm sure by now you've heard of this Kony 2012 thing. I'm not going to post the video, but if you live under a rock and haven't heard of it, it's a touching documentary about making Joseph Kony and his crimes against children in Uganda (child soldiers, rape, mutilation, etc) known so he'll be found and arrested. A valiant cause.
However, most people don't realize that the organization behind this, Invisible Children, made $8 million dollars last year and only used 37% of that for the actual cause. The rest went to advertising, video production, promotion, and worst of all, staff salaries. The guy that made the video, Jason Russell, gets $90,000 a year to do this. So do the other co-founders. Look for yourself.
I'm not saying you shouldn't give to charity, but some might consider this a scam. And it's not just these guys. There are tons of non-profit organizations out there that have staff and CEOs making a ridiculous amount of money. Long story short, you should definitely do your research and see where your money goes before you donate. I think people just like to give blindly and assume they're saving the world. Ignorance is bliss, right?
Meanwhile, in sunny California...
Meanwhile, in Uganda...
2. Bad English/generalized information.
Not all scams are reserved to selfish, pretentious fucks on a messiah mission to save the world. Some are from 3rd world countries themselves. How many of us as bloggers have gotten generic, badly worded e-mails like this?
I have stumbled upon your website http://www.abeerfortheshower.com and I am such a big fan and love the articles in which are printed on http://www.abeerfortheshower.com. I am a freelance writer from the Ukraine and would to be interested in making the submitting articles for your website http://www.abeerfortheshower.com for free! All you is need to do insert my code to your webpage!
I know what you're thinking, how could this not be legit? Well, aside from the bad English and bad grammar from a so-called writer looking to write for your site, chances are good that the link is either some kind of ad, some kind of spam, or even worse, a link to a virus. No one works for free.
But it got me thinking, what if Brandon and I could legitimately save time by outsourcing our comics to the Ukrainians?
On second thought, maybe outsourcing our humor isn't a great idea. But I'll hand it to the Ukrainians--the idea of me being fat and lazy and my brown wife dying because of my ignorance IS kind of funny.
3. It's too good to be true.
Yes, there are generous people out there, but no one just gives away a million dollars. No skinny, big-breasted, Russian teenage girl is creaming her crotchless panties just waiting for you to e-mail her. And no magic pill can make you build a ton of muscles or lose a bunch of weight or grow your penis into the size of a punching bag.
|Brings new meaning to the term 'flex nuts', amirite?|
Stay classy, friends,
Beer: Modelo Especial
Music: Steve Burns