There once was a little boy named Mikey, and boy, was Mikey stupid. I don't just mean 'stick a fork in an electrical socket' stupid, I mean 'let's run some more tests just to confirm he's not special' kind of stupid.
Mikey lived in a magical kingdom (that looked a lot like a double-wide trailer) with his gem of a mother, who got knocked up at 16 and thought that getting her GED and just 'sticking it out' with her abusive boyfriend was a completely doable life plan.
Mikey was also a weasily little liar, and he liked to make up really stupid lies that not even his drunk, below-average intelligence mother could buy. The one thing he lied about the most was his incontinence, which happened up to 3 times a day.
But the next day, when Mikey woke up, he found his pants full yet again. And like the stupid child he was, he waddled out to his mother, who asked him why in God's name he liked to make her life so difficult and if it was a consequence of not fully understanding proper condom use.
And again, on the next day, when Mikey woke up, his pants were full as ever. Possibly more full than they had ever been. And again he gave some foolish bullshit lie, and again he got spanked. This continued for 12 more years, until social services removed him from the home and put him into an orphanage where he later died of typhoid... and sadness.
And a good night to you, one and all.
Cheers and stay classy, folks.
Beer: Colorado Native
Music: The Beatles