Economic meltdown? Mayan prophecy meltdown? Return of prodigal Jesus meltdown? There are so many legitimate imminent threats out there that Bryan and I decided we'd better get on the bandwagon and prepare ourselves for the coming apocalypse. Because we all know what the real threat is: zombies. So, we decided to hire a professional prepper. Meet Richard Wrangler.
The man may look like a diabetic Road Warrior extra, but he's the world's most famous "preparedness" guru. And he was nice enough to give us some pointers.
Let's see any zombies get through THIS beer-filled fortress.
How would you 'prep' for the end of the world?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
-B&B
Music: Rise Against
Beer: La Fin du Monde
Don't they dissolve when you put salt on them? I was going to bring in Nana O'hara to cook for them. Plenty of "spice" from the old country.
ReplyDeleteI would do the same thing....make sure I never run out of beer. And I would fling poo, nobody likes to be covered in poo...even the zombies.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't think Fran's laugh is a good weapon...she can make anyone's head explode!
I thought that show was going to suck but it happened to be on one night and I got hooked because its funny as hell. Did you see the weirdo in California that picked weeds by the side of an LA interstate and ate them as salad? He even had his own "salad dressing sheath" on his belt.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to survive Doomsday. I want to go fast, right away and get it over with. The Doomsday Preppers can HAVE the post-Apocalyptic world and good luck to 'em, I say.
ReplyDeleteDown in flames and glory!
ReplyDeleteA good defence is a good offence, send in Madonna - that bitch will never die.
"Just ask Ireland", dammit guys, true as it is but dammit....there's no spare room then?
ReplyDeleteGreat job again, guys. If you've got any spare prints, you can slide them this way. I'd love to have the Drescher weapon for my own personal use.
ReplyDeleteI figure if I were surrounded by diamonds I would be ok. I'm sure they would be useful in either pegging the zombies with or possibly distracting them... how could would that be to have all the zombies decked out in sparkling diamonds - and so distracted with the show that they forget to destroy the world... and even if it didn't work - at least I would be going out in style lol x
ReplyDeleteBlah - I meant - how "cool would it be" rather than "could". I don't know why I don't check for typos before posting!
ReplyDelete@Barfly (I don't see any other way of commenting on a comment) No way.... did he really do that? Lol... you've just got to love these people! And hey, must make their lives interesting for sure!
ReplyDeleteLove this! I keep seeing promo commercials for this show and thought about watching an episode or two for its comedic value. I think you've got some strong defensive tactics. You guys should survive just fine.
ReplyDeleteLOL I got tons of cat poo filled pringles cans I could fling. Maybe if things get rough I could trade them for food or something..hahaha..but yeah it if goes kablooey do people really think their little garage is going to withstand aliens, zombies, earthquakes, etc...geez.
ReplyDeleteIf Zombies do attack I hope its on burrito night! They wont know what hit them!
ReplyDeleteGreat post as always! Naming the catipult the cleaveland steamer was great! But if you hit the zombies in the chest it wont stop them! It's gotta be head wounds!
I need to tell my best friend about this show. She is an educated woman, with a degree in...I actually never paid enough attention to her when she mentioned it all 500 times. She loves to tell these incredibly long stories, some of them being about Jesus and the Rapture, which gets me really excited because I think of Andrew Ryan, and he's always been someone I have wanted to make out with. It's a BioShock reference. Don't feel bad for not getting it. My friend just laughs at me when I tell her this, and warns me to open my heart to Jesus or else suffer through the seven year tribulation. She may have said turbulence. I am not sure. She could have just been talking about a flight she was on with some guy name Jesus. Whatever the case, give Chris Brown my number, will you? Don't worry, I just want himn to teach me how to dance. I'll be fine. If not, tell my dog I love him.
ReplyDeleteI always thought the world would be taken over by ladybugs. I have always seen those little innocent bugs as one day eating us all alive. Thats why I went and got a tattoo of a ladybug so they would think I am one of them and I could hopefully save everyone!
ReplyDeleteLOL great post guys! I am going to have to DVR this show...this might be a good laugh...i mean educational!
Oh god! I have to check out that show....just in case Yellowstone blows up...you guys know how close we are to that don't you?! Hehe, seriously, zombies are way scarier.
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! It's amazing how ineffective big Dicks can be.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? I'm going to have to rethink my National Geographic subscription.
I'm planning on getting by on my looks... I figure even zombies want a hot trophy wife. :)
ReplyDeleteCan I have the address of your apocalypse barn? I need somewhere to hide out, and your place seems to have the most beer.
ReplyDeleteHaha....and you guys make fun of *me* for watching crazy reality tv.
ReplyDeleteAnyway guns and catapults aren't good. The solution? CROSSBOWS. Think about it.
Zombie Survival guide and follow all the rules on Zombieland :) Love the post!
ReplyDeleteApocalypse prep? Simple: elaborate suicide. I have a Rube Goldberg suicide machine set up in my apartment so I entertain myself right before the end...which involves balloons, a musket, some wind-up toys, and an obese crow glued to a samurai sword.
ReplyDeleteLooks like my kind of show!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a catapult. It's an avenue no one has ever explored yet.
ReplyDeleteLMAO
ReplyDeleteThat is a great show. I have read the Survival Guide and take notes during The Walking Dead so I am pretty sure I will be ready.
ReplyDeleteI feel like people don't take the threat of the impending zombie apocalypse as seriously as they should. They say I'm the crazy one for stock piling random types of ammunition when I don't own a gun- yet. I figure it's better to stock up on ammo and then you don't have to be as selective with what type of gun you pry out of half eaten people's hands.
ReplyDeleteI fully agree with your tactics. The only thing I would do that deviates from the recipe would be to add a bunch of wacky-wild-inflatable-tube-men away from the abandoned farm to act as a preliminary distraction.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh that show is crazy! ...how would i prep...lots of dvds and twisties. and...coffee.
ReplyDeleteLOL to 'a catapult that launches flaming poo' - typical boys :P
- Juliet x
I smiled the whole post through (I have to watch this show now) but when it got to Chris Brown, I laughed. Out loud. You got him down so good too, those drawing skills!
ReplyDeleteI'd prepare by bringing some ammo and moving to Idaho where all the Mormons are. You know they each have to have a year supply of food? I think anyway. It's thee safest bet for me.
I would survive is what I'd do! I would save the world from destruction and you will worship me for having saved your career and your butts! ;)
ReplyDeletevery clever
ReplyDeleteOh god!!! Now all I can hear is Fran's laugh over and over in my head like it's on repeat. The humanity!!! Where's a zombie to eat my ears off when I need one?
ReplyDeleteId still go balls deep in ol' fran and Rise Against....the fucking shit!!
ReplyDeleteI'm preparing for the zombie apocalypse by making alliances with things that eat dead people.
ReplyDeleteSo far I have a jar of worms and a matchbox with a beetle in it.
Bring it on.
Bwahahaha! I'd eat lots of cheesecake and try to find Russell Brand.
ReplyDeleteI think this is the only time I've ever laughed this hard at a Chris Brown joke. Seriously. You two are demented and I love it.
ReplyDeleteOh Chris Brown! When WON'T he stop entertaining millions around the world with his extra-sensitive brand of woman beating?
ReplyDelete"BUT HE SERVED HIS TIME BAAAAW" yeah QQ more.
Hmmmmm. Hmm hmm hmm. Fran Drescher. My god,the things I'd do to her if given a chance.
I bet she moans like a normal person. Knowing my luck though, she moans like a bad 80's porno starlet right outta Edward Penishands.
My god, how can someone that hot have a voice like that?
People came to us here in Ireland and asked us.
ReplyDeleteWe agreed....
Haha, I wouldn't expect any less from you two... nice to see you have your priorities in order. I'll be right there by the keg with ya if the 'pocalypse rears its ugly head.
ReplyDeleteDid you guys see my very deep post about zombies a while back?
ReplyDeleteGuys are always looking for an excuse to throw their shit around.ha
ReplyDeleteYou go ahead and watch your Doomsday Prep show. I'm sticking with the classics. Like Hoarders...and Bizarre ER.
The Cleveland Steamer Catapult is awesome. You should definitely get a Patton on that thing.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm ready. I have a cellar full of Manichewitz Concord Grape wine and Twinkies.
Jay
I'm seriously unprepared for the apocalypse. I am stocked on the guns, ammo, & booze but hadn't thought about Chris Brown...then again I'm a chick so he'd be counter productive to my safety...and Fran...well I'm pretty sure she's make my head explode as well. I'll have to do some more brainstorming. Great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not that concerned about prep, I have enough shoes to get me through it with my feet looking good and that's what matters.
ReplyDeleteNot been here for ages, so am now going to have a catch up read...backwards.
Ps congrats guys - I see the book is out, off to get that in a once I'm done with the reading :)
If you breed a doomsday prepper with an extreme couponer, you get...
ReplyDelete....mormonism.
No joke. My neighbors are a scary combination of the two. They're stocked for 7 years, and love to gloat about it!!!
"If the Zombies attack on Burrito Night then game over man". Best. Line. Ever.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your bestest comments on my blob...now i have myself wondering how much of an obese chick you think i am. But i really do appreciate your words and offer...(whispers, "Brick" style" "offer".....).
Love ya!
If the world ends, I'm coming after the fat chick with all the chow.
ReplyDeleteGood to know now I can start saving fruit to make hooch and stock pile the beer the true reason for living...
ReplyDeleteI like that catapult idea as well...you could then turn Zombies into ammo...
ReplyDeleteMy fave Zombie defence has to be a perimeter of running machines...until the power fails
Thank you for not making a cartoon of Fran.
ReplyDeleteShe is scary enough.
I love how "Election 2012" is one of the labels for this doomsday post. =)
ReplyDeleteI'm just stockpiling seltzer water and cream pies for the zombie apocalypse. Not to eat, I'm just really looking forward to recreating the mall scene with the biker gang and the zombies in "Dawn of the Dead".
im ready for the zombies, i have two cans of tuna and a gallon of milk.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys. Thanks for the laugh... I needed that;)
ReplyDeleteI live in Mormonville. They are stockpiling everything I need as per direction of their Supreme Leader. I am just stockpiling effective anti-Mormon weapons and toilet paper (you know, just in case they aren't stockpiling enough of the latter).
ReplyDeleteExcellent.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle is getting a little close to this type of thing, He spouts some very crazy conspiracy shit all the time.
ReplyDeleteChris Brown can do the job, and sing like Michael Jackson... so he claims!
ReplyDeleteLol. I'm not ready for the zombies.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should leave Jehovas Witnesses et. c to the zombies or something.
Zombies hear gunshots and are deathly afraid of Fran Dresher. I have taught you well in the ways of the zombie.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny...we watch that show, and I used to say, "Those people are nuts." Then we watched the movie Contagion and I now say, "They're nuts...but that's not a bad idea."
ReplyDeleteEverybody knows that the best way to defend yourself against anything is to pretend to be dead. Works on everything from bears to zombies. Cheap too.
ReplyDeletefran drescher can marry gay ppl in new york now. was in the paper the other day. not that i care... and a buddy showed me this. google mister beer, basically they give u this pill that drop into a 2 litre bottle and after 10 days it is beer. fucking brilliant! and i know you americans will just swallow the beer and expect to piss out beer in 10 days. do it!
ReplyDeleteI think I saw "Big Dick" on the show "My Big Redneck Vacation" showing his fellow rednecks how to survive a hurricane. All I know is I am not ready for any apocalypse. I barely have one weeks worth or food in my cabinets and a case of water.
ReplyDeleteGlad SOMEone else is taking the zombie apocalypse seriously!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the more important apocalypse. I don't need no stinkin' preppin' though
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha! Oh Chris Brown, poor little, blonde haired, moon walking lady beater. this reminds me of Zombieland which is an epic flick.
ReplyDeleteyour bears look a bit like fruit flies concentrating around your mouth area.
ReplyDeletemy plan is to digg myself a big whole, that's how the earliest mammals allegedly survived the meteor attack...
Bahahaha! This may be my favorite post yet. Partly because my brother-in-law is one of those people and also because he has convinced my sister that it's totally rational. I know. Cool huh? We're talking years of comedic material!
ReplyDeleteBeer is mandatory for any bunker I live in. I can tell you that much. Hmm. I need to call my brother-in-law. Catch ya later.
You know...Mat (if not properly guided) could very well become one of those people prepared for the end of the world. It's a daily discussion about not needed UV lights on all of our water sources, and that the cats don't need to go to the vet weekly to be sure they havent been infected with a super-virus (eventhough they dont go outside...so of anyone is infecting them, its him) and so on.
ReplyDeleteI'd like t think I'm doing a bang-up job keeping him WELL within the confines of sanity.
That being said, if there is a massive holocaus (besides zombies) Mat is my guy. I'm goin' with him. But if it is zombies, I plan on assimilating.
You know, zombies only go after the running, screaming, pink people. So if I cover myself in zombie make-up, they'll never know I'm not a zombie. :)
Yeah people are kind of ridiculous but who knows... blah
ReplyDeleteI just watched this show last weekend and thought, if so many people are prepared to survive, then would it really be the end of the world? But I agree. If the world is going to end, it WILL be zombie related.
ReplyDeleteDid you read about AT&T underground buildings to sustain apocalypse, nuclear war and all such? I am going to build a rocket like the astronaut farmer and launch up the space to moon and stay there till all this clears up.
ReplyDeleteI just came back from cricket practice with a major pain in my foot, and this made my evening.
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
National Geographic has slunk lower than camel spit. Yes, we like beer in Ireland and no you can't have any. We're hoarding it against the apocalypse!!
ReplyDeleteI must be a Zombie because Fran Dreshers laugh also makes my head explode!
ReplyDeleteNow if only we could train Chris Brown to attack male zombies too we'd be set.
ReplyDeleteIsn't there like a doomsday bunker you can go visit somewhere on the western side of america (I'm a kiwi, so have no clue about states sorry, california area maybe??)
ReplyDeletethey have apparently stockpiled loads of food and stuff...Just makes me laugh.
When the zombies invade us, and lets be honest, we'll know first, cos we have the smallest population, so they'll invade a more populous country first and eat them all...*cough* america *cough*
I for one would kidnap Justin beiber, and have him sing for them, lets be honest, he is a million times more annoying than britney spears for gruesome torture!!! That reminds me, I must put earplugs in survival kit...
My main question from this post is....... how come you are growing pube beards for the Apocalypse? Are zombies only hungry for the clean shavin?
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