Well, folks. We made it. Bryan and I successfully managed to move all of my boxed up shit from Chicago to Denver. Like Bryan mentioned in a tweet, if we’d attempted the journey 200 years ago it would have taken us four months and I probably would have died of dysentery. Now however, navigating that post-apocalyptic limbo between the two cities (most commonly known as the greater Midwest) only took about 18 hours. Cheers to the 75 mph speed limits, which allowed us to exit the harrowingly desolate landscapes of Iowa and Nebraska with godspeed. Very few rabbits became roadkill. Many cups of godawful gas station coffee were chugged. And no one was killed, kidnapped, or abducted by
With that said, I’d like to share with you the top five things I most missed about living in Colorado.
ONE - Pepto Bismol. Yeah, I know you can still get the pink stuff in Chi-town, but what you can’t get is decent Mexican food. And nothing says “Sweet Jesus was that green chile relleno delicious” like an entire morning spent answering e-mails from the porcelain office chair.
TWO - Medicinal marijuana dispensaries. Not that I’ve really smoked anything since college, but I get a kick out of the fact that there are more of these things in CO than there are Starbucks coffee shops. And there are a lot of fucking Starbucks’ here.
THREE - Dandruff. Nothing will quite remind you that you’ve got skin on your head like not being able to wear black shirts. As gross as that sounds, there’s zero humidity at this altitude, which means unless I invest in some Aveeno and hair conditioner, I’m going to be losing more skin than a leper by the end of the week.
FOUR - The best collection of craft breweries in the world. Left Hand, New Belgium, Oskar Blues, Boulder Beer, Breckenridge Brewery…just to name a few whose suds you’ve likely swilled if you give a damn about beer. And if you prefer your beer a little on the fizzy, pissier side, Coors and Budweiser brew here too.
FIVE - General friendliness. Maybe it’s because the state’s population is high as a kite half the time, but I appreciate the fact that Denver folks are pretty damn decent. Not saying I want my ass kissed, but I appreciate buying a cup of coffee and being at least 90% certain that the cashier doesn’t want to stab me in the spleen with a toothbrush.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Chicago dearly. But I’m glad to be back in the land of the mountain people. I don’t ski or snowboard, but I do appreciate pointy, geological land formations. And good beer.
Also, just as a writing update, Bryan and I came up with a kick-ass idea for our next novel (once we finish our current one in the next few weeks) on the road trip. It’s going to be big. Very exciting stuff, and very different territory for both of us.
Beer: Fat Tire