Monday, January 30, 2012

The Epic Road Trip of Epic Awesomeness

          So as this is posted (thanks to the automatic posting feature on Blogger) and very likely as you read this, Brandon and I will be in a car, making our way from Chicago to Denver. It's an 18 hour road trip, with a stop in Lincoln, Nebraska. Now, I know what you're thinking, epic road trip, right? Something like this?





2 HOURS LATER...




















          And... it ultimately ends in our epic, fiery deaths. Now, cool as that sounds, road trips are never like that. Especially not ones that pass through Nebraska. No, this is pretty much how things are going to go down...















       

         Sadly, both end in our fiery deaths. Reality is much less epic, though. Anyway, pray for our safe journey and we'll see you back here on Thursday. In the meanwhile, you can also follow us on Twitter where we'll be tweeting about our road trip live. Till then... fuck Nebraska. No, really.

-Bryan and Brandon

Beer: Not unless we want a DUI
Music: 18 hours of Glee-related show-tunes (actually, if we listened to this, I'd steer the car off a fucking cliff myself)

82 comments:

  1. At least you go out with style and explosions!!!! Good luck, and hopefully a safe return.

    Mount Precious - brilliant joke!

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  2. I went on a road trip once. Oh wait, no, I tripped over on a road once. Grazed my knee pretty badly. Crazy times...

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  3. Lol great post! I felt a little depressed when I saw, what I thought might be the stylish Audi, heading over the cliff... but then I realized there are more Audis in the world and all would be well.

    Safe trip, can't wait to hear about it!

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  4. Hahaah sounds fun! Good luck!

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  5. So, your car cant snowboard as well? Road trips are fun. As long as you can enough time to kill and not much traffic in road. You should have tried climbing up Mt.Precious, if you had your car wouldnt have slid down. Your loss.

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  6. That little car is indestructible! went off a cliff twice and still running fine. :D

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  7. What? You are not really drinking and driving? You're doing wrong man!

    That Dave Chappelle is a real wise ass isn't he?

    Have a safe journey! Drive fast and swerve!

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  8. LOL so much ending it your death, you should have thought about hiring a chaufer

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  9. I fucking agree about the Glee show tunes, good luck and good hunting Nebraska....

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  10. If you wind up doing the Thelma & Louise ending, which one of you banged Brad Pitt? Just asking.

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  11. Yeah, driving Nebraska is the pits! Especially in winter when there's nothing green to see. Might I suggest better music...like anything else!

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  12. if you guys are going to be going over the cliff will you be holding hands and looking deep into each others eye's and thinking to yourselves:

    "If I push him out and try to land on him will I somehow survive this?"

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  13. I look forward to your road trip tweets. The two I've seen have been very LOLzy.

    P.S. They allow the two of you to drive? Yikes.

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  14. I love the way Nebraska gets such a bad rap from anyone who ever travels through it, under it, over it or even within two states of it....

    Is it true that if you stay more than a couple of hours in Nebraska they make you a naturalised citizen and you are never allowed to leave. Just in case it’s true you had better keep that pedal to the metal if you ever want to make it out.

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  15. Road trips get much more interesting when you pick up hitchhikers.

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  16. Safe travels! I hope you make it through Bumfuck, NE.

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  17. Unfortunately, Nebraska really is a super boring drive. You'll see lots of stars at night though! Lincoln is tiny and lame, you should have stopped in Omaha for lunch with me. LOSERS.

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  18. Lincoln, NE. Um... isn't Honest Abe from there?

    Hope you guys have a safe trip. More drinking, less cliff driving.

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  19. If you actually fell to your fiery deaths, I would never let you two rest in peace.

    Dying and depriving me of your epic hilarity. Not okay, man. Not okay...

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  20. I am following you guys and I've already heard a few stories. Good luck making it there alive. I want a Dave Chappelle GPS.

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  21. I had this same idea, but with a Samuel L Jackson GPS...

    Kudos to you two for beating me to it. And wow, what a trip!

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  22. So, kind of like Thelma and Louise, with dudes?

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  23. Have a safe trip! (When you fall off the cliff, make sure that it's into the pillow truck.)

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  24. There's always a catch with hot girls!

    Great cartoon as always!

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  25. I'm enjoying the tweets. The one about the trucker going straight to the hand dryer disgusted me and tickled me simultaneously. At what point do you end up breaking down and getting attacked by chainsaw murderers?

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  26. I've never been to Nebraska and I can honestly say, I don't care if I ever do. Do they just mass produce "flat" out there or what?

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  27. Stay away from Mount Precious, unless you actually want to mount, er.. Precious.

    Have fun on your amazing road trip. If you're not too busy DUIing, check out my new song "Baloney." It's good driving music :)

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  28. http://thetsaritsasez.com/2012/01/baloney-multiple-personalities-and-be.html

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  29. I love that Dave Chappelle GPS "Yo welcome Craka!" Too bad you didn't climb Mt Precious though, that would have been cool. I can tell by this comic that the two of you are together in the same room. Chicago's loss will be our gain!

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  30. Hopefully your real life road trip has less fire and deaths, I'm sure you'll have plenty of stories to tell when you get back!

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  31. Good luck on your road trip, guys. Tr not to drive off a cliff!

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  32. Haha! Hopefully you won't have a Thelma & Louise ending. I'd really miss you guys ;)

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  33. Don't forget about the mutant cannibal rednecks that pop out the MOMENT you go to gas up yer car.

    Shit always happens to me, either the mutants come out and try to horde up on me and mine, or I end up in a Alfred Hitchcock episode.

    The universe is out to kill me, I swear.

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  34. Good luck! And hope that Glee marathon does not drive you to murder each other.

    Btw, wasn't it that Dave Chapelle GPS which once steered you guys towards a bunch of horny transvestites? Or am I thinking of something else...?

    And it sounds so, so, so, sad, but photos of Nebraska actually look nicer than the absolute empty middle of nowhere I live in. I don't know much about the US, but at least when driving through Nebraska you can entertain yourself by looking at passing cows or something. For me, I entertain myself by listening to the depressed 60 yr old crazy British man on the radio.

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  35. This begs the question, what is reality? At the end of the day what we think are real are just signals in our brain.
    Good luck on your road trip.

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  36. Where can I get me one of those GPS things...

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  37. Yes, I think the cast of Glee should listen to their own shit while on tour and hopefully the driver will take one for a team near the next cliff...

    When I travel long distance I prefer listening to podcasts.

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  38. I just checked your tweets and the last one was about Nebraska getting the wrong idea about you two. That was several hours ago, and there has been nothing since so I'll just assume that this trip has brought you two together in a very special way.

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  39. I'm wit' ya on Nebraska. I had to go on a business trip, back in the 80s, to go open a new record store in North Platte, Nebraska. Flew into Denver, then drove east. Never saw so much "nuthin" in my entire life.

    We opened this store in a dinky little mall, with one Anchor on each end and a single corridor in between. I asked one of our young employees if they ever got any concerts around there. She said, "Well, the Monkee's played the State Fair a couple years ago..."

    Later I asked what they all did for fun? Dude says, "Friday night we had about 20 cars that all got together in the Kroger parking lot... and some of them had beer!"

    Boy, did that town ever need the corrupting influence of a modern record store.

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  40. Safe travels! Hope you made it out of Nebraska with all your body parts intact. ;)



    PS: Saw this on MSN today and thought you would like to know that you can make Ramen Noodles a little more nutritious.

    http://www.delish.com/recipes/cooking-recipes/taste-of-place/?v=30cf601e-dbc1-418a-a180-71b0c5ed866e&from=en-us_msnhp

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  41. You don't even know how many times I've driven from Chicago to Cali. You don't even know how much the middle of America sucks. You don't even know how much Nebraska and Illinois and Missouri and Kansas and Iowa suck suck suck suck. Oh and the first 4 hours of eastern Colorado. Okay maybe you do know. But it REEALLLLLY SUCKSS

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  42. I currently live in Kansas. It's like Nebraska only lower. Yeahhhh. Anyway, stay safe guys, we need you around and I'm not available to come search for your remains if you drive off that road.

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  43. I've been on road trips, but not that long. Well, bon voyage, sucka! (I think the GPS is infecting me)

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  44. LOL! This was pretty funny. Good cartoon!

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  45. Can't wait to have you guys back!

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  46. Safe travels, boys! Make it there in one piece, m'kay??

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  47. We'll be able to track "which" cliff via the last time on the tweets. Have a safe drive.

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  48. I cannot condone drinking while driving.

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  49. I hope the weather isn't too bad for the two of you during the drive.

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  50. hahahahaha! that's great. Reminds me of the GPS voice over that Snoop Dawg did. hahah.

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  51. I'm glad you managed to crawl back from the wreckage and post this. Was it before or after going to the hospital?

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  52. I'd like to know what kind of car you're driving, fellas! Don't need that GPS, though. You two have fun now.

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  53. That was very funny. I liked it a lot.

    I'll keep following for more of these funny posts.

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  54. Gotta love Nebraska, especially with the 75 mph speed limit on the Interstate.

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  55. Haha. Have a great... and hopefully safe trip guys, the world would not be the same without you. Stay away from totally un - epic GPS. seriously. It sucks.

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  56. Very good article. Congratulations.

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  57. I thought my road trips were uneventful, but yours beats it by far. Have a safe journey boys!

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  58. Enjoy the road. Hopefully there will be a few diversions on the side of the road to keep you laughing. Just watch out for hitch-hikers wearing trenchcoats and carrying duffle bags.

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  59. When in NE, make sure to view the sand-hill cranes. I haven't viewed them, but I heard that they're better than getting hypnotized by the road lines and endless flats.

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  60. Hope you make it there safely and without Cheetos stuck between your ass cheeks. :D

    By the way, great post you funny men.

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  61. Sounds like a choose-your-own-adventure where all the endings are death... hmm...

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  62. Can't believe I've missed the tweets, catching up just now. I couldn't go on a road trip with friends, because we have a tendency to get drunk pretty quickly. Call me a goody two shoes, but I enjoy not being in a coma.

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  63. Remember, kids, speed kills. So does crack. Safe travels.

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  64. I figure by now you guys are probably lying somewhere in a cornfield or something after a trucker has dismembered your bodies. On the off chance you guys made, it can either of you tell me where to find a Dave GPS? I feel like my grandparents may be getting a Grandparents Day gift this year.

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  65. I'm pretty sure a Dave Chappelle navigation system is essential to my life.

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  66. LOL wow that literally made my laugh, I really want to find a modded garmin sound profile with dave chappelle haha

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  67. Sadly, this is how I see myself dying in the future. Falling asleep at the wheel and driving into the nearest orphanage.

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  68. And here I thought the trip my brother and I are going to take from Philadelphia to Chicago in a couple weeks was going to be epic. But, that's only going to take us about 14 hours. One thing's for sure-we're not going by Penn State on our way there. I hear Jerry Sandusky is out on bail. Although, I'm thinking we're 40 years older than he'd like. I'm calling it the "Dumb and Dumber" trip. Although, I'm not real clear on who's Lloyd and who's Harry. Oh, who cares? We'll probably be shot before we leave Philly, anyway.

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  69. i haven't been on a road trip in a while. i haven't forgotten the sore bottom i get from one.

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  70. Evidentally you guys aren't looking in the right places if you are seeing nothing in Nebraska.

    Go Big Red!

    Do you get a souvinier shirt?????

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  71. Driving through Nebraska is EXACTLY like that. Except usually in the winter it's solid white. I'm in Lincoln though, would have been fun to meet for a beer! If you haven't already careened off a... wait, cliff?? Where did that cliff come from??

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  72. Drive that Subaru safe, gents (...and not so much like Thelma and Louise!)

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  73. whoa whoa whoa back up that muthafuckin' truck. girlfriend over here is FROM Nebraska. That's right, lived in Uehling (1 hour north of Lincoln) for 8 years and was a citizen of a 270 population town.

    As an expert...yes...it sucks. But in the summer it's pretty I swear. But it still sucks then too.

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  74. Ah Nebraska...... what a state! You know it reminds me of.............. ........................................................... well.......................................................................................................I guess nothing! Enjoy?

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  75. Great post. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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