Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Year in (Drunken) Review

         So, 2012 is right around the corner, which means I get to enjoy writing and crossing out "2011" on every single document I'm given in the next 2 months.
        Regardless, a lot of shit happened in 2011. Important stuff, I'm told. But if you're like the two of us and you drank yourself through most of 2011, you don't remember any of it, so you need some bullshit timeline to remind you of this year's major events.
         Never fear! Here at A Beer for the Shower, we've put together a (very poorly made) timeline of the things that you may or may not remember happening in 2011*.

*Not guaranteed to be accurate


1. According to statistics, Jersey Shore killed off a record number 8 million brain cells this year, besting last year's 6 million brain cells killed, probably as a result of Snooki releasing her "book," A Shore Thing.


Also, a record number of venereal diseases were spread throughout the Jersey Shore area, once again as a direct result of Snooki.

Remember kids, always play safe and wear insulated rubber gloves when you fist a whorish, orange "celebrity."
2. A bunch of rich people spat on us poor folks from atop a 1% mountain, made entirely of money...


So the poor people got sick of it. They united as one, valiantly took to the streets, and... looked like a bunch of homeless people yelling unintelligibly at police officers until they were tasered or pepper sprayed.

Meet the protesters!





Yeah... the rich people atop Mt. Money are still chuckling about this one.


3. Kim Jong Il rumored to have faked his own death after my father-in-law, who looks exactly like him, is spotted living quietly in Las Vegas.

My father-in-law would be proud of this joke, and yes, he could be Kim Jong Il's not-dead twin.
4. Bigfoot was spotted by local hunters relocating from Los Angeles to Dallas.





5. The world didn’t end.

Despite the dumbfuckery of doomsaying dickweed Harold Camping, the biblical rapture did not arrive on schedule.


As many as a dozen people the world around were left in shocked disbelief when the mathe-religio-matical nitwit failed to predict the end of days.



In case you hadn't heard, you ignorant boob, the world is going to end in 2012.

6. Osama Bin Laden takes the big dirt…Er, sand-nap.
            Yes, folks. The world record-setting game of desert Whack-a-Mole ended in 2011, with the US military crashing a terrorist soiree like cops at a frathouse kegger. That is, if cops drove helicopters. And crashed them. And killed terrorists. Which they typically don’t.*

*Except in Detroit, which is probably at least as dangerous as Afghanistan. I went to Detroit once. Once.

 
7. Brandon and Bryan tried to show their appreciation for the arts a little more.


Which basically means that every few days, lewd and foul things are done with MSPaint as the depraved duo publicly tries to make one another laugh. Since last year, this blog has switched from written-only content to about 75% web-comic. Whether it’s been a change for better or worse is up to you. But as for me, I rather enjoy having a nice pair of gorilla tits.

Cheers and a Happy New Year to all of you who take the time to read us. We appreciate it. And we’re glad you could make it to the party. But next time, please, bring better beer. And don’t shit on my azaleas.

-B&B

Beer: La Fin Du Monde
Music: Avenged Sevenfold

71 comments:

  1. Hhahaha I thought the Occupy description was great, but the Camping Rapture was even better. Those poor dozen suckers who believed him. He's such a dick.

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  2. Happy new year gorgeous boys.
    I am still going to try to coax you into a little guest post for me in 2012.
    Half way through your wonderful book which I hope to finish this weekend

    Hugs for you both

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  3. Those gorilla tits are so hot I just want to reach out and fondle them. I'm so glad your father-in-law didn't know he was a dictator in a third world country. That really would have fucked your wife's life up pretty good. I always where gloves when fisting an oompa loompa. Happy New Year boys.

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  4. Great summery of the year! Your protestors were spot-on.

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  5. Happy New Year, just got your book guys can't wait to read it on the plane home! (sounded a bit stalkerish)

    Any way if I don't like it I will smash in the head of the person next to me with my kindle...or just cos he is annoying me

    Here is to another crazy mostly being itnoxicated year!

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  6. MS Paint I'd like you to meet Camel Toe. Camel Toe, MSPaint.
    Love it. The post too. Thanks for a great year of hilarity.
    Was that Bruce in the protestor bit?

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  7. I am now a huge fan of your Years in review! Khloe looks just like she does on TV! LOL :D

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  8. Nice touch with the camel toe! Had me rolling!

    Fine job summing up another fucked up year! And to think there is still a couple days left for crazy shit to happen!

    Bring on 2012 and the end of the world....because today, I just don't give a shit!

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  9. Brian/Byron/Bryan/Brent/Brandon/Brendon. You missed 10 things. I listed them for you. Just tryin' to help a brutha' out.

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  10. Chloe's unibrow is so beautifully rendered and her dialogue spot on.
    I was a little worried at the start you would pull a "Gottfried" and make some joke about the Japan tsunami. But I should give you gentlemen more credit for knowing where the line is (and tastefully moonwalking over it).
    A happy new year to the both of you as well.

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  11. What?!?!?? Things happened in 2011? I was under the impression that 2011 was all about the Royal Wedding. Hmmm......

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  12. ABFTS is by far the best thing I've found this year. Bless your hearts.

    And frankly, this - Remember kids, always play safe and wear insulated rubber gloves when you fist a whorish, orange "celebrity." - is the best advice I've ever seen given.

    Love you guys - for realz

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  13. Thanks for that walk or rather stumble through 2011. I forgotten some of those rather interesting events. Here's to a fantastic 2012....

    Thanks for all the laughs guys!

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  14. Camel Toe +1 Holy shit, that was hilarious. Unfortunately, it was WAY too small to be realistic.

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  15. Snooki looks not so terrible as your cartoon. I love we comic version than the written content. I realized one thing,having used to your simple eyecatchy cartoons I wish that missing link was a we comic too. Usually when you read stories you visualize people, first I am visualize molly,Brent,goblin,tweet twins everyone as wife,you,hobo,black guys in your cartoon.
    You are an inspiration and your blog and book is masterpiece and refreshing change everyone need.

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  16. OMG...what a year it's been through your eyes! Loved this post. Truly made me laugh out loud about Jersey Shore. I've never watched it but I'm a Jersey Girl and it just cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh. Let's hope you guys have a very prosperous and successful 2012! You rock! Hugs!

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  17. La Fin Du Monde is one of my all time favorite beers. Bring a 40 ounce (the only way I can find it here) to a Canadians house on Canada day is a guaranteed way to end up drunk, lost and in a strange city.

    Which is slightly better than drinking it with your parents, doing drugs in their garage talking about how they "are not" breaking any laws.

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  18. I think it's good to have some comics in now and again. You guys do good work with them, and they seem popular. Though I am mildly disappointed you didn't kill Snooki off. I'm not sure why she's famous, or alive, and frankly I don't want to know.

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  19. Nice sum up the whole year in a nice comic lol

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  20. A7X is the music for today?! Love. Trying to predict the rapture is like trying to hold water in a strainer. And to think, we have another year, or maybe half a year (I don't follow the Mayan calendar) of dumbfuckery until the world "ends".

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  21. The details like the camel toe and the unibrow are just fucking fabulous! Happy New Year to you both!

    Cheers! SF

    Heh...dessert wack-a-mole. Crack me up!!

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  22. Loved your year in review. As long as we have reality T.V. you guys will never lack material.

    Cheers to a New Year and safe drinking!

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  23. Oh god, gorilla breasts. Also some joy for your day.

    http://failblog.org/2011/12/29/dating-fails-dating-fails-its-a-medical-miracle/

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  24. But you left off the most important thing of all...

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  25. "wear insulated rubber gloves when you fist a whorish, orange "celebrity" totally made me spit-take on the monitor.

    Now they'll never let me in Best Buy again...

    "Cleanup... PC department..."

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  26. Good stuff but I'm not thrilled about the depiction of the protestors

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  27. Cheers! I hope you have a merrily depraved New Years. You know what they say, how you spend NYE is how the rest of the year will be.

    For me this will probably mean, alone on the couch with my cat, but drama free. I'll take it.

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  28. Thank you so much for this because, yes, I was drunk through a bit (99%) of 2011 and didn't remember that any of that shit had happened.

    The bitch of it though is that I'm drunk now too, so I'm not going to remember reading about it either.

    Happy New Year, guys! Best wishes for mucho success and many beers in 2012!

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  29. What a year indeed, a lot of stuff happened. Hopefully we have a better year next year!

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  30. What a strange year.
    For a minute there, it almost looked like Newt Gingrich had a shot at being President!

    But for the most part, I didn't keep up with world events very much. I only HALF kept up with what was going on in my own life.

    In fact, I would say I got a majority of my news from this very page this year. Which means I assume that most people this year got e-published, spent some time in Chicago and killed Adam Sandler...

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  31. Oh wow.
    So many things I'd love to say about 2011. But I won't, because mostly, I'm SUPER distracted by the comments. Not just on THIS post, but on others, as well.

    We don't know what you look like. None of us. But geez. You'd think you two have picutes up that prove you look like Brad Pitt and Eli Roth (a honey brown and dark haired duo I'd let have at me ANY DAY).

    Does that seem weird to you?
    I have mostly naked pictures all over my blog and its still kind of weird to me when people tell me I'm beauftiful...it's gotta be SUPER weird when they can't see you...

    Sorry for the de-railment!
    :)
    Jen

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  32. Happy new year! I enjoyed that. May your magnificent drawings grow more magnificent in the year to come! Also, maybe Snookie will change self-tanner brands. That would be nice.

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  33. It's definitely been a year! And, your webcomics have brightened many days. Thanks guys and have a Happy New Year!

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  34. Snooki seems to be such a huge part of 2011. I'm so glad I missed out.

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  35. If I have learnt anything from you guys blog this year, its that blogging, alcohol and jazz music go very well together, like Kanye West's face and Chuck Norris' fist... Ok the Jazz music is just my thing.

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  36. Sorry, man, but I like Pabst. I'll drink it myself...

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  37. Love the snookie drawing! The most depressing moment I experienced at the 2010 Arnold Sports Festival, was when EVERYONE at this testament to physical fitness and sport prowess freaked out because SNOOKIE showed up. A short, orange fat girl who can't string 5 words together to create a coherent thought outstaged some of the greatest athletes in the world. Sad.

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  38. Thanks for the recap, I definitely don't remember a lot of 2011. Hope you guys have a great 2012, keep the MSPaint art coming!

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  39. Heres hoping for another great year!

    So the religous nut who predicted the end of the world was also a wallstreet protester?

    Keep up the great work guys!

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  40. I hope the Oompa Loompas don't get offended and go after you when they find out you were comparing them to Snoozy or whatever the heck her name is. Hmm, I take that back. I think it would be very entertaining to watch as they chase after you down the street! ;)

    Other people have already mentioned, but I'll say it again. Finding your blog was one of the best things that happened in 2011.

    Here's to many more awesomely funny posts! Happy New Year boys!

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  41. Well I, for one, have absolutely loved your lewd and witty stuff, and look forward to reading it in 2012. If you want to do an extended (very accurate) depiction of Occupy Portland, you're welcome to crash at our place.

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  42. Haha you got both sides of the OWS numbscullery exactly right. Happy New Year...

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  43. YOU GO GIRL (^Jen) .... Haha but anyways I would just like to politely request that if we are to win said blog contest, that Stephanie be depicted as you have portrayed Kloe Kardashian. That is, in an ape-like manner. And in NO WAY is this a behind-her-back request. I ... um ... swear that she would love it ...

    -ash

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  44. Happy new year fellas. Wonder what your post is going to be on Dec 24th 2012.

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  45. http://www.news.com.au/world/kim-jong-il-look-alike-in-mourning-korea-kim-lookalike/story-e6frfkyi-1226233378009

    Just saw this and thought of this post...

    Good work boys!

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  46. New Year's resolution is to wear rubber gloves while eating Cheetos, just in case I wake up screaming thinking I have fisted an orange celebrity.

    I want to avoid that awkward moment after waking up in a hedge thinking, "my head, what did I do last night? What's this on my hands? Oh god no...""

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  47. I'm looking forward to being drunk (hopefully in a shower) to properly enjoy the real end of the world next year, but to be quite honest, I did the same thing on May and October 21 this year just in case Camping was right.

    And also pretty much every other day this year. Just in case.

    Love the review!

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  48. The gorilla boobs look great. Happy 2012 to you both!

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  49. Happy New Year all! Can't wait to see what you do in 2012....just do all the good stuff before the world ends!

    That's Dec 21. Mark it on your calendar and set your alarm...

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  50. Appropriate beer for the coming of 2012. Hahahaha! Love it.

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  51. The ad for the book looks really good. It had Photoshop or something like that?

    The Jersey Shore show sucks, and I'd rather watch Tom and Jerry.

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  52. Oh boy, can't wait until the 2012 cultists start killing themselves in droves.

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  53. Just to think one of my New Year's resolutions was to never look at another woman's breasts... well, technically, I didn't... right, Brandon? 'A bunch of rich people spat on us poor folks from atop' - You got that right! And I can think of a bunch of other words, too. But not today. Let's start raising those glasses - make sure you've put something in them first - and talk to you guys in 2012. For those of you who haven't seen the film: happy new year, for what you don't know won't hurt you!

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  54. That camel toeeee o_O haaaaaaa

    happy new year guys and thank you for make me laugh sooooo bad
    besos

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  55. I've survived so many raptures by now I am considering buying one of those T-shirts.
    Also MS Paint is a good thing, cherish it.

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  57. Avenged Sevenfold is one of my favorites!

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  58. I won't shit on your azaleas... because I'm honestly not sure what it is. But I have no choice but to bring better beer, the shitty 9% 1.5 litre for £1.50 cider we've been drinking (partly because it's so shit it makes drinking it that bit more interesting, partly because we're skint) is going out of production :'( anyway happy new year!

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  59. love the camel-toe...

    happy new year!

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  60. Happy New Year, guys...and thanks for the recap of the years highlights! :) haha.

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  61. haha the cat will at least bury his shit, then it will be out of view. The world will never end they way they say, one big crock. haha yeah at least you can say you have a nice rack now, oh that sounded bad.

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  62. Awesomeness! I love reading about my favorite music :)

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  63. I peed on the azaleas. Which is better than crapping on them, isn't it? Oh, wait, pee contains uric acid. Which kills plants. But, poop contains fertilizer. Which is better for plants. I think. But, it smells worse than pee. Especially on salad. I'm so confused.

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  64. I am sooooo glad you took the time to bash Snooki and at least one of the Kardashian litter. Thanks for the laughs. Happy 2012

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  65. I hate Snooki! She, the pepto colored lipstick and that moose knuckle of hers need to drown in the ocean of whale sperm! She is so stupid she believes the ocean is salty because of whale sperm....or if we are lucky the knuckle eat her alive.

    Norsman and I bought your book but we were too messed up to read it:(

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  66. Happy New Years guys... hilarious as always... but something just hit me reading your blog.
    Something that will haunt me for forever!!
    Snookie- camel toe and all is part of the 1%!!!
    FML

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  67. I don't really have anything witty to say today, I just want your beer. Yep.

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