Like any straight man with good taste, we've never had any desire to read the Twilight series*, but that hasn't stopped us from wanting to know why it's so goddamn popular. And so, we've bitten the bullet and done our homework in an effort to spare anyone we can from having to succumb to this literary abortion. Without further ado, our guide to Twilight, from book one to book four.
There you have it, folks. Twilight in a nutshell. AKA, nonsensically dramatic teenage angst (with a bit of violence toward women and sex with babies) as recollected by a middle-aged Mormon lady. She probably has a lot of cats. At least one for every ten million bucks in the bank. Now, if you'll excuse us, there's a bus coming, and we need to make sure we're standing in front of it.
*(For the record, both of us actually read the first "novel" in the series, forcing ourselves to read this turd for the sole purpose of being able to fully defend our bashing of it. The rest of our research came from passages found directly within the books. And yes, from a writer's standpoint, they're all fucking turds.)
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
-Bryan and Brandon
Beer: Breckenridge Agave Wheat
Music: The Kooks (live, bitches!)
P.S. If you're looking for contemporary vampire stories that don't blow ass, check out the following:
-Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore (humor, and actually you ought to read any of his books)
-Salem's Lot by Stephen King (horror)
-American Vampire by Scott Snyder (graphic novel series)
-Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett (humor)