Monday, December 26, 2011

A Little End of the Year Magic

         So with Brandon here in town (Denver), and all of the holiday drinking madness that's been taking up our time, we're going to be a little lazy today and post an oldie but a goodie.
         Because, well, we know that a lot of you wonder how we do what we do. And while you can't teach a warped sense of humor or binge drinking (always binge responsibly, folks), you CAN teach MSPaint. So today I'm going to talk about the magic process behind the comics you know and love.
         Each one is done by hand, and each panel takes about 10-15 minutes. Also, while you should probably have a nice laser mouse, I draw mine using that stupid little clitoris looking nub that comes on old laptops.
       

       Isn't she adorable?
       So, let's talk MSPaint! For those unfamiliar, this is the generic, very basic drawing program that comes with any Windows computer. It's also the canvas for my questionable artwork. Using simple tools and a little creativity, we can make a brand new character with a full background in 10 easy steps.
Step one: Using the circle tool, draw an oblong football shape for the head, a single oval up top for the eye, and then two circles along the side for the ear. Only worry about one side.

Fill in the eye with the paint can and add a white streak across the top for luster, then use the eraser to carve out the line that defines the ear. If you haven't already, take a sip of your favorite beer, use the rectangular selection tool, and grab the side of your masterpiece like it's going to call the police on you and report you for hitting your spouse.

Copy the selected chunk, paste it, and then flip it. You can now place it on the other side of the face to create evenly placed eyes and ears. Fill it in with your favorite flesh tone (call me racist, but I'm gonna choose white!) and draw a circle in the middle for the nose.

Carve out a small portion of the circle to define the nose, and draw two lines at the bottom for the neck. Inspired by another big gulp of beer, give him a Hitler mustache and giggle to yourself because you're SOOO edgy.

Draw the outline for the hair and the bangs. You should be on your second beer by now. If you aren't, chug-a-lug, Princess Sally. We don't have all day.

Clean up the lines from the face that cut through the hair and fill it in. But... it's missing something, isn't it?

Add texture to the hair with some lines that flow in the same direction as its part. Then draw another oval for the body, take another big drink of beer, and cry a little over the $60,000 college education that brought you here instead of gainful employment.

Feeling feisty? Let's draw in some saggy old lady boobs, a sun dress, and make Hitler look like he's milking himself! This isn't the beer talking, right?

Let's add a background, pound back the last of our 2nd (3rd?) beer, and ask where we would want to put saggy-breasted, self-milking Hitler? I know, a back alley in Harlem!

I don't remember making him say that...

         There you go! You're an artist now. Or drunk. Or both. Enjoy these newfound skills, and use them wisely, my blogging comrades.

Until next time, we hope you're having a great holiday season, and as always... stay classy, friends,
Bryan and Brandon

Beer: Fat Tire
Music: Julian Casablancas

56 comments:

  1. Even if I followed your directions to a T (beer and all) I could never recreate your genius work. Master of the Paint!!! I bow at your feet. Enjoy the holidays too.

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  2. Nice tutorial. I have a mac, so all I can use is "paintbrush," which is MS Paint's ugly cousin. Seriously, I can't even select an area and flip ONLY that area. And I can't select an area and just rotate it a bit, either. Le sigh.

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  3. You see, when I draw Hitler tits (or Titlers), they always come out looking like fried eggs. Frustrating!

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  4. For some reason, this is how I imagine Bob Ross from a polar opposite universe to ours would deliver his artistic learnings.

    I might attempt to imitate your style one day, because I'm the laziest MSPainter ever.

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  5. Hahaha, Hit with saggy boobies, does it get any better than that?? You are truly an artist, in more ways than one! i will drink to that!

    Love you, boys,
    tracy

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  6. Dogsondrugs

    "Titlers".....Ahahahaha!!!!!!

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  7. A nice, definitive guide. I actually had never thought of just drawing half and then flipping it. I clearly don't drink enough.

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  8. Thank you for the tutorial. I've always wanted to be able to draw Hitler milking himself but was afraid to ask how. Quite the public service you've offered.

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  9. ah, so now i get it.. thanks!
    happy holidays, guys!

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  10. I don't care how you do your drawings as long as you keep doing them because they are f(*&ing funny!

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  11. Saggy Hitler Tits would made a good punk band name.

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  12. I feel so... inspired! Thanks for the drawing lesson-- they should make saggy tits hitler paint by numbers kits.

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  13. wow! No wonder he had all those books burned that he did.... that a-hole was way too busy playing with his boobs to have time to read! Makes sense!

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  14. You make it all look and sound so easy. But, it isn't. Not at all.

    Also, I got a Kindle for Christmas and your book was the first one I downloaded. Loving it so far!

    Jay

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  15. I just started using MSPaint a few days ago and it's taking me hours for just one panel. I love the animated ad you have at the top of the page. Very, very nice. And Bendon is in town. Oh no, watch out Denver!

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  16. My pictures would not look that good if I drank while MSPainting.

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  17. This looks like interesting learning and all, but I'm going to go read my KINDLE now. Thanks.

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  18. Recycled post if I a not wrong? Love saggy boobs. If picasa's art was called cubism, we can definitely. Call B&B magic with MSpaint as circleism?
    I am still reading your book and I love it. For 2 dollars I never thought I would be enjoying so much

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  19. Thanks for the art lesson ;) And I never thought about that nub that way, so I'll be creeped out every time I see a button like that now.

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  20. Hey I have read this before so all I'm going to say is "I have AMERICAN beer in my fridge"
    Happy holidays boys. Enjoy them

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  21. You'd seriously do all that with the clit thing?! I'd.. die.

    Alsooo, thanks for the, you know, thing. I'll repay you in karma points and things! I will.

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  22. I think that's the best looking Hitler I've every seen. If we could go back and time and add saggy boobs to all of his propaganda films, we might have prevented a war. :) I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

    Tammy

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  23. Thanks for the lesson! I was just trying to draw with MS Paint last night and it looked like a drunk third grader with two fingers had drawn it. Clearly I did not have enough beer, that was the problem. That's always a problem.

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  24. A great lesson but those milkshakes look like used condoms.

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  25. I think I'd rather cut my penis off than get services from this Hitler.

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  26. It's only fair that I let you off for this, because you've done exceptionally well so far with quantity and quality. Hmmm. Maybe I should get lazy too..

    gr8 post!!1

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  27. I do my drawings the old fashioned way...by hand! But you offered some fine tips here, I just might put them to good use!

    And yes, the beer is a crucial element when drawing up some crazy characters!

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  28. Nice to see how you create your fantastic art.

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  29. oh lawd. Hitler saggy tits is too much for a tuesday (or any day for that matter) morning.

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  30. Actually "making fun" of Hitler can be fun. What's best is that it's safe to do so. I hear he's dead.

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  31. lmfao oh man those man titties look like condoms. haggard.

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  32. Like you said, you can't teach a warped sense of humor, so I'll keep coming back to get my fix.

    Hope you are enjoying this holiday season.

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  33. Those saggy boobs make me want to tickle my own prostate

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  34. I always leave this blog with a little bit of added knowledge, and a little bit of throw-up taste in my mouth.

    Kind of like a college kegger...

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  35. Question, is this possible if your computer does not have a clitoris ... ?

    -ash

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  36. Neat blog following :)!!!!!! And happy holidays!

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  37. Yeah, I remember this, and it emboldened me to try it with the pickleope icon, but it always comes out looking like something Muhammad Ali drew with a crayon yesterday before taking his meds. So yeah, the skills used here are unteachable (or need I bring up exhibit A, the mentally retarded goat with the orthopedic shoe, or exhibit B, the cover of your freaking book. That's unteachable talent.

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  38. To use your words, "in a world dominated by photoshop", you are quite the MSPaint kings.

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  39. I figured thats how you did it but now I know for sure!

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  40. I followed each one of your instructions (Although substituted Kopperberg Cider for beer. Best Cider ever!)

    I'm now too embarrassed to put up my work because it looks like a cross between a vagina and a penis, and not in a good pornographic kind of way!

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  41. Oh I see my mistake, I always drew sober...thank you guys for showing me the way!

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  42. ginger hitler with saggy boobs... this is what nightmares are made of...

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  43. A new skill, anything looks better than my stick people haha

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  44. That lovely depiction of Hitler looks just like my 4th grade math teacher, Mr. Lamb. Hitler there has a nicer rack though.

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  45. I'm glad I'm not the only one using MS Paint and a mouse. I do not hold with any of those fancy illustration programs and tablets and whatnot.
    <3

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  46. LMAO...milkshake Hitler made me pee myself. Or maybe it was the three beers I had while learning to draw MS paint pics. Which, I still have not learned...because I was too busy laughing and peeing.

    Guess I'll go clean up after myself and start over...

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  47. Just goes to show that you don't need fancy software if you have great content...happy new year!

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  48. I'm laughing out loud at the milkshakes. The things you two think about... I loved the tutorial!

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  49. This is soooo much better than using a crayon on the laptop screen and then casting a magic spell to put it into the interwebz.

    *puts away Crayola box and wand*

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  50. Scheisse is the right word. Let's just hope 2012 isn't! P.S. Just so you know, I'm working hard on my special Beer for the Shower post. With the deadline being tomorrow, I gotta typing now. Talk to you soon, boys! :)

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  51. I love the bottom of this post. I am going to try and draw a few things one step at a time like this and see how they look.

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