Now, it's not impossible to be on a budget and still eat at a restaurant where the atmosphere could be described more as a 'soiree' than a 'ball pit.' You just have to be crafty about it.
First, a little known fact is that you can eat for free by complaining about things you find in your food. Most places will feel terrible and will comp you for your dish, especially high end restaurants with reputations to maintain. Free lobster bisque anyone?
Looks like I've got to step my game up a little.
Ten minutes later:
Fun fact: Paying to have your hand sewn back on is still cheaper than eating at a high class French restaurant. Also, my fingers still taste like lobster bisque. Totally worth it.
And if self-mutilation just won't get the job done, there's another surefire way to dodge paying a hefty check: Create a catastrophic distraction. If your first thought upon reading that was 'pull the fire alarm' then you're on the right track. But don't be afraid to dream big...
What can I say? Accidents happen. Like Janice said, "Arson is just another word for nothing left to eat," or something. Just don't forget to rescue your beer. It'll help keep you cool while you escape a blazing restaurant inferno, and subsequently, your hellish bill.
However, if you don't want to be lugging around dead spiders, chopping off limbs, or committing a felony there's always the guaranteed freebie option: the birthday. When it comes to restaurants, make every day your birthday! You'll get free food, guaranteed!
Anyone got any good restaurant tips?
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
-Bryan and Brandon
Beer: Shiner Bock
Music: Dirty Projectors