404: Internet Not Found

You're addicted to the internet. Face it. You can't go a day without checking updates, posting pictures of your toddler to facebook, tweeting about what your dog had for breakfast, or winning an argument using Wikipedia's massive intellect. Hell, if you're like me, you probably can't find your way out of the damn garage without your phone's GPS system. Which leads one to wonder...what would happen if it all went away? What if the internet died, permanently?

For me (Brandon), without the internet (and therefore blogging) I wouldn't have a place to write down all my sad, bitter, emo feelings. I'd be forced to revert to writing in my old diary...

It worked great when I was twelve, but now, god only knows how much therapy that'll give me. It takes five times as long to draw a perfectly round boob by hand than it does in MSPaint! That circle tool works wonders!

Another thing that gets way too complicated without the help of the internet: looking for porn.

An hour later...

And ladies, don't judge. Every man over the age of ten who knows how to use a computer knows exactly what I'm talking about. Fellas will go to extreme lengths to procure pictures of naked gibbly bits. And if they can't, well...when the internet died, Uncle Leroy couldn't live a life without barnyardbeauties.com and threw himself into a wheat thresher.

As for me (Bryan), I'd be hit just as hard by the Internet going down. I mean, disregard the fact that I'd have to dig through books instead of consulting Lord Google for answers, or that I'd have to actually leave my house to watch a man get hit in the testicles with a football (thank you Youtube). Without the Internet, I wouldn't be able to blog. And what's more, I wouldn't be able to do any more MSPaint pictures and share them with the world. Instead, I might have to become a homeless street caricature artist.

Or even worse, what will I do for fun?

Let's face it, with no Internet to help feed my creativity, I'll probably be reduced to setting up stuff like this:

Apologies to our British readers. If any of you want to have a crack at deciphering this for the rest of us... good luck.

With that said, today's topic is special because it's relevant to the novel we completed about six months ago, The Missing Link, a satirical look at what would happen if the Internet was gone for good (hint: complete and utter destruction of the world).

We mention this because in handing this particular manuscript off in search of publication, we've been met with an astounding number of agents who have said that they love the writing, the story, and the humor--that it's an amazing book--but they just don't have the courage to sell it. In other words, since it's not a common place story like a vampire romance, or a yet another knockoff tale of a little boy wizard finding himself through magic, it's not an easy sell, so they won't try to sell it.

And so, until we can find the right agent to represent us--someone who has the cojones to sell such a unique story--we will soon be releasing The Missing Link as a low-priced E-book for all of our friends and fans alike to enjoy, because without being too cocky, we think it's just too good to just sit on a computer hard drive by itself, doing nothing.

So stay tuned as we prepare it for E-book publication, and in the meanwhile, how would you be affected if the Internet went down?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Brandon and Bryan

Beer: Negra Modelo

Music:The Black Keys