Monday, November 7, 2011

Tweetle-Dee and Tweetle-Dum

          So after having the account for months and never using it, the two of us have finally gotten on board with the rest of 2009 and started using our Twitter. If you haven't already (and trust us, you probably haven't!) check us out at www.twitter.com/abeer4theshower and tell us something inappropriate/obscene in 140 characters or less.
           And so, in honor of joining Twitter, we wanted to see what would happen if real life was like Twitter.

For starters, everything we said would be 140 characters or less. That might get confusing.











Or if someone says something you like, you end up telling the whole world with a ReTweet. But since the person's name has to be inserted first, your tweet might get shortened, thereby jumbling up the meaning.







 

But it's not to say that nobody on Twitter has anything important to share. In fact, quite a few celebrities use Twitter as a platform for sharing their vast intellects and philosophical genius to millions upon millions of people. For example, at any time of day, I can check in for updates from the brain trust of aging supermodel/trash-talkshow host/ghostwritten novelist/egotist extraordinaire Tyra Banks. Along with 5,000,000+ other devoted fans.


Or I can see what my all-time favorite genius musician, Kanye West, is up to.
(Yes, he really said this.)


(Yes, he probably had help.)










Now, that's an exchange I'd really like to see. Aside from the wish that one day these two egomaniacs will one day duel to the death, my only hope is that I can become famous enough in time to share something equally important with the world...

Too bad nobody got the Retweet on that one. Anyway, we are officially on Twitter. So, lucky reader, now you can tune in daily and watch us try to be as clever and amusing as every other tweeting twat in the world. We hope to see you there. And tell your friends, too. Remember, social networking is just like any other deadly communicable disease; it's always more fun if you share with your friends.

FYI, friends don't let friends lick boils.

Cheers and stay classy friends,

-Bryan and Brandon
Beer: La fin Du Monde
Music: The Dark Knight Soundtrack


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77 comments:

  1. As much as I would adore following you guys on the little blue bird, I have been to that scary universe and I don't think I am brave enough to go back.
    So can you update me on the Ebola breakout on here?

    I really hope you guys survive.

    Hugs

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  2. I may be one of the few supporters of Twitter here. I pretty much follow fellow bloggers and comedians, and it makes 4 good times. & it hasn't affected the wy I spk @ all.

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  3. Twitter doesn't work for me, I just like to waffle on too much. Holla 140 characters isn't enough to express meself biatches!! (gangsta isn't working out for me)

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  4. I was horrified after I saw some of the photographs Taira posted on twitter :| Since then, I haven't been able to watch ANTM.

    I am on twitter by the name @PatleeKamar /slim waisted/ and following you now!

    Should be fun :D

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  5. Twitter? I opened an account before AD somewhere in BC and never logged back in. I dont think I am going to miss much.
    Anyway Tyra bit is good. I hate that bitch. Total ghetto pyscho maniac but thinks that she is a classy dame. Such a walking cliche.

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  6. Hahahaha! The Dark Knight soundtrack. Love it.

    I try to twitter. Note that I said TRY. I think I'm better in long form.

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  7. After about 10 minutes on Twitter I start to lose the will to live. Doesn't stop me using it though. It's like crack!

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  8. I don't know bout that twitter thing....every time I go to see what the big deal is I feel like my brains start leaking out my ears. I had no idea there was a character limit! I talk way too much for 140 characters!

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  9. Twitter..... *Shudder*
    The Horrors..... the Horrors!

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  10. I just started my twitter account a few weeks ago. I'm still trying to get used to it. Just please don't be one of those people that posts every tweet to facebook. Facebook is for people who don't need to know what you are doing every minute of every day. Every time I see an @ on facebook it drives me nuts!

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  11. I try to remember I have a Twitter. It occasionally works. But not often.

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  12. It's weird, when I first joined Twitter, I described myself as a "Twat on Twitter" =)

    I hated Twitter at first, but after I quit Facebook, I needed some rage output, so I started venting on Twitter.

    I can sort of tolerate Kanye West, can't say the same for Tyra Banks. I once switched the channel to The Tyra Banks Show. She kept screaming and jumping around about Vaseline. It was as if she was having a nervous breakdown.

    And, thank god, I don't live in continental US (because of Tyra Banks, not the Ebola Virus).

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  13. I really wish I knew how to work twitter. Sadly, I have too much technology in my life and if I add another form of social media i think my boyfriend will leave me. But you guys rock, always good for a laugh!

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  14. Why does it not surprise me that Kanye and Tyra have pictures of themselves on their walls? lol.

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  15. I have a Twitter account and I don't like it! Do people speak English on there cause I don't fucking get it!?

    Anything that can be said in 140 characters or less can't be too important!

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  16. Oh, and I forgot to warn you.

    There is one thing about Twitter which makes me feel depressed about the current human condition: every single fucking day, there will be worldwide Twitter trends related to Justin Bieber.

    I'm afraid that nothing can be done about this, other than to close your eyes and ignore it. Just... don't look at your sidebar.

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  17. Haha, very funny post. Great stuff again guys.

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  18. Celebrities can give out all of their wisdom in a hell of a lot less than 140 characters. Like 140 characters less.

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  19. Hugely funny as ever, guys. I found it interesting you said 'twat'. Like the word 'bugger', it sounds really odd from Americans. Brits can't say asshole in an English accent either. Hope the boils clear up.

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  20. Laughed my guts out...Seriously,great post guys.You guys are funny as hell.

    LOVE YOU GUYS XD

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  21. Twitter is life. I get all my news and info there. And I'm now officially following you guys. I'm also following Tyra, but not Kanye. Screw him.

    Jay

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  22. I'm not on twitter.

    I can't even say "hi" in 140 characters or less.

    I'm not running it down, though. Ernest Hemingway would have kicked ass on twitter.

    I'm just a little bit more long-winded...

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  23. damnit. shitfuck. damnit.

    i refuse to tweet.

    but i also refuse to miss out on the funny.

    shitfuck. whats a girl to do?

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  24. I get too confused with all these usernames and passwords.
    I don't know which one works on what.
    Twitter is just one step too far for me at the moment. In time I may come round to the idea, who knows.
    I really would like to see Tyra's head explode. That would be awesome!

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  25. Well, I commend you on joining the twitter brigade. And I commend Tyra and Kanye for being able to type without fingers, keys, or connected brain cells.

    But Twitter is one place you will never find me.
    You’ve read my blog, you’ve read my comments, I am INCAPABLE of limiting myself to 140 characters.

    I use it for my Super Stripper stuff, but even then it’s a struggle to keep things in that teeny tiny little box; NAMELY because I refuse to acknowledge ‘u’ and ‘r’ and ‘n’ as being actual words.

    THEY ARE LETTERS, DAMNIT!!!

    I kind of feel like Twitter makes the world stupider 140 characters at a time.

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  26. Good luck with The Twitter. (Motto: Feel the Time Suck!)

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  27. LMAO!!!!!!! i'm gonna have to sign up now just so i'm not missing all the fun.

    you are good for me on a monday morning.

    ;-D robelyn

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  28. Nope, twitter is for iDouches, children and hipsters that smell of PBR. (I need a venn diagram of that stat by the way)

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  29. Haha! Thanks for the laugh today guys. I love it when you portray celebs for the douchebags they really are. :)

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  30. Oh wow, that watch panel actually made me gag a little. I've seen so many worse things on the internet, and an MS PAINT drawing got me to gag... well played.

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  32. Haha, this was funny. The retweet bit was genius.

    I don't actually use twitter so may have to catch up to 2009 soon. Still, I think today's post may be one of my favorites. Great job!

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  33. I love Twitter. I think it depends on what you want out of it and who it is you tweet with. I get to keep in touch with my friends in England. And my crowd has a lot of fictional persona's. We have talking rabbits, dogs, badgers, bears etc. We're also a fould mouthed gang. The humour is distinctly British. I'm followed by @TheFuckingQueen and she's hilarious. We also have a @DianainHeaven. Yes a dead Princess Di. Prince Phillip is @TheDukesofHazard and we also have StephenFry as himself, his wife Edna (obviously fictional) his butler and his cake. All of which are really Stephen. I have a great grand time on Twitter. I hope you guys enjoy it.

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  34. If Twitter is this funny, then I should create an account. (:

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  35. I look forward to the "happening live" dumbfuckery that I've come to expect and love from you guys. @Just_Zoshin

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  36. Still not on the Twitter bandwagon and I don't think I'll start. I'm nervous I'll get addicted to people who are actually funny (I've heard about 10% of Twitter-ers actually are). Plus, nothing I have to say on a minute-by-minute basis is nearly that interesting. Like those celebrities that tell you they're loving the manicure they're getting? Um, thanks? But I'm sure the Twitter world will love you guys. You're actually funny! And I've always thought Kanye West must be one of the biggest narcissists on the planet.

    ~ Angela

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  37. Ugh...Twitter. I made an account about a year ago, but I've logged on maybe twice since then. I didn't really get it.

    Speaking of Kanye West's tweets, enjoy this video of Kanye West's tweets!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Axzxe1a78E

    Don't worry, it's comical.

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  38. Man that was funny. It made me laugh even while I was sucking cock

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  39. tails back with my friend. Man we got saucy!

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  40. i'm a social media whore and have been feverishly searching for abfts.

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  41. It took me a while to join twitter but now I'm super addicted to it. There is no real purpose for it but I love it anyway... even if I do live in Wyoming and next to no one in this state even knows what twitter is. Okay maybe that's an exaggeration but you get the point.
    P.S. I'm following you (on twitter, not in the stalker sort of way)

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  42. Haha, real life twitter would be great for some people, like coworkers and bosses and parents and that long winded neighbor who waits for you to get your mail before telling you about all her medical problems (just me? just me?).

    As for ridiculous celebrity twitter accounts, I HIGHLY recommend you following Courtney Stodden (the 16 year old who married that 50+ guy). Shes SUPER hot and SUPER crazy. http://twitter.com/#!/courtneystodden

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  43. Friends don't let friends lick boils

    Unless you're drunk and they owe you money

    Now all the cool kids are on twitter

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  44. Two things:
    1- I am now a proud Twitter follower of yours. Entertain me monkeys.
    2- Tyra's head would NEVER explode before she destroyed Kayenne pepper, kandy kane, no yeah- Kanye. Tyra is a fierce bitch.

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  45. I have an account on Twitter. I sign in about once a month when I remember. I don't tell the world what I'm doing every minute. I don't like it. But I'd follow you guys anywhere!!!! You're the best.

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  46. Yeah.. I'm not down with twitter. I post comments on blogs longer than their limit. To hell with that thing, seriously.

    Also, sexy boils.

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  47. No boil licking...got it! I have become totally addicted to twitter after reactivating my account. I only use it for blog shit but I'm not even going to pretend I don't love it. It's lame...I know!

    Anyway...I have a pretty kick ass award at my place that I gave you in my last post (not the most recent) and you have to check it out cause it's pretty off the wall and hilarious.

    http://accordingtojewels.com/perks-of-blogging/

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  48. Awesome! Now I can stalk your cartoony asses all day on Twitter!

    Your waxed fruit rash looks pretty bad, almost like an olive loaf. Mmmm.

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  49. My alias on twitter is following you guys. As time goes on a find myself reading more and tweeting less. But no one cares what I have to say.

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  50. Bwahaha! I don't do any social media personally (blog excepted, if you consider that social media), but I'd totally follow you guys w/the Twitter account I use for work...If I didn't think I'd get fired.

    Seriously, what drives me nuts is our work FB page only letting us post a certain number of characters. So it's like I have to write, "Event. Tomorrow. Call us." Like a fucking personals ad.

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  51. why u sticking olives to your arms... free drugs, clever.

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  52. Loved reading the comics, I never really why twitter was so popular.

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  53. I'm on twitter as well, and unless you have access to mobile internet (which you have to dish out money for) or have money in your phone account for txt tweeting (for which you need to dish out money), you pretty much can't work with it.

    Just my 2 cents.

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  54. I decided long ago that Twitter was not for me – I don’t like abridged books, or films that have been cut or concise and to the point people. Why get directly to the point when you can wonder aimlessly around the houses, looking through peoples windows. Laughing at the man playing the piano with his underpants on his head while his wife beats him with a frying pan (feel free to add this image to your wonderful cartoon range) standing open mouthed as the sexy lady from across town backs her car repeatedly over the no turning in our driveway sign – an which you would have applauded if the owner of the house had not been holding it at the time...In length I don’t do 140 characters or less – It’s just not worth turning on the PC for..... Oh, no I now have visions of my PC having a hard on – excuse me while I throw a bucket of water over it....

    Phfff , fizzle per – prrhhp - haps, sizzle, that, ptttt , wasn’t a good, szzzzz, idea ......Bang

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  55. The Twitter virus has taken over you guys too. The end is nigh. :(

    But I actually don't have a Twitter account in use, I don't really see the appeal.

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  56. LOL! I'm on Twitter but the text talk drives me nuts. I periodically post, but it's not my main medium in getting the word out about ME!

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  57. I am hoping that now Twitter will finally get interesting....

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  58. @Brandon&Bryan: LULZ. Does this mean I should jump on the tweeting train? Or is it twatting? Whatever. #ebolavirus #winning

    17 chars.

    -ash

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  59. You think there is a way that we can get Tyra and Kayne to literally take one another out. My life would be so much better if they could just 'disappear'. I would start using Twitter if it had those capabilities. Man, that sounded sadistic! :)

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  60. Yet to jump on the bandwagon. The hash tags thing sends me insane, I just don't see the point. Who gives a fuck about what is 'trending'? Or maybe I've missed the meaning completely.
    #stubborn#hashtaghypocrite

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  61. I seriously just considered starting a twitter account simply so I could claim that I was a "tweeting twat", but alas. I just can't bring myself to do it.

    P.S. You guys need help. Everyone knows you don't lick boils. You bite and suck. That's the only way to get the virus out. Duh.

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  62. Very well done with the Twitter character count incorporated into your humor!

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  63. I would have love to see that idiot Kanye West's spine pulled through his pooper!

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  64. I'm with Miss Teacher on that one, but I guess I'm also 1)too damn lazy to go on Twitter and 2) just too much of a cheapskate to get access to mobile internet. I know, it's disappointing.

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  65. this post has been equally amusing as it has been gross. still loved it. haha. you're both so clever! look forward to tweeting with you.

    - Juliet x

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  66. Haha...

    I'll keep that advice to not lick my friends boils in mind next time...

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  67. I'm out there in Twitterland but I'm still trying to figure out its relevance. At first I thought it was all about banal thoughts, just like Facebook, but I like the short word count challenge. Especially 140 character obscene/profane challenges. Hmm... Oh, you're going to be inundated! ;)

    (That whole Banks/West exchange--seriously LOL.)

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  68. Friends don't let friends lick boils. I respectfully disagree. That might explain why my friends don't hang out with me anymore though... Hmm...

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  69. I'm not a twit ,yet. Hell I still don't have a face. But If you guys are gonna show some twat, I might jump on that train...or if Tyra and Kanye go at it, give me notice , and I'll tune in...

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  70. You guys are, without a doubt, the single most creative blog on the internet. You're about one follower away from making it big. I look up to your style of writing!

    I'm glad you jumped on the Twitter train! Facebook is for high school girls. Men use twitter. Twitter is like jumping into the middle of a conversation, shouting your obscene two cents, and immediately leaving. Perfect.

    God Bless!

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  71. Above-the-Norm will be following you like a stalker....muahahaha!

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  72. hooray for twitter! now I can get on the go updates of my fav blog!

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  73. You guys really made those kid's day with the kind comment you left! Thanks and uh get those boils checked bro because they look like #boilingballs.... yup that just happened.

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  74. "Social networking is just like any other deadly communicable disease; it's always more fun if you share with your friends." Of all the similes and metaphors on social networks that I have seen, this one takes the cake. rofl.

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  75. the picture of the arm boils/rash hurt my feelings. but i found the head explosion of the Tyra made me laugh. :D perhaps i am desensitized in my own special way.

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  76. I was following you guys before it was cool. Before you were even using the account properly actually. It's times like this I don't really follow celebrities, and the ones I do tend to have some form of brain activity.

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