So, with that, Bryan set out to become the world's next greatest medical prodigy.
Day One of learning:
Day Two of learning:
Day Twenty-Five of learning:
Day Thirty: You're a heart surgeon, now, son!
Mom always has the best snacks. Full size candy bars, bitches!
Later that day:
How about training for the New York Marathon. Despite the fact that I'm obscenely out-of-shape.
Training Day One...
Training Day Two...
Training Day Four...
Training Day Five...
For those participating in NaNoWriMo, we fully support you, we just want you to know that just as Rome wasn't built in a day, a week, or even a month, you shouldn't kill yourself trying to write the next great literary masterpiece in a measly 30 days. Good writing can't be rushed, and projectile vomiting words just to make a daily goal will often leave you with nothing more than an over-sized puddle of word-puke. Don't be afraid to pick quality over quantity.
Also, you should never take advice on open heart surgery from a guy famous for doing 'the Dirty Sanchez.'
So, with that said, are any of you taking part in NaNoWriMo?
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
-Brandon and Bryan
Beer: Three Floyds-Robert The Bruce
Music: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Tried it once, couldn't make it past day 4...NaNoHeartMo of course.
ReplyDeleteAn ostrich heart would be pretty good. They're pretty big and run real fast.
I got kicked out of my movie group for bringing in the Screech sex tape followed by the Vern Troyer sex tape followed by that man-ish wrestler Chyna's sex tape...what, I'm a connoisseur of disgusting celebrity sex. We all have hobbies, don't judge me.
Tried the fitness thing and even employed a female fitness instructor (ex-boxer), had me running in a black refuse sack under my clothes and punching me a lot.
ReplyDeleteCan't say I'm going to try and write a book in 30 days. Only thing close to that kind of thing I've done was the P90X challenge. I got to about day 40 of it and then heard something in me go Pop followed by lots and lots of pain.....
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, I can now reach everywhere on my back!
No NaNoWriMo for me, I'm struggling to finish a draft in 12 months.
ReplyDeleteToo many projects on the boil
Great post by the way, keep up the heart surgery lessons, I may need a hand (or an ostrich heart) later...
..... is that a made up word?
ReplyDeletenow that you got a heart transplant under your belt, it's time to move on to brain surgery!
ReplyDeleteI always think I will take part in NaNoWriMo and then I realize I have nothing to write about and other things to do.
ReplyDeleteA novel in a month? It takes me a day to write a fucking blog post.
ReplyDeleteOh and Screech did a sex tape. I never knew this!
The thought of participating never crossed my mind...but then again neither did becoming a heart surgeon...hmmmm...I see a whole world of possibilities......
ReplyDeleteDefine novel....I am however doing my first 1/2 marathon in a week...but even that took me 5 months to train for. devils.
ReplyDeleteso thats what me believes in life isn't an overnight express!!you will make a very good novelist...i like your style.
ReplyDeleteI've heard of the NaNoWriMo thing, but...
ReplyDeleteDo they try for a full 100,000-word novel?
Because that sounds like something I'd have to quit work and move into a cabin to do...
I can't generally break the 4,000 word barrier in one day, and even that requires copious amounts of cocaine and a liberal interpretation of what constitutes readable content.
I mean, I wrote 7,000 words of a novel in a day once, but I was on a bunch of Prednisone at the time, and the section ended up mostly involving a rapping basketball singing about the afterlife...
I do have this thing on my ankle I'd like someone to try to do a little home surgery on, though. You come highly recommended...
I tried NaNo once...with the help of a healthy concentration of uppers and downers and the desperate desire to destroy my liver I finished it.
ReplyDeleteSudephed + Redbull + Speed + Computer = NaNoWriMo...or a heart attack and 60,000 words that I can never show anyone, including myself.
I do donate monies to them though. I think it goes to a charity that throws books at kids or something.
Why isnt the patient painted blue?
ReplyDeleteI watched movie Apocalypto and signed contract with a therapist for my life .
Now, the pictures of Bryan pulling the heart out looks just like the witch doctor who pulls the hearts of Mayans as offering for eclipse.
Bryan, You know for sure to give sleepless nights.
The NaNoWriMo thing crossed my mind for a minute, but I knew I couldn't pull that off. Especially without a concept, plot, characters, beginning, middle or end. Minor details really.
ReplyDeleteYou're right to caution people for trying to cram that into a month. You can't realistically think you'll create a best seller in 30 days - it just won't happen. However... the process of writing THAT much will make you a better writer by default.
It will also make you very unpopular with your significant other.
SD
Hmm in 30 days I think I could run a marathon while performing heart surgery.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a little girl- I thought I knew how to ride a horse from reading about it in "The Saddle Club" Books.
ReplyDeleteMy (borrowed) pony went on a rampage, probably due to my inexperience, and now I have pins in my ankle.
Of course I myself am no writer, but am amazed by anyone who is!
ReplyDelete*note to self* I need to get myself a framed picture of Al Roker and Clint Eastwood for my livingroom too!
Ah, Screech. Surgeon. Porn Star. Is there ANYTHING he can't do?
ReplyDeleteI did develop a "do-it-yourself" vasectomy kit, but for some reason it didn't sell very well. Must have been bad marketing. Currently I'm working on a product called "Dip-n-go" It's for those women who forget to have an abortion and then they have the baby in the loo at Walmart. Basically it's a tub of lye, you dip the baby in it and go. See just "Dip-n-go" The patent is currently pending. But I don't think I could write a novel ever, let alone in thirty days. I lack the creativity and drive.
ReplyDeleteDon't think I'll be writing any novels any time soon. It takes me 2 days just to write a cheesy blog post.
ReplyDeleteNo marathons either. I get winded just from tying my shoes!
I didn't know about the writing thing - but since it's the 3rd and I'm 2 days behind, I guess I'll have to miss out.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that most surgeons use Youtube to study up, that or past episodes of Jackass.
I don't think I would want to read a novel written in 30 days. What can I do in 30 days? Hopefully, lose a few pounds. And after reading about Screech, porn, & Dirty Sanchez, I will be skipping lunch. So, thanks for helping me with my goal. :-)
ReplyDeleteThere is no way I am ambitious enough to take on NaNoWriMo in a loooong time yet! You guys are so right - the final product would resemble Thesaurus.com regurgitation instead of prose.
ReplyDeleteSometime I may do a spin on it though. Like write one short story a day for a month, or something like that to keep my writer's block away without having to force my characters into crackfic territory just to sustain the challenge's poor flailing life.
Why do they insist on doing NaNoWriMo in November. November is a very busy month with Thanksgiving and all. Why don't they do it in August when nobody has anything to do?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I guess now is as good a time as any to write that Lindsay Lohan lesbian love story set in prison that I've been thinking about.
Jay
I'm taking part this year. I'm using it as an excuse to finally write a story that's been kicking around in my head for years.
ReplyDeleteNobody expects a best-seller to come out of it; it's more about having fun and turning off one's overly critical inner editor. The 50,000 words at the end can be edited into something better after. Plus it's a charity thing and what's not to like about hurling books at kids?
There might be something in this learn something in a month thing - law? High energy physics? Become Pope?
I would trust my heart to Bryan! Ostriches are pretty athletic, right?
ReplyDeleteThat was creepy!
ReplyDeleteWhat could I achieve in a month? Very little to be honest. I mostly treat each day the same and I rarely plan ahead. I've tried writing a story in a month once. I think I typed a sentence, deleted it, and then forgot about it entirely. Never considered learning heart surgery though.
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDeleteThis was so funny!
Well, this month I'm learning to walk a dog that is ABOUT twice my size. Seriously, WAAAAAAY harder than you might think. Shes more of a horse and less of a dog.
ReplyDeleteMarley=130 pounds
Jen=95 pounds.
It's an interesting time, trying to get this animal to obey me.
Oh, the exciting life I lead!!!
A novel in a month ? Bet their going to be quality - no purlitzer winners that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteps I have a pain in my chest, any chance you could come and take a look for me ?
*they're
ReplyDeleteduh
Nope...
ReplyDeleteas I just said on my blog, NaNo just makes me think of Mork and Mindy. "NaNo! NaNo!"
Can I make an appointment with you? I don't have insurance and this is the best I can afford! I promise I won't sue for medical malpractice, even if you take out my heart and replace it with a stapler.
ReplyDeleteYa the closest I would get to participating in NaNoWriMo, is saying I would participate. Then I would conveniently "forget" about it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I have had a pretty decent idea for a novel rolling around my noggin' for the past week or so. And Frankenstein was only written in 2 weeks, so what's to say I couldn't write a novel in 30 days? Perhaps I will participate in NaNoWriMo after all!
Probably not though.
The concept is sort of cool, but why the f**k name it NaNoWriMo?!
ReplyDeleteAnd nah, I don't think I could ever build up the energy to write a freaking novel in 30 days. But is there like a minimum word limit to it? I mean, you can always just write like 10 pages, and force people to think that it's a novel.
As for me, I would rather spend 30 days learning how to transplant human brains to rats, via YouTube videos, of course.
hmmm...do you think anybody wants to admit they are taking part in it now? lol
ReplyDeletei've trained for running before. i recommend it to none
ReplyDeleteUm, I had full intention to... I made it to word 825 and decided my time would be better spent working on my already written manuscripts. So, instead of taking 30 days to write a new manuscript, I've decided to work on my finished manuscripts for 30 minutes a day. Fair trade? ...Eh.
ReplyDeleteAlso, major bonus points for Tom Petty!
ReplyDeleteI signed up this year, but when November 1st rolled around I said fuck it. I think it is just too big a stretch. Maybe if I didn't have to work full time...or maybe not. I will keep plodding along at my own speed. I think your right, quality over quantity.
ReplyDeleteQuitting smoking was easier than trying to write my book. I just never seem to have the time yet I have plenty of time. Ahhhhhh.
ReplyDeleteI am doing the NaNoWriMo but with the exact same attitude that you have. Nothing great will be written in 30 days. I do not plan to end the month with a novel worthy of publication. I DO plan on using the month to get better about setting aside time for writing. I DO plan on using it to started on a novel that I've been thinking about writing but needed a push to start. I am NOT forcing it when it doesn't feel right. I am taking the time to make sure it is cohesive but I know that at the end of the 30 days even if I have 50k words I will need a shit ton of editing, refining, and work...I have no lofty goals. I am in it purely for the experience, the motivation to start, and the support system it creates. No literary masterpieces expected from me! :)
ReplyDeleteAnother hilarious post...though I'm suddenly eyeing up the Emu on the farm out back as though it could save my life.
Hey, don't knock NaNoWriMo! Spewing out words for a month with no real editing? It worked out GREAT for Stephanie Meyer! (Too mean? No. She's rich. It's fine.)
ReplyDeleteAh, the things that can be done in 30 days. My current goal is PaUpShiFa (Pack up shit fast. I'm moving.)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I could get on board with NaNoWriMo, but people need to have the mindset that it's mostly about excersise, creativity, and discipline. But who knows, something great could come out of it...
I AM GOING TO DIE AND I NEED LIKE 3000 MORE WORDS IN THE NEXT 2 HOURS. yeah. that's about it.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a novel in a month once. It was about as exciting as the New York City phone book. In fact, I sold to to AT&T as the New York City phone book. Made a killing. God bless NaNoWriMo.
ReplyDeleteSo *that's* what you wear in your living room! A novel in a month? I think it would take longer for Rick Perry to learn to read.
ReplyDeleteUh, yeah..no no NaNoWriMo for me, too much pressure! I'd be more successful at open heart surgery, frankly...or maybe a whole head transplant!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I should. If I took my time it'd be something not so great, I'm almost sure of it. If I tried to write a masterpiece in 30 days well, I think it might even be worth reading.
ReplyDeleteAlso, lol anyone can be a heart surgeon in just a few weeks, it could take you a MONTH? Slow poke, man. And marathon running.. yeah. Hydrating with a Stella.. that's an idea. I mean, it's not a great one, but I'll consider it.
lol these are pretty good
ReplyDeletei don't think i could write a novel in a month unless i took a buuuuunch of adrenal
Hahahaha! I've never heard of No-whatever the month thing is called, but it sounds kind of impossible. But I'm glad it exists since it inspired another great post!
ReplyDeleteI don't trust that Dustin Diamond.
Angela
grahamandangela.blogspot.com
My question is who are the 29,500 ass-monkeys that actually "liked" the Dustin Diamond video?
ReplyDeleteLove it - this is my second year doing 'WriMo. Managed to do it last year but lost it when my computer died.
ReplyDeleteRe: your comment - yeah it normally is drivel but I'm hoping all the bad stuff comes out this month and when I get back into the serious stuff it's all the great stuff left over. ;)
This is good! See? Bryan successfully became a heart surgeon and you can now run marathons with that heart.
ReplyDeleteEveryone wins!
Rofl, didn't expect the end. Great stuff as always.
ReplyDeletelol Im gonna try it =P
ReplyDeleteI'm going to do NaNoWriMo next year, only because I forgot about it this year and didn't prepare. Also, I have other stuff to do :P
ReplyDeleteConsidering I can barely write my blog everyday and am so far behind in my reading that I am comment OMG 60 or something ridiculous, I think I might give Nananomowriblwhatever a miss this year. Might have more success growing sufficient facial hair to take part in Movemeber.
ReplyDeleteOr I might just go paint
I can't even write a proper blog post in a month don't know what would happen if I try to write a whole book...I might destroy some parallel universes or summon some sort of turtle headed slug creature .On the other hand I do have enough temporary moustache tattoos and fake tashes to take part in movember!
ReplyDeleteMy buddy wrote a book in NaNoWriMo.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.createspace.com/3500562
I thought it was pretty good. It could use an editor to smooth out some rough spots in the plot/dialogue, but the arc and premise was interesting. The outcome surprising, and the action was pretty fun. It may not be the next Great American novel, but people sometimes need a process, and if you listen to great authors, the important part of writing is actually sitting down and writing. Not thinking about writing, but just doing it. I think NaNoWriMo encourages that, and helps people get over that hump of doing it.
Great point. Like anything, you should write something you are satisfied with.
ReplyDeleteBeer is the best way to stay hydrated for a marathon! In fact, that's probably the reason we do most physical activity, for the beer after.
Just as an FYI, the font in the initial bar scene is kind of small. I had some trouble reading it.
I like the cartoons.
ReplyDeletehow 'bout NaNoCartMo?
You two are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI'm not taking part in it this year, but I did in 2008. It helped me with my writing--meaning--I WROTE without editing the crap out of it. I didn't go into it with the intention of writing a masterpiece, but I had fun, learned something about my writing, and felt a sense of achievement when I finished.
AND...my psychological suspense novel, Net Switch, which will be published this December, was my 2008 NaNoWriMo. :D
Have a great weekend, guys!
Ostrich heart is also delicious!!
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
d-bag rich guy who hunts and eats rare animal meat
Well done. This is, by far, my favorite post. Also, it was instructional as I happen to know a giy who won't quit talking about this nanowrimo shit. Now I know what it is, I can tailor my insults so that they will do the most damage. Thanks a bunch.
ReplyDeleteNope, not at this time. Good luck with the doctor career.
ReplyDeleteyou're one scary doctor haha
ReplyDeleteNaNoWriMo... that sounds a bit like NaNoNaNo. Some time ago I was given four seasons of Mork and Mindy. It would take me a month (plus one year at least) to watch those without falling asleep.
ReplyDeleteNaNoWriMo???
ReplyDeletenvr heard of it..
although i've been workin on a book fr nearly 2 yrs now...n its killing me!!
novel in a month?? no way.. :(
This is great news! Bryan can fix my Tricuspid Valve Prolapse now. Is it OK if I pay you in beer though? Or, maybe Ramen noodles?
ReplyDeletehello bryan where's your post...i am impatient...please keep posting every 24 hours,you make my day :-D
ReplyDeletehello Anonymous. We (Bryan and Brandon) post twice a week, on Monday and Thursday. Check out our About Us section, or follow us on our spanking new Twitter page if you're the masochistic type.
ReplyDeleteLoved this! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteStrangely enough posted something with a similar message right before reading this! Well the whole, Rome wasn't built in a day type message. Glad to see one of you guys...er...your blog personas is getting some cardio in! :D
Hola guys.. remember Lynne?
ReplyDeletewell guess who else is doing nano write? Moi!! layed down the poetry for a month and going back to my roots.. writing stories.. except I'm writing my story.. best of luck and can't wait to read your words..
I'm under this name if you want to buddy-up-mizhayz
miss you guys!!
November means only one thing for me... time to grow my moustache for MOvember.
ReplyDeleteScreech made a sex tape? *shudder*
ReplyDeleteLove the progressive sweat pics.
Kinda.
Write a novel about a guy who takes part in NanoWotsit, who writes about another guy who becomes a heart surgeon in one month.
ReplyDeleteTotally fuck with form :D
lol ahh yes, the bart beer rehydration project never fails.
ReplyDeleteI can barely write a blog a month. I can, however; eat an entire package of candy bars in a day.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, what's Gore's picture doing next to your stinkpad?
ReplyDeleteI'm not doing NaNoWriMo, I couldn't keep up with that level of quantity on a single project. Plus I kinda agree with you guys, but they don't really expect anyone to write anything super amazing. It's mostly just to get you into the feel of writing a fuckton. I'm more for Movember myself. Which is basically just not shaving for the whole month.
ReplyDeleteDecidedly not. Although I could possibly be talking into coloring an entire coloring book in 30 days.
ReplyDelete"Easy writing is damn hard reading"... That is all.
ReplyDelete