High Tech, Low Budget

So, we're all aware that the economy is doing its best zombie impression at the moment, dying and awaiting resuscitation so that it can once again devour your paycheck someday. And that means that most folks are spending a little less these days, and wisely so. But, just because you're broke as a joke doesn't mean you should have to sacrifice a shot at keeping up with all the coolest new electronic shit. So I've put together a couple simple ideas that will help you transform ordinary household crap into cutting edge technology.

The hottest gadget out there right now is, of course, the smartphone. Because, let's face it, you're too goddamned busy to be bothered with using multiple machines, when all you really need is one mutant supermachine to get the job done. So, I present to you...the poor man's smartphone.

 

Because nothing says 'retro cool' like a bunch of clunky 90's hardware duct-taped together like some kind of Silicon Valley Frankenstein's monster trapped in a time machine.

This baby's got Windows 98 on it, which technically makes it a "Windows Phone," and let's face it, it's probably just as good as any other shitty Windows Phone currently on the market. (Seriously though, does anyone here even know someone that owns a Windows Phone?)

 Feel free to customize your new device and add apps at your leisure. As long as you've got more duct tape and the will to bastardize, you'll never have to worry about compatibility or not being able to make upgrades.

Next up...home entertainment. It seems like everyone but you has made the switch to LCD flatscreen television, right? And yet you're still stuck with this tumescent monstrosity sitting in your living room, hogging all the space.

 Good God, don't try lifting that heavy hunk of crap. Not only will your spine explode, but with the slightest nudge, the magically flimsy TV tray holding that bulbous beast up will collapse into toothpicks. Here's the plan: you're going to turn your TV from an 'outie' into an 'innie,' using a little brute force and the mystical hunger of your living room drywall. I'm sure Bob Vila would tell you to build a recessed alcove or something, but we don't have time for that. Like my granny always says... 

 And presto smasho, one solid thrust later...

 Your formerly huge television is now a sleek panel of glorious entertainment protruding from what used to be just another ordinary, crappy wall. Score!

And finally, let's not forget the ever-important GPS navigation system. For this, my friends, you'll need surprisingly little, besides an old watch, a bottle of booze, and a highway underpass. Because nothing beats having a navigation system like having an actual navigator. And nobody knows a city like a homeless guy.

 

Sure, it may not be glamorous, and you may have to drive with the windows down in the dead of winter just to handle the stank, but at least you'll have company. And you'll always wind up at your destination sooner or later. Just so long as your navigator is kept swimming in high spirits.

And while all of these are, without question, superb ideas for improvised electronics equipment, I'm sure you all can come up with many better ones of your own. Tell me, anyone else ready to go apply for a patent?

Cheers,

-brandon

Beer: Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale
Music: The Jimi Hendrix Experience